Instead of being desperate for a girlfriend, men should focus on bonding with friends.

Alternative-Dream-61 · 2024-12-06T12:34:57+00:00

I have a close knit men's group. I still have moments of loneliness where I miss having a woman in my life. Sex is part of that. "Intimacy" is more than just sex. For me it's cuddling, caring about each other, affirming each other, etc.

If you want to it on a societal level. Women have had entire movements around independence and being told they don't need men. Men have not.

balsag43 · 2024-12-06T12:01:36+00:00

Do you legit not understand the difference between a platonic relationship and a romantic one?

Like do you not have a platonic and romantic relationships to see the difference between them?

Hellsteelz · 2024-12-06T12:44:50+00:00

Im 100% convinced that u/LillthOfBabylon and u/Windmill_flowers are either bots or trolls.

The shit you guys post is peak baiting.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-12-06T13:46:47+00:00

Women should not be the gold standard for men's happiness both in a way it's not a woman's job to make a man happy and also a man should not feel pressured to have a romantic relationship. However, friendship and the relationship a girlfriend offers are different pretending they are the same makes you look well stupid.

Technical-Minute2140 · 2024-12-06T13:11:35+00:00

Agree and disagree. Friends won’t provide intimacy and closeness the same way a girlfriend would, not to mention of course the sex. You can also absolutely be lonely despite having friends, depending on where you and your friends live, if they have partners or not, what their individual schedules are like compared to mine, etc.

I think you’re incapable of understanding why a partnership is important for guys because you’re…not a guy. It’s as simple as that - attribute it to biological differences you can’t comprehend.

mrchadtoyou · 2024-12-06T15:10:22+00:00

I had three friend groups that I had collected over the years, the only thing I didn't have was a girlfriend. It's because I was 30lb overweight on a large frame. I lost it in three months and got jacked and never had issues getting a date within a few app messages from then on. I think I spent two years without getting a single date invitation getting accepted prior.

Stop assuming men just lack social skills. It's ignorant as hell because by doing so you demonstrate you have a lack of social skills, you fail to recognize how undesired men are actually treated right infront of your face.

AestheticAxiom · 2024-12-06T12:12:27+00:00

Single men aren't victims, but I do think you're underestimating how much of a toll modern men's self-esteem takes from not having women who want to sleep with them.

A lot of men feel like completely worthless losers if they don't feel like they're sexually desirable.

HmanTheChicken · 2024-12-06T16:50:46+00:00

You realise humans are biologically programmed for sex/relationships right? Desperately wanting to be with someone is normal and makes sense evolutionarily

Don’t be cringe about it but you usually shouldn’t be as happy single

uselesselfesteemless · 2024-12-06T16:54:36+00:00

Hahahaha Lillith said she couldn't tell the difference between the emotional connection of her father and her previous romantic partner!

This screams "i have fucked up internal feelings" so I'm going to say the world is wrong.

nightcall379 · 2024-12-06T12:15:36+00:00

Women are not as threatened by being alone as men are. Men spend stupid amounts of money to not be lonely, on host bars, prostitutes, etc. Women when they're lonely try to find female friends most of the time. Why don't men find male friends?

The only reason women are even able to say something like that is because women don't experience romantic loneliness

It's easy to downplay the importance of romantic companionship when all you have to do to get to is just show up

RushtyTinker · 2024-12-06T12:18:32+00:00

This sentiment would be cool if women practiced what they preach, this whole "men need to learn how to be comfortable alone" nonsense is hilariously hypocritical. Most young women aren't alone, most young men are.

I'm convinced at this point it's just rage bait to drive engagement

Dry-Ad3452 · 2024-12-06T12:32:00+00:00

What an insanely stupid post, but not at all surprising.

Friendships =/= romantic relationships. Anyone with a functioning brain knows this, even children.

What you get from a romantic relationship that you do not get from a friendship: two worlds coming together and willing to compromise in order to share a life with one another. Two parties who are mutually physically attracted to one another. Two parties who, against all odds, decide to come together to build something despite different experiences and circumstances. Two parties who will go out of their way to make the other feel great on a consistent, sometimes daily basis.

Friends have their OWN lives, their OWN circumstances. Friends do NOT make daily, weekly, or even monthly sacrifices for their friends, even good ones. Friendship will NEVER replace or substitute for romantic relationships. Everyone knows this, stop pretending you don't, and quit being dense.

QuantityAcademic · 2024-12-06T14:07:51+00:00

I'm already bonded with my friends. I want sex. And lots of it. Without having to pay for it.

wtknight · 2024-12-06T12:17:36+00:00

It helps, but a single guy with his friends is still going to feel lame compared to the men who are having sex. He is going to go home every night still horny and lonely. Women don't have to experience this because they can find someone who they are sexually attracted to to have sex with them at any time.

Having legalized prostitution helps with this somewhat, but for men it's a costly solution.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-06T11:57:29+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

John_Oakman · 2024-12-06T13:38:22+00:00

"Instead of fighting for a more equitable future, one should make do to cope with the existing issues."

Possibly good advice on the individual level, generally not great (and not realistic) on the macro scale.

As for the topic at hand, these days the social legitimacy of casual/social acquaintance tend to not translate well into the social proof needed for a male to become more successful in romantic pursuits.

After all, they're not entitled to anything just because they have done all the socially expected things in the socially expected manner.

Proudvow · 2024-12-07T01:29:18+00:00

Male friends are mostly trash, and female friends don't open up fully to men for various reasons, there is nothing an individual lonely guy can do about that.

Equal_Connect · 2024-12-06T12:37:54+00:00

Thats easier said than done. For context im a bisexual male so its like natural for me to subconsciously treat other guys the same way i treated my girlfriends but most straight het men dont want to bond that deep with other men.

Bikerbats · 2024-12-06T19:35:48+00:00

Friends are no substitute for family Lillith. I wouldn't be who I am today without a wife and children. It civilizes men, and nothing you can say will ever change that.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-12-06T13:54:38+00:00

I think instead of egging women on to date men they have no interest in. Because "Hey they are probably lonely". "There's a male loneliness epidemic ladies you should really be dating these guys".

Instead of all that. There should be a push for community with men. Fraternities. Communities. And outreach that focuses on men bonding. Some kind of social group. Women have mastered this even without partners we have a community for ourselves.

I think unfortunately that's why incel/red pill communities took off and manosphere shit has become so popular. Because it does give men a space to share grievances albeit misguided. It's some form of community that men need not positive. But it does show that men really need some sort of community or collective.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-06T11:57:29+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

IceC19 · 2024-12-06T13:54:42+00:00

I agree many guys should focus on making more friends and also deepening their bonds with said friends.

But I don't think it completely, or not even nearly, substitutes the benefits of dating and sex. It also irks me how some people in these kinds of conversations want a guy to be happy and actualized without a satisfactory dating and sex life, just via confidence and phrases like "you should be happy by yourself", offering platitudes to people who are not in a good position when the thing that's going to resolve the problem is the direct and obvious option.

Anti_Thing · 2024-12-07T03:43:15+00:00

It's sex, as well as children.

My religion forbids sex outside of marriage, & depending on how strictly you interpret things either forbids or discourages masturbation, & those things can't satisfy me like a real marriage can anyways.

My male friends can't satisfy my desire for sex with women, & they can't give me a family the way I want.

Many women feel the same way I do. Even if they may not generally have as high sex drives as men, they still want a committed relationship which includes sex, & they tend to be even more desperate for children than men do.

I don't think I'm the victim of an atrocity, though I am super lonely. I'm lonely even though I have friends; call that depression if you want.

KittyCatKnight · 2024-12-08T18:41:57+00:00

I agree. Relationships are important but so are friendships. We need to promote men making strong bonds with each other but not treat it as a replacement for a relationship.

The problem is, we're in a culture that has done everything in it's power to stamp out male spaces by forcing those spaces to allow women or they've gone in to male hobbies and tried to change them to appeal to women even when it's a community filled with 99% of men.

People can't sit there and claim men should just start making strong bonds when they're doing everything to destroy the spaces that such a thing could happen in.

harmonica2 · 2024-12-06T13:26:31+00:00

I've noticed I've gotten girlfriends at the time I've had friends with benefits when I was single so maybe having that kind of arrangement makes a guy seem less desperate and more attractive to women?

Dertross · 2024-12-06T15:02:33+00:00

I already have friends.

I can't have sex with friends. I can't plan a future with friends. I can't get married, have children, and have grandchildren with friends. I can't buy a house with friends ( I can, but it would be stupid to do ). I can't get tax breaks for having friends. I can't get power of attorney with friends ( I can, but it would be weird)

Next thread.

Livid-Log7463 · 2024-12-06T19:15:40+00:00

Because it is simply a need that men have that woman do not, or at the very least not in the same way.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-12-06T19:51:33+00:00

Friends don't replace romantic relationship. They have they own lives, you are not their first priority, if they find a partner they prfer the partner over you. You usually don't live together and if they leave you once they find a partner. You don't plan future together, they would move for a job without you, with a partner it's automatic to decide such things together, with friends not. You don't truly share a life, friends are not and not supposed to be forever as it's not expected to plan future together and live together.

Yes it's nice to spend time with friends but after that they go home ot people they prefer over you. It's not as close bond as with a partner.

And then emotional and physical intimacy of course.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-12-06T15:37:40+00:00

Women are not as threatened by being alone as men are. Men spend stupid amounts of money to not be lonely, on host bars, prostitutes, etc. Women when they're lonely try to find female friends most of the time. Why don't men find male friends?

This is probably because of one small detail... In the modern Western world, most women can only be romantically single by choice. This does not apply to most men. So a woman almost always realizes that she can easily return to the “dating market” and even succeed there.

Almost at any point in time, even an average woman can find herself an ONS, FWB, or even a full partner for LTR, and all of them will be men who match her and are even a little better than her. And at this time, the average man will have to seriously try and take the initiative to get at least something.

So, what I wish I could make the title: If its not about sex, what is so important about having a LTR rather than focusing on friendships?

Because it’s also about sex, but let's not talk about it for now. But to put it simply, friends and romantic relationships are different social levels.

Friendship is simply less intimate than romantic relationships and they are simply different types of relationships, each of which has its own characteristics.

WANTING and DESPERATELY NEEDING are not the same. If it was just about men wanting romance, 99% sure no one would criticize men for that. Criticism comes in when guys act like theyre victims of atrocities because theyre single. Theyre claiming to be super lonely without a girlfriend.

Considering that having a romantic relationship is one of the "standard" and even fundamental human needs and almost all people on our planet are drawn to romance... So yes, if a person (man, woman or anyone else) never gets a romantic relationship in their life, then yes, they are a complete victim, because a fundamental part of the human experience passes them by. And this concerns not only romance, it is all social interactions with other people that are NECESSARY for life.

“But people can still feel lonely with friends!” Thats called depression.

No. It is possible to be single, have friends and not have a romantic relationship. As I already explained: friendship and romance are different types of relationships that overlap only very partially.

“Intimacy is important” How are we defining intimacy?

When most people talk about intimacy, they usually mean sex and/or physical intimacy (hugging, holding hands, going on dates, taking care of someone while they are sick, etc.).

Simply put, intimacy is a description of different types of emotional and physical connection in different types of social connections between people.

Each type of social connection has its own type of intimacy and different manifestations of intimacy.But there is always a big difference intimacy between family, friends, and romantic partners.

I have been accused of hating and dehumanizing men on this topic, but Im waiting for a guy to give me clarity on what’s so damn special a girlfriend that guys treat it like a ‘need’.

Let's sum it up...

Any type of social interaction (friends, family, romantic, etc.) is a basic human need! And anyone who argues that social interaction is not a need is a clinical idiot. It is not for nothing that solitary confinement is one of the strictest types of imprisonment and has an extremely negative impact on human health in general.

Different types of social interaction satisfy different qualities and are most often not interchangeable.

Romantic loneliness has its own separate manifestations and cannot be satisfied by other types of social interaction.

BigMoistTwonkie · 2024-12-06T14:15:37+00:00

GR8 B8 M8 I R8 8/8

giveuporfindaway · 2024-12-06T20:19:56+00:00

Women when they're lonely try to find female friends most of the time. Why don't men find male friends?

You will never understand because you're insensitive and completely unempathetic to biological fact that men have 20x more testosterone than women. Men need sex, women don't. Any woman saying that men don't need sex is speaking from an misandrist point of view.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-12-06T12:12:24+00:00

Absolutely true, all of it.

Title	Instead of being desperate for a girlfriend, men should focus on bonding with friends.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	296
Date	December 6, 2024 11:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1h7zqlv/instead_of_being_desperate_for_a_girlfriend_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/instead-of-being-desperate-for-a-girlfriend-men.1537763 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537763

Comments