"meet my standards", "not settling", "treat me the way i deserve" ect. All of these buzz phrases at the core is just hypergamy,

PandaTaco90 · 2026-06-01T22:10:01+00:00

Poor people also date you know?

Serahill · 2026-06-01T22:24:08+00:00

I am not sure what the debate here is. You assume you can read these women's minds in that those three phrases mean "his income, his height, his career, and his ability to provide a specific lifestyle" when women have standards beyond those. There are plenty women who are vocal that they want guys who make more than them, or guys taller than them, and all that.

It's not exactly rare or looked down upon for women to voice what you are looking for in a partner so I am not sure why you assume any standard must be one of these things. People of all genders tend to date the best option available within their own standards and preferences, however open or narrow those standards are.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-06-01T22:07:45+00:00

I have very high standards for a partner but none of them have anything to do with height, income, looks, or status.

TinyFlamingo2147 · 2026-06-01T22:08:43+00:00

You sure you don't just have no standards yourself?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-06-01T22:18:34+00:00

Based on the same proof/information you have:

Nah

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-02T00:15:03+00:00

When you're the gender that houses and births at great personal sacrifice and peril a child which is in the species born helpless and in need of great care for approximately the first 3 years of life....

Wanting someone who is capable of more than taking care of you, well-liked by the community, powerful, and capable of intimidation is self-care and love. I won't even bother to defend attractive, yeah, women want a guy they wanna fuck. Now that's hypergamy too? I'm beginning to think hypergamy is just a code word defensive men use for "everything I've determined to be above me".

It is about being aligned whether men like it or not. And whether men like it or not, if you make 50k, you've made certain choices which reveals certain things about your character. Same for if you make 200k. There is alignment to be found in your job and financial status. Stop with this nonsense.

Demasii · 2026-06-01T22:23:20+00:00

Source? Outside of PPD and pill content, I never seen the word hypergamy being used and much less these type of women getting defensive about it.

Typically women who state these things got burned in the past and just airing out their emotional state to the public to help heal. I think you are missing the point why they are communicating these things.

toasterchild · 2026-06-01T22:16:44+00:00

I think this might be a case of you get what you click on, I have never clicked on such content so never see it. It might look like it's all over to you because that is what you are being led to believe. They know you will engage more if they keep you agitated, happy people are less likely to doom scroll or make purchases.

Of course some women have crazy standards, of course if their voices are amplified it will look like it's everywhere but its not even amplification anymore its more often straight up bait.

MissMenace101 · 2026-06-01T22:31:14+00:00

Hypergamy is a word men use to accuse all women of because he can’t get a date and has zero reflection that it is probably his personality.

leosandlattes · 2026-06-01T22:38:21+00:00

“Not settling” also includes not settling for someone you do not find attractive, which can include physical and pragmatic traits too. I’d rather be single than date a man who is shorter than me. I would also rather be single than date a man who treats me poorly. Who tf is saying it’s just about deep emotional alignment?

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-06-01T23:21:00+00:00

So women aren’t allowed to have standards or preferences?

New-Concentrate935 · 2026-06-02T01:45:42+00:00

I an sorry man but you are not talking about average women her but a subset of women that is very vocal about it on social media. I've never heard the "buzz phrases" you talk about irl. You all keep pushing this idea that the Blue pill mentality is "just be good" but blue pill admits lookism just as much and the value of money the same.

Love has never been enough, Idk why y'all still believe this, I understand tho that most people, both men and women, are clearly virtue signaling everywhere on socials. You don't need to dig this hard, it's always been obvious.

Ignore the virtue signaling, you don't need conformation from women on their preferences, those are very much clear. Looks are the single most important thing there is and has always been like that.

Logical_Thinking_ · 2026-06-01T22:38:59+00:00

Instead of just owning it and saying, "I want a man who makes more money than me and has higher status, and taller" it gets wrapped up in this untouchable, moralistic language of "self-love."

This doesn't explain the whole of what women are looking for. I can't even find a male sugar baby to hire for this.

It's not enough to look good and have status, he has to treat you really well and make you feel good. He has to be willing to do what 50/50 guys with the rude podcasts won't.

Women are not men. Just existing in an attractive way is not sufficient.

waffleznstuff30 · 2026-06-02T01:14:01+00:00

It's not really hypergamy?

You want someone who meets your standards not just any man will do because they are a man? Like if you are selecting a partner you are looking for things like compatibility/attraction long term goals shared values. Why should you settle for someone less or someone who isn't what you are looking for? It's kinda unfair to both of you.

Do you not have standards or preferences?

KayRay1994 · 2026-06-02T03:14:44+00:00

Oh look, more “hypergamy means whatever I want it to mean” - preferring a slightly more expensive, perhaps richer beer is, in fact, hypergamy as well

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-06-01T22:21:09+00:00

I’ve never asked a man how much he makes. I don’t care. Have enough to pay your bills. Height 5’4” and up. I’m 5’6. I don’t care what your social standing is. What does that even mean. I want someone I’m attracted to. I have a lot of likes in the physical appearance department. I want someone who shows effort. I want someone I can talk with. And hang out with. That’s comfortable. Someone I feel safe with. Someone that has similar interests or can talk passionately about theirs and listen actively about mine. I want someone who thinks and shows me how sexy I am. I want someone who appreciates how sexy I think they are and likes how I show them. I want someone who likes my character. I want someone who shows me consideration.

SylvarGrl · 2026-06-01T22:41:39+00:00

Social media and dating apps are not the normal dating environment for anyone except the youngest generations (who are so resistant to the concept of going into the real world without filtering reality through a phone or headset that they often cannot function in the direct presence of people they don’t know). Constantly disregarding the advice of real people who are willing to share their lived experience for your edification and instead insisting that the paradigms espoused (pun intended) by people with a direct financial incentive to keep you feeling aggrieved and shortchanged is exhausting. Stop trying to find a formula. There isn’t one. Hypergamy is a direct consequence of patriarchy. Women would not need to seek financial security in their partners if they had bodily autonomy and equal career opportunities. If you want a world without strategic maneuvering for power, create one without power imbalances. Don’t just heap the blame on classes of persons who are as hobbled by disenfranchisement as you are, only in different arenas.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-06-01T23:03:22+00:00

I’m so confused. I thought that Hypergamy wasn’t about money, that it was only about getting Chad. Money is betabuxx. Women only date thugs and should choose better. But seriously, you can’t make someone want you who doesn’t want you. If they’re too superficial, move on.

Shrimptank_mom · 2026-06-02T00:14:55+00:00

It's not hypergamy unless she's shooting above her league. I don't think you know how utterly abysmal the market is these days. Most men are massive under-achievers. Women are surpassing them in many ways. No woman in her right mind dates down. They date across and up, and maybe slightly down.

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Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-06-01T23:48:39+00:00

Hypergamous (adjective) relates to or practices hypergamy—the act or practice of dating or marrying someone with a higher socioeconomic status, wealth, or social standing. It is commonly referred to as "marrying up".

Historical and Social Context:

Historically, because women often lacked legal property rights and financial opportunities, they relied on hypergamous unions to secure their economic survival and elevate their social standing. In some cultures, hypergamy was a strict traditional practice designed to ensure a woman only married into her own caste or a higher one.

Looking for a partner that is attractive, has roughly equivalent earnings / earnings potential (men earn an average of 14% more anyway), is taller (men are an average of 5” taller anyway).

Novadina · 2026-06-02T03:27:47+00:00

I didn’t settle, I waited for a man to meet my standards and who would treat me the way I deserve. That doesn’t mean I wanted someone “superior”, it means I wanted someone compatible. Everyone should have standards and be with someone who treats them right!

What I filtered for - of course attractiveness (which height is part of) - because why would I want to be with a man I am not attracted to?! Normal, and men do it too. Very few men want a woman they aren’t attracted to, that would be abnormal for any gender.

Career no, because I met my man in college and we didn’t have any careers yet. That’s also normal, I know tons of couples who met in college before anyone had a career. Even if I was - it wouldn’t be a “superior career”, more likely just in the same one as me, or someone the same sociopath-economic class. Normal, most people date someone similar like that. Also men are taller than women, that doesn’t make them superior to them, it’s literally just a trait difference between genders. So of course women are attracted to men taller, just like men are attracted to women shorter.

I don’t have any idea how to tell if someone is “higher status” than me.

Nothing you’ve said is about “women” - men also date people in the same sociopath economic class that they think are attracted to, and who have the dimorphic traits of the opposite gender.

plushtoytorture · 2026-06-02T07:16:19+00:00

OP. I see you in the comments, saying “I have to prove this?” Like it’s a fact. It is not by any means from just what I’ve seen of my friend’s who are in relationships. And as someone that does like tall dudes, grew up in a stable income household, ya. Height/looks and a good income are a factor. They’re not the only thing tho. Not by a lot shot. And personally, if I don’t have chemistry with a guy (or as I put it, I wanna met guys who give me butterflies the first few dates at least, someone who I check my phone just to see if they texted). And ya everyone tells me that’s super rare to find. I don’t care tho, to me “not settling” means that I want the person that gives me that specific feeling. They could be tall and conventionally attractive and make lots of money, but if I don’t get the butterfly feeling. They aren’t for me. And I think more women are just looking for that, and realizing it’s better to just be surrounded by your friends and have emotionally fulfilling relationships outside of romantic ones. Especially cause it wasn’t until the 70s that women could have credit cards, and being in a relationship has seemed like a requirement for a lot of women. They’re realizing they CAN live by themselves. No one is entitled to a relationship, men or women. And I want one, but only if it’s going to be genuinely fulfilling. Not one because I just… want another person. That’d be incredibly selfish. I find the whole idea of settling to be selfish honestly.

And frankly, I think it’s also a lot to do with representation in media. Most media IS that, tall insanely attractive guy with insanely hot girl. Men are subjected to the same media that drives women to EDs.

ouishi · 2026-06-02T14:20:44+00:00

Reading your headline, I had no idea if you were talking about men or women. Men also are looking for someone who meets their standards (age, BMI, body count, etc). Are they hypergamous too?

"I am the prize" is how EVEYONE should approach dating, men and women. You are a prize and deserve to not settle or be settled for.

BlackTransMaam2 · 2026-06-02T18:20:18+00:00

Is it hypergamy or just wordplay to avoid straight up saying "I want a rich guy". Similar to how men say they want a girl who is into fitness instead of saying no fatties.

ThatBitchA · 2026-06-02T00:37:38+00:00

securing the highest-value partner available.

Yes. As I should. Why should I pick a partner who doesn't provide value to my life????

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-06-01T22:57:40+00:00

It's important to distinguish hypergamy (whatever one's definition) and gender polarity, like height, etc.

I think one also needs to be careful about where the blame lies. The evolved female behavior that is behind hypergamy is also behind resistance to look at it squarely, to moralize it. Average women are never going to admit to doing or being something others around them consider 'bad'. They will obfuscate, manipulate, whatever they need to do. In the prime evolutionary period, this supposedly simple owning up to behavior got you beaten, ostracized by other women, and so on.

However, the female intellectual leadership can be expected to transcend this kind of evolutionary programming. It starts at the top here. If top women change the narrative then eventually average women can be more honest about things because the behavior will no longer be seen as bad.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-06-02T08:12:26+00:00

To me settling is simply if you don't feel it with that person but choose to give them a change for rational reasons or you don't want to be alone... And that's wrong. It's not about standards, it's about feelings.

Title	"meet my standards", "not settling", "treat me the way i deserve" ect. All of these buzz phrases at the core is just hypergamy,
Author	Low-Contact6500
Upvotes	48
Comments	261
Date	June 1, 2026 10:04 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tu7em0/meet_my_standards_not_settling_treat_me_the_way_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/meet-my-standards-not-settling-treat-me-the-way-i.1581856 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581856

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