Everything I've learned from my online dating experience. Maybe this can help you too:

BiffTannenCA · 2024-10-06T08:37:25+00:00

Most of what you've written is not relevant to most guys' online dating experience, since they're being swiped left on by women who aren't even as good looking as they are from the get-go.

The problem with online dating is the aesthetic +3/-3 rules. I.e. a guy who is a 7/10 in real life is turned into a 4/10 and a woman who is a 7/10 in real life is effectively turned into a 10/10.

Tinder = fat women turning down men too hot for them, basically.

OldThrwy · 2024-10-06T15:53:19+00:00

Number 2 is huge. Even if it’s for a good reason like “I moved in with my parents after they got ill to take of them” women will empathize with that and tell it’s understandable, but it’s an immediate ick for them. Even if they’re in the same situation like you said.

Number 3 you are right saying you can augment how you look. I would go even further to say beauty is an illusion. Women understand that and use it to their full advantage, men should too.

Number 6 I used to have trouble when women would say “I want to take it slow”. they don’t mean slow, they mean not super fast; not dates 1-2, but they’ll be ready by 3-4. And although they directly say when they want to put on the breaks, they don’t directly say when they want you to put on the gas. The man has to guess that. And if you miss that window it’s closed pretty much forever.

Number 7 is my biggest fear on the apps, running into one of those people who is hung up on her ex and brings all the animosity she has for him and their abusive relationship to me. That happened to me last year and I’m still avoiding dating on the apps because I feel like there’s a ton of those women on there.

EntertainerFlat7465 · 2024-10-06T07:44:18+00:00

Only looks matter thats what I learned from experience and observing others.

StruggleMuffin75 · 2024-10-05T22:18:20+00:00

Point 2 is so spot on, lol.

Disaster struck, both my sets of grand parents needed medical help, my mother suddenly got some serious medial issues and they all live relatively close to one another.

So I had to stop renting, go back home and give up the €92,000 I'd been saving up for a house to pay for their care, instalation of equipment and medical private medical costs. Realistically, I can't leave for a long, long time, because I'm STILL going to be paying for so much stuff.

Now I'm flat broke, 32 and living with my mother again.

And I'm actively looked down on for it. It's such a surreal feeling to know that taking care of my family, even to tremendous personal cost, is a negative.

Where as if I'd told them to fuck off and let them all die, it would be a positive.

I've likely given up my life to save my family, and it's an ick. Lol.

It's weird to think that if I hadn't done that, I'd be a BETTER romantic partner.

Now I'm 32, at home, I have less than three hundred in my account. Admittedly, it's as a result of doing something incredibly painful and self sacrificial for people I cared about. But my worth as a person is the same as if I'd spend the last 32 years laying around, living off my parents money, never working and bumming around. I'm an absolute zero.

No bonus points for nobility, character or loyalty. Nothing. They are non factors. No other considerations. Just dead zero.

I'm nothing, because I don't have a home or money. I'm worthless in a romantic sense.

purplish_possum · 2024-10-06T17:22:00+00:00

Most of this stuff only matters if you pass the looks threshold.

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2024-10-06T18:10:36+00:00

You can summarize this entire post into "looks matter the most". Good looking dudes do none of this.

ThulsaDoomer · 2024-10-06T19:26:57+00:00

The only thing that matters are the properties that are constant and cannot be changed. Specifically, your physical looks.

Can be changed. If she spots (or at least believes) that you are trying to improve your situation, she will overlook your living situation.
Can be changed. In fact, if you have the base, she will help you by turning you into her project. She will go shopping with you and help you dress and groom.

I agree with the rest of the points.

However, the most important part is to pass the looks test. The reason she is not messaging back, is because you are her n-th choice, she's just keeping you warm, just in case. The interest is based on looks.

BiteAdventurous3110 · 2024-10-06T01:53:39+00:00

Point 2 is such a Western boomer thing. It’s sad since throughout most of history people lived with their extended families and this is how life is like for most non-western cultures. This whole idea of living with your parents being unattractive also doesn’t help when we’re dealing with one of the worst housing crises in history right now.

IceWingAngel · 2024-10-05T21:52:22+00:00

2 is exactly why I stopped trying since moving back home. Rest of this is all pretty much common sense to me. Asides maybe 6, but to answer the question though and sort of add onto this list, if you're a male that's very prone to social anxiety as it pertains to the norms and limitations of communication via the OLD environment, you're practically two times as hoed.

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2024-10-06T07:20:07+00:00

This generally matches my own experience except for #2. I always lived with my parents (well, just one surviving parent in the later years) and no woman ever gave me grief for it. If they had, I probably would have told them to go to hell, like sure, I'm willing to move out if we're going to move in together, but expecting me to abandon my family for a first date? Get over yourself. Still, it was never an issue, most women were like "oh, my family is pretty tight-knit too". Maybe it's a regional thing, or just "like attracts like".

CalligrapherSimple39 · 2024-10-07T18:13:30+00:00

Not to ever date. Not worth it. You get nothing of any value in return.

Get a dog and a high class prostitute instead.

fluttertutt · 2024-10-05T22:35:41+00:00

I have a couple of guy friends that travel a lot that can absolutely confirm number 1. One of them once told me, regarding dating and OLD: in the country I grew up I was invisible, here I get more attention than I know what to do with.

edit: referenced the wrong number 🙈

DapperDan1929 · 2024-10-06T19:19:44+00:00

It’s actually all luck. And that luck can turn quickly if either party decides to do a 180° 🤷🏻‍♂️

Lancerer · 2024-10-05T23:57:59+00:00

Point two is fuckin true. It's so funny that almost always women lost their interest if they found out that you live with parents. It's reflection of their traumas. They are afraid that I'm a mooma boy, can't cook etc. While that type of girls are gossiping all the time with her mom and don't cook at her home etc or other type of women are struggling with rent and with bad relations with their parents. Women which recently doesn't cared about it was with good job and probably good salary. It is so twisted and makes me pity for whole women gender, lol.

TheNattyJew · 2024-10-06T02:21:06+00:00

Where you live matters a lot. Some areas of the country are a lot easier to form relationships than others. I

OK spit it out. Which areas of the country are better than others?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-10-05T23:06:22+00:00

Those are great advices👌

Nigellasativa9 · 2024-10-05T23:51:24+00:00

1 is huge. I’m married now, but when I was first stumbling into the dating world, I carried a forever alone vibe because of quite a few unsatisfactory interactions with women. However, I learned that my town just sucks and it’s very homogeneous and I don’t really fit in racially or politically. I learned this by clubbing with some friends in different cities and seeing how I was actually getting more women to talk to me than my more experienced friends.

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2024-10-06T22:11:24+00:00

2) If you're a man and live at home with parents for any reason at all, it fundamentally turns women off. They don't like it and will reject you for it even if they live at home with parents too.

*Unless you're asian and value family

LostWanderer88 · 2024-10-07T02:05:42+00:00

Thanks a lot

It would have helped adding a, perhaps, 3b option about Age. Because the patterns change a lot based on the age of the participants. Girls looking for sugar daddies. Boys looking for sugar mommies. People of the same age in their late 30's. Or early in their 20's....

AreOut · 2024-10-07T21:10:11+00:00

"It's like her previous boyfriend not only hurt her, but me as well. It's weird."

nothing weird really, it's actually why n-count matters

Hosj_Karp · 2024-10-08T03:07:04+00:00

2-4 dates to "make something happen"? In my experience, you have literally 1.

I got so much better at dating when I realized that sexual tension comes first, "getting to know you" comes second. Like it's dramatic.

Specified_Owl · 2024-10-10T03:57:43+00:00

Some of this stuff is so basic that it could and should be taught in schools. Teaching how to flirt is a bit much for teachers to address, but the other stuff, they could.

People stick in situationships because they have other effects. For example, I could be in one that I know is going nowhere, but it would keep my parents off my back, because they would have sky-high expectations about children being produced any minute. They can't help doing that.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-10-05T23:27:08+00:00

Well, well, well - get a load of Don Juan over here, come to grace us and share his wisdom!

DrunkOnRamen · 2024-10-05T23:28:49+00:00

What country or region are you in?

WingAffectionate1757 · 2024-10-06T16:37:11+00:00

7 is exactly why I'm confused whenever people argue saying how it's not ok to not have x amount of relationships by x age. All it does it rack up baggage whilst you could've spent that time bettering yourself.

BigMoistTwonkie · 2024-10-06T21:50:01+00:00

BigMoistTwonkie · 2024-10-06T23:14:36+00:00

GrayCatGreatCat · 2024-10-07T00:01:24+00:00

I'm a woman who online dated last year until I met my boyfriend. I think what you said is pretty accurate. Thanks for sharing.

SaBahRub · 2024-10-05T21:36:45+00:00

This is all common sense but you’re gonna get people going “but — it didn’t work for me/lol ur Chad/Chad doesn’t have to”

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EugeneCezanne · 2024-10-06T00:08:02+00:00

Overall, truth.

I would add that men should approach online dating as a marketing scenario. You're not just being yourself: you're also selling a product, which is a chance to hang out with you. The actual time you spend together is a different story, but your dating app profile is just a persuasive presentation on why you're the obvious pick. If you're going to make it at all, might as well make it good.

Otherwise, my only input is that things vary on a person-by-person basis, and with context. For example:

I truly thing dates 2-4 is when you need to gravitate things in a romantic direction.

I can barely imagine getting to even a second date if things haven't already assumed a romantic or sexual vibe, or going for a fourth if we're not already somewhat intimate. Not even trying to take action often gives women the impression you're not actually all that attracted to them. The whole idea of going on multiple dates before both of you have even decided whether you're taking things to another level seems very 20th century to me. It is, however, unironically, a good way to make friends!

But I also think this is highly contextual. Where you live makes a difference. What sort of people you're trying to date makes a difference. What sort of vibe you give off in general makes a difference.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-10-05T22:46:41+00:00

This is all good advice, it’s really about your pictures. Having great backgrounds of vacation, or you got a nice living room/kitchen, get your picture taken in places that reflect you have a nice lifestyle and do fun stuff. You could be gorgeous, if you’re just taking mirror selfies and drinking with bros she’s swiping left.

Getting a girl over to your place on first date is pretty common. I haven’t even gotten a 2nd date from any girl that said no to coming over for wine or a joint. I’ve been on around 180 online first dates, most girls want to come by if they like you.

I’m prob at a 60% hookup rate on first date and 95% by 3rd date. There were a couple Chads commenting one time (they showed their dating profiles) their hookup rate on first date from dating app they said was 90%+. So if girls aren’t getting physical you have a different strategy or she’s not that crazy about you.

Just be normal as you can on dates, have a conversation about her life, get her alone outside and kiss. If she isn’t really into it, and coming over after going out, I haven’t turned it around from there.

Title	Everything I've learned from my online dating experience. Maybe this can help you too:
Author	PracticalCows
Upvotes	67
Comments	157
Date	October 5, 2024 8:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fx017t/everything_ive_learned_from_my_online_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/everything-ive-learned-from-my-online-dating.1532181 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532181

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