AA/BB is a Misunderstanding

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-10-02T20:32:00+00:00

it's a great deal for her but it's not for me

NockerJoe · 2022-10-02T16:20:56+00:00

Sure, that womens POV is great for the woman but unless she has some level of respect for her husband and he's satisfied with the whole thing it doesn't make a difference in the slightest.

I swear basically every week someone comes here and describes this exact dynamic like its a Lifetime TV Movie and men should be happy to be the guy who gets the girl when the credits roll rather than there being an actual human who had his own needs that he will continue to have in a marriage thaf don't rely on her internal narrative.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-10-03T04:23:24+00:00

Nope.

You haven't addressed promiscuous women sleeping with some men immediately while making men they later date seriously wait months.

AF/BB is a very real phenomenon. Women even literally describe it unknowingly. Here's a comment from a woman on a r/dating thread where a girl had a threesome with a guy immediately and later made her boyfriend wait 1 month to even kiss her:

Lastly, it could be that she has different rules for “this is a no-strings-attached encounter and I’ll never see you again” and “I really like you and would like to potentially date you.” That’s been the case for me in the past. When I was in “ho” mode, it didn’t matter, but if it was someone I wanted to stick around, I would wait to have sex with them for at least a month or two.

Emphasis on the phrase "different rules"

tired_hillbilly · 2022-10-02T16:52:04+00:00

What was BB's life like? Was he having fun dating exciting women, partying, maybe having casual sex?

No. He was working. Saving money. And you expect him to feel like the winner? He spent his healthiest, happiest years working hard and alone, all to earn the right to work even harder to support someone who isn't really all that thrilled to be with him and who wouldn't have given him the time of day 5 years earlier.

And what's more, it's not like BB really chose this path either; he was forced down it. And you expect BB to be happy with this outcome?

anonymous-platypus1 · 2022-10-02T20:00:58+00:00

How many women here would be happy if they found out that I was only with them or picked them because I couldn't get anyone else?

throwaway164_3 · 2022-10-02T15:52:41+00:00

You mean AF/BB right?

The F is for fucking.

Women love to get railed by hot, dominant and sexy men when they are younger and settle for a less physically attractive but financially stable man when older and trying to raise a family.

It’s the way of life

Taipanshimshon · 2022-10-02T14:52:47+00:00

It's an observable behavior pattern. There is no misunderstanding. Have a nice day

Barely-moral · 2022-10-02T18:28:32+00:00

Lets say you are correct.

It doesn't matter.

AF guy got the woman when she was younger (was more valuable) and payed less for her if he payed anything.

BB guy got the woman when she is older (less valuable) and has to pay a higher price (status, money, stability, emotional labor... all the things that makes her happier in this relationship than in previous ones) while previous partner, AF guy did not need to pay that price.

Sure, the relationship between BB and the woman is great from her perspective. From his perspective he is getting a worse deal than the one AF guy got.

currently_confused50 · 2022-10-03T14:07:19+00:00

Let me try another angle on this topic, since it has been discussed ten years on this subreddit and it always goes in circle. Let's completely also get rid of the value system (youth, beauty etc....)

Now, even most women would admit that their preferences changed over years from excitement to stability. And it happens around late 20s/early 30s. Not only that, but most women admit that their previous choices were stupid etc. Now big question for you, why would anyone want to date someone who admitted they were stupid as it goes for 10+ years? How many women do you find pushing their fingers in electric plug, because they do not believe the advice that society gives them: "That shit will kill you". Of course almost none. Do you see the problem?

prizefighterstudent · 2022-10-02T15:35:49+00:00

"but settling for a safe consistent choice."

"I've been with men who don't care about me and given them the common denominator of any relationship (sex) basically for free, but you get to stay with me and potentially provide for me forever because you're safe and I love you."

Lmao I love women and am all for them making their own choices but you can't make this shit up sometimes.

There's no misunderstanding here. This dynamic is a real thing, and it sucks for dudes. Any dude who locks up a chick like this knows that he's been outdone by somebody else, and he's probably getting worse overall treatment out of it.

Kaisern · 2022-10-02T18:43:07+00:00

this is would have some merit if women CHOSE to switch from alphas to betas

they don’t. the alphas don’t want them anymore

Bliss_Cannon · 2022-10-02T15:17:43+00:00

This is all just semantics. However you "dress it up", marriage-minded men are not interested in these kind of women. Scientific research shows that they are significantly less likely to be successful in marriage, so men who want marriage are wise to avoid them. It's great that these women finally figured out they like nice guys at age 40, but its mostly too late...

RahLyt · 2022-10-02T18:54:37+00:00

I can't respect any man who willingly decides to BB. If you're wife is fantasising about someone else while you're having sex, you're losing in life.

Swapsta · 2022-10-02T15:29:29+00:00

You misunderstand what women seek. They don't swap from seeking alphas to seeking betas(providers), it's just that commitment generally brings equilibrium to dating standards. In other words, they cannot reasonably commit to those that let them fuck.

Women admire both

1) Sexual dimorphic masculine qualities

and

2) Providing for her(financially/emotionally/and to an extent even mentally; decisions).

Those "gigachads" that are the combination of these two are very rare, and consequently taken off the market or unattainable due to value mismatches. Hence their only choice left is the fangless provider, aka the beta™.

They cannot truly love the beta for he isn't the complete package, equivalent to a hot girl who is a bitch, not someone you are happy to marry.

It’s not about the “beta” being a safe/smart choice, it’s about him being the only option that will make her happy

The only choice that could 100% make her happy is the masculine provider, so not the beta.

andrejusilva123 · 2022-10-02T15:51:02+00:00

AA?/BB is not about a woman wanting a hot/dangerous guy but settling for a safe consistent choice.

The ideal for most women is AB a guy who is both hot and brings in good money but not many can get that perfect guy so they instead will have sex with the hot guy and settle on looks for a guy with resources because they want kids and women care about money in a mate more than men. It's called dual mating strategy. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16594832/

shakeandbake8 · 2022-10-02T15:04:09+00:00

I agree that this is sometimes the case.

This can fall apart for her if the man has a lot of resentment or anger from his youth where he wonders “where were you ten years ago when I was hurting?”

4ktx · 2022-10-02T16:05:59+00:00

The argument is they expect the bb to make them happy. But sleep with hot guys free of charge.

Liberated_Asexual · 2022-10-02T16:15:28+00:00

Yet a few years into marriage with BB, the woman gets bored and starts looking for an AF.

fools_errand49 · 2022-10-02T19:10:21+00:00

AF/BB isn't really a misunderstanding from a man's perspective.

It is perfectly reasonable the way you frame a women's perspective on this dynamic. I'm capable of believing that as a woman ages that her expectations would become more realistic. The biology should account for her need of the "beta's" resources as her market value declines over time. I can also believe that she genuinely loves the man she chooses, but here is where the misunderstanding comes in

We love a person because of what that person does for us in the broadest sense (everything from the deep and emotional to the superficial and material). A person feels loved by what we do for them. The issue is that as much as the "beta" genuinely meets this woman's needs at multiple levels she doesn't necessarily meet his because she spent her youth with different men. By not taking into account the importance men place on sex and beauty as well as the degree to which a man's emotional needs are often expressed through his penis, you're not seeing why the "beta" might not view this arrangement in quite the same light as the woman.

I assume you are attempting to dispel the outrage against AF/BB by pointing out that the so called "beta was specificially chosen as that is something many men complain about surrounding this issue. I'll give you that the woman did indeed choose this man, but I'd also note that people don't feel special having been chosen by just anybody. Women are theoretically "chosen" in some sense when any guy approaches them to try and get a date, yet women are far from flattered by many of these men because they aren't all good choices. A lot of "betas" will have the same opinion when it comes to the hypothetical woman in question.

Nocupofkindnessyet · 2022-10-03T15:20:19+00:00

Sounds like men do settle in your reality and it’s for the hottest woman who is willing to let him fuck. If the idea is that men can be happy with any woman, hell women are more or less interchangeable to men as long as they meet a baseline level of attractiveness I would say that men don’t really love their partners either. No one loves each other except providerchad and his stacy, everyone else just coldly tolerates each other for the sake of the kids or the sake of regular pussy.

enterthevoid999 · 2022-10-04T15:08:12+00:00

she fucks the hottest guy and dates the guy who is best suited for a relationship thats what AFBB is right
?

Pacman124 · 2022-10-02T23:19:43+00:00

You're watching this from a woman's lens. From a man's perspective, even if your post was true, which I agree/disagree with 50/50, the beta is destined to be miserable.

You don't escape the emotional baggage of having been overlooked for more than a decade only to be "finally" acknowledged by an older version of someone who would've gagged several years ago if considering being with you.

Anecdotal evidence but since it's showing a clear trend, I don't think it's a coincidence. A lot of men I've interacted with that could be considered beta told me several things when discussing dating, relationships, and life in general. If I could condense the aggregate of all the discussions I've had with them, in a nutshell: They're jaded, work overtime voluntarily because they don't want to go back home to her, and try to spend time as much as they can with their friends.

People seem to reverse the dynamic when they talk about beta bux. They think the beta is some happy blissfully ignorant cuck, while the wife is the grumpy, jaded one that settled, but generally, it's the other way around

Betas are just alphas that didn't make it. Alphas pump and dump with disregard. Betas would like to do the same but they can't so they settle

Now, assuming everything in your OP is true, the woman is happy and found her SO, but is the man aswell? You haven't even talked about the beta's well being, it was all about the woman

GolcondaOni · 2022-10-03T00:09:14+00:00

Honestly, if I found any essence of being a bb, I’ll just cheat.

ComebackDaddy · 2022-10-02T21:24:46+00:00

AA, tends to correlate to women with various short term mating preferences and strategies that relate to their cultures exoticness; luxury, novelty, aesthetics. This is why in the west you have the bad boy, in the eat it’s k pop stars.

While BB tends to be the opposite and relates to long term which in any culture is about building growing and strengthening a family unit

Yet the AF and BB is actually something that relates to what happens when a women whom has children has to leave their partner or has chosen.

In this case women will actually have both their short term and long term mating preferences and strategies fire off at once which makes sense when you factor in healthy women neuro synch to their children meaning their bio/physiological psychological mindsets line up with their children.

This is where the whole mothers instinct comes in.

It’s also the number one reason why women with children who have been in abusive relationships before having children quickly get over their abuse and eventually leave their partners, or how broken stretched women once having children quickly become securely stretched as the child replaces the man in terms of who the women neuro syncs and bonds with.

Same goes for relationships where the father fails to fully bond with children as well as relationships were both partners don’t want kids but have been living with each other for more than six months.

The attraction will go down, she’ll unsynch with her current partner synch with her children who will make her feel like daddies the problem, and then will start looking for another partner or have thoughts feelings motivated urges to find another partner.

This is because our long term mating preferences and strategies are tied to family building bonding and strengthening.

I’m also doing research on this topic as sn upper year psych major as I am in the process of creating a new dual mating strategy hypothesis which much had to do with how women tend to take men in the short term and try to bring ‘em up to the long term while guys who fully go along for this ride overdo it because they lose themselves fully in trying to meet her long term mating demands.

Sources.

Dr. David Buss eork, Andrew Huberman’s work mainly the science behind love desire and attachment published on YT on February 14 2022 Adam Lane Smith. Stanfords free course on biology of mating. Various studies on the topics of neuro synchronization; adult attachment theory.

Lots of resources and data actually.

BitsAndBobs304 · 2022-10-02T21:36:05+00:00

Except that they go for bb once they are too old and cant get high smv men..

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-03T04:34:55+00:00

AF/BB is dual mating strategy.

It's all AF between the ages of 18 to 30. Then when women hut 30 and the party phase has to come to an end, then the BB starts to look attractive, he has a car, maybe he has a house, he has a career going on, all of the sudden this is the type of men they want.

I know who I would prefer to be between AF and BB.

darkvalleys · 2022-10-02T15:31:35+00:00

No, it’s just maturation that both genders go through

But it’s only acceptable by one

vogel777 · 2022-10-03T00:23:15+00:00

AF/BB is a male paranoid fantasy. You get with a girl and she doesn't fuck you like a porn star? Oh no she must not be truly attracted to you and therefore is only after your wallet! After all you've seen 100s of hours and 1000s of women fuck in pornos and so you know that if she were really into it she'd be bouncing on your cock in reverse cowgirl or gagging on your cock.

Well guess what porn is an exaggerated performance orchestred to get the male masterbator off. It isn't about portraying a womans genuine pleasure.

DXBrigade · 2022-10-02T20:16:56+00:00

Because the qualities you want from a sexfriend aren't necessarily the ones you want from a husband, and there is nothing wrong with it. Men do this too, when they fuck women they don't want to marry.

Both genders seek for stability when they want a relationship while casual sex by definition is more shallow. That doesn't mean that looks are irrelevant for LTR , it's just balanced by other traits.

NorthernTaste · 2022-10-02T15:51:00+00:00

Everyone starts out young, horny and stupid. But only one gender is condemned for it

sadbitch55 · 2022-10-03T01:56:14+00:00

For as long as I've perceived, most women "bang Chad" because they were "dating him" in High School for example. They, more often than not, have had some kind of "connection" with him. But I think this varies from one culture to another.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-03T17:31:07+00:00

It basically comes down to the fact that men are more complicated than fitting into neat little “alpha” and “beta” boxes. Most have traits of both and can be perceived differently by different women and at different times in their lives.

The last sentence is straight up gospel truth, though. Most men act like huge “simps” until they feel like they pretty much have you locked down, then the jerk side shows. Few men are all “nice” or all “jerk.” Most have two faces, one for dating and one for later in the relationship.

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PapaPinyun · 2022-10-03T23:28:59+00:00

This was a good thread that addresses the topic, but most of the haters deleted their blather.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eqh9la/i\_have\_chores\_all\_day\_but\_they\_are\_super\_alpha/

Psych_FI · 2022-10-04T11:35:57+00:00

I don’t think you can generalise for ALL women.

I’ve never chased “bad guys” only chemistry and connection. I wouldn’t ever date or marry a guy as a “safe” choice unless we had very strong connection, chemistry and compatibility.

I’ve never intentionally dated someone I think is bad tbh and usually it ends due to compatibility.

Title	AA/BB is a Misunderstanding
Author	anonymous-platypus1
Upvotes	19
Comments	451
Date	October 2, 2022 2:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xtqj68/aabb_is_a_misunderstanding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/aabb-is-a-misunderstanding.1133105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133105

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