There have been a lot of threads discussing the specific objections people against age gaps relationships raise, such as them being supposedly predatory, etc. I think those have been addressed in the other threads ad nauseum. This thread is about what I think is really driving opposition to age gap relationships, which is something never raised directly by its actual opponents.

I think men who are opposed to age gap relationships are against it mostly due to crab bucket mentality. Their driving emotional force is a sense of unfairness that other men get to date younger but they have to date their own age. They're playing by the rules, while others get to break the rules. So they want those other guys to be punished for it. "If I can't, then you can't either".

I think older women who are opposed to age gap relationships are against it mostly due to wanting to deny that as she ages, she is becoming less attractive. The idea that her boyfriend or husband might lose attraction to her as she ages and go chase some younger woman should such an opportunity present itself is a threat to her sense of security. She wants to believe that her partner will only become more attracted and more bonded to her over time as they grow old together. She views anything that opposes that happy thought as a threat to her, and will deny it.

I think younger women who are opposed to age gap relationships are the only group of people against it that are actually not being disingenuous. The reasons they give are things like "Ew...I don't want to date someone old enough to be my dad". Fair enough! Good for you for giving voice to the actual emotions that are driving your decisions, unlike everyone else.

My evidence that this is true is simple: for any case of an older man with a younger girl that sparks a lot of opposition, simply find an example of the same case in reverse. In other words, the ages are the same but the genders are swapped. Observe as suddenly everyone stops caring completely, even though you'd expect the normal opposition arguments to apply in both cases. So then what's the explanation? Why do people stop caring?

Men stop caring because the jealousy fueling the crab bucket mentality disappears when considering a man who gets to date a woman much older than him rather than younger. He may think some variant of "Good for him. I wouldn't have minded having a younger woman show me the ropes when I was younger..." but he's not going to feel the same kind of intense jealousy that causes him to want to retaliate out of serving some sense of cosmic justice.

Older women stop caring because a cougar snagging a younger man is validating to them. It's proof that their attraction has not yet disappeared despite their age. Proof that they've still got it.

And you know how younger women react? "Ew...She's old enough to be his mom. But it's not my relationship so I guess I don't really care." It's the only group that remains consistent.