Friendly reminder: we don’t have an expiration date

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-04-16T13:31:13+00:00

I’m 40. My life is JUST starting to get good

licoricespicedtea · 2021-04-16T13:41:32+00:00

My LVX would always comment “wow she looks really good for 30/40/50!” when a normal looking woman was on tv or in the news. (I know a lot of times people on tv aren’t normal looking.) That’s just how you look if you take care of yourself!

I also said something about my parents going on a cute romantic weekend getaway and it came up that he didn’t think people over 40 had sex!? Because they just stop finding each other attractive because 40 is so old!? That was honestly the beginning of the end (though it should have been earlier). All I could think was “man, am I signing up for 15 more years of bad sex and then none at all?”

TB56 · 2021-04-16T13:43:33+00:00

I struggle a lot with accepting the fact that i am aging... at 24! Social programming is insidious.

2ndMrsDeWinter · 2021-04-16T13:27:03+00:00

THANK YOU!!! I hit 19 dating an abusive pedophile, so naturally the trauma of that meant adult life didn’t start til 25 - society’s emphasis on youth and young success stories (30 under 30) has made it hard to see how far I’ve come at 35.

Pistachio_Queen · 2021-04-16T15:28:56+00:00

I just turned 30, and I needed to hear this. I spend my teenage and early 20s in a drugged up, drunken stupor, and my late 20s was constant rehab, recovery meetings, therapy, and relapses. I'm just now getting my life together and actually enjoying it. I'm truly experiencing everything for the first time instead of through a foggy, high lens. I couldn't care less if I'm starting to look a bit older, I feel like a new person.

Anyone who says women 'hit the wall' at 30, or are in any way less valuable, are shithead idiots.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-16T14:09:44+00:00

I needed to hear this. It feels like I lost my youth to mental illness and failure. And only just now I’m beginning to live again... even though I still struggle a lot.

Acceptable-Respond54 · 2021-04-16T12:59:10+00:00

The opposite of getting older is dying. I always remind myself of that when my patriarchal programming tries to make me feel guilty for being over 25.

super_thinker_ · 2021-04-16T14:33:46+00:00

Thank you ❤️

I truly think these misconception stem from the fact that most teen movies are written by men going through quarter or mid life crises. These men are brainwashing all of us, teens and adults alike.

We need more teen movies written by actual teens so we can stop portraying high school in such an overly romanticized, sexualized, and unrealistic way.

cherryloaf · 2021-04-16T14:03:09+00:00

I didn't like my teenage years at all. I had horribly abusive parents and just a bad environment in general. I started to get it together and live a good life after I went to college later than when most people go, and I met some people from church who ended up being a much better family to me than my blood relatives were. I started to process my childhood trauma and find hobbies and passions that made life fulfilling instead of being a sulking, anxious mess with no sense of who I was. I also got a dog who I love very much. I'm an old hag by internet standards but my life is good now, and it wasn't good in my "prime years". Makes me wonder what my "prime years" really are, because I feel like it's now, and I feel like it's just going to get better from here.

Saitschik · 2021-04-16T13:29:48+00:00

Does anybody really believe life as a woman ends at 23? Besides pedophiles I mean but for them it probably ends earlier anyway.

People are strange, honestly. How can you really think something like that. Actually, for many it only starts around 23 when they finally begin to find themselves a little...

Extreme-Vermicelli · 2021-04-16T13:43:14+00:00

I didn't really start living until I was in my late 30s. In my 40s, life just gets better and better. Would I want to be back in my 20s brain? Hell no.

yolosunshine · 2021-04-16T13:05:46+00:00

[deleted]

frustratedanon123 · 2021-04-16T13:58:47+00:00

Tbh, I am so excited for my 30s. I'm turning 28 next week, closing on my first duplex ON MY BIRTHDAY, and literally every year of my life has become easier and easier after 25. I'm in amazing shape - I do yoga almost everyday and am training for a marathon in September. My career is finally where I want it to be - I love my job and I'm comfortable financially. I have an amazing little dog, a turtle and a hedgehog that bring me joy and I do foster care. I also finally love and respect myself enough to go after what I want in terms of both hobbies and companionship. After 25 has been WAY better than my early 20s. Don't be scared of aging ladies!

OrangeyPanda · 2021-04-16T14:08:09+00:00

If men say women should be blank then that's your cue to disregard what they're saying and embrace it.

Mcccy · 2021-04-16T14:55:03+00:00

Out of subject, but I'm convinced guys hate Tumbrl so much cause the UwU Sad girls they fetishised so much at 2013-16 grew up to be radfems that can see through their shIt and warn younger girls about guys.

I've never seen a guy who said they hate Tumbrl cause of its p0rn blogs or something, it's always "EviL feMinisT tuMbrl Gurlz"

VikingPug · 2021-04-16T15:07:31+00:00

I’m 43 and I look better and feel much more with it than I did at 23. The only difference is I can’t drink as much anymore, can’t do a hangover lol.

Let us age in peace, it’s natural, it’s biological.

The only expiration date is actual death.

Colour_riot · 2021-04-16T15:07:38+00:00

I used to struggle with it in my early twenties and now in my late twenties I don't give a shit

First of, I realised that you don't actually fall off a cliff. It's more of your lifestyle. Once I quit a horrid 100 hours / week job, everything looked so much better.

Secondly, the men who try to call you old will still try really hard to get into your pants. Young men, old men, middle aged men, whatever.

If they don't, yippie for less harassment lol.

thatoneladythere · 2021-04-16T14:23:32+00:00

I'm going back to school this summer and I'm 30. It's like I actually started to live my life when I got divorced a couple of years ago. I was so dumb in my 20s, I'm so happy to be getting older and better overall.

PizzaNo7741 · 2021-04-16T15:04:51+00:00

Ladies I am 32 and let me tell you -- THANK GOD!!! MMmmpph. I went off hormonal birth control in 2017 after being on it since 2009, and I can now ... feel my moods? instead of having my moods be hijacked by the burning hot feeling of lust or love or want or need or whatever it was pulling me along by the seat of my pants for the past 15 years. is that bc of going off of birth control or is it because im 32 and my body has 'settled in' to its monthly routines?

lawlessesq · 2021-04-16T15:26:03+00:00

I lost my teens and early-mid twenties to low self-esteem, self harm, and older men who used me for my body. It wasn't till I was 28 that I felt like my life was finally getting under control. Now that I'm in my early 30s, I truly feel like my life is taking off.

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-04-16T15:40:27+00:00

Men are the ones that start looking bad in their 40s cus they don’t take care of themselves. If you prioritize self care you will stay looking good for life. It’s about looking good for your age, at any age.

IgetUsernameScraps · 2021-04-16T16:24:45+00:00

I saw an “OMG I can’t believe she’s 30!!!” post yesterday. The pictures were of a beautiful woman, who obviously took care of her skin, knew how to put on flattering makeup, and had a nice dress on. Yes, she was beautiful, but I didn’t think she looked extraordinary in any way, and she certainly didn’t look like a teenager. It’s like people think women in their 30s immediately look frumpy or just “old” somehow. Couldn’t roll my eyes back far enough in my head when I saw that. 😒

lillylilacladybug · 2021-04-16T14:00:16+00:00

It’s easier to control younger women that’s why men target them. Also they have experience so they’ll be less able to see his low value efforts in their relationship.

AnniaT · 2021-04-16T16:42:34+00:00

My teenage years and early twenties were traumatizing and damaging, those were definitely not the best years of my life. And I rather be "hitting the wall" and heal from my trauma and finally live a better life free from it than still be in that headspace. Men idolize young women because they're easier to manipulate and do whatever these scrotes wants.

BungalowBootieBitch · 2021-04-16T14:34:04+00:00

It's so crazy we can feel like this when there are so many amazing women who are in their 30s we look up to. I know for me Jhene Aiko has been such an important influence in my life. Her album Chilombo was released when I was at my lowest mentally and emotionally. I couldn't even listen to Born Tired without sobbing (I spent months holding in my pain). She's such a powerful woman and she's in her 30s! I try not to fear getting older or compare myself to gen z. It's hard though. My best friend, who studies psychology, said that when you don't have a stable living environment, and aren't growing with people in your age range, you'll feel insecure (she said it way smarter though). I'm hoping to go to grad school in the Fall. A change in environment and education, I feel, is what I need.

Davina33 · 2021-04-16T17:56:32+00:00

I wouldn't trade all of the wisdom and knowledge I have at 36 for being in my early 20s again. I can only imagine just how much better I'll be at 46, 56 and beyond. Scrotes know it's difficult to get one over on women 30+ because of how much more knowledgeable we are, we've wised up to their games. They know this and that's why they try to make us feel insecure about ageing.

level_up_always · 2021-04-16T16:06:39+00:00

I spent my 20s trying to figure out what was wrong with me and spent all my time reading endless self help books, therapy, and support groups. Now I have self esteem but debt and no career (thanks sexwork!) so I feel I'm going to spend the next decade getting my finances in order. So in a way it's good and I'm so glad I never had kids with any of my exes but on the other hand the people that talk about their 30s being better because they finally have money is a bummer bc that isn't my situation.

Davina33 · 2021-04-16T17:52:16+00:00

I'm glad to get older. My grandmother died of a thyroid storm at 37. As hyperthyroidism sufferers, both my mother and I are/were paranoid of dying at the same age. I'm 36 and am glad I am lucky enough to get older, it's a privilege.

betsybasset · 2021-04-16T12:56:57+00:00

Every day every year every age is your best.

murdertoothbrush · 2021-04-16T16:54:22+00:00

As a 36 yo women who has been really struggling with getting older and seeing the first outward signs of aging, I appreciate this. I am not yogurt. I am not "best by" a certain date. I am still attractive and fun, even if its in a more mature sort of way. And the wisdom and life experience I've gained in the past decade or so has been invaluable. I also missed out on my early 20s due to a shitty relationship and then being a single mother. But I refuse to let a crappy attitude stand in my way of enjoying all the years yet to come.

Feminineprincess · 2021-04-16T18:56:53+00:00

Who tf said life ends at 23? Omg wtf, life just started and I’m 22

Van_Wolfing · 2021-04-16T17:02:07+00:00

This hits hard because there have been so many times when I’m thinking: “oh, I’m 22, in 3 years time I will be as old as my mum was when she had me”. Or oh all of my friends are like super successful and are investing successfully or are already at a high paying job.

Stuff like that and the moment I started giving credit where credit is due(even if it’s the small things). I started realising that I’m just beginning my adulthood and I will get somewhere in life if I keep being passionate about the things I do.

esoldelulu · 2021-04-16T17:40:24+00:00

This is so true ... It took me several years to recuperate from trauma and I still actively work on self-maintenance for the cPTSD. I would say I suffered chronic suicidal ideation into my late 20s. Living life numbly, serial monogamy into my mid-30s.

So my “bloom” happened mid-30s. And I do feel like I’m living my life now where I’m gathering experiences that I didn’t explore sooner in my “youth.” But had I experienced any of that stuff when I was younger, I don’t think I would have had the depth and awareness to be present and appreciate what I’m going through.

I’m in my 40s now. And it’s just a number honestly. I love that I still see different opportunities, experiences, paths arising in my life. I live letting life flow through me and open to an adventure. The pandemic slowed things down but I found a way to benefit from it by looking inward.

I’m now happily working towards my witchcraft/energy work, martial arts, yoga, and art. At the same time holding down the fort and being a boss professionally.

If you want to evolve to your next level, you need to be ready to let go of where you currently are. So don’t hold any dread in aging. I just look at that number as a potency attribute. Higher it is, the stronger it be.

spicyspa · 2021-04-16T18:53:42+00:00

I remember when the salutatorian at our high school commencement wistfully said at the end of her speech, "Just remember. These are the best days of our lives."

I wanted to strangle her, but I'm over it now. She was clueless.

There was a time I worried about my waning youth. I worried if men would be attracted to me, etc.

Then, it stopped mattering to me. I didn't let myself go or anything. I just started finally feeling comfortable in my own skin and started valuing other things. It wasn't deliberate, , it just happened.

If there's one piece of advice I'd give to young women is only care enough about what people think of you to not lose people who treat you well and you value and not to lose your job.

2021-04-16T22:09:33+00:00

People who idealize a time in their life when they could be legally controlled by the adults in their lives and were basically at the mercy of every adult who came along either had the privilege of having a real good time growing up or have let society gaslight them into believing a lie.

Why would you want your childhood/teens/early adult years to be the best years of your life? Because that is what you are doing when you truly believe they were. Go out and have some fun. Create some more memories. Go do the thing you've been wanting to do but think you're "too old" for.

I don't believe that youth can be wasted because I view life as one long line, not a chopped up piece of compartmentalized spaghetti labeled Young/Old. I am not going to spend my life journey comparing myself to others who did not experience it and do not have to deal with the consequences and limitations of the environment I was raised in.

I believe this mindset will keep me healthy and vibrant well into old age because I do not believe that I am losing anything by aging. I do not believe that I am going to become "old and broken down" at any point because I refuse to treat myself like I will or my body like it will. I have been slowing clawing my way out of my childhood and gaining more knowledge as I age and as time passes. Your face and body may change as you age but I do not believe beauty fades. The only thing that fades in that respect is the amount of pedophilic or predatory males who target you, and quite frankly I won't be disappointed to see them go. Although after seeing the experiences of the older women I've known, I find it very difficult to believe that those men truly ever fuck off.

To be fair, I was raised in an unconventional way and lack a large amount of the social conditioning that most women experience. I believe my opinion on this is valid because I have not been heavily influenced by society in this way and have formed my opinions based on what I have observed about the older people I have known (both happy and unhappy.)

This topic always sends me off on a rant because I don't believe in ageism. I don't believe value decreases with age. I think ageism is stupid and I reject stupid ideas. Older people are shamed and treated worse solely because of their age and I think this is a major problem.

kikii07 · 2021-04-16T19:27:06+00:00

I don't know how many times I stressed myself over thus age thing and thought I'd end my life if I'm not accomplished by 30. I'm dealing with very bad mental health issues that made me postpone my education for 2 years, fighting my demons yet you have men saying women are riding the carousel while many women, so many women are dealing with horrible demons such as depression and being suicidal. I freaking hate society praising youth as the utmost thing in the world

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-04-16T14:57:57+00:00

I was in long term shitty emotionally abusive relationships from ages 17 to 24 and I refuse to believe those were the best years of my life

stripesonthecouch · 2021-04-16T17:42:47+00:00

At 31 I’m just finally fully being stable, being myself, recovering from so much shit in a real way. I know I still have growth but that is part of the journey. For the first time I know I have years to look forward to. It’s amazing for me to say that even.

WittyImprovement · 2021-04-16T15:51:58+00:00

I lost my teenage/high school years to strict parents. I've lost my college years to a difficult degree. I hope it gets better after I graduate

cici_sweetheart · 2021-04-16T19:41:20+00:00

I’m 30 I feel like I lost my 20s and I’m finally living I love being 30

HlGHFIVE · 2021-04-16T20:18:37+00:00

Getting older used to terrify me. It still does, but fds has helped me heal so much from this. It helped me worry less about our sick society's opinion of me and more about how I can make myself happy in life.

theoho · 2021-04-16T23:29:28+00:00

As someone going on 23, I never understood why I should lament growing up to be 40. Why should I mourn a natural process? Why should I mourn learning and developing over the years? I scoff at the mentality I had at 17-18 and chide my 21 year old self. I like aging. (Not the diseases but the experience) sue me.

Davina33 · 2021-04-17T01:36:44+00:00

I really needed to see this message, thank you for posting it 🙏

I've been having a lot of anxiety since I'll be turning 30 this year. I had a very abusive childhood which led to dysfunctional teenage years, and feeling completely lost throughout most of my 20s. I've spent the past 4 years working on transforming my life for the better. I moved far away from my dysfunctional family to a new city, I earned my BA, I got a great job with a great salary, and I started working on developing self-love. Despite my accomplishments over the past few years, I've been struggling with depression because I feel like I missed out on my youth, and it feels unfair because it was not my fault that I had a terrible upbringing and had to play catch-up. This all probably sounds dumb because 29 is not old to many people. However, it has still been very upsetting. So, thanks again for the post.

ms_monquis · 2021-04-16T23:36:31+00:00

This is in part the legacy of marketing.

A few decades ago, companies realized that if you can snag the youts into brand loyalty, you were golden.

So if nothing else, think of if that way: Just another way we are being sold to.

wordy_fries · 2021-04-16T16:41:05+00:00

I'm going to admit that I used to have fears similar to this. When I was 18, I thought my time was running out already and that I'd look worse every year after that. Made me very depressed. The opposite actually happened... I look better every year 😂 Who knew patriarchy gaslight us so much, huh 🤔

2021-04-16T14:15:41+00:00

[removed]

Title	Friendly reminder: we don’t have an expiration date
Author	Acceptable-Respond54
Upvotes	3757
Comments	113
Date	April 16, 2021 12:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ms2d8v/friendly_reminder_we_dont_have_an_expiration_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/friendly-reminder-we-dont-have-an-expiration-date.763223 https://theredarchive.com/post/763223

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