Marriage Mega-Thread

LiftSushiDallas · 2022-01-13T03:31:57+00:00

Never wanted to get married or have kids. I have felt this way since I was 5 or 6 and now I'm 40 and have not ever changed my mind. No urge at all.

I make great money and have significant assets so what would marriage offer me in terms of provision? I don't want kids so I don't need marriage for that reason. I am in a happy 3 year relationship where we don't cohabitate and we both like it that way.

If a woman makes good money, has no debt and doesn't want kids, she is far better off having an LTR without marriage.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-01-13T03:05:19+00:00

Definitely no.

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-13T02:55:07+00:00

I have been married once and I hated it. Now, I kind of want to get married again because I like having a partner.

geyges · 2022-01-13T00:00:38+00:00

This is Ben and his wife Lynlee Renick.

Lynlee murdered Ben with the help of her bff and ex-boyfriend. She told them that Ben sexually assaulted her by having sex with her while she was sleeping. She said she did not want to be just a piece of meat to him.

Yet she had 3 extramarital sexual affairs around the time of the murder.

On the day of the murder she sexted Ben nudes to get him in the mood for the date night they had planned.

After shooting him in the back of the head, she covered up the murder for 4 years, and told police to investigate Ben's brother instead.

Everyone that ever met Lynlee said she was the nicest person ever. The only real red flag Ben ignored was that she was a single mother when he met her.

Don't ever fucking marry single mothers.

figuringMylife · 2022-01-12T20:34:54+00:00

I keep reading marriage is not worth it for men unless they have families. do most of the men in this sub not want families? if you don’t want a family then why bother women? why not find women to hookup with, a childfree woman, or if ur completely shit on luck and not willing to put in any work - prostitution or move overseas?

techr0nin · 2022-01-12T17:34:05+00:00

Marriage is for building a family. That’s it. I’m 39 married with three kids and honestly I love my wife and children and my life overall is better now than when I was single. Motivation, direction, ambition, all much higher now than when I was chasing meaningless tail.

That said I think it works for us because I make enough money that my wife is a full-time mom. Money is what ultimately kills most marriages, and the lowest point for us was when we had our first kid while I was trying to get my first business off the ground. The uncertainties and the endless tight budgetting added alot of inevitable stress and my wife as I later found out was much more depressed than she let on. But she’s a strong ride-or-die kinda woman that kept pushing me and supported me no matter what, and I never had to worry and could focus 100% of my energy on work, and in the end we persevered, and things just kept getting better. Now that our youngest is in school and we can afford hired help around the house, she has time to take care of herself in terms of mental health and physical fitness and is in better shape than she has been in probably a decade. Her body is now sexy AF to me and sex life is also as frequent and as satisfying than ever before, far better than when we were constantly tired from chasing toddlers. I’ve always been in good shape and gets attention from women, which made her insecure before when she felt like a frumpy mess towing a bunch of kids, but now that issue is gone as she got her body back. Overall I think we’re just happy and grateful. And now that my business can generally run itself, and we have built a secondary income stream via a commercial property, and with the stock market having been great for our portfolio, I’m hoping to divest some responsibilities this coming year and free up more time to travel and spend time with my family.

So really in the end is it worth it? It is for me, but that’s because my wife and I built our life together and it worked out for us. We’ve been through some tough times and supported each other through it, when in fact a million things could have gone wrong. She will say that she took a risk marrying me and there were times when she questioned her decision, but at the same time there is a level of loyalty that forms from having gone through those things that probably wouldn’t be there had she just sat on the sidelines and picked the winner. I think the way our society is structured, marriage is the obvious path but not an easy path. But hey, if you are a glass half-full kinda person, at least half of us that walk it make it. Just think hard about what you expect to get out of it and how likely you are to make it work, and go from there. Good luck.

Few-Distribution-586 · 2022-01-12T03:54:02+00:00

Companionship, safety, a sense of being loved by someone and an ass to grab on cold nights.

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2022-01-11T23:49:45+00:00

I cannot advise anyone to get married, especially men, but women too, without extensive legal documentation. Not only is a prenuptial agreement important, a postnuptial agreement is even more important. With a clause in the prenuptial agreement saying that the marriage will be annulled (not divorced) if the postnuptial agreement isn't signed. Most people don't know this but postnuptial agreements are extremely important for things like pensions, 401Ks, investments, and money and debts acquired during the marriage. Most of that you cannot protect by deferral law with a prenuptial alone, but no one talks about the postnuptial which solves those problems. And you also have to have 3 separate accounts, yours, theirs, and your shared account. The documentation must be iron clad and you must protect yourself. There is so much to lose (especially for men) and so, so little to be gained from a marriage. Just be life partners and make absolutely sure you don't live in a common law marriage state (although there are only a few of those in reality). If there are kids involved though, then I don't know. I don't feel qualified enough to comment on that. But for two people without kids? Getting married is not only pointless, but is a true danger to your economic future. You can still get a lot of other benefits conferred by marriage outside of it. For example, living wills and healthcare proxy documentation. The only downsides are that you have to have separate health insurances and that you don't get the tax savings. But the tax savings aren't worth nearly the amount to make it worth it. And this is coming from someone who has been with a partner for almost 15 years without being married. It can, and does, work with none of the risks conferred by marriage. Other than kids and religion (and even this one is pushing it) I cannot honestly see why anyone in their right mind would become legally married. Unless you really want to lock someone down so it is a punishment for them to leave, and that's a real recipe for happiness (sarcasm).

machiavellian_king · 2022-01-11T22:51:07+00:00

If you want children its good. Ideal, even.

But if you dont want kids, i dont see any benefit it it. Middle aged man here, who has never been married and doesnt think if it as a loss.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-11T22:33:51+00:00

Just to get something straight.

Marriage is still about child rearing!

But the focus has turned onto men, and men's role in child rearing.

Women predominantly get married to have children - husbands exist predominantly to assist with child rearing.

You can argue exceptions, but this is what the majority are doing.

Moreso, I've seen women reject marriage as being a "patriarchal oppression ", have children and then change their mind and get married!

This truly illustrates that it's purpose remains for child rearing.

Alphas are alphas, betas are betas. ONS are ONS, FWBs are FWBs, Husbands are Husbands. In majority, they are different men who serve different purposes to women.

Commercial-Engineer3 · 2022-01-11T22:20:24+00:00

For a man there is zero benefit.

TheBookOfSeil · 2022-01-11T20:16:13+00:00

Marriage is pointless beyond people wanting it for the social "Oohs" and "Aahs."

NarniaFox · 2022-01-11T06:39:54+00:00

What are the benefits of marriage?

A good marriage has all the benefits of a good long-term relationships and the recognition by society and legal system with all consequences of this. You're seen as a family unit and you have all the rights/benefits/risks of one. There are also some specific things like taxes, better mortgage conditions, spouse visas etc.

The risks?

All risks of an LTR + division of community property. If you have kids, custody also can be the issue, but I think you have better chances to get shared custody if you're married and are getting divorced rather than if you were just cohabitating/dating. In some countries alimony is still a thing, but it seems to happen quite rarely and it depends greatly on your and your spouse's income.

Is it worth it for you?

Sure. My husband and I have egalitarian marriage, we share responsibilities and chores evenly. For us marriage is both a way to confirm our commitment and an added level of security provided by the legal system.

Do you think it needs to be altered?

Family laws should be changed a bit here and there. In Russia we definitely need shared custody as an option, as now it isn't really possible. The US system of life-long alimony doesn't make much sense imv, I think providing the spouse that hasn't been working for a long time with some allowance for a year or so, so they could stand on their own feet is enough. They aren't entitled to being provided for till death.

nvkr_ · 2022-01-11T06:19:30+00:00

It two people at some point in their life decide to stay together forever, marriage mostly has legal benefits, such as tax reduction or some sort of security in case one of them dies. Which is probably no surprise, as marriage is mostly a legal institution to promote a certain behavior of the members of a society.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-11T05:20:27+00:00

Most women do their sexual experimentation before marriage, consequently most men these days carry some regret about getting married.

varunyadav_ · 2022-01-11T05:04:19+00:00

The future is going to be designer babies anyway,they don't care about your marriage and monogamy.

LowCreddit · 2022-01-10T21:15:07+00:00

Everything in life has a price. The price of happy children is marriage. It's that simple. In some eras, this price isn't bad. In others, the price is steep. I have been blessed in life to be able to afford this price and am currently happily married with children.

Does it need to be altered? Yes, but it is already swinging back from the peak of women's advantage in the 90's. Alimony is almost gone. Child custody is already well on its way to default 50/50. Child support and marital property are on the chopping block after that. I doubt we will ever revert bastard rights or Tender Years Doctrine.

philomexa · 2022-01-10T17:53:12+00:00

Virtually everyone I know is married, and there isn't a single divorce in my social group, family, or extended family. The doom and gloom of divorce, custody battles, spiteful exes, abuse, unhappiness, baby mama/daddy drama, alimony, child support, etc are so foreign to my life.

Per my little township outside of Chicago, only 5% of people identified as divorced, and looking at households that are headed by a husband and wife as a percent of all families, my township has Married-couple families at 89%.

As far as I gather marriage still works, is great for the community, and is the easiest way to pass down values, property, and wealth for future generations.

RDelbson · 2022-01-10T16:58:57+00:00

Marriage is a tool of the patriarchy and as a feminist I cannot support it.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-10T12:45:07+00:00

Petition to end marriage:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070827174300.htm

Savings-Switch-2090 · 2022-01-10T11:50:03+00:00

I think it is worth it, but difficult and unpredictable. I am a man and I have been married for a decade with 4 kids. If I had one piece of advice to make a headline with, it would be to marry someone emotionally stable and ambitious.

My wife’s ambition, energy and mental state were much better when we married. She went from fun and quirky to whiny and lazy with unpredictable outbursts. I pretty much do 80% of everything now - educate the kids, make sure they brush their teeth, alleviate their fears/tantrums/discipline, play with them, make all the $, handle investments, potty the dog, cook, etc. She’s a great cook but won’t cook anymore. I’m terrible at it. Oh well.

How did it get this way? She just stopped doing these things, 1 by 1. And like a giant game of chicken, I picked them up because they’re necessary. I’m sure there are many men and women who can relate.

She’s college educated with lots of skills she doesn’t use. I try to help her with whatever she thinks will heal her and not burden her with stress. Therapy, trips, medical procedures, etc. It’s not what I imagined. But the kids make it worth it.

I have a small group of male friends also in their 30s and this is the same narrative. I am skeptical of FDS and other related Reddit subs. My wife used to go on them and it was comical. I would have to interrupt her ranting at me using FDS language to literally take care of our children and finances and handle these other responsibilities that she abandoned. Yes, I like video games, I’m balding and could lose 20 pounds. I’m sure FDS considers me evil. But hold that thought, honey. I need to talk to this potential business lead calling, or a child is screaming, or the kids need dinner or I have to coordinate a play date. You’re going to descend further into that rabbit hole on your slowly fattening ass in front of our 72 inch TV? Sounds good.

At least that mercifully stopped.

I think that men and women are becoming more similar, not less. It’s making women think they can opt out of responsibilities like the “going out to get cigarettes” men of old. I’m not saying that it’s mostly men or women now. It’s just equal. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you marry someone who burdens you with too much, you will stop taking care of yourself as a sacrifice. And you should never do that.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-10T00:56:40+00:00

The elephant in the room is that modern marriage has moved from being the life of sex to the death of sex.

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-09T21:39:35+00:00

Marriage was a nightmare for me. I was basically a servant who also had to work outside the home. I don’t know if I will ever even live with a partner after the BS I put up with for 2 decades.

I would never have gotten married in the first place if not for my evangelical parents. Thankfully, I’m much healthier now.

cornfedduckman · 2022-01-09T20:09:18+00:00

Men say marriage only benefits women and women say it only benefits men.

So which is it? Why is MGTOW far larger than WGTOW?

Murphysmongoose · 2022-01-09T18:00:13+00:00

I've done it once, that time was a mistake. I would do it again though... I like the idea of having a wife, and like those new fancy metal wedding bands we can get now. Colored Tungsten and such.

Throwaway230306 · 2022-01-09T17:02:12+00:00

Take the Pechorin pill!

"However passionately I love a woman, if she only gives me to feel that I have to marry her—then farewell, love! My heart is turned to stone, and nothing will warm it anew. I am prepared for any other sacrifice but that; my life twenty times over, nay, my honour I would stake on the fortune of a card... but my freedom I will never sell."

Hero of our Time, 1840

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-01-09T16:25:59+00:00

Its a relationship between two people with the law having its hand in your business...

Marriage isn't that bad of a thing. That said, do you want someone to nag you when all you want to do is chill or constantly tag along with you nearly everywhere you go? Do you like home cooked meals and someone to look out for your best interests? Would you want someone who you feel jealous because they had a more colorful past while yours has been vanilla and now you're locked down and can't do shit about it? Do you want someone who you can laugh with?

Yeah I deliberately mixed up the positive and negative questions because they all intertwine with the person you wil be married to.

Pro tip for the married women- Do not let yourself go beauty wise (gain weight) while your husband is half your size. Love maybe blind but attraction does have senses.

ETA- I will say if I could do it all over again with the knowledge I have today, I would have made much smarter decisions. Fuck it...you live and you learn.

-passepar2t- · 2022-01-09T15:55:49+00:00

I don't know why everyone makes fun of boomers for hating marriage and their spouse. The boomers are right about this particular aspect of life.

sarkington · 2022-01-09T15:42:39+00:00

No one’s forcing nobody to do nuttin

Weddings are dumb, annoying, wasteful and unnecessary, but no more than Christmas. And I do love parts of Christmas and weddings

BigAggravating1299 · 2022-01-09T14:21:11+00:00

Marriage in the USA = Life Sentence

Nothing else to say on this matter

TheJim66 · 2022-01-09T11:25:29+00:00

It's completely obvious to anyone that marriage is only a burden to men and doesn't benefit them in any way. The problem is that you won't be able to get a woman of value to stick around with you long term without getting married.

Basically modern men are either being "blackmailed" into getting married or being duped on it. Which is why marriage is dying as an institution.

forthetinderelllas · 2022-01-09T11:16:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mittelfingerhoch2-6 · 2022-01-09T08:20:31+00:00

RP to the core. Yes. If she checks all boxes and was loyal and integer - she gets my last name.

Prenup is 101 - but as i am with a rich or in any other case could give away a fraction that does not play a role to me but lets her live care free - that'll be no problem.

Divorce 101 - lack of enthusiasm into me - or sexual longer distracted phases where i feel they lead to nowhere - wide open road.

Marriage means i agree to monogamy but not to celibacy.

AggroWeasel · 2022-01-09T04:51:15+00:00

Putting everything else aside, I find it actually insane that anyone would volunteer themselves to have sex with the same person forever.

Sex with the same woman gets goddamn boring after, like, a few months. I cannot imagine how it feels after decades.

I’ve always been so curious as to what married couples sex lives are actually like 20 years down the line. Throw in aging, and it sounds like literal hell to me.

social_mule · 2022-01-09T03:23:45+00:00

Your secretary is more likely to give you some pussy if she knows you have a wife. I guess that's a benefit haha.

But seriously...ah, nevermind. It's Saturday night and I'm getting my troll on.

Devourer_of_felines · 2022-01-09T02:46:34+00:00

As a legal contract marriage has no benefit; it’s purely a symbolic gesture of faith in the other person and a social status thing to flaunt.

Risks aren’t with marriage itself but with divorce - where anyone with a shred of honesty would tell you overwhelmingly favours the woman.

As for the stats that some of the self proclaimed intellectuals of this sub like to pull for married people make more money or are happier; that’s a laughable example of putting the cart before the horse. How these people fail to take into account that happier and more successful people are more likely to attract a long term partner in the first place is a mystery.

tiposk · 2022-01-09T02:37:39+00:00

This community is incredible polarized around the topic with red-leaning folks decrying marriage as a misandrist institution and women describing is as the holy grail of relationships, but everyone seems to forget that, as a legal institution, the effects of marriage will greatly vary based on your jurisdiction and your circumstances.

Common law has almost the same effects as marriage in many jurisdictions. Where I'm at right now, the only difference between marriage and common law marriage is that you can have a prenup with the former and separation or divorce is way more difficult. I personally have no interest going through a lengthy divorce with someone who doesn't want to be with me or vice-versa.

I also disagree that marriage automatically protects women or benefits women. If a woman makes as much or more money than her husband/partner she won't be eligible for alimony and she won't get more than she invested in the marriage. The only true way of protecting yourselves, man or woman, is to partner up/marry someone who doesn't make significantly less than you and by not becoming SAHPs.

Marriage and common law can also penalize couples making decent money or receiving government aid. If the couple is poor, divorce can financially ruin the individuals in it.

If people treated marriage or common law marriage the same way they treated other legal agreements marriages would be more successful and divorce wouldn't be so damn hard.

BadSpanglish2 · 2022-01-08T23:45:20+00:00

There's no reason to get married, when places like Canada give you all the downsides without the need for the contract.

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/no-home-or-kids-together-but-couple-still-spouses-appeal-court-rules

decoy88 · 2022-01-08T23:36:33+00:00

When people talk about marriage here they only talk about divorce. As if that’s the only pro/cons that’s involved.

I wouldn’t even say it’s about pros and cons of marriage, just the pros and cons of divorce.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-08T23:32:02+00:00

I got married a few months ago. We did it as recognition of the 13 years we'd already spent together, and the fact that we were already living as a married couple. We just wanted some of the legal benefits.

Willow-girl · 2022-01-08T23:20:24+00:00

In America, if your spouse has a major health crisis, it's highly likely you'll both be wiped out financially. In an unmarried partnership, only the sick person's assets will be seized (or will have to be "spent down" before he or she can qualify for assistance).

lemurianelf · 2022-01-08T23:08:35+00:00

-immigration -tax breaks -insurance -clear cut inheritance

Jakes1967 · 2022-01-08T22:32:30+00:00

What are the benefits of marriage?

Today, with a western woman, none

The risks?

Complete risk

Is it worth it for you?

It was 30 odd years ago

Do you think it needs to be altered?

If modern marriage were an animal, it would be put down.

stats135 · 2022-01-08T22:21:09+00:00

"What's the secret of a great marriage? It's not looks, nor intelligence, nor money — it's low expectations.” - Warren Buffett

rurunoa · 2022-01-08T22:15:15+00:00

i honestly dont know of any benefits (maybe im just too young) i know there are definitely risks since its a legal contract but im gonna marry anyway out of religious reasons

razormachine · 2022-01-08T22:15:09+00:00

I'm getting married only once the kid is on it's way, because marriage is not for her, not for me, it is for children.

I'm pretty much bulletproof against divorce rapes, having to pay alimony for my kids doesn't really bother me all that much.

geyges · 2022-01-08T22:12:44+00:00

When women pick a day for marriage, do they consider, as old masters would say their "periodical sickness"?

Vtridolla · 2022-01-08T22:09:46+00:00

Eh, if I meet someone mad special maybe. Not my focus though.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-08T21:48:47+00:00

Unless the man is Jeff Bezos, there are no benefits to marrying as a woman, only risks.

TheHeroReditDeserves · 2022-01-08T21:45:06+00:00

Oh boy this is the thread folks. We out here.

louplop · 2022-01-08T21:30:50+00:00

One of the rare (objective) benefit of marriage is for international couples. If you're not married your relationship doesn't exist for most countries/states

Slipthe · 2022-01-08T21:29:25+00:00

I honestly wonder if all the guys who say they are never going to marry have never actually been in a long term relationship with a woman they loved and wanted kids with.

John_Oakman · 2022-01-08T21:24:34+00:00

The suffering and the sacrifices are the benefits of marriage. It's all to prove to society that one is willing to submit to societal norms and expectations while contributing to the care and upbringing of kids.

Sex and love have little to do with the modern marriage, and if fact is not even strictly necessary.

Aviadcool111 · 2022-01-08T21:19:45+00:00

Besides insurance benefits and tax breaks not many reasons for a guy to get married in my opinion. The risks are that in general men marry women who make less than them and in the United States at least once a woman has benefited from being in a marriage with a higher income partner the court makes sure that they continue to benefit after divorce, this is not taking in account children which is a separate question. Therefore at least to me, marriage is not worth it and I don't really see any changes that would make me enter into one.

lissssa-13 · 2022-01-08T21:17:48+00:00

I’m not in the US but where I am there isn’t much effective difference between being married or not. Ita having children with someone that makes the difference.

I’ve known men who took on adult dependents and ended up completely fucked over by family court without the piece of paper. I personally took on an adult dependent but escaped having to pay him out on that level (don’t get me wrong, I paid but not on an ongoing basis) because we didn’t have kids, even though we were married.

My advice to everyone is to choose an equal. Looks fade, other compatibility fades less or grows and if you are on equal ground there isn’t a loser / winner when you split.

signpostcandy · 2022-01-08T21:15:18+00:00

You have to be one fucking cuck of a man to get married in 2022.

Divorce r*pe awaits you!

Decent_Foundation_62 · 2022-01-08T21:12:40+00:00

The risks (for men): You are mandated by law and by cultural pressure to continue filling your end of the bargain (i.e. spending a significant portion of your income on your wife); they are not mandated by law or cultural pressure to continue filling their end of the bargain.

Thus, the optimal strategy for men (or at least, an alternative to the red pill): Serial monogamy where you appear to be a good candidate for marriage and willing to marry, and then always bail before you become married or common law. This means you always have a woman in the 'courtship' phase where she is working extremely hard to win your commitment.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-01-08T21:11:46+00:00

In my view, there’s next to no benefits and it’s definitely not worth it.

CatoftheBanals · 2022-01-08T21:05:49+00:00

For Americans: if one of you loses his/her job or stays home to raise the kids, you can get health coverage through the other person’s plan.

And_Rue · 2022-01-08T21:01:38+00:00

Only worth it for virgins.

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Title	Marriage Mega-Thread
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	433
Date	January 8, 2022 9:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rz9v4q/marriage_megathread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marriage-mega-thread.1093943 https://theredarchive.com/post/1093943

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