Do I just have to be a bitch, then?

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-07T20:44:41+00:00

It's their projection speaking. Those kind of men are only nice to and look at women they want to fuck, so they think if you're looking at them, you must be interested.

leadmemories · 2021-09-07T20:42:50+00:00

A car stopped by me on my walk home and he offered to give a ride because I, too “made eye contact and smiled at him.” Am I to look down where I walk with a straight face? Sorry I was in a great mood, bro - and I was smiling at the world.. thanks for ruining that though.

We really can’t win.

bonghits4jess · 2021-09-07T21:02:56+00:00

Yup, Ive realized as part of my FDS journey that you cannot be nice to these men cause they misconstrue everything! One guy I met off a dating app assumed I wanted to fuck him simply because I wasn’t wearing a bra even though I don’t wear bras like 90% of the time. I don’t acknowledge stranger men at all, I’ve trained myself to appear like I’m looking through them as if they aren’t there at all. Even when they smile at me I just stare at them blankly. I’d rather come off as a bitch then overly friendly.

iheartnoodlez · 2021-09-07T21:29:20+00:00

Yes. Be an Ice Queen for your own SAFETY. Sorry you had to deal with that obvious pedo who was clearly hoping you were 15 so he could creep on you even more.

MissouriBlue · 2021-09-07T20:46:32+00:00

As I was raised “Southern”, we all smile, nod, and/or say a greeting… I’m glad I’m immersed in solitude! 😳

starlight_sequence · 2021-09-07T20:50:11+00:00

What terrifies me about your story is... how much younger than 20 could he have thought that you are, without actively wanting you to be a minor?

And you're totally right. I've noticed that I actively avoid even polite eye contact or conversation with men in public because I've had too many instances of them reading into it as flirting.

One especially egregious instance... back in college I worked at a very popular but small store in the community, and we had a lot of regulars that you'd start to recognize and maybe even be on a first name basis with.

One day I was at a coffee shop and saw one of our regular customers sitting at a table. This man looked like a literal toad -- old, fat, ugly, but had always been friendly so I didn't think anything of it. I smiled and waved at him, took my coffee, and went to the park across the street to do some homework.

This man followed me to the park and sat down next to me. And he said "You smiled at me so beautifully, I couldn't just let you walk away like that."

I was completely flabbergasted, realizing this man thought I was flirting with him. I said something like, "Oh yeah, you come into STORE NAME every week, you know, where I WORK, so I waved."

It didn't seem like he recognized me until I pointed it out. This toad-man thought that I, an attractive early-20-something, was flirting with him.

Thankfully he left me alone very quickly after that, but my goodness.

sunnybee10 · 2021-09-07T21:24:05+00:00

What a creep. I used to smile and make eye contact with men out of politeness, but I’ve learned to look straight past them like they don’t exist. The last time that shook me was when I was at the gym and I smiled at a guy in passing. I thought nothing of it, but as time went on I noticed he was following me around the gym, staring. I even went into the locker room and stayed for a few minutes thinking he’d think I left, but no. When I thought I’d avoided him, he ended up following me to my car. He said something but I was too panicked to hear exactly what, and he literally stood outside my door until I drove off. I stopped going there after that out of pure anxiety. It’s not worth it to give men even a split second’s glance.

Technusgirl · 2021-09-07T21:30:55+00:00

I'm sorry, it seems like as females we can't be sociable or polite and if we're not, we get yelled at and called bitches. I always avoid eye contact with men for this very reason but I also have social anxiety which is another reason I do that. I feel violated if someone I don't know looks me in the eyes, but that's just me.

Don't look at strange men, don't smile at them, don't talk to them unless you are a co-worker, asking for help, or something along those lines. Even when a guy says hello to me or good morning, I ignore them. I don't know you man, fuck off.

lookingforuni6789 · 2021-09-07T22:05:22+00:00

These are the same men that stop us to tell us to smile.

podPHD · 2021-09-08T00:06:48+00:00

I look everyone in the eye... And as a married women, if a man gets pissy and asks why... I always say "it's so I can easily pick you out of a line up, if needed." That shuts them the fuck up.

KindredMaximus · 2021-09-07T21:22:55+00:00

I've found this to be a big difference in city and country people. People in the city think any small friendliness is flirting but when I go home to my island, I can revert back to eye contact and good mornings when I walk because they are all doing it too. I don't look at anyone when I'm walking in the city or it's surrounding suburbs.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-07T21:00:42+00:00

Had a man grab my breast because I entered the tiny elevator behind him (I had just given birth and stairs were rough) and politely smiled at him. Apparently that’s all he needed.

Now I straight up mean mug every guy I see. I take my big ass dogs everywhere I can and usually wear headphones that still allow ambiance so I can keep a check on my surroundings but look unapproachable.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-09-07T21:34:42+00:00

Oh for heaven’s sake! I make eye contact because it projects alertness so evil scrotes don’t think they can sneak up on me. I can’t believe this one thought it meant something.

europoor24 · 2021-09-07T21:01:46+00:00

He thought you were younger then 20?? eww someone has a pedo fantasy

aquietsword · 2021-09-07T23:21:08+00:00

It's not you. Men are just FULL of shit. I got stopped at a grocery store a little while back. No eye contact. Mask on. This scrote AT LEAST 10 years older than me (extra creepy because I look younger than I am as well) stopped me during my grocery run to make small talk under the bullshit excuse of "you look familiar." The inevitable can I have you number followed. And when I said no the dumbfuck was like "oh do you have a boyfriend?" To which I said no lol.

If you didn't smile this guy still would have found a way to say stupid entitled shit.

ro0ibos2 · 2021-09-07T23:53:40+00:00

Does he seriously expect a 20-year-old to not be youthful looking? 🤦

Zeniite · 2021-09-07T23:33:44+00:00

This reminds me of when I was 22 and spent a week in Paris by myself. On my last day, I had 3 creepy run ins with men, but the most memorable was when I got off the subway and was walking along the platform to get to the stairs leading to the surface. I briefly glanced at the train with its doors still open and had a split second of eye contact with a man who was seated. I go up the stairs. I try to put my ticket in the machine so the turnstiles will unlock and let me through. The machine rejects my ticket. Next thing, the man from the train is there and offers me his ticket in French. I’m freaked out and was speechless for a second. Then he switches to English and offers again. I switch to Spanish (so he’s less likely to be able to try to speak to me) to say that I don’t understand, then jump over the turnstile, and run up the stairs and all the way to my hotel. Fucking men!

Sea_Soil · 2021-09-07T23:42:20+00:00

Unfortunately this is why I mostly avoid eye contact with men. They all seem to take it as an invitation to hit on me. I don't know when literally just looking at someone turned into "I want you to fuck me" but here we are 🤷🏽‍♀️

It also just makes me sad that it seems impossible for men to interact with women without the ulterior motive of sex/romance. Why can't we just be friends man. I'm bi and even with other wlw there's never this automatic ulterior motive we can literally just treat each other platonically. Yet it seems like to every man I'm not a person, just a potential mate.

vaporwav3r · 2021-09-08T00:06:15+00:00

You can’t win with these dudes. A few years ago I was doing food delivery on a bike (in NYC). Apparently I made contact with this guy who was in the restaurant also waiting on food. Anyway, I get the food, pack it and leave.. 2 blocks away the same guy from the restaurant catches up to me on his skates. And tried to holler at me because he says we made eye contact in the restaurant and he thought we had a moment.. I was flabbergasted. Thankfully it was in broad daylight but damn, this guy was delusional.

djfrankenjuice · 2021-09-08T00:09:21+00:00

You can avoid eye contact all you want. You will still get a random guy tapping you on your shoulder asking you to take your ear bud out while you’re carrying crap to tell you “you’re beautiful.” 🙄

Helpful_Stock · 2021-09-08T00:24:39+00:00

LVM: why do women have to act like bitches when we're just trying to be nice and say hello? Also LVM: continues to violate women's boundaries, harasses them in public, becomes enraged when rejected, won't take no for an answer, manipulates and gaslights to get what he wants

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-09-07T22:47:46+00:00

say you wanted a trainer battle

HamburgerFries8 · 2021-09-07T22:58:25+00:00

This is ridiculous. This reminds me of something in Eastern culture where if a woman makes eye contact with a man, it's considered illicit, but I didn't realize that this was a thing in the West too. I try to train myself such that if I happen to make eye contact with a man, not to smile. I can try to purposely avoid the latter but not always the former.

scooter_se · 2021-09-07T23:21:12+00:00

I like to avoid the issue by wearing reflective sunglasses and hats

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-09-07T23:39:16+00:00

It’s sad we can’t be happy because of them

chasingshoesales · 2021-09-08T01:06:31+00:00

I got a lot of practice living in a big city to spot a possible male from my peripheral vision and avoid. I can't imagine how it is for girls from rural or suburban areas who move to an urban area cause this started happening to my friends and I at around 11yo. It's insane how much effort you have to put to avoid being approached by strange men, but this has worked for me:

Even slight eye contact makes men think that you are interested.
Eye contact and a smile makes them think you want to sleep with them right then and there, so they may even follow you if you accidentally or politely smile in their direction.
The best you can do is avoid, keep walking in your direction, and DO NOT respond. If you respond they automatically think they have 100% entitlement to your time and patience. I know it's going to feel rude and awkward to ignore an unsolicited "hello" but if you don't, they literally think they're entitled to follow you around and talk to you. Men are bizarre that way so you HAVE TO act like they don't exist in moments like this. If you just keep walking and avoid those trying to converse, usually they will give up and move on.
Even when you don't look in their direction or smile, you may still get comments. I avoid eye contact and keep walking cause it implies and shows that I am uncomfortable. If a guy continues on, that's when I start to reach for my mace (thankfully never had to use it!) Glad to hear you were prepared in this situation at least with your pepper spray. You never know when you need it!
Sometimes it's second nature to just respond to a random hello or how are you. It's okay if it's hard for you to ignore them at first so don't beat yourself up for it. It literally takes practice to be "rude". When you don't follow these steps, it's STILL NOT YOUR FAULT if a guy creeps on you. It's ridiculous that we have to be rude in order to have a normal harassment-free day, but that's patriarchy for you.

RainbowChardonnay · 2021-09-07T20:30:39+00:00

It’s almost like we should only chance making eye contact and smiling if we are interested. Especially with older men, who are the worst. Also: maybe bear spray instead of pepper spray.

fogplum · 2021-09-08T01:34:23+00:00

Disgusting pedophile.

I save my kindness for women and children and literally look through strange men like they’re not even there.

abgazelle · 2021-09-08T00:19:18+00:00

Lol this is why I'm mean to everybody 😂

Yes, the kind of man that will approach a stranger in the street and go off on them in the same breath, is the same man who will take literally ANY acknowledgment as encouragement to press their suit 🙄 I live in the city, and this is why when I'm out in public I look straight ahead and ignore everyone around me. Even then, you still get the catcalls.

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-08T02:22:40+00:00

Omg men have this ability to turn the most mundane everyday small talk into a ‘sign of sexual interest’

Usually down to their delusional assumption every woman must find them irresistible....& porn

Then when you reject their advances, that they projected onto you, they throw a tantrum claiming you ‘led them on’

Urmmm no ‘beta’ we’ve seen those manipulation tactics b4. You are not going to guilt trip me into having sex with you bc you invented some fantasy relationship in your head. Good bye

And yes this is why a lot of women have to act like a stickup b*tch - because men take even neutral expressions as a sign of interest.

I’ve noticed creepy men especially cab drivers start bringing up your ‘boyfriend’ (they assume you have one) so you will say ‘I don’t have one’ then they can start flirting with you

It’s like they’re testing the waters ‘does a man own you? Are you off to meet your boyfriend? No? Ok great I will start my creep commentary now’

So now I just say yes and say he’s a professional wrestler or something 🤣

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-08T01:07:02+00:00

The problem isn't you, that man was predatory. Don't feel guilty about being a bitch to someone like that, your safety should be top priority.

insurrectionaryINTJ · 2021-09-08T00:19:19+00:00

“Do I just have to be a bitch?” Yes you have to especially when it comes to random men on the street. If you don’t want to bother with being a bitch, sunglasses, mask, and headphones usually do the trick.

lansburysoda · 2021-09-08T01:47:41+00:00

If 20 isn’t young enough for him, yikes

spicyspa · 2021-09-08T01:36:19+00:00

Pretty much. Better to be a bitch than be sorry.

But even being bitchy is a turn on to some men.

It actually wasn't always this way. In fact, not looking a man in the eyes made you seem coy at least in my culture ( white American). I guess men will interpret any behavior as being in their favor.

elainejay82 · 2021-09-08T01:38:50+00:00

Do I just have to be a bitch?

Yes. Start on being this way now, not tomorrow.

alien665 · 2021-09-08T01:11:47+00:00

I used to try going out with a hat sunglasses and a mask and they still bothered me. So I started being a complete bitch and that has helped keep them far away lol

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-09-07T22:28:37+00:00

Sis you should have nodded and said I have to go after he got creepy. Never go back and forth with a LVM, or entertain them even for a moment.

slayeroftruth · 2021-09-08T01:28:35+00:00

Anytime we are nice or smile they think were flirting. I am convinced that's why they want us to do it so often.

Shot_Presence_8382 · 2021-09-08T02:08:33+00:00

Yes, you do have to act cold to men you see when you're walking through your neighborhood. Any sort of eye contact really sets them off and apparently excites them. They aren't like women where they can easily share pleasantries with you and go about their lives and feel happy they met a friendly person. They want to get in a relationship, sleep with you, do things to women if you make eye contact. It's really weird and scary. Were men like this back in the day??? I should ask my mom that next time I see her. Anyways, whenever I walk down the street, I avoid any and all interaction with men..I just completely ignore them and don't even look in their direction. I might acknowledge them to myself, only to see if they're a creeper and will bother me. I always have my head on a swivel and closely observe anyone, especially men, around me. Sometimes I walk by an older man and he'll say hello or we'll nod our heads to each other in acknowledgement or a greeting, but it never goes beyond that usually. And I always, always look over my shoulder.

Sorry you had to deal with this creep. I'm glad to see you had your pepper spray at the ready, just in case. Stay safe out there ✨

paperwasp3 · 2021-09-08T02:35:32+00:00

You have to put on your “city eyes”.

SettingGlittering373 · 2021-09-08T00:51:46+00:00

Oh my friend. I just had something like this happen today at work. I am 33 and the guy has to be in his mid-fifties and after totally standard polite colleague talk asked me for my number while I was basically cornered by myself. I was too thrown off to come up with a solution and basically pretended I had to go do something else. Later he came over to my work station and doubled down and I caved because I didn’t know what else to do, tbh. So glad phone numbers can be blocked nowadays. But I do have to see him every day the rest of this work week. This kind of shit makes me so furious and like I just want to hide in a lake house with my female friends for the rest of my life.

AlegalHuman · 2021-09-08T00:53:49+00:00

Sometimes, yes. I’ve gotten pretty good at reading men’s vibes and at this point if I think I need to do the bitch treatment with some guy I’ll do it. Mean looks, mean tone, standoffish in every way. Like a prickly porcupine. It keeps the creeps away!

Tharwaum · 2021-09-08T00:56:51+00:00

Yes. The more you reciprocate politely the more they push forward. You can still do the polite eye contact thing if that is important to you, the vast majority of people do not jump on that, but be confident to say oh sorry I gotta go the exact moment you decide you do not want to speak to him anymore/ answer his question. That goes for any random person talking to you, not just men. We women have wasted way too much time in the past being kind and polite to our own detriment/fatigue/safety risks.

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-09-08T02:43:51+00:00

Working on the nightlife industry taught me one thing. Don’t be nice to men. Resting bitch face only. The meaner you look the better it is.

VgraceD · 2021-09-08T00:27:09+00:00

No it’s not you! It’s the creeps. You be sweet and polite and the light of some strangers day when all they needed was a smile from another soul. Don’t let this stop you from being the light. But also keep the pepper spray handy. Much love sister, I’m sorry this happens to you…

I am actually surprised it was “eye contact” that was the “signal” and not the smile… like,wow, is that how pathetic it’s gotten out there!? lol

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-09-08T01:35:10+00:00

I've honestly stopped acknowledging men on the street, no more polite hellos, its too risky.

IndigoTR · 2021-09-08T03:12:02+00:00

Living in a big city I literally have an automatic scowl on my face when I see a man look in my direction. Am I "scaring off" potential HVM? Maybe, but I don't give af. If they're high value, they'll understand. Today I literally had a scrote stare at me, grinning, like I was a zoo animal when all I was trying to do was eat outside in peace. I'm sure the only reason he didn't approach was because I was steadfastly ignoring his existence. I hate that they feel so comfortable behaving this way. They claim they wouldn't care if women did the same thing to them, but ask a hetero man how he would feel if another man looked at him or treated him like that and the disgust on their face is palpable. The thing is it shouldn't matter, it's creepy no matter what. But when your big brain is non-functioning and all you think with is your dick I suppose you don't see it that way.

Hitflyover · 2021-09-08T02:55:34+00:00

They want us to walk around with our eyes down? Probably… then they can glare. I feel that glare often, so cringey.

CloacaDiddler · 2021-09-08T03:14:50+00:00

Men frequently like to tell/show us that they don’t deserve basic humanity dignity but we continue to give it to them anyway. I wish a lightbulb would fizz between their two brain cells and make them realize how lucky they are that women even come within a 5mile radius of their creepy asses

Blaphrodite · 2021-09-07T23:42:10+00:00

No.

Keep your head high.

Don’t let their idiocy dim your confidence.

My sarcasm for this level of foolishness is on 💯

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-08T02:46:32+00:00

Well that happened and happens to me a lot actually, i’m very extroverted and polite specially if i don’t even know you so sometimes guys really think that i give them permission to stick with me or something, it just creeps me a lot. Yes u have to be dead serious because they already think u are getting married with them☠️

kitnb · 2021-09-08T03:44:43+00:00

Today, I had just stepped out of a store and was unlocking my bike when some old dude walks up to me and says “Is that your bike?”. I looked him in the face with the deadest eyes and resting bitch face I could pull off as I continued unlocking my bike.

He reeked of hot cheesy ballsack, B.O, sweat and stale gum. It hit me hard even as he stood 15 feet away. 🤮 Scrotes are fucking filthy.

He got the fucking hint and started walking away— good for him because I was about to knock out every single tooth he still had in his mouth with the heafty bike lock I was clutching in my hand if he so much as made a move towards me— I’ve been grabbed and groped so fucking much lately! I’m breaking the jaw of the next assaulter and calling the cops.

Queens, can we talk about these COVID sex-starved thirsty fucking Scrotes?? WTH?! 🤬🤬

Anyway, as he’s backing up and walking away he says “I was just asking if that was your bike. It’s a really nice bike…”. I continue glaring at him with the bike lock firmly in my hand. Other women and a couple turned to look at him. I made it that fucking obvious and uncomfortable for him that it drew attention— which is what I was looking for. A woman passing me gave me an apologetic look and shook her head like she was embarrassed for him.

It was clear that it was my bike— I had just unlocked one of the two locks with the key dangling in my fucking hand! DUH! He was just trying desperately to get me to speak to him. He was looking for ANY fucking reply: “Nah, it’s not my bike, I’m stealing it. Shhh! Don’t tell anybody”, would still have been more than enough for him to push up on me, invade my space, try to touch me, hit on me, harass me, follow me, etc., etc. I was having none of that! You get the Death Glare while holding a bike lock ready to fuck your life up all while drawing as many eyes to you as humanly possible. Eat that n*gga! 💩

I’m learning the hard way that any common courtesy or simple basic kindness toward a scrote is seen and purposefully mistaken as a sign of me wanting them. Nah, scrote, GTFOH.

They think “any response is better than no response”, and “gotta shoot my shot, YOLO!”, so don’t even say anything. Give SILENT resting bitch face or ignore and get safe immediately.

Don’t make eye contact with anything but women and children!

You can still see men without making eye contact so do just that. Walk with you head held high, showing you are aware of your surroundings but act like men are straight up invisible; like they exist on a completely separate, scrotey plane that just happens to run alongside ours.

Or do the nasty resting bitch face + death stare at any scrote that has the audacity to street harass you.

m0rphid · 2021-09-08T01:07:04+00:00

This is exactly why I am bitch with headphones. I will only be nice to elderly ladies and even then I regret it a lot when I hear outdated shit

bookworm1896 · 2021-09-08T05:15:14+00:00

How creepy is it, that when you tell him your age, he answers: I thought you were younger?! Paedo much? Such a creepy answer, I can feel my skin crawl.

Oh, and how dare you to look at him if you have a boyfriend?! /s

shedipity · 2021-09-08T05:17:23+00:00

eye contact = sex don’t you know?? /s

i’m so sorry this happened to you, ugh can they just leave us alone??

CynicalSucculent · 2021-09-07T21:44:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-09-08T03:59:41+00:00

Yes.

Title	Do I just have to be a bitch, then?
Author	CynicalSucculent
Upvotes	853
Comments	127
Date	September 7, 2021 8:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pjv7pf/do_i_just_have_to_be_a_bitch_then/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-i-just-have-to-be-a-bitch-then.1067984 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067984

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