Imagine a woman who is genuinely asexual.

Not low libido or traumatized. She simply does not feel attraction to male bodies.

Shirtless men do nothing for her. Male nudes are boring or even disgusting. Porn centered around men does not interest her. She does not look at men with physical hunger or fascination.

And yet she still dates men. Why?

Because she still enjoys romance, validation, emotional closeness, attention, even the physical act of sex itself. She likes being desired as a woman. That feeling excites her far more than the male body itself ever could.

To her, the man is not really the object of desire. He simply affirms her desirability and femininity, which are the real triggers of arousal for her.

So outwardly, she looks heterosexual. She talks about “hot guys” to fit in with her friends, gushes over fictional men, marries men, sleeps with men, builds her whole life around men. She even reads romantic novels about vampire billionaires because imagining herself being desired by them is so affirming.

And she is not necessarily faking any of this. She genuinely enjoys the performance of heterosexuality. With time she might even forget she isnt actually heterosexual, because it just isn't relevant to her experience.

But underneath it all, one thing never appears: actual lust for men themselves.

So here is the uncomfortable question: If this woman dates men, sleeps with men, marries men, enjoys romance with men, but never truly desires male bodies in the first place, how exactly would you tell her apart from the average heterosexual woman?

I propose you would find out that you wouldn't: Perhaps, because I just described the average heterosexual-identified woman.