What are some reasons for still being a virgin that would be a red flag?

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-19T02:12:33+00:00

I'd use not a "red flag" phrase, but "the reason why people don't want to date you". I.e. if you have poor social skills, you aren't a nice company, you just don't really meet or approach people, these reasons will stop you both from dating and from having sex in most cases.

I can give you one example from real life. A guy has a perfectly fine appearance. He's tall, has broad shoulders and decent facial features, he goes to the gym, he has nice hair etc. But he's on the spectrum and cannot hold a conversation without boring out or low-key insulting the other person. He can't read the room, he misses common social cues and his manner of speaking just...ticks people off. So women avoid him, not because he's a virgin, but because of his behavior. Being a virgin with no real dating experience, surely, contributes to his problems, but it isn't the root of them.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-19T05:24:00+00:00

I don't think there are many, those I can think of that would make me not want to date someone are all not really about their virginity. Like being in prison most of their adult life, being asexual or being a religious fundamentalist. I don't care if it was just because nobody wanted them, so long as I do.

TheCounsellingGamer · 2024-06-19T03:23:06+00:00

The term "red flag" has been used so much that it's meaning has changed. It's supposed to refer to the early warning signs that a person shows that suggests they might be dangerous, or harmful. It's kinda strayed into being more about preferences now.

If we're using the true meaning of red flag then the only thing I can think of is someone who has a truly abborhent view of others. I'm thinking of the incels who call women toilets and think it should be okay to rape and murder women. Or the women who do genuinely believe that men have zero positive qualities and as such should be killed. Although the vast majority of people with these mindsets would never have the guts to do anything more than spout off on the internet, the fact that that they have said mindsets in the first place is disturbing.

If someone is a virgin because they're awkward around other people, they're introverted, etc, then that's not a red flag. Those things don't make you potentially dangerous.

volleyballbeach · 2024-06-19T03:22:16+00:00

Red flag reasons:

Because you are hateful

Because you are waiting for marriage (this does not mean you are a bad person at all. It’s just a red flag for an incompatibility as I am not interested in waiting for marriage)

Because you are extremely religious (this one alsodoes not mean you are a bad person at all. It’s just a red flag for an incompatibility as I am not interested in building a life with somebody very religious)

Trauma that you are avoiding indefinitely

Non red flag reasons:

You are young

The “right” opportunity hasn’t presented itself yet, perhaps because you are a bit awkward or whatever

You are waiting for your first time to be with somebody you trust and feel comfortable with

You are a “late bloomer” due to focusing more on career or sports or whatever instead of learning how to get laid

You are so fat or in some other way conventionally unattractive that your dating pool is severely limited

Trauma that you are taking steps to overcome such as therapy and time for healing before you choose to have sex

Alternative_Wing_645 · 2024-06-19T07:18:18+00:00

Being a virgin is contextual. I am straight guy, I used to talk with girls, tease them , have fun conversationally. But since growing up in india, where there are still conservative view on premarital sex and also there is also existential need to focus on career and earning money as we don't don't have social safety nets that west has especially in Europe.

So that early lessons of intimacy and failures are never experienced

But even since I moved here in Europe. I realised people commit sex and romance at age early as 15-16. Due to Liberal outlook towards sex. And I feel left behind in this new city.

So am I , a red flag. Depends on how you see it.

Also can be a guy/girl reading this be like

I need to have sex just not to be a virgin as someone sees it as red flag. So it can be like the other person might just be a stepping stone for the one , just not to be considered as one with red flag.

Longjumping-Goat-348 · 2024-06-19T02:20:35+00:00

There are hardly any men who are virgins by choice. Past a certain age, it's almost always a red flag.

ta06012022 · 2024-06-19T02:31:32+00:00

I’m not religious, so if a woman is a virgin past a certain age, it’s a red flag that she’s extremely religious. That’s fine, but it’s not what I want in a long term relationship.

If she’s not religious and she’s a virgin past a certain age, then it’s a bit of a red flag that she might have a low sex drive. Like has she just not had sex because she’s not all that interested.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-06-19T14:02:11+00:00

I'd prefer to hear the reasons that aren't a red flag.

Razieloo · 2024-06-19T17:05:15+00:00

For women?

No reason!

For men?

Every single reason!

Hope I've cleared that out

Organic-Reason3505 · 2024-06-20T00:13:39+00:00

Women will say virginity is no big deal and then sit on reddit, saying how every little reason for having it is a red flag lmao. The only red flags are the women who judge virgin men.

szclimber · 2024-06-19T03:35:32+00:00

It depends. But if an older woman tells me she is a virgin, I will assume she is asexual or has a very low sex drive. That's a red flag for many men.

AdEquivalent2494 · 2024-06-19T02:59:09+00:00

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/ad/ad384.pdf CDC data from 2002, sample size ~6,000

Table 4 Percent distribution of ever having sex and age at initiation of sex, "15% of adults abstained from sex until age 21 or older." If we take 21 as about the age you really start to enter adulthood, if you are still a virgin by then, you are one of 3 in 20 people who will have their first time any point after that.

In comparison, 15% less than 15, 41% 15-17, 28% 18-20

I'm not going to cast judgement or even call out any reasons, I didn't have my first time till exactly 21. However, it's very telling that so few people lose it past that age, I know well why I didn't either.

Whether it's good or bad as judged like a red flag is up for debate, but if so many others manage it before then, there has to be a significant road block in the way.

Planthoe30 · 2024-06-19T04:15:36+00:00

Well if it’s involuntary there’s usually a reason behind it that could be a red flag, not necessarily that you are an unsafe person but that there is something undesirable about your character that makes you undatable maybe it’s fixable. I actually wonder if incels tend to have absent fathers..

Glass_Bucket · 2024-06-19T13:18:28+00:00

What if you’re just too passive and never actually approach any women and just sort of live your life?Red flag or no?

vtribal · 2024-06-20T02:17:51+00:00

being a virgin is the worst thing for a man, since women want men who are wanted by other women and respected by other men

DoinIt989 · 2024-06-19T04:42:03+00:00

Too Religious

Closet Gay/Lesbian/Asexual

Mentally Ill

Often, these categories overlap. Applies to both men and women.

2024-06-19T02:25:28+00:00

Lady POV here!

Heightened expectations of the sex itself- huge pressure to be a sex goddess. Insecurity sets in.

A real fear of being abandoned post sex after he realizes he can get some and starts feeling FOMO.

On a personal level, I’m too deep in the game to deal with a virgin. I’m married for 8 years now. Way way past dating and way past virginity. If I dated again, I would need a widower or other divorced person.

one_ball_policy · 2024-06-19T03:01:14+00:00

Red flag for men, not women.

GridReXX · 2024-06-19T13:00:14+00:00

If it’s involuntary sexlessness there’s probably a reason he’s not attracting people. Not saying it’s his fault but there is a reason that he’s been unable to attract anyone.

Maybe he’s shy and has never even tried to attract someone?

Maybe he’s tried and he comes off socially offputting?

Maybe he’s tried but he’s ugly, really fat, or super short?

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-06-19T18:34:58+00:00

Women have so many opportunities to lose virginity in their life that they can't really use "just been unlucky" as excuse, even objectively bad looking ones have way more chances than average dude. Therefore it must be that they are either hardcore followers of some strict ideology that isn't fun to be around with, just asexual or so crazy that even desperate guys who'd readily fuck a donkey avoid her like Chernobyl Elephant's Foot. Neither of these are wifeable in my book.

Previous-Pea-638 · 2024-06-19T03:13:13+00:00

I'm a woman who's attracted to men. This is just my opinion-

You make women visibly uncomfortable.
You have deplorable hygiene.
Terrible social skills/cringey interactions.
You straight up scare women.

DrawRevolutionary485 · 2024-06-19T08:58:23+00:00

Pretty simple, if you are one not by choice due to your own defficiencies that pretty much sums it up, i wouldnt say thats a redflag but definetly many will find that an ick even before they know you re a virgin (if u re a man)

If you are one by choice however, and you can back it up with attractiveness (ie you have good social skills, well groomed) you ll be fine pretty much

Now if you re a woman and you re a virgin cuz you look like a bridge troll thats pretty much a massive dealbreaker for many regardless of your virginity status.

Theres really no other situations where being a virgin would be a big deal for a woman since generally it is known any woman who doesnt looks like a bridge troll can go and find some guy who will sleep with her easily, so everyone assumes she is one by choice, even the bitchiest of women can find someone to have sex with easily.

kkkan2020 · 2024-06-19T15:11:18+00:00

we are approaching the end times.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-06-19T15:42:17+00:00

To me it's a dealbreaker not a red flag. They're not the same. I don't think being a virgin is a sign of poor behaviour, simply an incompatibility with my own preferences.

FrameWorried8852 · 2024-06-19T16:13:26+00:00

They have no penis

LittleFloofMonster · 2024-06-20T18:03:05+00:00

Here’s what might be a potential grey area: fetishes. Not that fetishes themselves are considered problematic (they’re generally considered healthy, with some exceptions), but cultural biases and stigmas about these practices lead to common assumptions that something is wrong with them. Excluding enthusiastic kinksters, it must be said that growing up with a fetish and reconciling oneself to their sexuality is a difficult process in many of these cases. Barring a few extreme/problematic interests, couldn’t we say this is an understandable (non-red flag) reason that someone may hold off pursuing relationships?

McPigg · 2024-07-17T18:56:31+00:00

As a man: being unnatractive/creepy/a loser, basically being a virgin cause you found no one.

As a women: some reaĺly weird religious shit

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-19T02:51:23+00:00

For some folks - religion. It screams you're a true believer and not everyone (even religious people) want to deal with a true believer cuz they can be a real headache.

Socially incompetent

Reclusive

Mental illness/Mental disability

Porn Addiction

Trauma Survivor

Overbearing Family

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-06-19T03:14:36+00:00

Trying consistently to date and not having any success over a period of time. This means you're socially and emotionally deficient.

kcalogx · 2024-06-19T04:35:56+00:00

I’d say past 23 for a men something may be really wrong and I’d said about 26 for women

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-06-19T10:14:17+00:00

wrongly or rightly, people associate virginity and more broadly social isolation with online communities that actively indoctrinate people into being worse humans. i feel like it's probably a reasonable association to make, but i'm not sure what the age cutoff should be.

unless we're talking about a case where a guy was on track to be normal until they got sucked in, that's obviously not the reason they are a virgin. but i feel like this might still be what the post was referring to. makes most sense to me read that way, sound idea but not expressed precisely.

either that, or a reading using the fire sector understanding of red flags (not as warning signs per se, just as signs you don't want to be involved) makes sense. then the logic would come down to not having been selected before being a sign that someone is an unappealing choice.

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ImJustARandomPersonY · 2024-06-19T06:17:54+00:00

There aren't in my opinion

2024-06-19T06:23:37+00:00

It's probably more of a red flag before the internet than after.

Stats I'm seeing seems to be more and more people are virgins longer now.

To me it strikes me as a societal red flag vs an individualist one.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-06-19T11:16:45+00:00

every single possible reason after a certain ahe. may not be a "red flag" per se, but just a reason they'd never be attractive to me in particular

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-06-19T13:01:49+00:00

Not enjoyable to be around.

Very socially awkward.

Bad hygiene.

Porn obsessed.

If you’re a virgin past undergrad years, you have some work to do.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-06-19T16:38:44+00:00

Most men who are virgins past 25 are usually virgins for a reason, a lot of them tend to be unattractive in both their looks and personality which is why no one wants them

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-06-19T03:58:59+00:00

I don't think virginity is the red flag so much as age. If someone reaches a certain age and isn't married, there's a reason.

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-19T04:05:34+00:00

I think being a virgin for a man is a red flag past 18 period

pg_throwaway · 2024-06-19T16:53:49+00:00

I don't see it as being a red flag. However, I think not having a history of any stable LTRs after a certain age (mid-20s) is a major red flag.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-06-19T23:37:55+00:00

Porn addiction

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-06-19T17:10:39+00:00

A female virgin past 21 is a red flag. She is either hideous or mental.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-06-19T03:41:38+00:00

All.

The fact that thebguy is a virginmos the red flag

Men should just lie or go.to prostitutes

Title	What are some reasons for still being a virgin that would be a red flag?
Author	AdEquivalent2494
Upvotes	30
Comments	206
Date	June 19, 2024 2:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dj7yb7/what_are_some_reasons_for_still_being_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-some-reasons-for-still-being-a-virgin.1522003 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522003

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