Rejection is not completely consequence free.

karspearhollow · 2023-06-23T16:17:43+00:00

People are too cavalier in how they talk about rejection. Most humans don't just have the ability to let shit roll off their back like that. "The worst thing she can say is no" and other dismissals of the reasonable fear of rejection (that must be overcome) are some of those little lies we tell young men that add up to the disillusionment many are feeling now.

Filmguy000 · 2023-06-23T18:58:03+00:00

Women can be flat out cruel with rejections. I'll give an example from when I was rejected when I was younger, then another more recent time that I rejected the girl.

1st: I was around 22 years old and out at a restaurant event where several colleges were involved. They had a dance floor and music so it became more of a club-like environment. I remember walking up to the bar and noticing a girl that was there with her friends. They were attractive in a "normal" way, not stunners and seemed nice enough. So I said hello to one of them and asked her if she wanted to dance. She looked at me as if I had just did the most disgusting thing ever then gave me an arrogant smile. Then she grabbed her empty cup (plastic cup with only ice) and held it in front of me then dropped it. She then said, "pick it up and fill it, then I might consider." All of her friends then started laughing and I won't lie, I felt humiliated. I then said, "never mind" and walked off and one of them shouted, "walk away little man, you're not as cool as you think you are right now!"

2nd: I was at a country bar for a friend's bday. My girlfriend at the time was running late because of work so I was just sitting with my friends. A girl came up to me and asked me to dance with her. I said, "I'm going to have to say no..." then before I could finish, she gave me a dirty look and walked off. I said no because I didn't want my girlfriend to walk into the place seeing me dance with some random girl. So a bit later, I see the girl in line to buy a beer and I walk up to her and told her, "Hey, I apologize for not taking you up on your offer. I'd love to dance with you but I don't think my girlfriend would be too happy about it." She then put her hands up and shouted: "No no! Do not touch me!". I remember thinking, "is she fucking serious, right now?" then everyone in the vicinity turned and stared at me like I did something wrong. I just turned around and walked away.

NOTSM · 2023-06-23T16:32:46+00:00

You’re absolutely right that you’ll poison the well with repeated rejections in a club setting, but only in that club and only for that night. You can simply move to one of the other 30 clubs on that block or try again next weekend and it will be like it never happened.

And given that approaching is required for most men to get laid you’ve got to do it and accept that you’ll strike out. The upside of doing it in a club is you still have a fun night hanging with your friends

LogicalArchon · 2023-06-23T17:14:13+00:00

It worth mentioning that men typically reject way more nicely than women do. Most guys will at least hold a conversation and be nice to a girl they're not interested in. But women will often give you a dirty look and tell you to go away, or leave without saying anything, like you're the scum of the earth for trying to talk to her lol

Mentathiel · 2023-06-23T20:37:50+00:00

I remember at least three guys from the same friend group that I rejected that went on to date my friends, in some cases friends I introduced them to. I have also rejected some guys who I would absolutely warn any friends of mine against. It really depends on the situation, but we aren't necessarily gossiping about you in the way you're worried about. I don't want to dismiss this if it happened to you, women are different, some are very gossipy and like to be victims of everything, I'm just saying if you don't know for sure that this has happened and are just assuming it, it might be a bad assumption.

Ofc if you go to a party and hit up every woman there, you'll come off as desperate. I mean, the desperation itself isn't a problem, it's just that the desperation indicates that you don't see anything unique or especially attractive about me in particular, you'd just go for anyone. It doesn't feel like there's as much potential there for something as there is with guys who're specifically into me in particular.

All of that being said, rejection obviously still hurts a lot. And men are expected and pressured to approach and initiate a lot. And are often blamed for the outcome, when they ask for advice it's often about self-improvement and what they might have done wrong and this and that. You don't have to do anything wrong or be unattractive in any way to get rejected, it's enough to run into a woman who isn't looking for a date or isn't looking for someone like you. But it still must feel like there has to be something wrong with you, especially if it happens again and again and again. And that must hurt. And then exposing yourself to that again willingly probably hurts even more because you're sort of trying to be vulnerable despite previous trauma, but it's thrown in your face again.

And women can definitely be rude about rejections. Often it's excused as a defense mechanism against creeps and there is some truth to that, certainly there are some men who won't take no for an answer unless you throw it in their face. But I think it's not a good excuse. If men don't get to use their traumatic experiences to demonize women as a whole, then we shouldn't do it to them either. And let's face it, a good portion of it is actually cruelty and bullying and it's not ok.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-23T19:01:51+00:00

Rejection is a normal, natural part of life, particularly in the dating process.

If someone becomes desperate due to rejection they may need to take some time to work on processing rejection in a way that isn't harmful to them or anyone else.

Nobody isn't saying it's a pleasant thing to be rejected. I don't even observe most people chalk it up to being 'character building'. It's just the nature of consent. And consent is a good thing.

How would you suggest a woman reject someone who asks her out in front of other women other than a normal polite "I'm not interested"?

Ultimately there is a balance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You have to find the best balance for you of how many times can one be rejected before they need to take some time off and process it and come back again when they're feeling up to the possibility of being rejected again.

There is no quota. It's not like once you've been rejected 20 times you've suddenly hit your max and for the rest of your life you're guaranteed no rejection ever again. There are too many variables. Everyone you ask out is an individual.

Even with the challenges of rejection, almost everyone on the planet who is looking for someone and leaves their home and lives in a somewhat populated town finds someone.

Lolabird2112 · 2023-06-23T16:14:56+00:00

True, you only have a few attempts before you poison the well, but that’s not necessarily because women care what other women think. It’s because watching a guy hit on multiple girls shows what he’s up to.

ReplacementPasta · 2023-06-23T15:55:35+00:00

something I never see talked about is the effect getting rejected in front of other women has on your future attempts.

Thats propably because most people talk about rejection in dating context, not in the context of hitting on someone at a club

Kilatypus · 2023-06-23T20:37:41+00:00

No one ever considers how constant rejection can mess with someone's self-esteem.

They also don't try to understand it, either. They immediately go with "rejection is a part of life, and you have an individual responsibility to manage your emotions and move on." While there is some truth to that statement, it is basically the dating equivalent of 'pick yourself up by your boot straps'. It basically leaves little room for empathy.

The thing is, there is a difference between experiencing decent amounts of rejection with the occasional successful moment that makes you confident there is a light at the end of the tunnel, as opposed to consistently and routinely getting rejected regardless of how much effort, and basically feeling like the definition of madness: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

I believe the world would be a much better place if we just admitted some people's experiences are beyond our emotional comprehension, and to bridge that gap with empathy and compassion, rather than a one-dimensional, solutions-oriented reply (Before someone comes after me, there is nothing wrong with solutions-oriented thinking, it's just people rarely offer empathy and simply allowing someone to vent, which is equally as valid)

Peacesquad · 2023-06-23T19:45:57+00:00

Women don’t care about it

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2023-06-23T20:26:01+00:00

If u get rejected by one women 99% chance all women in her circle will reject u.Hive mentality

Dunkman83 · 2023-06-24T01:00:23+00:00

"once you're tagged lame, the game is follow the leader"-jay-z.

girls dont wanna date men that other women (especially women they dont like or they think they are better than) have already rejected, its pretty easy to be tagged a "loser" or a "square".

NangKwak51 · 2023-06-24T02:48:47+00:00

But you can reject people too. It may not come up as often, but if you're not feelin' it with some Kathy Bates-looking woman, you too can politely demur.

And should. Let Kathy2 find someone into her. Will she be vilified for daring to straggle up the greasy pole of dating a looks-numerical grade or two? No. And neither will you be.

As to your math, if you're making polite approaches in a bar and taking a hint when it's no, I say you prob get at least a half a dozen passes. Hopefully, within that window, you can catch a clue as to who's a real prospect and who's not.

Where are these bars you go to where there are so few people that your every move is scrutinized and memorized? The North Pole?

In her friend group, I have found that you get at least one more shot (partic if you go less good-looking for mystery date #2). If you're laughed out of the room thereafter, well, that was already always in the cards. If that's her friend group, is that a friend group that you're really gagging to join?

They always say they have a boyfriend to send you on his way. There's no comeback. I always ask if he has any dangerous hobbies like cliff-side walking before I bounce.

MistyMaisel · 2023-06-23T17:11:18+00:00

When people say it is consequence free, they mean it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. Which is to say, you won't end up dead, in prison, your loved ones won't die, you will be largely fine in all the ways that truly matter.

zyex12 · 2023-06-23T16:23:17+00:00

Rejection is just a part of life you get rejected you have to move on and keep trying I mean don’t be the desperate guy and go up to every girl at a club then try a few times if it fails then damn and just have a good time at the club. It can hurt confidence when u keep getting constant rejections but u can only improve and get better with how u interact with strangers. Rejection isn’t suppose to be consequence free your doing something that takes confidence because u know your at risk of being rejected which is scary.

wtknight · 2023-06-23T17:01:30+00:00

If you get rejected often enough for it to be noticeable then you’re just gonna be the desperate guy that no one wants. If you shoot your shot to a girl in a friend group, you’ve essentially closed off your chances with all her friends, so if she rejects you than you lose your opportunity with all of them.

Only if a guy is not attractive. If he’s attractive enough to a woman then she is going to be interested even if other women rejected him.

So rejection doesn’t always have any real consequences. Even a very attractive man gets rejected sometimes. It doesn’t mean that some other woman won’t be into him.

eye_fuck · 2023-06-23T17:00:23+00:00

«Saying no to me is bad — here's why»

DerayRevan · 2023-06-23T16:15:07+00:00

Rejection is always part of the approaching game

The only way it gets better is experience

When l first got rejected it really sucked but now l can shrug it off like nothing happened

Anyways if multiple women see you, then just ignore them since they don't matter after you approached them

But you should be aware approaching a group of them is gonna drastically lower your success rate than approaching her alone or with 1-2 friends

When l get rejected 2-4x l call it a day and just enjoy myself

md8716 · 2023-06-23T16:16:51+00:00

If your reaction to failure and adversity is to get depressed and give up, then yes, it has negative consequences. You have a loser mentality that will bleed into other parts of your life.

Those people are usually sorted into the bottom strata of society and life outcomes, and are time-wasters and complainers who bring people down. Nobody wants to be around that.

If your reaction to failure and adversity is to fight even harder through it until you achieve your goal, then you likely have a winning mentality, and that will likely spread into other parts of your life and you'll be successful and generally well liked because you lift people up.

Barneysparky · 2023-06-23T16:30:10+00:00

I used to know a guy who fronted a disco band that played weekly in a club known for being a pickup place.

After his gig was over he would go out and talk to the crowd, basically by going from table to table asking if they wanted to fuck. When they said no his line was "your ugly anyways".

Can you imagine the rejection this guy got? He was a walking joke to the people that knew him, but he did eventually often get laid. Today he's married with kids and obese. Do you think he looks back on that time and thinks about the rejections?

TheUnlikeliestChad · 2023-06-23T17:14:21+00:00

If you shoot your shot to a girl in a friend group...

What is this, amateur hour?

lolthankstinder · 2023-06-23T17:27:28+00:00

This view is based entirely on women caring about status aka what other people think of the man. Seeing other people reject a man lowers his status. If a man hits on everyone in your group that has a boyfriend, that still lowers his status because of the relationship between status and demand. Someone high status is more likely to be in high demand and therefore more “expensive” aka selective.

If women do care about status then, yes, they won’t like a guy that hits on and/or is rejected by their friends because that lowers his status. If women don’t actually care about status, then rejections/interactions with other friends shouldn’t matter as she should be able to independently make her own assessment of the guy’s desirability without factoring in the views of others.

puddingbike · 2023-06-23T17:22:02+00:00

CMV Disagreement

Rejection is not completely consequence free.

It largely is for several reasons. The first: it doesn't have an actual impact on you. The only downside scenario you provide is solved by going to a different club or bar.

But, the main problem with your post is that you can pretty well tell before "taking your shot" what response you'll get. There's not really a need to get rejected. If you have some basic human abilities to read how an interaction with a woman is going...it's really not that hard to do...then, you only "shoot your shot" when you can see that success is likely.

Women aren't so cryptic as they're made out to be. Women are extremely transparent. They make is so fucking easy to see if they're interested in you. They WANT you to know if they're interested in you, but don't want to explicitly say so (most of the time) so the nonverbal communicating is made just absolutely blatant and the verbal communication, while not explicit, is also so blatant. The point being that outright rejection isn't something you really need to experience much either.

Authentic2017 · 2023-06-23T21:58:01+00:00

And?

obviousredflag · 2023-06-23T16:27:50+00:00

How do you differentiate between getting rejected for you, and getting rejected because you are the guy who gets rejected by other women?

Nate_Reborn · 2023-06-23T18:51:13+00:00

Of course rejection isn’t consequence free. You either use it to improve or let it consume you.

Rejection keeps apart what isn’t meant to be together.

If you’re being rejected 100% of the time, then the only common denominator is you.

I want to have quality sex/relationships with women. I also know I’m very unlikely to get approached. So I’m willing to risk rejection to get what I want.

Rejection is just a normal part of pursuing what you want in life.

P.S. There’s also good sides to this. For example, say you hit on a girl, and she politely turns you down. Do you think she’s going to tell her friends? Absolutely, because it probably made her day a bit more eventful and reinforced to her that she’s desirable.

Why is any of this bad?

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-06-23T23:45:36+00:00

As for the friends/bar issue - yeah, don't approach the whole place, and keep a low profile.

Better yet - keep a high profile and be the life of the party - talk to everyone.

As for the confidence/mental-health - I don't know, I get more confident and healthy on nights-out I do approach, on nights I don't I feel pretty bad about myself.

Most of my approaches don't end with something interesting.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-06-24T02:32:18+00:00

None of that excuses getting agressive and acting like an entitled piece of shit because of a rejection.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-06-24T03:40:34+00:00

No one is noticing you get rejected. People don’t pay that much attention to other people in public spaces. No one is watching you

lotwbarryyd · 2023-06-24T06:26:48+00:00

These days I don’t shoot my shot unless I know it’s a guarantee lol.

WaterGreenWaterfall · 2023-06-24T19:30:24+00:00

Men here acting as if women can't get rejected 😂😂😂

TheGoldenChampion · 2023-06-28T00:26:01+00:00

Women really don’t know what it’s like

Title	Rejection is not completely consequence free.
Author	Hulkbuster0114
Upvotes	101
Comments	264
Date	June 23, 2023 3:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14h23lm/rejection_is_not_completely_consequence_free/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/rejection-is-not-completely-consequence-free.1223257 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223257

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