To all my Jewish sisters, please be careful. Antisemitism is alive and well.

I went to dinner with a guy from my university. I wore my star of David necklace to the dinner. While we were waiting for our food, he pointed out my star of david. At first I thought he was going to compliment my jewelry.

He made a holocaust joke. To my face. On a date.

I stared at him for a minute.

“Did you seriously just make a holocaust joke?”

He had a shit-eating grin on his face. “It’s just a joke, calm down.”

“Did you honestly think I was going to think that was funny?”

At this point he was starting to get flustered. “Well, no. I just wanted to see your reaction.”

“So you made an insensitive joke, knowing I wouldn’t think it was funny, just to see how I would react about you making light of the Holocaust?”

He started trying to apologize and make excuses but I tuned it out. I flat out ignored him as he tried to plead with me. I collected my food and I left and biked back home.

Ladies, I really wish I could say that this was the first time that anything like this has happened to me but unfortunately it isn’t. Myself, and I’m assuming many of my Jewish sisters have dealt with antisemitism from others. For me, it’s ranged from people committing microagressions like smiling in my face as they tell me that I should accept the true prophet, Jesus Christ, to people making Holocaust jokes to and about me. For others, it might be worse.

Dating as a woman is already dangerous and difficult due to the sheer amount of violence from men, but for us Jewish women, we have a whole extra layer of vetting to do. Antisemitism is alive and well. It never left. And so many men in my generation grew up with the internet and meme culture insisting that holocaust and nazi jokes were comedy gold. “It’s just dark humor,” they claim. Antisemitic rhetoric is pervasive and insidious.

Unfortunately, most antisemites don’t identify themselves with a swastika tattooed on their arm, so that we’d know to avoid them. They’re much more sly than that. It is unfortunately up to us to vet men and observe their actions to find out what they’re really like, as I’m sure all you ladies, Jewish or otherwise, already know. Not only do we have to be on high alert for misogyny, but we have to be on high alert for antisemitism as well. You never really know. I’ve had friends and dated people in high school that I later found out made holocaust jokes when I wasn’t around, or had friends who did.

I wish I could offer a surefire way to spot an antisemite but I’m sorry to say that I can’t. My best advice is to pay close attention to how he talks about other marginalized groups, how “dark” his humor is, the way his family acts, and the kinds of friends he has.

And I know that I’m preaching to the choir when I say this but, do not entertain any non-Jewish man that practices antisemitic behavior. Do not explain yourself, do not ingratiate yourself, do not hide yourself. When I was younger I used to do that. My grandfather told my mother and I to not tell anyone that we are Jewish, because of situations like this. Nowadays I wear my star of David every day. It honestly helps weed out antisemites in a lot of cases.

But the main takeaway here is to please be careful. All that happened to me was a stupid joke, but to other women it might be as serious as a hate crime. Always have protection, always have pepper spray, and always stay on high alert. Let this story be a small reminder of the reality we live in. It doesn’t matter where you live, this kind of behavior is always around. I’ve lived in a super liberal/progressive area all my life and this shit still happens to me.

For any sister who has dealt with something similar, my dms are open.