Is therapy a valid solution for men coping with dating complexities?

MotleyCrew1989 · 2024-06-15T02:33:31+00:00

Nope, and I tried it twice.

First time was with a male therapist who also was a sexologist, his final advice was than I should watch dating coach content. He was married for at least 10 years.

Second time was with a female therapist, she is almost 20 years older than me, so she is out of touch with the current dating landscape.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-06-15T02:42:55+00:00

No therapy for recessed bones

Common-Ferret-1435 · 2024-06-15T00:25:01+00:00

No, you can’t therapy your way to attraction

No matter how much women lie, they don’t reject you for personality. They never even get that far.

And since a therapist cannot tell you what to do, it’s functionally useless.

Sure a therapist can give you useless techniques and tools to decrease anxiety, but they can’t actually do anything.

El_Tigrex · 2024-06-15T01:25:24+00:00

You should never go to therapy if you have real problems. It serves zero purpose but to put you on a watch list.

rag3light · 2024-06-15T02:56:59+00:00

No.

Talk therapy is moronic.

The issues that plague you are real. Changing "your outlook" is just lying to yourself.

Evolution honed your instincts including those for insecurity and anxiety.

If you feel invisible you fucking are. And you know why be it height face race or something else entirely.

Work toward fixing the problem not talking in circles to pay some circlejerker to be your friend.

caption291 · 2024-06-15T03:26:35+00:00

Therapy works great if your problems are primarily or entirely caused by your perspective/attitude rather than your reality.

So I understand why women feel like therapy is insanely helpful, but men's problems aren't the same as women's problems so therapy is mostly uselss if not flat out a net negative for most men.

Mobius24 · 2024-06-15T01:42:16+00:00

Therapy in general is a waste of time and money. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to fix anything, talking to a stranger about it isn't going to fix anything, and taking numbing pills isn't going to fix anything.

No one is going to save you. Your problems are your burden and responsibility.

If you're going to get better you have to make it happen.

tendrils87 · 2024-06-15T00:43:02+00:00

Therapy doesn't really help men at all. We are solutions based and therapists can't give you solutions. Women process things by talking about their feelings, which is why they enjoy therapy so much.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-06-14T23:25:20+00:00

If his therapist is at the gym

Existing_Demand5765 · 2024-06-14T23:33:36+00:00

I don’t think so

happybaby00 · 2024-06-15T02:48:49+00:00

5g -7g of shrooms, dark room, earplugs and eyes covered. Should sort you right out 👌🏾

MrHelloBye · 2024-06-15T04:42:53+00:00

I've done a lot of therapy in my life. What I can tell you is that therapy is never a silver bullet. You have to do the work no matter what you're going to therapy for. All a therapist can do is help guide you, or give you support when you don't have a good support network in your social life or family. Also, therapists vary wildly in approach, focus, personality, etc. And it can be harder to find a good fit than it is to find a mechanic you trust.

As a result, I've had to do a whole lot of "therapizing" of myself. Something my current therapist has commented on a few times now is how she's surprised at my level of self compassion, thoughtfulness, and how I'm able to catch harmful negative patterns of thinking and address them. Something that's helped a lot is reading Stoic philosophy and other stuff like Man's Search for Meaning. It may sound... idk corny? or whatever to study Stoic philosophy. But it unironically was developed as a life philosophy, meant to help you find harmony with nature in your life, not to make you into a robot. That's the modern definition of the word.

Long story short: it may help, but it alone will not fix everything for you

Bro_with_passport · 2024-06-15T05:13:08+00:00

Can it be helpful? Yes.

Do most men need it? No.

Imagine telling every broke millennial that can’t afford a house that they just need therapy. That isn’t going to actually make the price of a house lower. The guys around here (that struggle with dating) need to get offline and doing self improvements.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-06-15T06:34:47+00:00

Yea fuck therapy. I go to the gym instead.

IronDBZ · 2024-06-15T07:50:02+00:00

I think when it comes to any problem that's external and ongoing, therapy isn't the solution for most people. Y'know, "There's no therapy for capitalism" and all that.

It's like trying to meditate the pain away while you're drinking poison. I think therapy helps women because their issues with things tend to be in how they handle them, think about them, but the problem itself can be handled if they can just learn a way to make sense of things in a way that works for them.

With guys, if it's bad enough to seek outside help, most problems are just a problem no matter how you think about it. Thinking can change your approach or how you prioritize, but it still is what it is. And that won't change why you went to a therapist.

KenHetz · 2024-06-15T09:00:02+00:00

The idea of paying someone to pretend to care about you and your issues repulses me

Top-Middle-2791 · 2024-06-15T15:05:21+00:00

Ive been to therapy and I found it almost useless. People seem to hate on therapy in comments, I don't, but I really wish there was a dating talk community where it is a banable offense to relentlessly bully men into it. Maybe there is a place for therapy but on reddit it is ultimately one of the derail tactics to stop discussing men's dating problems and reframe them as "men's mental health" problems

Caicedonia · 2024-06-14T23:34:10+00:00

No.it made things worse for me actually.

I was put on Lexapro and after just a few weeks my dick stopped working. Now I have pssd (in recovery )

CraftyCooler · 2024-06-15T06:12:54+00:00

Therapy is a scam that solves nothing but is feeding your narcissm. You buy someone's full attention and putting you in main character role. People like it, marketing is always about putting You on pedestal and therapy is no different. Women like it, because they suffer mainly from hurt ego - but men suffer from unemployment, physical features, low status, stress, debt and you cannot fix it via therapy. Unless making poor guy poorer is the way.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-06-15T10:28:04+00:00

No, therapy doesn't really help with anything. It's just talking. They help you to sort it out in your head. So for some types of problem it can help you to realize something and make a change.

If you have problem that you are too stressed from work or school they can help you sort it out in your head and find out what you really want and realize you don't have to take it personaly or help you make a decision to leave. Therapy can help with this kind of problems that you just need to somehow sort out in your head and look at it from different perspective.

It can also help you to understand some old childhood trauma and maybe if you can understand why your parents were like that or something it can help you to get over it.

Regarding dating it can help you sort out your priorities better, realize what is truly important to you and what is just a detail. For example you insist that your partner must have high education and that is a significant obstacle in dating. But if you go deep you find out that you just need an inteligent person and even people without degree can be inteligent but they prioritized work over school. So it can help you to find out what standards are really importnat and what is just unnecessary obstable you made up in your head.

But if you have real problem that can't be solved by simply understanding what is going on in your head and sorting it out therapy can't help with it. If you simply FEEL unhappy alone and desire to have a relationship, therapy can't chenge that feeling and brainwash you into being happy alone. Therapy also doesn't magicaly help you to find someone (unless the problem wasn't just some overthinking or something that I explained earlier).

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-06-15T19:08:34+00:00

Therapy may work for women because the vast majority of problems they could have in dating comes from their own attitude/mentality but for men this isn’t the case the problems men face are mostly external and out of his control.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-06-15T03:40:28+00:00

Personality is the biggest lie society sold men.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-06-15T01:51:04+00:00

We aren’t the stoic robots

Ultimately, the most valid solution is the one that works. It might be Therapy. Running. Journalling. Hitting the heavy bag. Talking problems out with your besties. Weights. Meditation etc..

Stoicism isn’t about shutting down, or repressing emotions. It’s about acceptance. Then processing emotions healthily. So one can them let go. To focus upon the good in life.

Godspeed and good luck!

throwaway164_3 · 2024-06-15T14:31:13+00:00

Not therapy but there is a solution!!

It’s called the redpill ;)

Helps men get laid and sex.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-06-15T18:05:58+00:00

Funny part about this entire thing is if prostitution was legalized and regulated here in the US you would legit have women begging for male attention because guys at that point will just pay for sex and avoid the dating scene all together...

obviouslymoose · 2024-06-15T21:14:58+00:00

I’ve had a bunch of therapy. They’re literally just regurgitating what I just said telling me I’m really self aware.

It’s useless for me at this point.

However it really helps some people to talk about their problems. I have a good support so I don’t generally overwhelm people. Some people get overwhelmed it easier that others so I just don’t reach out.

BlackFurosuto · 2024-06-16T00:10:30+00:00

NotSoErudite and I think to a lesser degree HealthyGamerGG both spoke on how Therapy fails men Because of a systemic bias about diagnosing men. Not to mention that psychotherapy as a practice helps women more than men for multiple reasons and that the way many men communicate in a way that therapists are not trained to understand, results in therapy making a lot of men not feel heard or gain much benefit from it.

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-16T04:13:38+00:00

It would heavily depend on the type of therapy and reasons for dating struggles.

Broadly speaking: yes. But, I think it would sadly be quite rare to receive actually useful therapy as a man for dating problems.

aslfingerspell · 2024-06-15T01:26:47+00:00

If someone has severe social anxiety to the point where they can't even be around women, sure. If they become clinically depressed? Sure.

But if it's just "I don't get likes on Tinder" I don't know what a therapist can fix. That's not a mental health problem.

DarayRaven · 2024-06-15T12:44:04+00:00

I'm not against therapy and all but the idea everyone needs psychological accommodation is the problem

Just like the education system

just_a_place · 2024-06-15T04:24:11+00:00

Therapy is a scam, anyone too dumb to see it deserves to lose their money.

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KayRay1994 · 2024-06-15T01:43:53+00:00

Therapy can def be very helpful, albeit, it won’t help you directly with dating issues, but will address the more deep rooted causes that drove you to where you are now - whether it be low self esteem, unhealthy coping mechanisms, learnt emotional survival tactics that are no longer useful, anxiety, depression, general directionessness and so on.

That being said, expect to do a lot of the work yourself. A therapist is more like a coach - ie. the therapist will give you direction and help you process things, but it’s ultimately up to you to active put in the practice and change these habits yourself.

jjolteon · 2024-06-15T14:56:45+00:00

i mean maybe

and only if it’s a male therapist

and if anything, they would help with coping with the lack of dating prospects— not helping you succeed

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-06-15T17:54:45+00:00

I do CBT sessions with a psychologist - though he’a pretty unconventional as far as mainstream ideas of therapy are concerned.

I’d say it’s been helpful.

I don’t think anyone thinks girls will be more attracted to you because of therapy.. if anything it might help you solve issues like social anxiety which inhibit you from approaching and attracting.

But if you have 0 matches on Tinder then Therapy won’t have girls banging on your door (unless of course it prompts you to get full time gym and plastic surgery which might actually work)

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-15T20:22:28+00:00

It could help in some ways but not all

SeaworthinessSea2407 · 2024-06-16T05:28:10+00:00

Therapy works to unpack issues. You should definitely not do it in the hopes of attracting women. You should do it if you think it is a positive addition to your life

Adept_Initial9916 · 2024-06-16T10:05:00+00:00

Therapy, especially where a therapist is a woman, absolutely won't help you.

Gym is a good therapy alternative. Guys are friendly, you lift, you talk to people. It's great.

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floridorito · 2024-06-14T23:53:51+00:00

Indirectly it might. Therapy is more likely to help challenge someone's unhelpful ways of thinking, assumptions, and behaviors that hold them back. It also can help people get beyond the hurt and other negative emotions (distrust, jealousy, fear, etc.) leftover from previous relationships (or even childhood) that carry over into the present.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-06-15T00:49:46+00:00

Therapy is basically an opportunity to talk to someone neutral, who can help you think about how you process your environment, why, and how to help either conquer or avoid the things that trigger your maladaptive behaviors.

It doesn’t fix you. If you go, and just sit there waiting for a shrink to say magic words that will make you whole, you will be disappointed.

Some shrinks can, however, give you social counseling. Even just getting used to talking about yourself can be an extremely useful opportunity to learn how to talk about yourself in general, which can also help you make friends/chat with women/get better jobs.

Because what you’re actually asking about is: Can counseling fix your social skills?

And the answer is: It can help! But you will have to be willing to do work and make yourself uncomfortable!

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-15T11:23:29+00:00

It’s funny to me that literally all men here are aggressively opposed to therapy. My favorite therapist, Dr David Burns, who popularized and developed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, actually wrote a book in the 80s called “Intimate Connections”. Unfortunately, it’s one of his lesser known works.

The book was born out of two things: his own experience with loneliness and being a total dud in the dating game and later his experience as a therapist, where at least 60% of his patients came to him because they were either chronically single or they had gotten divorced and just couldn’t get back in the game.

Of course, the most weird perception among commenters here is that therapy is something that is done onto you and you can just passively sit there and get better. Almost all effective therapy requires that you do homework and take concrete steps towards solving your issues.

An example would be if you have social anxiety especially around women. Sitting on a couch won’t solve the problem nearly as effectively as being forced to go out and talk to women to get over your fear. And a good therapist will absolutely do that with you.

There are several things good therapy can fix that will directly impact your sex and dating life. Here they are:

Therapy can help you see how irrational it is to emotionally depend on another person to make you happy. Emotionally dependent and needy people always end up chasing others, thinking they have something they so desperately need. But all chasing behavior ends up in repelling the other person.
Therapy can make help you get rid of negative assumptions and thoughts about yourself, getting you to see your worthiness and value. Once you learn to love yourself and be turned on by yourself, you will start treating yourself like a king and by extension, when you think you are sexy, other people will start thinking you are sexy too.
Therapy can help with social anxiety. It will dispel irrational fears one has about putting themselves out there and it will force you to take concrete steps to expose yourself to situations so you can overcome shyness and anxiety.
Therapy can also help with other relationship problems you may have. Maybe you are angry at women, maybe you are bitter, maybe you do have a relationship, but don’t get along with your partner.

Rough_Theme_5289 · 2024-06-15T12:18:26+00:00

I know men in therapy that swear by therapy . They don’t have issues with women though. So maybe that’s why they see it as something beneficial .

kongeriket · 2024-06-15T21:09:02+00:00

No, it's not. And anyone claiming otherwise is either ignorant or intentionally spreads disinformation for various agendas.

"Therapy" is a grift for therapists. To the extent that it does help, it may help women - because it's built with exclusively feminine assumptions.

dj_crunch998 · 2024-06-14T23:29:10+00:00

Therapy could help you unpack problematic thinking and overcome bits of social anxiety that can stop you from pursuing romantic interests. Of course this isn’t one size fits all advice, lots of variables but it could be worth looking into if you could afford it

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-06-15T00:07:36+00:00

Any benefits from therapy depend on the individual listening and self-awareness in practice. I’ve seen lots of people go one hour every other week and don’t think of anything said beyond that room. That’s like trying to gain muscle lifting one hour every other week. Like yeah you can say you’re going to the gym, but are you actually giving it any effort? If you’re still eating a whole bag of potato chips every other day, then are you really applying that practice to your daily life?

Queen_BW · 2024-06-15T01:20:22+00:00

Im a therapist. I work online with Spanish speaking clients all over the world. Ive had over 100 clients in the last 3 years and maybe 10% of them have been men and less than half to those have been heterosexual men.

Like Dj_crunch mentioned, therapy can help you with some aspects like anxiety, depression or trauma and even maybe to help you accept what you can't change regarding dating culture. Men are more practical, they usually go to therapy to deal with an specific issue while women usually go deeper and like to know why are they the way they are and start from that. Men usually focus more in the present and try to leave the past in the past, which isnt a bad thing but sometimes there's stuff from the past or trauma that will affect their present.

Last year I befriended a fellow therapist at the gym. He is covered in tattoos, shaves his head and has a black belt in kung fu. This year I have referred to him all the young men/male friends of mine who have asked me for a therapist and I've heard very good things about him, specially how comfortable they feel opening up to him. A friend of mine started seeing him bc he was falsely accused of sexual abuse and he started having panic attacks because of it, I think they had 6 appointments and is doing much better now.

So I do think most of us would benefit from therapy but the most important aspect is that men find someone they feel understood and comfortable being themselves with. One of the reasons I like being on reddit is to learn about other peoples experiences and PPD in particular made it clearer for me that I have no idea how mens life experience is like so I rather stick with the population that I do know and refer men to a male therapist that I trust will do a good job working with them.

(Inb4 you guys start with the "oh he's a tattooed ninja chad he would not understand me" he got the tattoos and started practicing kung fu after he got married, he and his wife are 45 now)

Wattehfok · 2024-06-15T02:07:12+00:00

Look - therapy isn’t the panacea that some people make it out to be; but some of you MFs could really stand to do some.

Having a professional interrogate why you’ve become convinced that the Radfem Stasi are lurking around every corner ready to drag you off to the Gulag for Man Crime if you talk to a girl would make your lives measurably better.

If a therapist could help you to stop catastrophising every interaction and to not turn every rejection into your personal 9/11, it’d probably help too.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-15T03:14:22+00:00

If you’re becoming bitter and negative, or need someone to listen to you, yes

If you expect a pussy reward, no

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-06-15T18:08:25+00:00

So you don't want to go to a therapist, you want to speak to women but you also don't think they're good at listening. I don't really know what you want from people here. Maybe talk to other men then?

Title	Is therapy a valid solution for men coping with dating complexities?
Author	damaggdgoods
Upvotes	19
Comments	246
Date	June 14, 2024 11:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dg47x5/is_therapy_a_valid_solution_for_men_coping_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-therapy-a-valid-solution-for-men-coping-with.1521616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521616

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