Every “girls should make the first move!!” Post in a nutshell 🌰 🥜

BlueJeanMistress · 2021-04-28T10:37:51+00:00

Reminds of the scene in the show “Friends” when Phoebe tells Rachel that she should ask out the guy she’s crushing on. Joey agrees she should ask the guy out and says it’s a turn on.

Rachel then says “won’t that seems desperate?” To which Joey replies “that’s the turn on”

I’ve literally talked to men who admit if a girl asks them out they’ll go out with her despite not even liking her in the first place. But they figure they can get a cheap and easy hookup out of it since they already know she’s interested.

Don’t do it ladies.

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-04-28T02:48:49+00:00

Approaching a male first back in my pickme days has never worked out. If they think someone as great as yourself will go after them, then they just expect someone better to do the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lucidlotus · 2021-04-28T02:56:13+00:00

It's also a good way to become a forever girlfriend because the man wasn't into you enough to ask you out himself and won't be 100% committed. Seen it more than once.

spicyspa · 2021-04-28T02:55:33+00:00

You're just puffing up his already inflated egos so they'll feel confident enough to ask the woman of their dreams out on a proper date. That woman will not be you.

CuntWaffe · 2021-04-28T03:02:40+00:00

I am guilty of approaching a few men first, until it one day hit me that I am just embarrassing myself for no reason. Men may like it for the ego boost and being lazy/avoiding rejection, but men love The Hunt. If they really want someone, they go for them.

Gerudo_Goddess · 2021-04-28T04:00:44+00:00

I completely fell for this rhetoric back in my pickme days. I’d been convinced by men that asking men out was a great idea. I ended up doing it once and the guy I asked out rejected me and treated me like dirt after that. Men have absolutely no respect for women that approach them and it shows.

Never again. I firmly believe now that it’s completely on men to make the first move. As the saying goes, if he wanted to, he would.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-04-28T03:47:52+00:00

It inflates their ego, and then they have a fleeting sense of confidence that they will use to hit on a woman out if their league, if successful they will pump and dump/ treat badly because of built up resentment towards women out if their league. The lie about it being such a "tUrN On" is purely sold to women who have lower self esteem because they are easy target, its literally like an eco system of lvm upping their body count. a toxic eco system.

Men need to make the first move, only after non verbal/ body language from women has been established that it is welcomed.

PeaceImpersonified · 2021-04-28T03:51:59+00:00

Yeah, given my forward personality. I always felt the need to go after what I wanted. With men, it'd be better to poke out your eye, it's a safer route

Literally, had one laugh with my bro cause he left me crying. Dodged a bullet there, as despite being so young, he was already spitting bullshit nonstop and compulsively lying

Had another try to push my physical boundaries and finally the last blatantly insulted me

It taught me to NEVER chase a man or love him more than he loves you, otherwise, you become cheap and expendable and he'll remain NV and useless to you for the rest of his days😒

On the bright side, we're all improving so there ☺️

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-04-28T05:14:17+00:00

This advice only benefits men. It’s easier for them to get laid if he already knows she’s interested.

tiavarga · 2021-04-28T07:28:50+00:00

Men will have sex with anything and not care. If you ask him out, he knows he can (and he will) use you for sex while he asks out the girl he really wants.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-28T08:22:36+00:00

Every once in a while you can see a proud pick me posting on the dating subs:

"Guys! I did it! I finally asked my crush out! Of course he rejected me, because he had a girlfriend lol, but I'm so proud of myself for finally bravely putting myself out there! More girls should ask guys out! " 🤡

The armies of gleeful reddit scrotes and pickmes praise her bravery to the Gods. "This is the way."

I cringe so hard I get a headache...

nahradfam · 2021-04-28T08:20:44+00:00

I used to pride myself on being forthright. I asked out four men in the space of six months and here's how each went:

After meeting through a hobby and getting on, asked if he fancied meeting that weekend. He said no, he was busy. Never suggested an alternative date. Every single time I've seen him since he's asked why we never worked out.
Met though OLD, and old friend from my teenage years. Asked if he fancied getting a drink, he said no he was busy. Never suggested an alternative date.
Met through OLD, spoke for a month. Got tired of waiting for him to ask to meet so I did. He agreed but never put any effort into planning anything or confiming anything beyond a day. Decided I wasn't going to put the effort in if he wasn't. Day of date goes by with neither of us contacting the other. He unmatched the next day.
Met though OLD, spoke for two weeks, got tired of waiting for him to ask to meet so I did. We met for a walk and coffee, he was a hot mess of a human being. I blocked.

These guys all put the effort into daily contact but no actual date, even on platforms where the purpose is to date. Then asking them out scares them off. They're just looking to keep you as an option in their back pocket. You're supposed to wait around to be picked not take charge. When you take charge they don't like it.

The true answer is not to ask them out but not to wait around either. If I guy wants to ask you out, he will, and quickly.

fogplum · 2021-04-28T12:53:07+00:00

Also, why would I make a move on someone I'm not interested in? I'm never interested in someone who hasn't already respectfully demonstrated interest in me. It just doesn't occur to me, and I think hvw generally operate this way.

flannel_cure · 2021-04-28T04:53:52+00:00

If he can't even put in the effort to make the first move, he clearly isn't that interested and won't put any effort into a relationship either.

overachiever856 · 2021-04-28T04:37:35+00:00

I'm ashamed to say I've always been the pursuer. Pathetic.

Let them chase, or I'll be forever alone (sounds amazing to me!) haha

RecordingImportant94 · 2021-04-28T07:57:36+00:00

I cringe when I think about how I’ve pursued men in the past. I’m a confident, friendly person so it seemed natural to go after what I wanted, that’s what we are encouraged to do in most aspects of life but it doesn’t usually turn out well with men. My exes who were the most persistent in pursuing me turned out to be abusive though. I’m not planning on dating for a long while so I can continue to work on myself, but at least I will hopefully go into it knowing how to avoid lovebombing and knowing that pursuing men is only going to end in humiliation for me.

Sewud · 2021-04-28T11:23:27+00:00

Men approach dating without emotion. They don't accept the first offer they get, they calculate in their head what's the best they think they deserve and only go for that. It's the same way when they apply for jobs.

gingerandlime · 2021-04-28T12:25:39+00:00

Although the times I’ve asked someone out have resulted in dating them, they’ve also resulted in him being somehow... mysteriously... “not in a good place in his life to be dating”. Despite choosing to date me.

I wouldn’t have a problem with a society in which that initiative-taking was more equal, but as it is... not doing the initial asking out anymore.

engineergorl · 2021-04-28T06:52:58+00:00

And anyone who points out that women should not make the first move gets downvoted.

Meredeen · 2021-04-28T05:30:08+00:00

Both times I tried this with different men it ended up with him and his boys looking at me like a crazy person/getting creeped out? And I am very pretty. This happen to anyone else?

You just can't win, so don't play their game 🤷

lonelyengineer123 · 2021-04-28T06:10:44+00:00

women making the first move does nothing but inflate the man’s ego, to the point that he thinks he’s capable of attracting a woman who is way out of his league, so then he embarrasses and rejects the pick-me who asked him out in the first place. Men love this because it makes them feel better about themselves and makes them think they’re worth more than they are.

LiquidSapphire · 2021-04-28T12:57:41+00:00

I never ever ask out men because there are only two possible outcomes; none of which are good for me.

1) he's just not that into me. If I've waited around long enough to wonder why he's not asking me out to the point that I've been thinking I should do it, he just isn't motivated enough to ask me out. They know they're supposed to do the asking. They. KNOW. They also know they cant expect you to do it, so if they don't ask they don't get you. They did the math, and didn't ask you. You weren't worth it to them, if they didn't ask you. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone not into me. They'll say yes if you ask them most of the time, because they're flattered, but you're going nowhere fast. This man will never put in any effort for you. Ever.

2) low self esteem. Thinks I'd say no. This man will accept your invite too. If you think that, there's probably a good reason I shouldn't be dating you. Either I'm out of your league, or you're depressed. Neither one something I want.

3) it devalues you. Men don't appreciate anything they didn't work for. This goes double for women. The end.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-04-28T08:05:10+00:00

The shortest relationships I've had were where I asked the guy. The longest relationships I've had is where he was pursuing me. These relationships were still not high value, but heaps better than my shortest relationships.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-28T15:32:56+00:00

This whole "it takes a lot of guts to make the first move and I need to emotionally masturbated by you each time I muster up the skills to be barely act like an adult" idea needs to die in LVM hell already.

HVP are not insecure, can confidently take risks, and don't need to be complimented for achieving a basic level of skill.

driftinglochawe · 2021-04-28T08:05:49+00:00

Madness is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different outcome and what have I done over and over? Yup, I thought I was being a bona fide liberal feminist by being the pursuer muddled and dismayed by the low standard of men who on occasion would attempt to pursue me that I had no interest in.

Bloody hell, I was doing this up until 8 months ago mere weeks till I found FDS. A close friend entered into a long term relationship which came with a social circle expansion and I attempted and inevitably failed with one of her new partner's best friends. The cringe was palpable. Focussing on my career and levelling myself up has been a tonic to this thankfully!

pomfrida · 2021-04-28T11:39:55+00:00

We should all learn from the animal kingdom. It’s always the male who has to prove himself to the female. Always

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-04-28T14:47:17+00:00

If it's so attractive why didn't he date her? Clearly it doesn't work. And who ever listens to this scrote will end up like that girl, humiliated and talked about online.

med10crity · 2021-04-28T18:29:20+00:00

I was pretty forthright about making the first move on OLD, but it was more like "Hi, engage in a conversation with me so I can weed out the boring creeps from the ones I might actually be interested in :)". Cause I see OLD as more like screening applicants for a job... profile being the resumé, first interview over text, then second on a video call, etc. until there's an applicant that seems worth my time.

In person, though? Terrible idea. From experience, it doesn't work. I think it follows FDS's stance on crushes... don't get too invested until he's proven he's worth it. Asking him out definitely sends the immediate message that you're invested, and he won't try as hard right off the bat.

2021-04-28T05:03:51+00:00

Hahaha!! Yup

Lazy-Tax3986 · 2021-04-29T07:47:21+00:00

I've usually been the one to initiate first, and it always ended up being a "he's just not that into you" dating situation. Never again! Men date women they're not interested in, simply because she's putting in the work - they just coast through the process. Never again.

bamboohobobundles · 2021-04-28T13:32:06+00:00

Ugh. I had strongly considered proposing to my (ex) boyfriend of NINE YEARS, and holy hell am I ever glad I didn't. I have no idea what I was thinking. It's like a switch flipped in my brain sometime within the past six months to make me suddenly realize just how unacceptable the situation was.

lightcobaltblue · 2021-04-28T05:36:17+00:00

Haha, true!

Watzoo · 2021-04-28T14:24:08+00:00

Omg, this. I stumbled across FDS because I was trying to find decent dating advice for girls for someone I know who’s all over Reddit (I know, I know...) and it’s pretty much all what this post describes.

Or worse, the guy goes out with her and is a totally trash partner.

Then I found the FDS handbook and was all, “omg, some stuff that won’t destroy her life or derail her energy and health in the pursuit of male affection!!! How does this even exist on the INTERNET?!?!?! Is this even legal in 2021?!” 🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻❤️

Notspecificc · 2021-04-28T11:48:18+00:00

This reminds me of that post from like a month ago where that pick me asked out her “reserved” coworker. Lol

Hikari3747 · 2021-04-28T13:00:31+00:00

Please I asked a bunch of men out and they straight up got Intimidated by the fact a women asked them out. They would show insterest and take forever to ask me out so I do it for them and poof man is gone.

Every guy friend I know alway tell me never ask men out or do anything that can be seen as chasing.

My thoughts are, if he doesn't have the balls to ask you out, he not worth your time or isn't insterested. Men make it known if they like you.

mscristalconnors · 2021-04-28T23:00:07+00:00

I wrote a little love note for a crush when I was a junior in HS. He ripped it and threw it in the garbage. Never approached men again.

The more I ignore them/act like they don’t exist, the harder I’m pursued.

radsera99 · 2021-04-28T14:58:19+00:00

Men literally think women that make the first moves are slurs. So why would we. Plus they’re more likely to reject us in humiliating ways. Makes me laugh when they talk about us rejecting them and hurting their feelings. No one asked u to talk to us.

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-05-03T03:07:34+00:00

The way I've become radicalized by this sub has me feeling things. I WISH I KNEW ALL OF THIS EARLIER

lemonhead2709 · 2021-04-28T11:53:20+00:00

OMG what’s going on , they really really want to make -5 efforts! not even cover the basics! So fucking entitled dumb shits

2021-04-28T10:37:00+00:00

[removed]

mintmint33 · 2021-04-28T18:43:28+00:00

They're not that interesting

AutoModerator · 2021-08-24T09:19:18+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Every “girls should make the first move!!” Post in a nutshell 🌰 🥜
Author	AcadiaLeather5071
Upvotes	1110
Comments	84
Date	April 28, 2021 2:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n053r1/every_girls_should_make_the_first_move_post_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/every-girls-should-make-the-first-move-post-in-a.777048 https://theredarchive.com/post/777048

Comments