Women who have given up on dating, why?

Oli_love90 · 2025-05-27T17:41:35+00:00

I gave up, for two reasons and neither were because my options were terrible.

1 - I myself feel undatebale. Both physically and mentally i don’t think I’m a good candidate. In my experience dating that has been proven to be true, no man has been interested so essentially the market is telling me I’m not in it.

2 - the effort expended has not been worth it. I’ve tried the apps, dating irl, all the meet cute advice and nothing works. I’m an introverted person with a small friend group who likes being indoors. A lot of people like me meet guys through friends but that’s never been the case for me. After years of all this effort with no outcomes, I give up.

bv0724 · 2025-05-27T17:05:34+00:00

I didn’t date for quite a while after finding out more about myself. Basically, I am too much of an outlier in the West and that made my dating pool minuscule. I am a weird mix of old school Asian upbringing and Christianity with different interpretation of the Bible from the common way it is interpreted in my culture. Plus, as it turns out, my family is very old school even in Asia. Honestly, I initially didn’t realize how much I was influenced by my Asian upbringing until there was a big crisis in my life, and I surprised myself by acting extremely Asian. There aren’t that many people who have an understanding of both, and try to embody both in a caring manner.

Long story short, I just didn't have promising candidates I wanted to invest myself in.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-05-27T17:50:08+00:00

I can’t say I’ve given up on dating completely, I just really don’t feel like doing it. Going on a bunch of first dates, most of which will be boring and a waste of time, sounds really unappealing. I’m also just not at a point in my life where I want a relationship. Maybe that’ll change in the future, but as of right now, I don’t want anyone tying me to any particular place. I want to be open to any and all opportunities now. I enjoy focusing more on friendships and hobbies now, but maybe one day I’ll want to date again

MyLastBestChance · 2025-05-27T17:10:19+00:00

Here’s the thing, the options don’t have to be terrible for it to be better to be single, there just need to be slightly more minuses than pluses some (many) of which may have nothing to do with the individual man.

I’ve been married, had kids (grown up now), been divorced and had a 12 year LTR that ended about 5 years ago. I’ve been single and celibate since then.

I’ve been on a few first dates, a couple of second dates. Meh🤷‍♀️. Nothing wrong with the guys, just nothing worth shaving my legs for (yes, I shave anyway but you get my point).

Getting “put together”, going out, playing the “getting to know you” game gets old fast when there’s a perfectly good couch at home and I could be reading or weeding the garden or walking the dog (all of which can be done in comfortable shoes without smiling till it hurts). And even if the date does go well and a relationship starts, then it’s a whole lot of other inconveniences that may or may not be worth it.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate men or dislike men and actually have loved a couple of them over the years, I just can’t quite think why I want one underfoot at this point other than a vague idea that I’m supposed to.

I really kinda love my life exactly as it is so while I’m not “anti” dating or relationships, I can’t really say that I’m personally really interested either.

Waste-Love9786 · 2025-05-27T18:29:15+00:00

It's just too much work for me. I don't like the idea of a traditional relationship where we are exclusive, live together and share all the same space

I would rather be alone than subject someone to my BPD-like symptoms and my fearful-avoidant attachment.

It'd be hard finding someone who I share an intellectual connection with who will also respect my space and not have a bunch of expectations from both him and his family placed on me

My idea of a relationship is too out there, most typical people wouldn't want it and I'm not joining the poly community because they're crazy in their own ways

lesliecarbone · 2025-05-27T16:31:20+00:00

I ended my last long-term "romantic" relationship six years ago. I came out of it pretty exhausted, and I took a long break. Then I decided to start dating again, and went on several first dates. It was a nightmare. 80 percent of the time, the guy was less interesting than whichever book I'd have been reading at home. 20 percent of the time, there was an enjoyable intellectual connection, but then the guy became all hands. Finally, I just couldn't put myself through one more date. So I stopped, and it's been fabulous. Now I have time and energy for platonic relationships and for my own interests, and I have a peace I didn't know was possible.

learn2earn89 · 2025-05-27T18:43:57+00:00

I’ve never actually “started” dating so it’s not like I ever “quit”

The only guys who ever show interest are red flags galore.

I’ve only been attracted to very few guys. Granted I’ve never done online dating.

flutterybuttery58 · 2025-05-27T17:41:19+00:00

I am happy single, fulfilled, successful career, great social life, and enjoy living alone.

It would take someone special to make me want to change my current situation.

Dating only reinforces this.

S0yslut · 2025-05-27T15:47:30+00:00

The behavioral example set by fathers plays a large role in the quality of men some women select. Most people can and do form healthy relationships despite having trauma. I know some women who have given up on dating, it wasn’t that their options were terrible it was their choices that lead them to give up because they had formed bad patterns selecting mates from early childhood experiences.

nolastingname · 2025-05-28T06:45:21+00:00

I never met anyone with the same religious convictions as me who was single and looking, and besides I don't even believe in men's love anymore. Love is dead because of things like porn and the high living standards.

_weedkiller_ · 2025-05-28T17:51:41+00:00

The main reason is I’m gay. But I did used to date men and I stopped.
I found that the sex wasn’t enjoyable, they didn’t have any sexy bits like boobs or nice bum. You never know what you’re going to get - micro penis, 2 pumps then done etc. With women you choose what you use and can have different ones on different days

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-05-27T17:12:56+00:00

I know several women who have given up on dating.

One friend it seems to her like a lot of effort and work just to get something/someone she doesn't want.

One friend she is very content with her life as is and think dating will have a negative effect on her life while celibacy leaves her free to pursue her desires.

Dating for women is something that's is a desire but if the desire goes away/ left unfulfilled it will go away.

Most men and most women are not compatible, that's how I think of it I don't think that most men are undatable. I just think most men are incompatible with most women as partners or leaders.

And most women do not find most men desirable for dating.

I also think marriage and commitment is obsolete and the only reason people still do it is bc it is desirable instead of necessary like it was historically.

Personally I think the stats should be flipped. more ppl should be dating and not marrying/ forming LTR.

The women I know that still enjoy dating just focus on doing it for the fun of it.

Hellarouge · 2025-05-27T22:12:24+00:00

I work full time, I have a home and garden to maintain, I have an active friend group spread across 3 cities, I have side hustles, I have hobbies. Realistically I don’t have the time to date, I can sacrifice the time and energy but it’s kinda reluctantly at this point. You don’t need to date to have sex without complications, I’m not interested in marriage or having kids… so there aren’t really any motivators to date aside from missing the deeper connection. I feel like that’s always an option to explore, regardless of age, so I’m just focusing on the certainties in my life. They’re fulfilling and any downtime I have, I just rest. Or sometimes watch TV 😅

procrast1natrix · 2025-05-28T00:18:21+00:00

I'm married and have been pretty continuously coupled up for thirty years, but I've a couple of friends who are women who are single. One was struggling with debilitating depression and had too much self sabotage to reach out to guys or accept flirtation. Another is demi, she has a very full and fun and creative life with friends for music, gaming, her church, and just no patience for a sex partner who requires coddling. Another is in a phase where she has huge obligations for caring for her parents, she has a longtime guy that she screws once in a while and I think they're going to end up together (he says that, as well) - so even though she sometimes goes out with friends she shuts down new guys hard.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-05-27T15:33:27+00:00

I have given up on dating men. Men simply ask for too much and offer too little for me to be interested in a relationship. Why should I purposely decrease my quality of life just to improve a man’s quality of life as well as make religious and political leaders happy? There is definitely a strong lack of dateable men and I don’t see why I should sacrifice my own happiness, peace of mind and freedom for nothing of value in return.

Bitter_Rose2 · 2025-05-27T16:32:24+00:00

Was in love with a man who I'd never had such strong feelings for in my life, had the most incredible connection with him and insane chemistry and attraction.

I fully intended to marry and have kids with him (even though i hate the idea of marriage) I would've been happy to stay home with the kids too.

He tried to use some 'red pill tactics' on me and I lost most of the attraction almost overnight.

If a relationship as strong and good as that can be destroyed by an ideology that 60% of men now indulge in, then I'd rather not bother again. My ex wasn't an idiot either, academically he was extremely bright.

I focus on work and business instead now.

leosandlattes · 2025-05-27T15:33:46+00:00

I didn’t give up dating completely but I was single for 4ish years in my early 20s. I was caught somewhere between thinking men were retards or gross perverts. Sometimes I still think men are gross perverts.

That being said I recognize there are good men out there, lots of good men. So, yknow, as with all things in life, dating can be a mixed bag.

Tylikcat · 2025-05-27T18:34:15+00:00

Hm. Not given up exactly. I'm one step past beyond not looking - will actively ignore someone as a possibility unless they're a really good fit. But that's mostly because time constraints. And also really liking my own time and space. (I laughed so hard at Éros Brousson's bit about dating a woman who is used to living alone.)

In the past it's been cyclical - I'd dip my toe into the dating world, be reminded how much it sucks, and retreat. This was at its most extreme when I lived in Ohio, because I have a non dating relationship with the entire state. In North Carolina... well, I actually met a couple of people I enjoyed dating, and probably would have done more if not for covid. Now that I've almost finished the first year in the new professorship, I'm finding my feet, and starting to seek more entertainment. This might mean I date a bit, or it might mean I start a new research project. (So far it's mostly meant that I am doing a bunch of stuff around my home - like putting in my container garden, clearing out the winter herbs from the greenhouse window, and setting up my kamado. I hadn't really finished moving in when teaching started...)

It feels very optional, and I really don't want someone who is going to want to be with me all the time. Keep in mind, I'm in my fifties. I don't lack options, but most of the options seem like more trouble than they're worth. I've gotten a much better sense of what works as I've gotten older, and am much less likely to take someone not that promising for a spin just because it's been a bit since I was laid.

TidyMess24 · 2025-05-27T21:14:03+00:00

I gave up on dating American men a while ago. I am happily partnered with a Dutch man now.

A lot of it had to do with the intersection of relationships with career and money. I was successful back in the US, if I dated guys at or above my earning level or potential, it turned into a competition about whose needs were more important. Situations where my needs were seen as less important because the guy earned more, or guys pushing themselves way too hard to make themselves the higher earner to the point where it caused stress in the relationship.

Dating guys that made less than me was also a trainwreck. Way too many insecurities. I would end up in situations where I didn't get to do things I wanted to because not only was he not able to afford it for himself, but he also wouldn't accept me just paying for it either.

I opened myself up to dating internationally, and I found much better relationship dynamics relating to this intersection.

EulenWatcher · 2025-05-27T15:15:37+00:00

A few of my friends have been single for a long time.

One is taking a break, so she hasn't "given up" - she's just put it on pause.

Another doesn't plan to ever date again. She has several reasons: she tried dating, and she realized she doesn't like spending this much time on another person and she doesn't really feel the drive to do so. Her only experience was with a guy who seemed to be nice initially, but whose mental health got significantly worse when he stopped taking medications, and she decided to break up as he didn't plan to address his problem. I think that maaaybe if she had a better experience, she'd be more interested in dating. Also, maybe she'd enjoy dating someone as busy and driven as she is or someone who didn't require a lot of time spent on them.

Another is a divorced single mother who dedicates her time and efforts to her kid. She doesn't feel safe bringing a new man when he daughter is still young and vulnerable.

My own mother hasn't been dating...probably as long as I'm alive. Her generation had an awful luck with men - Russian men in general aren't known for being good husbands. No guy could compete with her job, her dedication to her family and later on with her kid (me). My father and she weren't serious - they were friends, but he was totally unsuited to be a husband or father. She was with him, because she though she was infertile and didn't plan to start her own family.

shallot55 · 2025-05-28T05:39:29+00:00

I cut the toxic people out of my life. I learned to be happy alone and enjoy my own company. I realised I can meet my goals without a man. I'm not about to make my life harder and try to find the red flags sooner than later.

I'd rather be happy alone than trying to appease a man and beg for the bare minimum. My standards are higher now and I'm a more well adjusted person for it. Because if my standards are this high, then I should be able to practise what I preach.

TheMedsPeds · 2025-05-29T09:09:45+00:00

My personality from a far seems cool. She's 35 and is a widow, so no ex hanging around that she will run back to, she's not overweight, she's laid back, she doesn't have, kids, has her own car and pays her own bills, doesn't scream when you take 2 hours to text her back! She likes video games! This chick is awesome!

Then they get to know me. And suddenly, they just aren't "feeling the spark" because my personality is just...too much like one of the guys, it's funny that I laugh at sex jokes in the beginning but after awhile I start to feel like "just a friend" and the romantic feelings fade. They realize that the "opposites attract" kind of thing has a reason, it keeps the spark alive.

I am tired of watching a guy going from his eyes lighting up when he sees me to total indifference and "waiting for the right moment" to end it. And me being as totally into sex as day one doing whatever they want, to them just kind of laying there barely touching me,

It's not a fun feeling, so I'd rather just be alone. My late husband was just as weird as me and he liked my weirdness, most other men don't. I think someone that truly appreciated my odd personality was a once in a life time thing.

victoriabowen8 · 2025-06-02T00:01:37+00:00

I haven't given up on dating it's just not a priority for me. My work is mentally exhausting and my social battery has been low these last few years. I enjoy doing everything on my terms and don't think I would be a good partner right now. I'm very much in a me phase. Last year I said maybe in the fall and then that didn't happen and now I'm saying maybe in the fall again lol so who knows.

Dating apps sound like a nightmare so I am not eager to get back on them. I haven't been on them in over 4 years and I've heard they have got exponentially worse in that time. I'll probably do a speed dating night when the time comes. I don't expect to actually meet anyone there but I need some practice talking to men again (are we still asking about favourite colours?!) and just break the ice so to speak.

Also, I'll be honest, I don't have a lot of faith in men these days and I am content on my own so it will take a pretty special man to get me back into a relationship.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-06-03T04:22:14+00:00

I’ve never even been on a date in my life and I’m already giving up. I can’t get a date with any men here (via apps). Where I live men ignore me. IRL and on dating apps. I am a 3/10 but surely I should be able to attract my looksmatch. I think he would rather be alone than be with his looksmatch. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can keep trying dating apps again and again. Already did a few times. Across all of the popular ones, and even some unpopular ones. Zilch. Maybe I’m just in the wrong country. I do live in one of the most populated parts of Canada but of course, our market is smaller than say, the U.S. I don’t think I’d be alone if I lived there.

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Sonia314 · 2025-05-28T04:58:45+00:00

I didn’t date for a decade after getting out of an abusive relationship. I started dating again about 6 months ago. I took the break because my autism and bipolar disorder and PTSD made dating too exhausting to combine with a more challenging career until now, but if I had known the kind of men I know now earlier, I would have gotten back into dating earlier. It would really have taken an exceptional man in terms of morality and intellect and excitement about me to overcome the things that held me back, but to my surprise they do exist.

SquirmingAddict · 2025-05-29T00:03:26+00:00

How come the mens version of this thread was deleted?

Title	Women who have given up on dating, why?
Author	Disastrous-You2726
Upvotes	57
Comments	246
Date	May 27, 2025 2:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kwp5l4/women_who_have_given_up_on_dating_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-have-given-up-on-dating-why.1553249 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553249

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