CMV: if you feel it’s fine to ask your wife for a paternity test without cause, you should also be fine with a wife choosing to live outside the home for fear you might kill her.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-10-21T01:03:44+00:00

But then if she did that i'd have grounds to assume shes cheating

At some point you come around to asking okay what is actually reasonable? Do men have valid reasons to have paternity concerns or are they all only do it for shits and giggles or to "oppress" women?

Tywinlol · 2023-10-21T00:34:09+00:00

Great whole house to myself, she can stay in the yard Im support this idea.

On a serous note how is this even remotely comparable. This is a horrible anology.

SamuraiGoblin · 2023-10-21T09:40:04+00:00

What an absurd analogy.

Killing some is illegal, having an affair is not.

Cheating happens orders of magnitude more than murder.

Infidelity is far far far easier to hide than murder.

If there was a simple, inexpensive, no side-effect test to prove someone isn't a murderer, every man who has nothing to hide would happily take it.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2023-10-21T00:29:01+00:00

I'll just say this because I keep getting caught in these discussions and see theres no way of getting women and blue pill men to understand: Murdering your wife is illegal. Your wife carrying a child as a result of infidelity is not illegal in most places, and will have less consequences under legal terms.

macone235 · 2023-10-21T00:40:13+00:00

This is an insanely ridiculous false equivalency. The murder rate is not comparable to the rate of women that cheat with other men, and uxoricide and mariticide is practically equally as common.

It's also a lot easier to predict if someone will cause harm to you v. if someone will cheat on you and get pregnant.

Trust is not valuable. Transactions are valuable, and having an accurate analysis of risk factors allows you to make deals with others that can be beneficial to you. You're not going to give a loan to a bum on the street, because you can correctly analyze risk, but you might give a loan to a trusted business in the community. When you refuse to get a paternity test, then you are letting chemicals and female manipulation rot your brain so that you are unable to properly analyze the risk of the situation.

If it was equally as common, and there was a test to identify if a man would/would not cause harm to them, then I can guarantee most women would get it as they should. Risk mitigation is healthy behavior, and men need to stop being manipulated into believing otherwise.

There's no such thing as love and beneficial vulnerability. People need to stop listening to blue pill fairytale garbage about having meaningful relationships - it's all fake to manipulate you. If it wasn't, then relationships would be randomized, and you'd see as many ugly men with attractive women as attractive men, which is obviously not the case. Vulnerability in life is weakness, and if you don't project strength, then you lose. Understand that "love" is not love; it a conditional chemical reaction based off of acquiring value, so treat it like the transaction that it is or get burned.

his_purple_majesty · 2023-10-21T02:31:48+00:00

cheating is way more common than murdering your spouse out of the blue

Hoopy223 · 2023-10-21T04:18:13+00:00

LOL at some of the wack shit people post up on here

The funny part is the title probably makes perfect sense to some of you nuts

I can’t wait for someone to reply with the “logical explanation” of OPs psychotic word salad rant

Antisocialite99 · 2023-10-21T03:36:41+00:00

This is a huge false equivalency.

Earth-lover93 · 2023-10-21T00:58:22+00:00

Why would you be with someone who thought might kill you?

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2023-10-21T03:58:31+00:00

way more men get cucked by their wives compared to murdering their wives. in france it's even illegal to get paternity tests, to cover for women and 'not destabilize families'.

getting a paternity test is doesn't really affect anyone's day-to-day life. your example in this comparison is obviously very impactful.

gopher_glitz · 2023-10-21T05:09:45+00:00

My dad wasn't my biological dad. He never knew, shit is fucked.

StrugglingRando · 2023-10-21T05:31:02+00:00

Which is more common; adultery or Murder?

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-10-21T09:34:09+00:00

Reason and logic escapes you.

CalmNeedleworker3100 · 2023-10-21T00:37:21+00:00

A woman will always know that her kid is hers. A man should be allowed to know too

And your comparison is just nonsense. Women can kill men too, with a knife or heavy object

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2023-10-21T02:14:46+00:00

This is a weird view to defend, like would you rather those men risk raising some other guys child, they deserve their own child or at least to know if their partner cheated them, and it's easy enough to verify.

For your counter example, it's not possible to verify for certain whether your SO is a murderer but if she really believed or suspects or distrusts me then she can do whatever she wants and if there was a guaranteed psychopath test I'd probably let her test me too, she deserves to make her own decisions as do I

mattyyboyy86 · 2023-10-21T05:33:22+00:00

Let’s put it this way, when a woman gives birth to a child, she is 100% sure that child is hers. However the father does not have anywhere near that certainty in many scenarios. Do you not think the father is entitled to the same level of certainty the mother gets naturally?

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-10-21T00:25:45+00:00

Why did my wife marry me if she's scared I was going to kill her?

If this fear happened after marriage then why don't we just get divorced?

Also if my wife asked me to do something that would prove I wasn't going to kill her, what reason would I have not to do it unless I was going to kill her?

throwaway__jay1 · 2023-10-21T02:58:11+00:00

I wish my uncle would have asked his wife for a paternity test before he signed the birth certificate and raised another man's child for 4 years. Maybe he would be alive today.

randomness111111111 · 2023-10-21T01:57:08+00:00

In a healthy relationship, both parties are willing to compromise. If you lack the empathy to understand and make compromises for him, what do you expect in return? Do you merely want a silent, rational function that provides and handles chores?

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-10-21T02:11:29+00:00

To touch on that…Why do women fear men killing them more than say, a surprise auto wreck? Cars are bigger faster and stronger/more powerful perhaps more deadly than all men yet women don’t stop driving for fear of their lives from all the insane drivers on the road today…

Men have no more reason to kill a woman especially their wife than a woman has to kill a man especially there husband. Not to mention the legal consequences thereafter.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-10-21T03:12:12+00:00

This is the dumbest “comeback”

shrimp_dicks · 2023-10-21T03:58:49+00:00

Living separately is not going to stop someone from murdering you.

A woman who thinks a man is going to murder her can leave. Police will not come after a woman for abandoning a seemingly murderous husband.

Police will come after a man for abandoning his pregnant wife.

TheHandymanCan- · 2023-10-21T06:02:28+00:00

So, first of all, my wife choosing to live outside the home would wildly change the mechanics of our day to day life whereas a paternity test wouldn’t.

So it’s more like your wife asking you to take a polygraph test to make sure you’re not planning to kill her. And even though I’d be a little caught off guard if my wife asked about that I don’t think I’d end the relationship over it.

lostacoshermanos · 2023-10-21T06:10:58+00:00

This is so dumb. The reason men need DNA tests is because we don’t have female biological privilege of knowing the child is ours for certain.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-10-21T16:35:40+00:00

What a hilariously dumb comparison.

I wonder which is more common in a relationship?

Cheating?

Or

murder?

abaxeron · 2023-10-21T00:27:07+00:00

you should also be fine with a wife choosing to live outside the home for fear you might kill her.

Does she pay for her own second place?

you ask a new partner/hookup for an STD test, not your spouse as you’re supposed to trust your spouse

Non-paternity events among children raised by trusting husbands of good loyal wives that have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to put their loyalty into question - are roughly ten times more prevalent than gonorrhea.

https://isogg.org/wiki/Non-paternity_event#Contemporary_NPE_statistics

https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/2021/tables/7.htm

AidsVictim · 2023-10-21T03:20:44+00:00

The reality is many people end up marrying without "complete" trust in others. Maybe their partners are occasionally psychologically or emotionally unstable and make bad decisions but they choose to be with them anyway. Or maybe they only came into someones life later and it's difficult or impossible to know their long term patterns.

Complete trust is a luxury for some couples. For others they have to manage their risks with their partner. This doesn't mean they don't love (or least like) their partner. It's just being realistic about human nature. If someone feels that risk (of whatever type) is too great then they shouldn't marry them no. If it's in a somewhat ambiguous space ("I love my partner but some times they do something crazy") then a paternity test is a pretty harmless thing.

A suspicion of infidelity is a lot different from suspicion of homicidal violence and an entirely different class of risk management and partner tolerance. If you start from some ridiculous ideal (only people that have 100% complete trust in their partners who always make good decisions and are always stable should get married/have kids) then you end up with ridiculous false equivalencies like the OP.

caption291 · 2023-10-21T06:13:07+00:00

Paternity tests are a way to eliminate the risk of something for a very small cost relative to the risk.

Living outside the home would be a giant cost relative to the risk.

The equivalent of a paternity test in this situation would be that once a woman chooses to move in with a guy, she can call a number and they tell her if she's going to get killed/abused by him.

Unless the price was a concern or something...pretty much every woman should do something like that. As someone who doesn't plan on murdering or abusing anyone...It would make things better for me.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-10-21T09:03:52+00:00

I think the problem here is that, while a child either is or is not the genetic progeny of the putative father, there is no "test" to determine with 99.999% (or whatever) accuracy that someone isn't a killer. If there was a cheek swab that would and my wife/partner asked me to take it for her own peace of mind, I, ofc, would. Why not do smth extremely easy and which I have no fear of "failing" to make her comfortable in the relationship?

Neptune-Jnr · 2023-10-21T16:38:32+00:00

This is a reach.

tacticaltossaway · 2023-10-21T00:23:53+00:00

How many women keep a "rainy day fund" after they get married? If they trust their husband, wouldn't that be entirely unnecessary?

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bifewova234 · 2023-10-21T02:11:28+00:00

A wife's consent isn't necessary to conduct a paternity test without cause.

RevolutionaryOkra679 · 2023-10-21T03:28:47+00:00

Bro why does the paternity test issue cause people on BOTH sides to go completely batshit insane? (Well more than usual at least)

swelly_rowland · 2023-10-21T04:29:30+00:00

yall stay trying to have a war on information

delusional

ComfortableJeans · 2023-10-21T07:02:20+00:00

I feel as though murder is a bit of an escalation in comparison to infidelity.

I feel as though a more fair comparison would be her worrying if her partner has cheated?

indigo_pirate · 2023-10-21T07:05:53+00:00

Murder is much more difficult to get away with concealing and it is protected by the harshest punishments of law. Murder of an intimate partner is also much less frequent than this.

There you go 3 reasons

fulloftaco · 2023-10-21T07:30:16+00:00

Immaculate logic 😄😄😄😄😄😄

General_High_Ground · 2023-10-21T09:02:41+00:00

I'm more in the camp, if she gave you a good reason to doubt, but for one reason or another you want to make it work, it's perfectly fine to ask for a paternity test.

But your comparison is not a good one.

See, a woman knows that the kid is hers while a man doesn't.

A woman doesn't know that he won't attack her, but neither does a man.

Notice the difference ?
The trust giving you are speaking of is one-sided and obviously that doesn't help if you want to actually build trust since that has to be a mutual effort.

a-person-who-lurks · 2023-10-21T21:10:02+00:00

Least insane PPD argument:

ThisBoringLife · 2023-10-21T04:03:34+00:00

Let me try to visualize it:

Assuming one is in the beta bucks scenario of being fine taking care of another man's kid, all this would be is validation that it is another man's child. Doesn't have to lead to divorce.

However, if a woman believes you might kill her, I can't in any way believe the relationship wouldn't be cut off right then and there. Whether those concerns were there in the beginning or grew over time, you're stuck always fearing your life.

In short, I think it's a false equivalency.

triple_skyfall · 2023-10-21T11:04:47+00:00

Of course. Any challenge to women being truthful and honest is wrong because all men everywhere kill and murder all women. Hahaha.

I feel sorry for you, honestly. Your Disney-like view of reality is going to hurt you in the long run.

BuhDUMTing · 2023-10-21T00:35:29+00:00

https://dnatesting.com/30-of-men-not-the-father/

https://discovertheodds.com/what-are-the-odds-of-being-murdered/

Smartest feminist

This is the equivalent of say playing Russian roulette is just like going for a walking through a grocery store

randomness111111111 · 2023-10-21T00:16:05+00:00

not your spouse as you’re supposed to trust your spouse;

Blindly?

you should also be fine with a wife choosing to live outside the home for fear you might kill her.

Live outside sounds weird. Will you at least rent something?

Affectionate-Base645 · 2023-10-21T04:59:28+00:00

There's nothing wrong with your proposal. I always laugh whenever I hear a woman say that she "needs" a tall man because she wants a protector. This is ironic considering that the person most likely to abuse a woman is her husband, not some random guy. Now, if a woman thinks that her life is in danger, she could easily separate from her husband. Having said all this, how is a husband supposed to know whether the child his wife conceived is actually his?

I wouldn't be asking this question if we lived in a society where sex was kept in the marital bed, but we all know that a large percentage of the population engages in premarital or even extramarital sex.

ehcaipf · 2023-10-21T00:21:00+00:00

If my wife fears I'd kill her and she wants to live somewhere else, I'd be more than happy for her to do that. It would be ridiculous to live with someone who thinks you are going to kill them.

Asking for a paternity test is a sign of distrust, I give you that. Same as any person asking their couple about what they did that certain night out drunk with friends, or asking to show the messages they 've been sending to certain someone. If you ever been into an actual long term relationship you'd understand that trust is something dynamic, it goes up and down, it needs to be nurtured, protected and fixed when it's broken.

In any relationship, each partner comes in with their own insecurities and past histories. Some have been cheated in the past, and are reluctant to fully trust their partners. With patience, understanding and transparency things can be healed, trust can be built and rebuilt. For example, some couples decide to give full access to each others phones no questions asked.

The motivation for to access your partner's phone usually comes from insecurity and lack of blind trust. But if there's nothing to hide, actually doing this usually creates more trust.

So, in a relationship where one person is not fully trusting, there are steps that can be taken to nurture and grow that trust. This goes even beyond romantic relationships. Even with family, friends and business. Transparency, and auditing are key for successful long-term loyal relationships. A paternity test is just one of those things.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-10-21T00:28:47+00:00

if she is willing to have kids with me out of wedlock then i ll happily skip the paternity test part. Quid pro quo mfkers

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2023-10-21T08:29:41+00:00

I've never felt the need for a paternity test for my kids, but the probabilities are not really comparable.

kvakerok · 2023-10-21T15:08:28+00:00

The number of wives that did that on fabricated or imagined threat is way higher than the number of men who got the paternity test done.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-21T00:17:03+00:00

I'd prefer living in separate houses so I have no problem with this. I'd think she was being overly emotional, but that's the standard setting for most women. So whatever.

Daniel_Bryan_Fan · 2023-10-21T00:48:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

grillopie · 2023-10-21T00:16:31+00:00

trust has its limits for some people. someone may be unable to trust someone to the extent necessary to not ask for a paternity test. thats a shitty quality in a person, but a person may have really good qualities beyond that, and the relationship can still be healthy otherwise. your parallel affects a couple much more than a single paternity test, which has no day-to-day implications, but marriages can work when partners dont live together a lot of the time anyway.

its fairly rare for paternity tests to be done for kids within a marriage, but if it is done, its not necessary that there isnt enough trust for a functional relationship.

my overall point is that relationships can be functional in a lot of ways. not necessarily only one prescriptive way.

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Altruistic_Memories · 2023-10-21T17:54:24+00:00

you don't trust that she would never have sex with somebody else? Well why should she trust that you won't kill her?

Slightly reminds me of the scenario pro-choice/abortion people bring up:

Are you okay with someone being forced to be "attached" to someone else's heart/lungs/etc to save their life? Are you really okay with forcing someone to do that?

Old_Speed_7861 · 2023-10-24T01:03:59+00:00

More women cheat than men

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