A lot of women don't want emotional intelligence from men, they want emotional validation from men.

mrcs84usn · 2025-12-12T23:27:18+00:00

Being “emotionally intelligent” essentially means that you are high in Agreeableness with regard to the big 5 personality traits.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-12-12T23:24:33+00:00

Yea it's basically a variant of "just be yourself, inauthenticity is unattractive" and then you're like "ok I'm just going to center my life around warhammer 40k figurines because that's what truly speaks to me" and then women are like "ew no, not like that"

They want emotional openness, vulnerability because it is beneficial to them - it's basically a huge info dump where you unload everything positive or negative about yourself to supply the woman needed info to make the best decision. If that info dump contains a lot of negative shit and then she dumps you, that's also to her benefit.

At no point in this does the man ever benefit.

But hey OP, that's just life. Eventually men dumb enough to not just mask 24/7 and be extremely ruthless and utilitarian with regard to women are going to be weeded out of the gene pool. We're in the middle of the Great Culling.

Only the dark triad men will survive the coming storms to pass on their dna and make human subtly and irrevocably evil. If you're on the losing side of this equation and your brain just insists on morality and truth, just accept your fate and fade out into the virtual realm with me. Slip into the lukewarm bath and let your mind and worries and existence dissolve into the ether. It's not so bad.

I don't think the direction humanity is headed in is worth coming along for the ride. C'est la vie. Back to the embrace of Mother Void.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-12-12T22:45:18+00:00

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ReasonConfident4541 · 2025-12-13T03:44:09+00:00

Yep so true

Most women I meet are not emotionally intelligent at all bt expect the guy to just validate all their emotions and respond in a therapist way

Complete Bs

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-12-12T22:38:57+00:00

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ThatBitchA · 2025-12-12T23:01:10+00:00

Why wouldn't I want my husband to validate my emotions?

I validate his.

Emotional validation is a part of emotional intelligence.

New-Western-4819 · 2025-12-13T01:15:56+00:00

Emotional intelligence is about:

recognizing emotions (in self and others)
understanding emotional causality
regulating emotional responses
communicating emotions clearly and proportionally

You can do all of that while being:

disagreeable
firm
boundary-driven
willing to disappoint people

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-12-12T22:33:37+00:00

Everyone wants someone who understands their perspective. Why do you think that this only applies to women and why is it a bad thing?

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2025-12-12T22:37:58+00:00

I’d like men to acknowledge that they even have emotions instead of mistakenly believing that every decision they make is the result of some kind of mathematical proof (it’s not).

bluestjuice · 2025-12-12T22:57:10+00:00

I think validating and understanding other people's emotions is a part of emotional intelligence. I don't really think you're wrong; I think women (everyone) do want this. But I don't think these ideas are at odds the way you're portraying them, or that wanting validation is necessarily a bad thing

Creative_Tangelo_393 · 2025-12-13T01:52:51+00:00

I gotta congratulate you - for once we have a thread here that isn’t just incel (or sometimes femcel) bitching.

I think you’re right, for the most part. I’d say there are women who are self-aware enough to want real emotional intelligence, but let’s be real, regardless of gender, everyone wants their emotions validated. I think the problem - and this is where I agree with you - is that these two things are frequently confused - but I also don’t think it’s malicious in the sense that most people genuinely don’t know the difference.

TheBroke1234 · 2025-12-12T23:43:49+00:00

Do women really want emotional validation though? Sorry for the redpill moment, but this is a look at what women do not what they say moment.

Guys who constantly validate women don't usually have the best results. They end up looking like weak simps. Actual emotional intelligence is giving people validation when they deserve it, and not when they don't. And I actually do think some women recognize this. Some do say they like a guy who is willing to call them on their bs.

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selfishstars · 2025-12-14T01:30:45+00:00

How are you defining emotional intelligence?

IcarusKiki · 2025-12-14T12:48:38+00:00

Maybe for a little while but in the long term agreeing w her every whim bc of coochie turns into an ick for most women bc it basically puts you in her frame and makes you look weak.

Free-Comfort6303 · 2025-12-13T01:06:29+00:00

One highly successful woman once told me "Lie to me and make me want you". She knows me for many years.

jorts-enthusiast · 2025-12-12T22:29:51+00:00

No. Emotional intelligence is recognizing, understanding, and managing one’s emotions in healthy ways. Emotional intelligence is also recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions. You are describing a subset of emotionally immature women who don’t have the emotional intelligence to handle their own feelings.

GrouchyHighlight2762 · 2025-12-13T00:03:56+00:00

They take more than they give

wild_squirrel_ · 2025-12-12T23:50:33+00:00

Those aren’t mutually exclusive concepts, women want both those things.

mobjack · 2025-12-13T00:12:50+00:00

What is wrong with validating feelings?

You can validate someone's feelings and still disagree with them. Validating means that you recognize things from their perspective.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2025-12-12T22:54:49+00:00

Are you saying emotional intelligence isn’t really a thing?

And how is emotional validation not a key part of that? Everyone wants that. It’s something that women have more likely been socialized to do and do with their male partners.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-13T03:18:59+00:00

O o Validating others is a big part of emotional intelligence both for ensuring a closer connection and disagreeing with them. You've gotta show you're both listening and understand where they're at. And as much as possible as a couple, you try to occupy similar emotional places and know where the other is at. This often means adopting and mirroring where the other is at.

This is the heart of relationships. My husband comes home pissed about work to my peaceful dinner is ready space and depending on how bad stuff is, I get pissed with him and we have a mad let's throw rocks at your boss' Christmas lights dinner or he joins my peace if it's forgettable.

Stoicism is something that has to happen sometimes, but if you're not occupying similar spaces the relationship is often doomed because you're not fully connecting.

pwnkage · 2025-12-13T08:56:58+00:00

We want.. both?

RealityCold4693 · 2025-12-13T15:00:35+00:00

One thing I learned about people is that they don't know the meaning of words

Due-Status-2199 · 2025-12-13T01:20:03+00:00

You’re not looking for a debate—you’re looking for a parasocial amen corner for a thesis: "Women (as a class) demand men’s emotional labor, but only reward emotional expression that’s useful to women—and they pathologize/shame men’s inner life when it’s inconvenient."

Is that pattern real enough to exist? Sure. Lots of people—men and women—prefer partner emotions that are easy to metabolize. In conflict, plenty of folks push for “say the words that make me feel better.” And “emotional intelligence” is routinely used by pop-psychology amateurs as a moral label instead of a specific skill model.

But you’re doing three things that turn a real pattern into a grievance ideology:

Universalizing a particular relationship dynamic into “women.”
Collapsing instrumentalization (“your feelings are acceptable only if they regulate mine”) with attunement (“your feelings are real, and we still need to handle them without injuring each other”).
Smuggling in the premise that “if my raw emotions aren’t received exactly as-is, I’m not accepted,” and then calling withdrawal “stoicism.”

If you actually wanted truth instead of bandwagoning, the conversation is with yourself and your accountability circle:

Why do I keep choosing partners where this dynamic shows up?
What relational skills am I missing, and how do I build them?
How do I respond with attunement without becoming someone’s emotional regulator?
What boundaries stop shame narratives from taking root—and do I offer the same respect in return?

NecessaryTry723 · 2025-12-13T15:10:06+00:00

They first and foremost love strong emotions . most women are dating for short term and dark triad men stimulates them most because they drive them through all emotions it never gets boring. hes not writing back for days shes crying and talking with her female friends about it, then he writes her again and "he wrote back!" now she gets the dopamine shot. then he has sex with her which gives her new bonding drugs. then he withraws again which makes her lust for him because she got addicted. rinse repeat they love the rollercoaster.

Motosport_Titan · 2025-12-12T22:58:32+00:00

Yet another men pretending to be an expert on what we men want and don’t want. I talk to a lot of female friends about dating and they absolutely want emotional intelligence. Do some people also want emotional validation sure.

Title	A lot of women don't want emotional intelligence from men, they want emotional validation from men.
Author	PassengerCultural421
Upvotes	106
Comments	168
Date	December 12, 2025 10:25 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pl524s/a_lot_of_women_dont_want_emotional_intelligence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-lot-of-women-dont-want-emotional-intelligence.1568692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568692

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