The common idea that “if you weren’t such a misogynistic jerk, you’d have a girlfriend” doesn’t always match reality. There are plenty of examples of people who behave terribly, including abusers and serial cheaters, who still manage to attract new partners. Some people are drawn to individuals who are wealthy, attractive, confident, or socially successful, even when those traits come with major flaws.

Popular romance and erotica often reflect this pattern as well, frequently portraying dominant, attractive, high-status men who are flawed or even cruel, with the storyline focusing on the woman changing or redeeming them.

Both men and women can be influenced by superficial factors like appearance, confidence, and status. However, discussions about dating often treat these observations differently depending on who is being criticized. It’s commonly accepted that men may prioritize physical attraction, but similar claims about women’s preferences are often viewed as more controversial.