Is there a difference between having a height preference and having a weight preference?

LowCreddit · 2020-07-30T20:03:05+00:00

You can drop the weight. It's not easy, but you can do it. You can't just grow taller. That's the difference. I don't particularly care either way. The only thing that bothers and amazes me is the army of 5'3" women calling men under 6' short.

HeyHoOhNoNo · 2020-07-31T01:03:35+00:00

Height “preferences” are infinitely more shallow as they are no reflection on the person’s character.

A fat man/woman is a greedy, lazy, irresponsible person who adds to the visual pollution we see around us every day.

A short/tall person is just short or tall, like a blonde in blonde and a brunette is a brunette.

This is why women like to pretend a man’s height completely defines his personality, because otherwise they would just have to admit they are superficial.

RIPOldAccountF · 2020-07-30T19:23:22+00:00

One you can change the other you can't.

petrichordium · 2020-07-30T19:52:00+00:00

Height standards are applied largely to men, and weight standards to both men and women.

Men get different weight standards bc women like their men larger than them. So yes obviously hetero weight standards play out differently, but men are still held to them.

I don’t think one is worse than the other and it depends way more how they are applied. If your standards make it easier to get what you value, they are good standards. If they prevent it they are bad standards.

So fat women who want actual relationships should worry about being tinderellas, thinking their fuck lane is their relationship lane. And virginal men who really want to get laid but only look at egirls and porn chicks are probably messing up their standards as well.

SslimReaperr · 2020-07-30T21:39:17+00:00

It’s not shallow to not be attracted to someone based on a physical trait that can’t be changed. I’ve seen men here and there complain about how shallow it is for women to not be attracted to short men because height is something you can’t change (without painful surgery, at least.) Yet these same men probably don’t think it’s shallow for them to not be attracted to a woman based on her facial features, which she cannot change as well.

I don’t think it matters if men or women have height/weight preferences, its your god given right to be as picky or as lenient as you want.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-07-30T23:38:46+00:00

I dont see an issue with any preferences, we all have them.

I dont want an overweight man and anyone can down me for preferring a taller man as Im 5ft 7. Sorry, I'll feel masculine dating a 5ft 4 man. Doesn't mean I dont think a short man is good looking though.

Some wouldn't want me because Im a taller thin woman with a model like athletic body and a smaller chest because some men like bigger breasts and more curvy, its ok.

Effective-Shop5215 · 2020-07-31T00:56:58+00:00

When the average American and British person is very overweight, the sexual marketplace adjusts. Guys can dream about slim girls all they want, but unless they're very tall or attractive themselves, they're going to be dreaming for a long time. A butterface but slim fit girl can punch well above her relative smv and get a hot guy. A guy who's technically in shape, but short in height, averaage-faced and balding, shouldn't be surprised that his smv equal is a very overweight or obese girl. This is why so many men are dropping like flies and forming mgtow and incel groups. Healthy weight but otherwise unattractive men are paired with vile obese women, and so they have a right to feel indignant. It goes against our biological wiring to fuck obese women and men are angry because women can control their weight.

princessangelbaby_ · 2020-07-30T19:30:04+00:00

It's the same because it's about sexual attraction.

It's important that a man be taller than a woman because she will be more sexually attracted to him if he is. Women who feel large compared to a man feel less sexy and more turned off in his presence.

Overweight people are (mostly) viscerally disgusting to men and women. Sexy feelings are overriden by feelings of disgust.

intersIn · 2020-07-30T21:23:23+00:00

I understand one is within your control and the other is not, shaming them for their heigh/weight preferences isn't going to change anything. They are plenty of women who are attracted to the dad bod, and they are plenty of men who are attracted to petite women. I do have a height preference, but I am also considered tall for a woman. I am fully aware there are men who would "next me' because of my height. Tall women face discrimination in the dating arena as well.

Not everyone wins the genetic lottery.

DaphneDK42 · 2020-07-31T06:31:00+00:00

There is no difference. It doesn't matter that a person can lose weight, and a shortie can't grow. The preference belongs to the person having the preference, not the person who can or cannot fulfill the preference.

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-07-31T16:00:37+00:00

As long as you're not letting your sexual preferences effect how you treat people (basic human decency, kindness and respect), this whole debate on weight v height seems pointless.

Why let people live rent free in your head because you're not what they're looking for? That kind of obsessive axe grinding is just going to lead to bitterness and a chip on your shoulder.

SeemedGood · 2020-07-30T19:39:29+00:00

However, I think it’s safe to say women suffer from this far more.

Not safe really. I think fat guys have it way harder than fat women.

I’m pretty cut and I can tell how much I weigh within 5 or so pounds just by how women in general react to me in public (both consciously and subconsciously). Women are extremely attuned to men’s body types.

_mwk · 2020-07-30T19:21:23+00:00

it's the same. it hinders your attraction to them, so no matter how much chemistry you have with ppl good for you, if you're not attracted, you're not attracted.

momentumguy · 2020-07-30T20:11:52+00:00

Women are allowed by the prevailing cultural narrative to express a height preference (or even a weight preference, or whatever preference they want), but men aren't allowed by the prevailing cultural narrative to express a weight preference (or even a height preference, or any preference at all)?

That's why men must cast aside all consideration of social shaming and adhere only to their minimum obligations under the law. Otherwise they risk a sort of imprisonment.

xFallacyx69 · 2020-07-30T20:14:52+00:00

Honestly the fact that we’re comparing these two as equivalent standards for sexual attraction basically proves TRP is correct to an extent... and I say this as a 6’2 guy

PR0N0IA · 2020-07-30T21:03:54+00:00

Happily married woman. Nothing wrong with preferences for dating as long as you’re not rude about it.

I had a height and weight preference when I was dating. Being 5’10, I wouldn’t date guys shorter than me & had a preference for a guy to be at least 6’. I wasn’t likely to date an obese man because I myself have a BMI fluctuating between 17-20; someone overweight just wouldn’t work with my lifestyle. I also had a slight preference for blue eyes.

My husband met my physical dating preferences & I his— we also met each other’s non physical ones. I liked his leadership skills, confidence, similar politics, same religion, kindness, earning potential etc. I knew what I wanted in a man and wasn’t willing to settle. He knew what he wanted in a woman and wasn’t willing to settle either. Key to a happy marriage is not settling for someone whose less than your standards (though there are people with ridiculous standards so this only works for 90% of people)

Preferences are only a problem when they turn into disgust / aversion at the person who doesn’t fit that preference. Totally fine not to date them, just again: don’t be rude about it.

yeezywusgood · 2020-07-30T21:51:31+00:00

Both are preferences and both are fine. If there's one aspect of our lives that we're allowed to be prejudiced about its preferences in a partner

jax006 · 2020-07-30T21:56:11+00:00

Being fat typically only happens to a person via them being lazy and stupid, not caring about their health and not caring about being fit enouh to do simple things like go on a short hike.

Being short or tall is basically just a genetic dice roll.

astrobrah · 2020-07-30T22:50:43+00:00

Yes, it's unfair to discriminate based on height, but it is fair to discriminate on weight. Weight can change, height cannot.

RottingAway90 · 2020-07-31T02:47:36+00:00

Everyone is entitled to their preferences imo. Only wish people would stop regarding those outside their preferences as subhuman. Also exercise some critical thinking and realise it’s likely cultural influence, even if they don’t feel they can change or control it.

I do feel bad for short guys. At the same time though, the problem with having a weight preference is that weight isn’t fixed and will likely fluctuate in an LTR (especially as your partner approaches middle-age or after they have children). So it’s not a healthy thing to fixate on.

neonreplica · 2020-07-30T19:46:42+00:00

You can't fault either gender for their preferences. They're baked-in, so-to-speak.

BUT there are some important differences:

You can change your weight but not your height, so this makes this difference much easier on women.

Women are allowed to artificially inflate their height with heels (without suffering social consequences) to amplify the difficulty for men to meet the height requirement. Conversely, men do not (but also cannot) artificially lower their weight to make it even harder for women to meet their standard. Either way, this relieves pressure from women.

So in this height/weight paradigm, women are granted much more mercy: they can take steps to improve their condition and men cannot artificially lower their weight to make it even harder for women to meet the standard.

lilastr · 2020-07-31T02:48:44+00:00

I’m a woman who doesn’t care about height either. (Little taller than me is ok. And I care about weight a guy has too.)

But I think men are bitter about this is because men can’t change their heights while women can change their weights easily.

Mkg102216 · 2020-07-30T20:14:03+00:00

One is due to laziness, lack of motivation, not giving a fuck about your health, bad eating habits, and generally unhealthy lifestyle.

It can be changed. Awww, it may not be easy. Most things in life are not easy. But thats the whole point, who wants to be with a quitter, who quits when something may require getting off your fat lard ass because it means doing something.

Someone made a post about discipline. Is a lack of discipline in ones life, attractive?

(and this goes out to overweight guys as well. Obesity is a choice)

Height on the other hand cannot be helped as it is genetic.

However further to this discovery that being obese can be changed, if you are short or fat, well sorry but attraction is not a choice.

Basically for millions of years, most species have evolved via survival of the fittest and natural selection. This is how evolution works, Im sorry for those feeling butt hurt, but evolution is the one thing that does not give a fuck about a persons feelings.

Rahim556 · 2020-07-31T00:59:13+00:00

I don't see a big difference. People should have whatever preferences they want. Now, some preferences may be extreme and stupid, and eliminate a good portion of the potential dating market for someone, which will potentially leave them single/alone when they otherwise wouldn't be.

For example, I understand most women would prefer a man their height or taller. I get that. But a woman who is 4' 11" and MUST have a man who is 6' and up.... That's just stupid. She's entitled to her preference, but it's pretty ridiculous. My sister is like that. She's my older sister, 2 years older than me (so she's 38 as of right now). She held that standard her whole life and as such is still single, never married, no kids, has a good career and large 3 or 4 bedroom house that she lives in alone. She wanted a husband and children. I hope she finds a man eventually. But she is miserable because things didn't work out for her, but she refused to budge when any family members tried to make suggestions or offer advice. So at the end of the day, the preferences ppl have can only potentially hurt themselves.

obsspwgck · 2020-07-31T09:49:12+00:00

Only thing that annoys me is that its perfectly fine for a woman to refuse to date a man of similar height but a man cant refuse to date a woman of similar age. The problem isnt people having standards, its that everyone gets super biased and cherry picks which preferences are acceptable/moral and which are stupid.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-07-31T16:18:59+00:00

There’s no significant difference, they’re both physical traits that greatly affect attraction. The only difference is that women prioritize genetic traits while men prioritize fertility. A short man has crap genetics, an unhealthy woman has crap fertility. The end.

JameisBong · 2020-07-31T16:48:06+00:00

I don't know why women imagine there's an army of 6ft tall chads who are available and open to a relationship with them. Most men are going to be below 6ft, homely and not very exciting. That's the dating pool, women seem to have a problem accepting that.

Men on the other hand take what we can get and make the best of the situation. If a woman claims she can't find a man, it's because her expectations don't match her reality. She's a 200 pound single mommy, expecting Christian Grey to drop everything and make her the center of his universe ( gag)

2020-07-31T18:36:11+00:00

I have always said that I like my height or taller - but my last two tinder dates were shorter than me and I wanted to bang both of them.

So now I dgaf

anon071420 · 2020-07-31T19:11:03+00:00

Yes they’re both physical preferences.

However a man’s height is something he’s born with and is out of his control. It is a lifelong disadvantage that he can do nothing to fix. Essentially, it’s no different than rejecting him because he was born crippled, disabled, or extremely ugly, or some other un-fixable misfortune. In other words it’s SHALLOW.

Weight, on the other hand, can be fixed. Yes I know, “wah wah wah it’s HARD”, but it is possible with discipline and work. Fat women have a path to victory.

dylang92 · 2020-07-31T22:33:04+00:00

Yes, you can drop the weight. You can never grow taller after you reach a certain age no matter what you do.

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skullirang · 2020-07-30T20:49:39+00:00

Also I know men too can suffer from someone turning them down purely based on weight. However, I think it’s safe to say women suffer from this far more.

Not really/ You should see just how much leeway an overweight woman has when she uses body shapers, makeup, hair style and uses online dating. Body shapers turn something that otherwise would have been unattractive into something more attractive by moving their leg fat up as their butt for example. There are also pushup bras that move belly fat up to make their boobs look bigger. Men don't have the luxury of using those things nor do they have much selection. Make up hides women's flaws and they can use it to contour their face to their face seem slimmer. Again men can't use it without judgement. A longer hair style for women makes it easier to hide that fat hump on your back (buffallo) you develop when you are fatter. I've seen women who literally look like a totally different person when they put their hair up because of the buffalo hump. Online dating is a huge advantage for women, they can use a combination of all the above plus photoshop, camera angles and loss aversion to hook guys that are way out of their league.

What can overweight men do to hide being fat? Be rich enough that women don't care that they are fat, which is a lot harder than doing the above steps.

kimmiesaurus · 2020-07-30T21:12:51+00:00

I don't think it is wrong to have a preference. If someone is ok limiting their dating pool based on certain factors and willing to wait/stay single in the name of those preferences, more power to them.
However, I do think there is a difference in height/weight. A height preference is purely a physical attraction. Liking a guy over 6 feet or a girl under 5'3" or whatever means you are basing this decision on a 100% physical attribute that you think looks appealing.

Weight is obviously physical as well, but can also be a reflection on life style. Looking for someone who is as active as you, or who is willing to follow the same dietary restrictions you are. I think it has the potential to reflect a deeper life match. That isn't to say everyone looking for someone under a certain weight is looking for that. I'm sure plenty of people out there are interested in weight only for how attractive it makes a person. But there is a potential for a less shallow reasoning.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-07-30T21:54:19+00:00

In terms of how each sides feel about these things, yes.

I suspect that women who are more insecure or have a increased tendency for things like anxiety and things relating to adrenal sensitivity might want taller men because they feel more secure with a taller man, and not just "taller than them" but "taller than the average man."

Men on the other hand don't get insecure around fat/larger than average women. Most of the perceptions for being overweight are the same on both sides being that they relate to one's disgust tolerance. A certain level of fatness and beyond triggers disgust from most people.

As far as them being preferences, they can't be equally compared to each other because height is not changeable.

80_20 · 2020-07-30T22:23:15+00:00

Yes men have a weight preference and women have a height and weight preference.

ldonnawho · 2020-07-30T22:55:58+00:00

You can't get taller but you can become skinnier. Although I still think no one should be shamed for having either.

I have a height preference...some men have a weight preference. A preference is a preference 🤷🏼‍♀️

Kentucky_Supreme · 2020-07-31T00:18:57+00:00

There's a huge difference. You said it yourself. Weight can be controlled (in general. Yes I know there are outliers. Calm down.) And height cannot be controlled.

Also, a person's weight COULD also mean that they lack self control, lack discipline, do not consider long term consequences of their actions, etc.

Crime_Dawg · 2020-07-31T01:44:23+00:00

Losing weight is easy, I do it all the time when I cut to high single digit body fat. Height is unchangeable, but I'm 6'3, so be as shamelessly shallow as you want ladies.

pablosito · 2020-07-31T03:37:21+00:00

You literally pointed it out yourself. The difference is that you can lose weight. If a girls losing matches because she’s overweight there’s a remedy for that. A man isn’t getting second dates cuz of his height? Tough shit. See the difference? At the end of the day you’re right. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. But What I see happen a lot especially with women is that their egos are so inflated that they are willing to turn away great chemistry and attraction simply because “he’s not y’all enough” and why not? But when do a break down of actual numbers of what the averages and statistics are of people you’ll find that the stats really should be pushing people away from their hard lines in superficial preferences.

fileeditinstert · 2020-07-31T03:44:04+00:00

It's not even remotely comparable. Women care about weight too.

You can lose weight, but you can't change height.

In fact, most it's mostly women that have physically cut off (especially ones thst cant be changed) and not men. Men can be attracted to different types of women

GennyX · 2020-07-31T04:36:05+00:00

I don’t care about a man’s height, as long as he’s not too tall. I’m slim as well, so I don’t have a dog in this fight.

I know height can’t be changed and weight can.

But in terms of attraction, they are both the same. You don’t like what you don’t like. And if being overweight is a dealbreaker, there’s no guarantee that the woman will choose to lose the weight, so you go for who has what you want right now.

geyejoe7 · 2020-07-31T06:57:14+00:00

Height preference is developed in women because they have an inferiority complex. They need to feel smaller and weaker than their partner.

So having those preferences is natural for women, but it's kind of unfair since men that are really short, are left having way more struggles to find a partner.

Also, short women breed and give birth to short men. It's a bar circle...

While when you're fat, all your potential attractiveness is lost. You can burn the fat. But you need motivation, education and determination. So while it is hard, it's still possible to fix, unlike height.

Also, being fat is a signal of being unhealthy. Yeeeessss some skinnny peopleee areeee unhealthyyyy tooooo.

But you can't smell unhealthiness from thin people, but you can SEE IT on fat people.

AxeLond · 2020-07-31T10:00:50+00:00

Ok, so lets look at the reasons for why people find these traits attractive. People don't just prefer lean and tall people "because it looks nice", there is some underlying reason for why we think being lean looks nice.

Historically, way back, being overweight was very prestigious. In a place where food is scarce, showing everyone that you have access to a lot of food and can eat like a king, that's showing social status. Simple peasants wouldn't be able to eat that much, this guy being the size of a truck must mean he has a lot of power and influence, that's attractive.

Today though being overweight shows,

A lack of self control
Bad diet or general ignorance about food
An unhealthy life style with a shorter life span, riddled with health problems because of it.
Inability to actually be very physically active and do stuff
Often coupled with a bad self-image or self-esteem
Maybe some bad genetic traits that increases likelihood of obesity.

Like, because everyone knows you can change weight to some extent(although for some people it is much harder). You know that if this person is overweight, they lack the self control to do lose the weight.

Being tall shows people,

Good genetics
Healthy childhood with proper nutrition
Good posture (to some extent)
Physical power

Just generally the pro's outweigh the cons nowadays, being tall and big takes more calories, but that's irrelevant. Being fat allows you to survive longer in periods with little food, but that's also irrelevant. I think it's just generally agreed upon nowadays that being taller is better and being fat is bad, that's not always been the case, but it is today. It does still get to a point where people who are 7 feet tall are the most attractive, that's too tall and starts getting bad. You just don't fit in doors and you also start to have a lot of spine, back problems.

For dating we have generally invented a concept of "being shallow", which is caring too much about physical traits and genetics and being obviously shallow gets you shamed. We value the mental way more, it's more relevant for today's society. Nobody has ever been shamed for not wanting to date an overall horrible person that's abusive and exploitative.

Because you can't really change height, it doesn't say much about you mentally. Maybe that you weren't mistreated and messed up during your childhood could qualify, but that's about it. However, people are making an active choice in staying fat, you could just eat less and stop being fat, but you are choosing to continue it. That shows something is wrong in that brain. Nobody really cares that much about being on the upper end of healthy weight or a bit overweight. If someone is pushing 300 pounds, something must be seriously wrong in that person's head and you stay the hell away.

Fighterrrr · 2020-07-31T10:44:54+00:00

Yes because you can control your weight and your height not so when u have height preference and u tell somebody u r an asshole

Fichek · 2020-07-31T10:52:34+00:00

Your entire OP is completely misleading.

But then again, it wouldn't have made much of a discussion if you wrote it like it really is:

" Is there a difference between women having a height and weight preference and men having a weight preference? "

Krychek26 · 2020-07-31T12:29:37+00:00

One thing you can control and the other you can't. If you're okay with women saying only guys who are X height are datable don't be hypocritical and be against men saying the same with breast size etc.

The reason this is an issue is because of blatant hypocritical examples people see.

acron5n5 · 2020-07-31T12:46:21+00:00

I do think it’s fair to note that weight is something you can change to some extent(although for some people it is much harder)

Well, it seems like you've answered your question already. Yes there's weight preference among men (although I know there's a fair amount of men with a fetish for fat women while I am not aware of the same (or any for that matter) number with a preference for shorter men) but usually, although not always, you can drop your weight. Yes it might be hard but not as hard as gaining even an inch of height lol. The difference is if you feel like you're suffering from fitness/weight standards pushed by the society you can at least try to do something about it.

Mkg102216 · 2020-07-31T14:09:14+00:00

I mean I'm 5'0 and my boyfriend is 5'7. If a person looks healthy and in decent shape/physical wellness, then weight is just a number. As long as they're not objectively unattractive, then that's literally my only standard for looks. I don't give a fuck about height as long as you're taller than me (so below average men are still perfect) and idc about weight as long as you're not obese.

2020-07-31T14:47:23+00:00

There is. One thing you can change. Another one impossible. But which sex takes bigger offense due to such rejection?

DesertSweat · 2020-07-31T16:23:03+00:00

I’m not going to demonize anyone’s preference. Everybody has a right to their preferences in a partner.

However one physical trait is controllable, one is not. To belittle someone on height is different then belittling someone on their weight.

thowway99999 · 2020-08-02T05:15:10+00:00

Height can’t be a view into what the persons lifestyle or personality is like.

Weight very much can be. It can reveal whether someone is athletic, into sports (and depending on the body type, which sports exaclty), and what their eating habits are like. One thing I’ve found out about bigger girls is that they tend to be insecure, they tend to mislead (because they’re used to doing that with their weight) and they tend to not take anything seriously.

I’ve had too many fat girls tell me their health doesn’t matter or they hated doing the absolute minimum when it came to physical activity (I’m talking shit like Wii sports). As someone who tries to keep themselves in shape I try to find a girl who does the same.

zackyt1234 · 2020-08-02T23:45:09+00:00

I’m 5’7, and in pretty good shape. I’m pretty sure 70-80% of women would be willing to date someone my height. I know I’m not that short. I think any guy who is at least 5’5, can still do well if they make up for it in other ways.

The only thing a chubby girl can do to find a serious relationship is either find a guy who’s into that, or just lose the weight. I’m not gonna lie though, when I hear a chubby (not obese) girl complain about her lot, it kind of annoys me. I would do anything just to be 3 inches taller, they can easily lose the weight to have an ok body and choose not too. It’s annoying.

As for really short guys and obese chicks. It sucks equally hard. I feel bad for both. Totally understand if you don’t want to date them, but anyone who bullies fat girls or short guys are jerks.

One double standard that I have noticed. It’s very common for a girl to write on Tinder her height and she wants someone 5’9 and above. If I say, I weigh 165, and want someone less than that, I’d be a sexist.

HatezWomenzCuzIncelz · 2020-08-03T23:27:13+00:00

Being obese is a sign of mental illness, physical illness, lack of discipline, etc. Being short is just being short. Being fat has much deeper causes and concerns.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-08-05T18:53:57+00:00

Personal preferences are human & will never be wrong to me no matter what they are or whether I fit them

chaoswitchery · 2020-08-06T06:05:38+00:00

I’m a short woman (5’3) and I only find taller men physically attractive. That being said, a tall man to me is 5’9” and above.

As for weight, I am very slim and toned as I have done strength training, cheer leading and am doing ballet. So I tend to look more at men who are as physically fit. But to me that also consistutes a healthy layer of fat over muscles, not the dehydrated 6-pack look.

psypD · 2020-07-30T20:00:11+00:00

If you think that discrimination based on a largely controllable trait is wrong and at the same time think it's totally ok to discriminate based on a totally uncontrollable trait then you are somewhat of a hypocrite. That said, I think there is no actual trait that people should not be free to discriminate against.

Mimoxs · 2020-07-30T21:10:46+00:00

One notable thing is that the concept of "girl inches" carries over to height. Most height obsessed women would fawn over a 5'9" dude if he told them he was 6'. You think they can tell the difference?

Likewise men often have very skewed ideas of weight. I've heard guys think weights like ~130 were "obese" for women, and many men would call healthy weight women fat. So women aim for more men aim for less but they both over-assume.

Title	Is there a difference between having a height preference and having a weight preference?
Author	Thatshygurl
Upvotes	21
Comments	322
Date	July 30, 2020 7:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/i0s9un/is_there_a_difference_between_having_a_height/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-a-difference-between-having-a-height.719707 https://theredarchive.com/post/719707

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