High Value Dates Only

coloneldjmustard · 2021-04-28T01:59:18+00:00

OBSERVING TABLE MANNERS IS ESSENTIAL

I dated this guy for a bit who claimed he’s OBSESSED with “authentic” sushi, is a “sushi snob,” and was going to open up my eyes to THE BEST sushi place in town. We meet up at the pier. He brings stuff for a romantic picnic and we walk over to the restaurant to get the sushi to go. I’m expecting something grandiose and he ends up ordering some of the most generic rolls. But that’s not all....

We get back to our picnic spot lay out the food and begin to eat. He immediately starts dousing most of the sushi in soy sauce without asking me. I stop him before he ruins everything. I then notice him struggling with the chopsticks. He says “shoot I forgot to ask for a fork.” I’m thinking what sushi snob doesn’t know how to use chopsticks? I hold in my chuckle and say “let me teach you! My siblings and I learned with Chinese takeout when we were like 8 years old.” He then INSISTS on not learning saying “meh, why bother I’ve not known for this long and have been okay in life. I might as well spare myself the effort.” He proceeds to eat it with his hands.

And that was our last date. It’s one thing to play yourself up as an expert and not be one. And In my culture, we eat our dishes with our hands all the time so it wasn’t necessarily even that. It was the lack of etiquette here that rubbed me the wrong way. You don’t add tons of condiments to shared food without asking someone’s preference first. And then the way he flat out refused to accept education. Rather than learn to use chopsticks he’d prefer to just be willfully ignorant to the point of grabbing our shared food with his hands on our “romantic picnic date.” Huge turn off. I can’t imagine how pissed I would’ve been if I discovered these qualities in him after 4 months instead of 4weeks.

Aromatic-Owl8808 · 2021-04-27T23:53:15+00:00

Except he shouldn't be picking you up. Don't trust a strange man to drive you anywhere.

He also doesn't need to know where you live.

kycake · 2021-04-28T06:24:48+00:00

one thing i’d add is, do not let him pick u up. it’s not safe to let a male know where u live if u don’t know him well. especially if u live alone. another thing, don’t ever tell males you’re taking to/getting to know that u live alone. never understood how telling a stranger your address and then getting into a car with him is considered a good idea. it is a red flag if he doesn’t offer to pick u up, however it’s best to just drive yourself there so you’re totally comfortable on the way there and home, and in case the date goes bad or u just don’t vibe with him u won’t have to worry about him knowing your address.

aenema46n2 · 2021-04-28T07:09:16+00:00

Dinner dates can be so telling. I remember years ago I was on a first date at a restaurant in my neighborhood for dinner. Things were going well up until the waiter came to take our order. First off my douchebag date orders first (no ladies first with this prick), then tries to order my dinner (which was something he picked WTF). I took over and ordered what I wanted. A few moments later the waiter came back to let my date know they were out of the cut of meat he ordered. The waiter apologized and proceeded to offer suggestions. What did my date do? Literally threw a man tantrum, became irate and completely rude. I was so embarrassed, turned off and wanted to leave at that point. I kept telling myself 'after' dinner. Apparently I thought I'd be too 'rude' if I just left LOL. Fast forward to after I finished dinner, I excused myself to the ladies room. When I open the door to come out of the restroom, there he is waiting right at the door. Literally right when I opened the door, I actually jumped because he startled me. I asked what he was doing because they had a mens restroom too. He gives me a creepy chuckle and says, 'I was worried you'd leave out the bathroom window'...um talk about creepy?! Long story short never saw or talked to him ever again. Now that I'm older and wiser, I wouldn't subject myself to 'staying' in a situation like that again.

randomgirlimok · 2021-04-28T01:17:02+00:00

The girl in the video read the handbook. I thought everyone on this sub was fat and ugly?

electroloop · 2021-04-27T23:54:54+00:00

Also a good observation or thing to study is how your date treats the waitstaff. Does he treat them with dignity and respect? Or does he talk down to them like they’re less respected human beings.

That’s a clear indication of how he will treat you in the relationship. It’s also a sign of covert narcissism and helps enormously in the vetting process.

nonchalance77 · 2021-04-28T10:39:09+00:00

I bet she got blasted in the comments. Sad that happens to women who speak truth of how men should treat a lady.

warinmymind94 · 2021-04-28T05:35:03+00:00

Always DRIVE YOURSELF/ have your own reliable means of transportation. You don't want him knowing where you live. You don't want to trapped in a car with a man you don't know. You don't know what he will do to you or where he would take you or even if he is a safe driver. Having your own means of transportation has another advantage of being able to leave whenever you want, asap. You won't have to be at his mercy or wait for an uber or a ride. If things get weird or for any reason you feel uncomfortable seriously get up and leave. You can say you have to step out for an important call or say you are using the restroom. Speed out of there and if you need to pull up the GPS just get out of there and find somewhere else far enough from the restaurant to pull up the gps or make a phone call. Always have an exit plan! I do not recommend drinking on dates because it makes it easier for him to get in your pants and prevents you from dipping asap.

FDS-GFY · 2021-04-28T02:17:57+00:00

And if you can, find out how much he tips

True story: I once got a job this way. The CEO took me out for lunch with rest of exec staff as part of the interview process. (Very typical in my line of work.)

Nothing fancy, good local place.

When the bill comes, the (male) CEO asked me how much I would tip and why.

My standard answer is that tipping starts at 20% unless something is very wrong. My sister was a waitress. The extra percentage points mean a lot to a server and nothing to me, especially if the company is paying the tab. If I can’t afford the tip I choose a plave where I can.

They gave me the job on the spot. Out of a dozen exec candidates I was the only one who gave them the answer they wanted. And they were great guys to work with, too.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-28T02:23:34+00:00

When women are like this ☝🏻 men can’t reach us.

UsualSouthern2168 · 2021-04-27T23:52:41+00:00

I was going to a legitimate restaurant with this LVM (this was a few years ago) and he recommended Chipotle instead. By that point I knew I wouldn't talk to him again after. He paid for my chipotle SO PROUDLY like "I got it, I got it" lmfao.

Bye.

But yeah also he shouldn't be picking you up meet him there lol

k_sugarplum · 2021-04-28T11:11:09+00:00

Table manners are so important. I recall 2 men I've gone out on dinner dates with that had really bad table habits. One of them held the spoon like a shovel (literally!) while the other one ate most of our shared pizza (so considerate!). Not to mention that they were both super cheap and when the waiter asked whether we would like to have some wine or some other drink, they immediately responded "just water".

thanarealnobody · 2021-04-28T18:08:20+00:00

The men in their early 30s asking me to go out for a walk with them really show how little they are gonna value my time. Plus if this is his attempt to impress you, then it’s only gonna get worse from here.

endorphins_ · 2021-04-28T05:36:49+00:00

What’s a HVM date when restaurants are closed in your area?

Aocwannabe · 2021-04-28T01:04:35+00:00

I drop a vague pin near where I live. (I live in a densely populated city with nightmare traffic.) It is up to him to pick a restaurant within a 15 minute radius including traffic and parking. He should take care of parking.

This works because: 1. if they flake I don’t feel put out and can enjoy a new restaurant near me. 2. I don’t get stressed out driving and getting frustrated in traffic so I’m nice and relaxed for the date. (Men should take pride in helping reduce your stress level.) 3. As ladies, we shouldn’t be going into our wallets. This includes gas money, travel time, wear and tear on our car and parking.

If he is running late (happens to the best of us), you can still cut the date short and get home time for your beauty sleep without having to complete cancel.
If he doesn’t look like his profile or is rude/ vulgar in any way, you won’t be as upset getting up and leaving because home is close by vs having to do a mini commute for a bad experience.

I’ve only ever had 1 man push back against this so I blocked and deleted.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-04-28T04:04:48+00:00

Am I the only one who would be stressed having dinner on a date? I grew up in a household where table manners weren't really taught and we mostly just scarfed our food down as quickly as possible. I'm working on it now but I still get SO self conscious eating in public sometimes. I feel like in this situation the guy would be evaluating ME as I hunch over my plate and make a mess lol. I wouldn't even be able to focus on him at all!

Edit: I do understand the message behind this though. I'm just not really comfortable with eating a full meal on a first date.

laffytaggy · 2021-04-28T02:06:02+00:00

Lol a 40+ year old man I matched with turned our convo to “his love for coffee”. Then he asked what my fave coffee shop and then asked if I have gone to any in this nearby town. Goodness, it was pathetic. I unmatched before he could even ask me to a coffee date.

Connect_Chipmunk_691 · 2021-04-28T23:50:40+00:00

I have mixed feelings about this as a first date kind of thing. Is this implying that there's already been some sort of connection and communication established? I guess in my mind a dinner date implies more investment not just financially but emotionally as well. I feel like with coffee it's casual and if you can't stand the guy it's an easier thing to leave from then a dinner that could potentially take up to 2 hours.

I am all on board about the not settling for cheap dates though! It's been a while since I've dated so depending on the situation the coffee thing feels like an ice breaker kind of date for me. But that's not something I would want to continue especially if some guy just wants to be cheap.

That being said I did go on my first date in like 15 years about one and a half years ago. I was already familiar with this guy so I felt comfortable with him asking me to dinner and he asked properly too! He was a perfect gentleman and the whole evening was lovely! We met at a cafe first for some tea and coffee and then went for dinner at Kobe steakhouse followed by a movie. When we were at the restaurant he took my coat for me, pulled out my chair for me and told me to order whatever I wanted and not to worry about it, and when I had to go to the bathroom he got up and found somebody to ask where it was and directed me there. He carried my leftovers for me to my car before we went into the movie and he covered everything for that too with no problem! Same for the cafe!

I was just getting ready to start trauma therapy and I didn't feel a romantic connection with him so I had to nip that in the bud. He was extremely gracious and understanding about it! And even though it didn't turn into a relationship it was still nice to have that experience! 🙂

loftycries · 2021-04-28T11:23:55+00:00

I follow her on Instagram (love her videos!) and was laughing at some of the comments on this. The “a walk date is cute, get over yourself” women and the “you’re high maintenance/enjoy being single” men - they really do tell on themselves, don’t they 😂 she’s not high maintenance honey, you’re just low effort 😘 die mad scrote

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-04-28T02:31:36+00:00

I liked this until I checked out her instagram. She gives off off vibes and stuck in high school regina george mentality. as in refers to herself as regina george

badbadnotbueno · 2021-04-28T04:10:37+00:00

YES!!!! A million times YES!!

zazaleaz · 2021-04-28T12:45:05+00:00

This whole concept of insisting on dinner is very interesting to me. I haven't dated since oh... 2005 or something? I've been in an LTR since then (which needs to end soon, I realize, just haven't quite worked up the nerve yet). Anyway back when I was dating, I went on some god awful dinner dates and I swore off them, preferring drinks instead- reason being, if the guy was awful it was much shorter time commitment than dinner. I definitely do get the point of this rule, just can't help remembering that one date that was so bad I excused myself to go to the bathroom and left altogether. So yeah definitely drive yourself!

randowordgenerator · 2021-04-28T14:42:06+00:00

edited for clarity: her lips are uncanny valley and I can't take my eyes off them.

Sister_cat · 2021-05-15T20:01:12+00:00

I saw this on TikTok and she actually got so much hate for it 💀absolutely ridiculous

Title	High Value Dates Only
Author	Snoo7140
Upvotes	1440
Comments	109
Date	April 27, 2021 11:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n017rx/high_value_dates_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/high-value-dates-only.760654 https://theredarchive.com/post/760654

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