There is a difference between showing weakness and wallowing in self-pity all the time.

KamuiObito · 2024-09-28T18:07:21+00:00

Lol its even worse over here. As a man you cant even complain about women. Theyll gaslight you into believing you are a woman hating/misogynist.. men just adapted it. These be thing WOMEN do by default that redpill men do.

krackedy · 2024-09-28T12:31:51+00:00

Some women are turned off by even rare occasions of showing vulnerability/weakness. I've experienced it, and having it used against me later. I don't think it's fair to deny or explain away those painful experuejces. Some women are awful.

Unlike TRP I've always understood it's not all women who are like that and there's plenty that are totally fine with vulnerability (I married one).

Plus-Opportunity8541 · 2024-09-28T18:03:57+00:00

The problem is that a lot of women expect men to be emotional rocks and supportive. They expect us to support them being debbie downers. It's true that any amount of vulnerability, from a man, can be a major turnoff to women. End of the day, maybe they will let you be vulnerable, but what if they won't? Are you really risking your relationship to see? And a lot of men aren't being debbie downers. I had a friend get dumped because his mom died and he was crying and his GF got the ick from it. Not even kidding. That's what men have to deal with. Some men are afraid of any vulnerability, because end of the day, we don't know how women will react.

babazuki · 2024-09-28T13:09:01+00:00

I think one of the most basic parts of a relationship, a very essential part of maintaining a relationship, is listening and comforting someone when they are down. Friendship, romantic, platonic, familial, doesn't matter, just be there for the people you love.

It's not just professional therapists that have this job. They've only been around a couple hundred years. Most humans have always relied on people they love to help them.

Someone you say you cared about is going through shit and you're calling him weak and annoying.

Of course he's not getting better. He's surrounded by people he thinks love him. They really just make fun of him and talk shit behind his back. He will never get better.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-09-28T14:03:31+00:00

Show me a straight man in a relationship who is not a free therapist.

Hi-Road · 2024-09-28T12:55:25+00:00

The people in self pity mode aren’t looking for the means to be as attractive as possible to the opposite sex at that time. They’re looking (sometimes unknowingly) for empathy and encouragement

BiffTannenCA · 2024-09-28T12:41:27+00:00

I've never seen any of these posts that the OP is referring to on this sub.

Like, literally never have I seen someone on Reddit criticize a woman for not putting up with constant whining. And neither has the OP.

Betelgeuzeflower · 2024-09-28T15:30:56+00:00

With an ex of mine I once had a weak moment where I showed grief about missing my family (they are no longer around). She actually thought it was amazing, meanwhile I felt ashamed about feeling weak. After I regained composure she basically screwed my dick off.

Idk, some forms of showing weakness might be strength. Being a whiny bitch isn't.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-09-28T20:16:15+00:00

This is delusional, you are just hamstering to hide from your true nature. Humans despise weakness especially in men. People have evolved to dominate and kill animals they consider as below them on the food chain.

Also women are attracted to masculinity, and depression and anxiety are the opposite of that. Even if the woman is nicer than average about it she will still instinctively lose attraction and become more likely to cheat every time a man cries.

Maybe it's acceptable to show vulnerability on some rare occasions once a year, but at that point why even bother. Just keep all of your issues to yourself.

Also basically every single woman wallows in self-pity, is emotionally unstable and relies on men for emotional support lmao.

For example there's no way you're even remotely emotionally stable with that posting history 🤣

DGenerationMC · 2024-09-28T15:55:50+00:00

And even then, it's completely subjective to the "free therapist."

One person's showing weakness can easily be another person's wallowing in self-pity.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-28T17:21:48+00:00

There are women who are want to be only takers and not givers

Unfortunately, those women are usually the hottest ones

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2024-09-28T19:58:10+00:00

Well like how are you even going to begin trying to solve these problems if they don’t say what they are????

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2024-09-29T06:13:27+00:00

I don't know where all these women that hate sensitive, vulnerable, and emotional men. I'm a 6'5" built teddy bear that will shed a tear just thinking about something sad. I've never been dumped or rejected for it, it's never been turned around on me, and most have found it an endearing quality. I'm convinced this idea does, in fact, come from dudes wallowing in self-pity and/or using those emotions to be manipulative.

meisterkraus · 2024-09-29T13:14:24+00:00

Ok but too many women believe that being a supportive partner equals being a therapist. They don't want to put in the effort that a relationship requires. They want all the upsides with none of the downsides.

Cunnin_Linguists · 2024-09-28T16:38:45+00:00

What is constant complaining about male standards, men's crimes and men in general? Would you consider that "wallowing in self pity all the time"?

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-28T13:24:34+00:00

Yes, there’s a difference.

But hardly any people here are actually showing weakness. That would actually require honesty, authenticity, an ‘opening up.’

What we have in this sub is men complaining about women, women complaining about men, self-pity, attention seeking, whining in general, and everything in between.

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Somalietz · 2024-09-28T12:51:08+00:00

There are a lot of good reasons for men to wallow in self pity.

If all they have known is rejection and being ignored by women, it is appropriate for them to feel self pity. It shows that they are self aware and realistic instead of denying their flaws and coming off as delusional or overconfident. Self pity helps them get empathy from other people and show the world that they are not to blame for their circumstances.

If men stopped wallowing in self pity, then they would lose a source of care and compassion - themselves!

So the question really is, why would anyone WANT to give up self pitying?

prolixdreams · 2024-09-28T13:26:34+00:00

Balance is common sense here. Showing vulnerability honestly with your long term partner is great! And both partners should be comforting one another in times of stress.

Making them your SOLE source of support is not ideal, though. I suspect this is what often happens when a woman gets overburdened -- a lot of men don't have people other than their girlfriend or wife who they feel comfortable being really vulnerable with, so they put it ALL on her to deal with.

Ideally you'd ALSO have supportive friends, hopefully supportive family (though that's luck of the draw), and maybe a therapist if you really have a lot to deal with that's beyond a layman's pay grade and demands more work than "I'm so sorry, that really sucks, have a hug."

Major_Decision_7107 · 2024-09-28T12:30:45+00:00

This is the main reason I’ve stepped away from dating(not like I had a chance but hypothetically lol) and haven’t had much intention to date for most of my life is because I’m so terribly miserable and unhappy. I don’t think anyone would be able to tolerate my misery, especially since I wouldn’t, and I’d probably be the worst person to be around.

NSFWaccess1998 · 2024-09-28T12:55:29+00:00

The internet was meant to provide humans with previously unimaginable access to knowledge and information with which to grow our minds and improve ourselves.

Unfortunately, it has done this only for some people. In many cases, it grants those with mental illnesses and insecurities a source of constant externally provided pity, and entire communities dedicated to wallowing in it.

This has led to the emergence of a new generation of highly insecure, mentally tortured men (and to a lesser extent women). 40 years ago if you were short, bald, had a small dick etc, you'd face rejection from women, but that was kind of it. Eventually you'd get lucky, and you'd settle down.

Now those guys have an endless source of negative validation in the form of toxic reddit communities and online spaces.

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goo_wak_jai · 2024-09-29T04:50:42+00:00

People afflicted with these conditions are actually one of the sources of free entertainment because you already know what he or she is going to say on any topic long before he or she even says anything. Depending on what your goals are, having this friend or group of friends isn't actually such a bad thing, as your post would make it seem.

I know of more than my fair share of people afflicted with these conditions. Ironically, the chronic complainers happens to be married men and recently divorced men, or on the flip side, the chronically single that are desperately looking to be partnered up.

I can kind of imagine why for the guys who are married--they are constantly in parent mode or worker bee mode. No time left for any social life outside of family and work since they are constantly fixing problems or running into new problems to solve at home and at work.

For the chronically single & divorced men, it's pretty obvious so I won't waste time explaining this since there are a plethora of posts on PPD by men who have already pointed out the most common one's.

It's on the individual on who or how much you want to spend time with another person. You can freely choose to ditch these chronic complainers. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But if you've had a long friendship (5+ years) with said person--you suddenly ghosting them is a shitty thing for you to do and a shitty feeling to be on the receiving end of said ghosting behavior. You get back how much (or how little) you put in so don't be surprised by these actions when they come flying back your direction down-the-line.

But if these folks are just mere acquaintances and you are not close with them beyond being aware that they are there in your extended social circles, I see no reason why you can't just choose to do other things with other folks than spend time with the Debbie downer.

Old_Luck285 · 2024-09-29T16:19:13+00:00

Life is unfair and people often find themselves in difficult situations without doing anything wrong. It's not about morality/guilt but responsibility.

Yeah, it's not your fault for being born disadvantaged but it's your responsibility to deal with the cards you've been dealt. (This might include getting external help). Because, who's else responsibility should it be?

What I want to see in a partner is that at the end of the day, they have their shit together. It's good to be angry or sad every now and then. And in these cases, I'll gladly offer an open ear or a shoulder to cry on. But after that, you need to be willing to accept the situation, change it or leave it (aka taking on responsibility). I'm not willing to listen to endless self-pity without any action being taken.

No relationship - except parent and (minor) child - should be unconditional. Or, the other way around: I can love/accept you unconditionally (without trying to change you as that can also be unfair) but that might mean that I'll end the (romantic) relationship.

blonde___guardian · 2024-09-28T14:25:16+00:00

Yup. I’ve noticed this manifesting in a really interesting way: single men who are incapable of making even one positive argument for why women should date them.

Don’t get me wrong, they can cajole and complain and produce endless reams of TikToks where women hold seemingly-unrealistic standards. But what good thing do they bring to the relationship? Radio fucking silence.

I can think of nothing less attractive than a person totally lacking self-esteem and self-advocacy. If you don’t value yourself, why should I choose you?

NotReallyTired_ · 2024-09-28T14:06:58+00:00

Not everyone wants to be a free therapist, but most people wants a soapbox to vent regardless of gender. I hold the grievance and wallowing of the red pilled/manosphere in the similar vein as women and feminists grieve and wallow about the terrible men they come across.

I don't think it has anything to do with going through a phase or rough patch, but a shift in the cultural consciousness that effecting men and they're speaking out about it, at least online. I rarely if never hear men vent or wallowing in self-pity in real life about these topics.

ProfessorOilNGas · 2024-09-28T15:12:03+00:00

But what should the complete zeros do? The losers, the schmucks, the schleps.The guys who just can't get it done.The sad pathetic failures who should just hang it up. Being a loser doesn't mean you should be one of these idiots that keeps trying to play a game that is impossible for you to win. Men below 5'6 that are facially unattractive and imbibed with repulsive personalities are generally screwed and should have almost no expectations regarding their dating life. Those are the true incels that I feel bad for and understand why they're blackpillers. What we need to do is find a way for them to concentrate on something else.

sad_asian_noodle · 2024-09-28T13:32:48+00:00

Your flaws are not your weaknesses. Nobody can use your flaws against you if you're secured about them.

Title	There is a difference between showing weakness and wallowing in self-pity all the time.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	229
Date	September 28, 2024 12:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1frd41b/there_is_a_difference_between_showing_weakness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/there-is-a-difference-between-showing-weakness-and.1531398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531398

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