Why do women do this? | PurplePillDebate

Sea-Rub-6146 · 2025-08-30T21:54:11+00:00

I've seen many women complain that men used them for sex and then left. I've always wondered why they fall for that type of man. On top of that,...

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Men can often lie about their feelings to get sex faster.

The whole premise around "someone used me for sex" implies that you had no control over the situation (which you did unless someone had forced you to do it). If both parties had consensual sex, why is it framed as a zero-sum game loss on the part of the woman? The only women who view it as "he got sex" are the ones who did it without actually finding the man attractive, but expecting some kind of commitment in return for having sex. In that case, I don't have any sympathy for those women because that's similar to guys paying for dates and expecting sex in return. No one is entitled to sex and commitment.

Yes, the guy can have sex with you and not commit. He can change his mind afterwards, not sure why this is seen as shitty. Plenty of women will go on foody dates with guys and then toss them around like nothing. And I will be telling men to be smarter about it, if it happens to you once, it's one thing, but "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

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[–]Lemon_geckoWoman, poly, somewhat blue 18 points19 points20 points 11 months ago (36 children) | Copy Link

I always wonder why men failed to understand that concept of being used for sex. My guess is that they simply want to blame women.

It’s really easy to see. I can bring an analogy that for example a man pretends to be your friend because you do something good or have access to something he likes, like I don’t know, you can vouch for him at your golf club. And as soon as you vouch he lost his interest in you. You would feel used because you did it under false pretences of being friends. Not all this bs you span here about being entitled to friendship, have no control over, using it as bargaining chips and so on.

Or a personal story, in my uni there was a girl who manipulated a guy into thinking they are in relationship so he would help with projects, labs and so on for free. He did, because he liked her and that’s what you do for people you like (or at least he did). Again, nothing about what you’ve said.

I don’t think there would be many men who will fail to sympathise with men in my examples, who will fail to see how is that being used. But when it comes to women and sex….is it defensive mechanism? Maybe they know that they do it but want to think that it’s not what it is and it’s women’s responsibility?

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[–]Lemon_geckoWoman, poly, somewhat blue 11 points12 points13 points 11 months ago* (18 children) | Copy Link

It’s unequal because it was given under false pretences and consent was conditional. Women like or don’t like sex have nothing to do with it. I like sex. Doesn’t mean i like it with you, like it always, like it with people who despise me, like it anyway you want and so on. Also lets remember that sex for women and sex for men is not the same experience, and think about how if he lied to her to get sex means that he probably wouldn’t be a good lover to begin with because it requires to be not that selfish and manipulative.

But sure, i expected that mental gymnastics of “but there was an effort, and here it wasn’t blah blah”. If you want to cover with “women like sex too” then why does a man need to pretend that he is after something else? If he has to pretend then it’s not equal exchange already. Like really, if you think women like sex equally and under same circumstances as men do, why pretend, why not just openly come to a woman and say that you're after sex and you and her will get equal exchange out of it?

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I have the right to give sex only in exchange for relationship.

You sure do, and it makes you just as much of a hypocrite and a liar as the man who fakes commitment to get sex. Because you are then willing to fake desire to get commitment.

So the situation is still fair and equal. Two people doing the same stupid thing to each other. One lies for sex. The other lies for commitment.

And if a man lied and used me for sex it was rape then, because my consent was conditional and a man didn’t pay and didn’t meet conditions.

First of all, see above. He is isn't the only one who lied. You are doing the exact same thing.

His consent to give you commitment is also conditional and depending on your desire for him. You didn't truly desire him, so you didn't meet his conditions. He isn't going to give his commitment in exchange for some "pity sex”. He only wants to commit to a partner that likes and truly wants to get sexual with him.

Secondly, what you are describing here is a covert contract: In your mind you only agreed to sex in exchange for a relationship. You women should know by now that men aren't mind readers. And covert contract are not enforceable.

So, if you want to uphold a contract, you better get it in writing and it has to be signed and sealed by both parties. Contracts that only exist in your mind are obviously not legally binding.

Thirdly, it still isn't rape. You can't retroactively revoke your consent and consent obtained through lies or broken promises usually still counts as consent in the eyes of the law, even if it was dishonest.

So, no it wasn't rape. You just got pumped and dumped by a man who only cared about your holes. Which suits you right for trying to extract commitment from a man you have no real sexual desire for.

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That logic leads to rape. If a sex worker said yes to sex than means she wanted it and i don't have to pay. (that's rape and fraud by the way). If you said yes under the conditions that i like you that means you wanted it and i can hate you, still okay. Well, guess what? no.

Edit. Fuck i just realized why is that so hard for you. One because you've never felt unsafe during sex and two because you don't give a fuck who you'll stick it into. You don't care if she hates you, likes you, or whatever as long as your dick gets wet. That's why you can't comprehend an idea of conditions based on what another person thinks/feels about me. To you it will be pleasure nonetheless and to me it would leave a sour taste, but since you can't understand it i have no right for my reaction and it means manipulating, coercing me is okay.

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I get the idea of being used for something under false pretenses, but sex is shared. It isn’t given away.

Men don't get the concept of being "used for sex" because A. Sex enough can be good enough for us. Almost nobody has to lie or manipulate a man into sex

and B. so much of consent education is "You are owed and expect nothing. Anyone can abandon you at any time for any reason and don't question it." so we can't get the idea of being "used" in a mutual agreement with no strings attached.

If someone lies to me about needing money, I have less money. It was my money, now it's theirs and they lied to get it.

If someone lied about wanting more and then had sex with me, it would still (should) have been a fun experience for both of us.

If someone pretends to be my friend to join a club, then I still helped my club get a new member who enjoys the same thing we do.

[–]Lemon_geckoWoman, poly, somewhat blue 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (8 children) | Copy Link

I've already answered about this "sex is shared" thing.

You say that men can't be used for sex a. because they want sex and no need to manipulate (so that's completely different situation) b. "you owed nothing" and while i agree that means i don't owe anything and that means that if a guy lies to me to get sex it's coercion. There is no way around it.

Having fun during it doesn't erase being used. The question is if i knew the truth would've i still chosen to do it? if not - then fun thing doesn't matter. If yes - then there is no need to lie. This logic was used to excuse rape if the victim had orgasm. Orgasm is the pleasure, but it still needs consent.

Anyway, it's really funny to see how men exercise in this mental gymnastics about how it's not really "using" how it's all good. How my examples are wrong. Well if you wanted to understand you would, otherwise it's hopeless. One question tho, why a guy needs to pretend to have different motives, different emotions toward women if it's only just sex and all will have fun and there should be no expectations?

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I can bring an analogy that for example a man pretends to be your friend because you do something good or have access to something he likes, like I don’t know, you can vouch for him at your golf club. And as soon as you vouch he lost his interest in you. You would feel used because you did it under false pretences of being friends. Not all this bs you span here about being entitled to friendship, have no control over, using it as bargaining chips and so on.

If you vouched for your friend under the premise that he is supposed to pay it back afterwards, you are the one having covert expectations. If you feel like he doesn't deserve to be vouched for , and him losing interest in the friendship is going to be so devastating for you, then don't vouch for people you haven't properly vetted. The same applies to hookups: if you want commitment, state explicitly that you only have sex in committed relationships. If you are going to be "covert" about it, then don't be surprised that your expectations are not aligned.

The only women that I have sympathy for are the ones who explicitly communicate their boundaries and then still get played. You did your best, and the guy ended up being an asshole, so you can't be blamed for this situation.

But if you didn't communicate anything and covertly expected him to somehow commit to you, it's completely on you.

I don’t think there would be many men who will fail to sympathise with men in my examples, who will fail to see how is that being used

You can sympathize with someone by understanding that they are naive. But if it turns into a consistent habit to end up being used, there is some work that needs to be done on their part (regardless of whether they are men or women) to become less naive.

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It's simply seen as shitty when there was obviously some intent to pretend something around commitment was there while knowing well that it was actually not the case.

In my experience, men who are just interested in sex were mostly obvious to identify and most of the time would not openly pretend anything else. But I know that in some other social circles, some men can go far to get the sex they want...

Of course commitment is not anything that anyone is entitled to. And men can change their mind about it at any time. But when women say they felt "used for sex" they often talk about 2 main situations in my opinion.

1) The guy did genuinely change his mind after a short time. There was no intent of pretending anything to obtain sex. The woman feel like she was used just for sex. She may or may not assume bad intend from the guy.

2) The guy clearly led her to believe there was commitment while fully aware all the time he was not interested in that with her. And all that as a way to get sexual with her knowing she probably wouldn't want it if she knew he wasn't interested into committing to a relationship with her.

The second case is a clear case of assholeness, like any situation where a person trumps another.

Men can often lie about their feelings to get sex faster.

If both parties had consensual sex, why is it framed as a zero-sum game loss on the part of the woman? The only women who view it as "he got sex" are the ones who did it without actually finding the man attractive, but expecting some kind of commitment in return for having sex. In that case, I don't have any sympathy for those women because that's similar to guys paying for dates and expecting sex in return. No one is entitled to sex and commitment.

While I agree that in this case, I wouldn't have any sympathy either. I do not agree that the only women viewing it that way are the ones you describe. There is many reasons to prefer not to have sexual intercourse with people outside of at least some level of honest commitment. For example, you may get attached a lot to someone you have regular sex with, and you may not want to get attached or fall in love with a guy who is ultimately not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.

Plenty of women will go on foody dates with guys and then toss them around like nothing.

And that would be exactly the same kind of assholeness!

And I will be telling men to be smarter about it, if it happens to you once, it's one thing, but "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

Which is fair, but it doesn't change the fact that the women doing that are assholes.

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The guy clearly led her to believe there was commitment while fully aware all the time he was not interested in that with her. And all that as a way to get sexual with her knowing she probably wouldn't want it if she knew he wasn't interested into committing to a relationship with her

Unless you have ironclad, 100% proof that he was leading you on, you can't just assume that his initial intentions were faulty. In reality, unless the guy tells you or brags to others that he "smashed and dashed", you can never know his intentions. If you don't know, you shouldn't assume things. Most women feel like this happens, but don't have proof, and still keep saying that they got used which is disingenuous.

I only have sympathy for women who explicitly communicate their boundaries before having sex. If after doing that, you have sex and he leaves, he was most probably leading you on, and, in that case, I can have sympathy for your plight. But if you are not explicitly communicating and have covert expectations of commitment, I cannot have any sympathy for you.

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why did he have to pretend that it was something more than sex?

Because it increases his chances?

Women agree to sex in the hopes of getting something, usually a relationship but the man doesnt fulfill his end of the bargain. And i get it, its not fair, its essentially the equivalent of being scammed if he promised a relationship.

But the woman in this scenario tried to use sex as a bargaining chip to get something from a man, who is more or less a stranger usually. She trusted a stranger where there isnt any sort of obligation or guarantee to uphold your words that he will give her what he promised. You can call that man a liar, a fraud whatever but you cant really say the woman was used because sex isnt something that should be used as a bargaining chip anyway, otherwise its just a form a prostitution. Because just as how a man isnt entitled to sex just because he paid for dinner or did a lot of simping for a woman who was giving him signs and whatnot, a woman isnt entitled to a relationship just because she had sex with a guy

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most women who hook up with 10s know that it’s never going to go anywhere.

That is almost true. Women love to try to lock down a hot guy for commitment, until they realize later in life that they can’t, and eventually settle for their match.

It’s the average men… The fives and sixes who pretend to care about them and lie to women in order to get laid and then ghost them as soon as they get what they want.

Nope. Once the 5s and 6s women realize that they can’t lockdown 10s, the equivalent 5 or 6 guy is more than happy with what he can get. And will gladly stay in a relationship for regular sex and some consistent love. Average men don’t have the luxury of ghosting.

You would be shocked if you actually knew some of the hoops these men will jump through to get laid… He will invest a lot of time and energy because he can’t get laid otherwise.

That makes the point even further. Yes, average men jump through a lot of hoops to try to get laid, but not to pump and dump. Only 9s and 10s get to pump and dump without jumping through hoops.

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I’m talking about dating in the real world not just the apps. All these studies you guys like to mention about dudes in the top 10% are just based on swiping patterns when women are on the apps… But most women aren’t actually on the apps anymore, and when they are on them, they aren’t taking it very seriously because dating apps have become trash.

If you think you are going to find the love of your life by sliding into a strangers DM’s on Instagram or swiping through endless profiles on Tinder, then you are very very misguided. You actually have to leave your house and interact with the real world.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t use dating apps at all, I’m just saying that you can’t rely on them exclusively and you can’t rely on data from them to form your worldview when it comes to the behavior of men and women. They can be a great way to meet new people and practice your social skills… But women’s behavior when it comes to selection on dating apps is wildly different than it is in the real world.

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Many men can tell what type of guy other men are quite easily. I'm not joking, when I was 12, barring maybe a couple exceptions, I could have told you which classmates would have girlfriends in high school, which ones wouldn't, and which ones would play the field. So I can understand why some find it frustrating that woman can't tell.

An arbitrary amount of dates? Expensive dates? A verbal commitment? Like specifically, if you were a woman, how would you solve this problem?

Those things might actually be a good idea.

The perverse catch-22 is that women who are not promiscuous and very selective don't end up filtering for Mr. Right, they filter for Don Juan. If he's the only guy who could get you to sleep with him, he can get any woman to sleep with him and thus has no reason to commit to you (or anyone).

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[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 12 points13 points14 points 11 months ago (12 children) | Copy Link

I agree that some women are a little bit crazy when it comes to being attracted to extremely handsome men, sleeping with them, and then acting surprised when those men drop them for better options. The same exact way some men are a little bit crazy for desiring a super hot woman, marrying her, having kids with her, and then playing the victim when she divorces him, takes his money and leaves him for a better, wealthier man. This is a human problem, not a gender problem.

But for the most part, the majority of people are pretty well balanced when it comes to partner selection. Those super hot 10/10 guys don’t typically have to lie to women to get them to have sex with them. It’s actually those mid sixish men who are the ones who need to lie in order to get what they want. A woman will be reasonably attracted to him, think he’s a good man (because he will pretend to be so), he will treat her well and then he will just disappear when he gets what he wants. The Chads don’t bother lying because they don’t have to lie in order to get laid.

Your advice is very naïve and indicates that you have little life experience when it comes to this stuff. You’re just parroting what you’ve heard other jealous men say online.

[–]TheGloriousEv0lutionNo Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (8 children) | Copy Link

But for the most part, the majority of people are pretty well balanced when it comes to partner selection.

I agree most couples are relatively balanced, and most studies agree with this

His point is a man who’s an 8 probably wouldn’t settle down with a 5 or 6, but he’d probably hookup with one. When I used to go out a lot, I knew plenty of guys who hooked up with bigger or relativity less attractive women because it’s much easier than hooking up with a woman his own league. Sometimes you just want the easier lay instead of going through the whole courting process

I donagree 10/10 6’3 gigachads can hookup with just about anyone and they’re not hooking up with ugly women like TRP suggests, but most men aren’t like that

I don’t think it’s hugely prevalent either, but sometimes I see a woman complaining about a man using her for sex and I see the man she’s talking about and I’m like, “well yeah, it should be obvious lol.” I’d say the same thing about a rich, socially awkward nerd getting divorced by an attractive supermodel

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheGloriousEv0lutionNo Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]QuirkyPanda007 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (4 children) | Copy Link

The Tea app photos you’re talking about were obviously cherry picked to show some of the least attractive women and they are putting up photos taken in the privacy of the woman’s own home, used simply to verify their identities… Terrible lighting, terrible angles, no makeup, etc. They are being put against more flattering photos that these men chose to put out publicly on their own dating apps. Not exactly a scientific study if you ask me. Women of all types used that app… Gorgeous women, skinny women, ugly women, fat women, etc.

You really need to sharpen your critical thinking skills. You’re basically letting stupid internet memes dictate your outlook on life. The Internet has destroyed your brain. Please step outside, read a book, engage with real human beings and try experiencing the real world for a little bit.

[–]QuirkyPanda007 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Dude… You seriously scrolled through 2000+ photos of leaked data looking for a “single fuckable” one?

Did you ever think that there might be more productive things you could be doing with your time? Maybe putting in some effort to improve your life somehow?

And I don’t believe you when you say that every day you regularly see “obese whales” with athletic men. You probably saw a regular dude grocery shopping with his pregnant wife once and use that to justify your entire warped view of women in general.

Anyways, I clearly said that “most women aren’t complaining about the 10/10 guy using them for sex. They aren’t stupid”. You do realize that most women aren’t even on dating apps and they definitely aren’t on the Tea app. I don’t mean this as an insult to these women, but a lot of the women on the Tea app are either incredibly insecure or have been traumatized in their past… You are taking a very, very small pool of specific women and applying their behavior to all women in general.

You need to get off the Internet for a while and go live in the real world.

[–]QuirkyPanda007 [score hidden] 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKim1 point 11 months ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You think that if you go on a date with a woman and she doesn’t commit to you then that means she “used” you?

Something tells me these women are not trying to use you for a free meal… They’re probably trying to go on a date with you to get to know you and then, based on your vibes, once they get to know you, they bail. That’s not the same thing as getting used. That’s just getting rejected. Try not treating a date like a transactional arrangement and you might have better luck.

It’s your fault. Stop paying for everything if you can’t afford it. Stop asking women out if they haven’t reciprocated interest. Don’t go out with the kind of women that expect you to pay for everything. Choose cheaper restaurants. Do whatever you need to do, but just because a woman doesn’t commit to you after going on a date with you does not mean that she used you.

[–]Swimming_Skill_2078 2 points3 points4 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 7 points8 points9 points 11 months ago* (12 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry, but this is absolutely terrible advice.

Stay away from quality men that other women want?? So are you implying that any man who has options is going to be a piece of shit? You’re implying that women need to date a man so beneath her that he has no other options and this is the only way she can expect to be treated well by a man? That really doesn’t say anything good about the male species in general, does it?

Ask your father to check him out? Number one, my father is dead. Number two, a lot of women don’t even know their fathers. Number three, there’s absolutely no way that a man who barely knows another man is going to be able to tell if that man is a good man or not. The only thing he’s going to judge that man on is how good he is at kissing his ass and how much money he makes. Men used to essentially sell their daughters to men for marriage, and they couldn’t have cared less if he were a good man or not. This is basic history. Just because a man is a father does not automatically make him a good man and it does not automatically mean that he cares about his daughter’s happiness at all.

Suggesting that women must “demand” to be engaged before having sex with a man is just insane. First of all, marriage is a very big deal and should not be taken lightly. Expecting people to live a life of celibacy just because they aren’t engaged or married is ridiculous and that’s how people end up marrying people they don’t even really know. The fact that you think that this strategy actually worked for women in the past is insane. This has never worked and it never will. Men are amazing actors when it comes to getting what they want and they will play the long game when they have to. I prefer actually getting to know them well before wasting years of my life with them or getting engaged to them.

The only way to even try to determine if a man is a good person who actually values you is to just actually have sex with him and then see how he treats you afterwards. Having sex with a man is how you learn about him… Is he a selfish/lazy lover or does he actually care about your wants as much as his own? Has he broken his brain sexually by consuming excessive amounts of porn? After you sleep with him, does he suddenly start treating you differently or does he treat you with even more kindness and affection. The only way to actually learn these things about a man is by having sex with him and seeing what happens. Also, I guess this may come as a surprise to you, but a lot of women actually enjoy having sex and don’t view it as having given something away or losing anything.

Your advice would make things much much worse for women, not better.

[–]ColbyXXXXPurple Pill Man, Smokes weed, untrustworthy 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 6 points7 points8 points 11 months ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

A man is not a piece of shit for wanting casual sexual partners just to enjoy sex with… Neither is a woman who wants this. They become a piece of shit when they lie about it and act like they want more in order to manipulate someone into sleeping with them.

As a woman who actually dates men, trust me when I tell you that the men with less options are the ones who are more likely to lie in order to get casual sex. The 10/10 men don’t need to bother lying.

Either way, you are basically implying that the only reason the man with less options will stay with a woman is because she’s the only woman he can get. Like it’s unreasonable for a woman to want a man to just want to be with her because he cares about her… you’re saying the only way you will get a man to stay with you is by picking one who nobody else wants. There might be a shred of truth in that when it comes to human psychology, but it is still terrible dating advice and doesn’t solve any real problems. It’s just a tired red pill talking point from men who are jealous because they are the ones who don’t have the options and they want women to settle for them.

[–]ASnowfallOfCherry 2 points3 points4 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]BrainMarshalIf you have to work for it, she's not into you. [Man] 2 points3 points4 points 11 months ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]BrainMarshalIf you have to work for it, she's not into you. [Man] 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DenverKimPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Women have the power to choose who they do or do not date, but they cannot make someone date them who doesn’t want to. Men have that exact same level power.

Any man who literally gives upon dating because women possess the free choice to date or not date them, shouldn’t be in the dating pool and their genes should die off. It’s what they deserve.

But those men aren’t quitting dating simply because women have the ability to choose, they are quitting because like life in general, it requires effort, it requires facing rejection and it takes some patience. Those men aren’t capable of this, they just expect everything to be handed to them, so they quit instead of putting in any effort… and I promise you that is exactly what women want them to do. Quit. Give up. And leave them alone.

[–]BrainMarshalIf you have to work for it, she's not into you. [Man] 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Any man who literally gives upon dating because women possess the free choice to date or not date them, shouldn’t be in the dating pool and their genes should die off. It’s what they deserve.

What entitled nonsense, and lies to boot. Men are quitting dating because dating is nothing but exploitation of men now: a game of extracting labor and performance from men to feed women's egos.

they are quitting because like life in general, it requires effort, it requires facing rejection and it takes some patience.

Funny how women actively avoid this level of effort and actively sidestep the risk of rejection, but when men do it, you all shit-talking.

Those men aren’t capable of this, they just expect everything to be handed to them,

Women have it all handed to them. They don't contribute even a shred of courtship, women don't do anything to make a man feel wanted or valued.

Quit. Give up. And leave them alone.

You do realize that when men do this, women are also left lonely, too. This isn't 7000 years ago where one man fucked 20 women. Not yet, anyway. We're not even back to the time where 80% of women were procreating and only 40% of men were.

We're at a point right where men and women are reproducing equally. In fact, in places like France, more men are having kids than women are.

When men walk away, women do without as well. This is M.A.D. if it gets serious.

[–]BillRuddickJrPhdNo Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

you’re saying the only way you will get a man to stay with you is by picking one who nobody else wants.

"Lack of options" doesn't necessarily mean "Nobody else wants".

Just because he feels you're the best option for him at the time and fortunate to be with you doesn't mean there aren't many other women who'd happily take your place. I promise you there are guys as good-looking as anyone you've been with, with stable jobs who, for one of many possible reasons, just aren't actively looking to date. He might be focused on other things. He might even be in a bad relationship. Or maybe he just sucks at dating. That doesn't necessarily mean he sucks at boning, being hot, or at being an awesome boyfriend. He just sucks at meeting people, but lucky you, you happen to know him because of some happenstance.

But this cannot and will not ever happen for you if you restrict your dating pool to apps and men you don't already know (friends, acquittances, friends' exes, etc.). And if you're only attracted to the type of men who put themselves out there and are out on the hunt, things are going to be very difficult for you if you want a loving committed relationship if you're not willing to date down.

[–]Few-Yesterday9628Woman 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]ColbyXXXXPurple Pill Man, Smokes weed, untrustworthy 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Logical_Breadfruit49Purple Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Waiting to get married or at least engaged was a very effective strategy for securing commitment from a man. In fact it was practically necessary because birth control did not exist in the past the way it does now. Shotgun weddings were a huge part of the early 1900s dating culture.

You seem to think that you need to have sex with a man before "wasting years of your life with them". You realize there are more ways to spend time with a man than having sex with him, right? And even then, you can do stuff besides sex? Like making out, oral, dry humping, lap dances?

The strategy you suggested of having sex first can work, but it will take a lot of sex with a lot of men to meet the right one. A lot of men will not want to commit to a woman who has sex so easily. It is a simple fact of reality.

[–]ASnowfallOfCherry 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Logical_Breadfruit49Purple Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This problem was already solved a long time ago. There are two answers: engagement ring and marriage. They might be too extreme in today's day and age, but there are some close proxies:

- Has he introduced you to his parents and friends? Can you complain to his mom if he hits and quits?

- What do his friends think of him? His female friends? Can you complain to them if he hits and quits?

- Does he have a reputation to lose if he hits and quits? Like is he well known in the community? If so, he would be risking his public image if he hits and quits.

- Do you have male relatives, such as a protective brother or cousin who could avenge you in some way if he hits and quits?

I'm sure if you gave it some thought, you could come up with more honest signals of commitment. These are just what came to me right away. I feel like they're pretty self explanatory.

[–]onlyaseekerRed Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]J-MAMA 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

You're so eager to hear what you want that you don't look at what they're actually showing you.

Actually listen and watch, you can afford not to fuck the guy you think you like for a few weeks while you figure out this huge pitfall you guys supposedly put so much such stock in but can't seem to ever get past.

You're acting like men don't have women tell them bullshit all the time. It's pretty clear who's doing what if you look past the pretty face, but then you wouldn't get dicked down like you want and also be able to sit there and complain about it like you like. No one forced you to open your legs, if all it takes is a guy telling you the answer you want to hear to an easily passable litmus test and it's the end of the world when they do it then you either need a better test, or you don't care as much as you say because you're getting something else out of it.

[–]RedhotangelxxxNo Pill woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

WOOOOOOOOW you are meaaaan! I have never felt used for sex! I was speaking in broad terms to show that I can understand how some people do feel that way - sympathy, which you should maybe try to have for others? I have had sex on the second date with multiple people yes, and I did not do it ”in hopes of getting a relationship with them”, I did it because I wanted to, and they wanted to, and we did get into a relationship after because we liked eachother. It has never not worked for me, and the fact that you have such a disgusting attitude towards people who do sleep with someone early on is crazy to me.

If someone desperately hopes to get into a relationship with a man and hopes that having sex with him will make him want her back, then yeah, waiting is the right thing to do but it doesn’t guarantee that the guy won’t break your heart. Sex is fun, and where I’m from it’s not uncommon to hook up early on and still pursue a relationship with eachother. If someone is in that situation where they’re lied to about the other person’s intentions I will have sympathy for them, because being lied to sucks, and in my experience it is uncommon.

[–]Lemon_geckoWoman, poly, somewhat blue 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]OppositePerspicacityBoth genders suck-pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (11 children) | Copy Link

You have two types of women, women who can control their biology, and women who can't.

Some women will see a terrible guy obviously trying to only have sex with them, but because their vagina is tingling, and they think they can change his mind, she gives in to that momentary pleasure despite her better judgement.

She got used for sex and the guy leaves, but instead of taking responsibility for her own actions, she will instead put the blame on the man, and in some cases, on all men in general. That way she doesn't have to reckon with her own emotional weakness and immaturity.

The women who can control their biology, can resist their hormones long enough until they can get the man to commit first. These are the high-value women in my opinion, and they usually don't take shit from anyone.

[–]Plus_Ball_5990Purple Pill Woman:partyparrot::snoo_smile::orly: -2 points-1 points0 points 11 months ago (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]OppositePerspicacityBoth genders suck-pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]waffleznstuff30Blue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's intent. Meaning the man knows he just wants sex nothing else but chooses to not make that known up front.

If you withhold an important part of information that the man is only seeking this for sex but pretends he is trying to court her. Yes she can and will feel used. But if it is a hook up with no indication it could be something more. And she feels used that is on her and she should be a bit stricter on boundaries.

There are ways to vet this. But the men get really mad. You wait to have sex (but apparently if you do that you aren't attracted to them). You can pay attention to effort and consistency over time. Usually a guy who is more intentional about dating and getting to know you will move at your pace and won't put a time frame on getting sex. But if a guy is really desperate he could play the long con?

[–]Few-Yesterday9628Woman -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]aslfingerspellPurple Pill Man 4 points5 points6 points 11 months ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Dating advice for men sometimes pedestalizes women as having these super advanced social skills or sixth sense for men's personalities or dangerousness.

I.e. that our insecurities about balding, height, nervousness about virginity is turning women off, or that women can "smell" being fake or something, and that "authenticity is attractive".

It's common on the internet to blame men's personalities, or self-worth, or whatever on not being attractive to women.

There is this idea that women can see through men, that a lifetime of fearing sexual violence makes them hyperaware of how men present themselves, that they can just "sense" that "something is off".

To be clear I don't think women have these magical social skills or danger sense, but the confusion comes from why women's sixth sense picks up mild autism but not a history of domestic violence, or why quietly being upset about dating apps is "incel rhetoric" a woman can "smell" but actual date rapists still get dates.

[–]Few-Yesterday9628Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

There is this idea that women can see through men, that a lifetime of fearing sexual violence makes them hyperaware of how men present themselves, that they can just "sense" that "something is off".

The idea is only had by misogynists and incels so they can deflect and blame women for any and everything bad that happens to them.

but the confusion comes from why women's sixth sense picks up mild autism but not a history of domestic violence,

I'm baffled how this is confusing. Most people can generally tell when someone is a bit.. off. This isn't even a gender thing.

That ability is nowhere near related to being able to tell whether someone has enacted certain behaviors in their past or will in their future. When it comes to violent men, they all have a first victim. How would those women have known?

Would you be able to tell if a woman had a promiscuous past after one date? No. You wouldn't. She can lie. So can men.

or why quietly

Quietly? If they were quiet no one would know they existed. They are not quiet.

but actual date rapists still get dates.

Circling back to my first point. There's a new documentary that everyone is talking about called "Unknown Number: Highschool Catfish".

This woman fooled an entire town for over a decade. How does that happen if everyone is supposed to just be able to tell when someone is horrible? There's thousands of stories identical to it. "I've known him my whole life, I never would have expected" and "she was a member of the PTA and so involved, no one would have ever expected this!"

[–]aslfingerspellPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Lying about wanting commitment is not sexual coercion. Rape orgasms are a physical reaction, not fun from something agreed to.

My rapist lied to me, but it was about agreeing to not have sex on the date then forcing me to once I got there. I didn't have enjoyable, consensual sex after promises of commitment. My body was violently violated. I wasn't simply given a sales pitch about the full product then ditched after the free sample.

Even if you only gave consent because of it, consent includes the idea that further sex and romance is not entitled or guaranteed to anyone, and that anyone can withdraw their part (whether genuine or lied about) any time for any reason.

If a man says "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life.", then never calls back, that's not coercion. She is not entitled to romance or further sex with his body, and she had consensual sex.

If a woman says "We can have sex if we watch a movie together." that's not kidnapping me to the movie theatre with false pretenses of sex. I was not entitled to sex, and we watched a movie.

I also know what actually being kidnapped is like too.

[–]ASnowfallOfCherry 3 points4 points5 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Few-Yesterday9628Woman -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Lemon_geckoWoman, poly, somewhat blue -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Few-Yesterday9628Woman 0 points1 point2 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Perfect-Resist5478Purple Pill Woman -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JadeGrapesPurple Pill Woman -3 points-2 points-1 points 11 months ago (7 children) | Copy Link

"That type of man" does not announce his intentions.

You see, human beings are capable of deception. Everyone thinks they are great at detecting lies, but literally no one is, even trained professionals are barely better than a coin toss.

So none of us have a working lie detector. So we have to infer trustworthiness from things like; a lifestyle that requires him to be reliable. And behavior that seems pro-social.

Then basically the only other tool is time. So women are forced to artificially put brakes on a developing relationship INTENDING to frustrate the man sufficiently that ONLY someone very persistent would bother.

But persistence is not the same are trustworthiness. We have a word for people sho can wait a long time to spring a trap: "A long con"

So a better question, is why don't men be honest up front, or socially bully those you lie to women?

Imagine a world, where you hear a guy friend say "I finally got with ___, but I'm gonna cut her loose" and YOU say "Thats pretty shitty, she's gonna feel used. I can't be friends with people who do shit like that."

[–]PrecisionHatPurple Pill Man 2 points3 points4 points 11 months ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]EdayumzPurple Pill Woman -2 points-1 points0 points 11 months ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]PrecisionHatPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]EdayumzPurple Pill Woman -2 points-1 points0 points 11 months ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]PrecisionHatPurple Pill Man 1 point2 points3 points 11 months ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]EdayumzPurple Pill Woman -2 points-1 points0 points 11 months ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PrecisionHatPurple Pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Siukslinis_accBlue Pill Woman -3 points-2 points-1 points 11 months ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Why do women do this?
Author	Sea-Rub-6146
Upvotes	25
Comments	261
Date	August 30, 2025 9:54 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n4dp0z/why_do_women_do_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-do-this.1560912 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560912

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