Personality matters to women, but not in the way present-day manosphere men seem to interpret it.

purplish_possum · 2024-06-12T00:14:08+00:00

I've experienced enough women hitting on me without having really said anything to doubt how much personality actually matters for sexual attraction. I don't think many sane people would argue most men can find women who will have sex with them in exhange for something, but I don't believe the angst is actually about access to sex, rather not being desired unless they offer something beyond their body in the way that women are. I know for me, I feel better about women coming onto me knowing nothing about me, than I do women telling me I'm smart or funny or that she thinks we'd make a good couple etc. My family and my employer value me for what I do, I want women to value me for what I am.

Youngrazzy · 2024-06-12T13:43:46+00:00

If you don't have the staus or looks your personality won't matter

Pigeonaffect · 2024-06-11T23:19:26+00:00

Doubt it tbh

Most the women I’ve had sex with it was very short conversation, I just knew she was attracted to me and so we matched, met somewhere, then had sex.

Even when women said they require getting to know someone first, which older women say a lot, I’ve rarely had deep level conversations and they likely don’t know much about me besides stalking my insta

20 bodies at 24 for reference

Relationships maybe I could see, but plenty of women get with horrible dudes so idk

bubbagator · 2024-06-11T22:28:25+00:00

I got categorized as a "neurodivergent feminine man" on here. For saying I enjoy hanging out with women and comfortable being vulnerable around them.

You're too right for a lot of men here to accept. They're so focused on being hyper-masculine and not being "weak" that they'll refuse to believe what you're saying.

Nuance is too complicated, they'd prefer to live in a world that is black and white with clear boxes to put people in.

Preme2 · 2024-06-11T23:09:02+00:00

I don’t get the point. You’re just repeating RP narrative, nothing different from what they say.

This is like saying personality matters when landing a job, of course it does. You go through multiple rounds of interviews. Meeting with HR, meeting with the team, meeting with the manager, their director, etc. Personality will have an influence. We’re all in agreement.

The problem and more importantly for men today, is that, they can’t even get an interview. Who cares about your personality and how you mesh with the team when your resume isn’t even being pulled?

With dating apps, social media being a common way to meet, personality is less important. Looks, physical characteristics dominate the dating landscape.

arvada14 · 2024-06-12T01:19:32+00:00

Good personality = intersocial competence/intelligence

Attractiveness = genetic competence

Remove the fear that women latently have of men by making her feel at ease, and you have your recipe for attracting a woman. Everything and everyone else who says different is lying in order to save face. There are overlaps in the traits above because everything is genetic to an extent. But this is the truth, cry about it later.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-12T01:59:48+00:00

It’s funny because personality and aura can come across even without words. There are times when I feel needy and unconfident and might as well be invisible to women. And when I am in my zone, confident and focused on my wants, women are constantly eye raping me.

All without saying a single word to them. Just being in the vicinity. Personality is complex. Many men mistake personality for being pleasant and non-offensive. But it really comes down to how you feel about yourself and vibe you give off. Look at a picture of Tony Soprano and tell me that without him ever saying a word to you, you know that he takes no shit from anyone and is a dominant alpha male.

Even my wife said she’d date him. Thats how powerful personality is. Making an aging, fat, balding guy with a funny voice a sex symbol.

FreitasAlan · 2024-06-11T23:14:32+00:00

That’s a lot of text to say alphafux and betabux

MongoBobalossus · 2024-06-11T22:29:27+00:00

It honestly just depends woman to woman. I’ve had some think I’m funny as hell and others think I’m a sarcastic asshole.

Generally speaking, she has to like your personality if she’s going to stick around you long term. Eventually you do have to talk to her lol

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-06-11T23:00:27+00:00

People only perscribe personality as if it will solve every issue and do heavily place it above attraction/physical attractiveness.

You cannot out personality attraction when it comes down to a womans options. It is better to have the attraction than the personality.

If you build attraction or simply are attractive many women will look past or fill in certain gaps in your personality if you leave it decently blank and just do the bare minimum of filling out personality by not being a complete goofball but being funny or just generally having slightly different sides than what she percieves about you.

Sometimes the goal is just once. Alot of trp is not to be conservative and build relationships unless that woman is amazing its to be desirable, because alot of the time women judge how believable your personality is with how you look especially when they take your seriously

princedune · 2024-06-12T12:57:18+00:00

For the majority of men who struggle with dating, personality never comes into play. It doesnt matter how much women say they care about personality if they never get to know the guy in the first place.

Proudvow · 2024-06-11T23:26:32+00:00

Years ago TRPers were astute enough to categorize this into "beta behavioral traits" that trigger comfort and "alpha behavioral traits" that trigger her sexual arousal. They knew that a woman's "ideal" man had BOTH.

What changed is that men stopped caring about what women wanted beyond sexuality, since they no longer view the women they associate with as worth commitment.

Post-dating apps now even alpha males have to date down quite a bit for casual sex, and they're not really interested in becoming some dumpy chick's BF. Meanwhile the beta males on that woman's level get pissed that she's not responding to their comfort traits, conclude that she doesn't REALLY want a loving relationship, and end up imitating the alpha male via TRP.

Tl;dr: Modern men don't care about whatever beta traits she wants if she still prioritizes alpha traits (is willing to bang men with ONLY alpha traits). Men are fine with just having sex and moving on to the next. Women need to treat beta traits similarly if they want men to see a point in practicing them.

saving_private_ryan_ · 2024-06-11T22:41:17+00:00

Personality only matters insofar as if you're a normie or not. A normie is a socially engaging, outgoing extrovert. Who has hobbies outside of his house. If you aren't a normie then you're shit out of luck.

I'm a proud homebody introvert so even if I'm better looking than like 90% of men out there my personality wont mean shit.

Women are superficial when it comes to money, resources, looks, and even personality. Arguably more so than men.

Superficial or selective? Probably both.

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-11T22:59:48+00:00

A lot of people forget that social skills are a part of personality. If you're honest, kind and genuine, but you don't talk to people, how the hell are they supposed to learn about these good qualities of yours? The problem isn't in being honest or kind, the problem is either in not socializing enough, being way too awkward/boring/unpleasant for others to hang out around you.

shockingly_bored · 2024-06-12T09:25:08+00:00

A man who only had "beta traits" was called a Beta Bucks who she didn't didn't want to fuck.

A man who only had "alpha traits" was called an Alpha Fucks who got casual sex from women

I mean, it's laid out right there. Women when they have the agency to will only sleep with men they are physically attracted to, and women only form the romantic bonds with men that benefit from the "beta" traits with men they sleep with.

Basically what you're saying is that if a woman tells a man she's attracted to him because of his personality, she's letting slip that she's lost her agency to get with the men she truly wants and desires. Who the hell wants to be that man?

Rude-Statistician920 · 2024-06-12T02:31:46+00:00

Personality matters. Unfortunately it’s extremely difficult to work on those traits that give good vibes and personality are very hard to build if you don’t grow up like that. Validation in your Formable years is crucial. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer most of the time. The dudes don’t want to accept that it matters because it’s not a measurable thing or a black and white thing nor is “swag”. It almost seems like you either have it or you don’t. I’m 6’1” built like a linebacker and black I dress well and groom myself and even I still have issues. I still make an effort but I understand their frustrations. Not having that it factor can suck.

abaxeron · 2024-06-12T00:23:20+00:00

Artist's rendition of OP trying to explain things

You are comparing compatible personalities with incompatible personalities holding everything else constant.

Now compare effect of personality with effect of money, power, status, influence, looks, and ability to never work a single day of your life other than for personal fulfillment.

As kind-of relevant example, in year 2012 Meryl Streep on award ceremony called Harvey Weinstein a "god".

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wtknight · 2024-06-12T11:21:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Muscletov · 2024-06-12T17:15:09+00:00

The only personality traits which come somewhat close to looks, money and status are being non-neurotic and non-neurodivergent. Everything else comes far behind.

And of course, the usual caveat: looks, money, status influence the perception of your personality traits much more than vice versa.

not_mr_nice · 2024-06-12T17:58:30+00:00

I think attraction matters initially.

However, as much as I hate the word "Personality", being able to create a feeling of safety, creating a feeling of non-judgementalness, as well as creating that "connection" (basically people opening up to each other) is what holds people together.

However without attraction nor the ability to escalate, you are just in the friend zone. This can be good or bad (social groups and pre-selection) depending on how you look at it.

Competitive-Ask4393 · 2024-06-12T18:41:04+00:00

Personality only starts to matter once other people get involved in the dynamic like non close friends, family, coworkers etc.

The only personality that matters from day 1 Is, “is this guy going to murder me” (threshold) after that’s vetted and her subconscious stabilises, it’s all looks.

ThisBoringLife · 2024-06-12T18:54:44+00:00

Personality matters...when the physical attraction is there. That's usually beyond the stage of meeting someone and is a good bit into the dating or relationship stage.

No physical attraction, personality don't mean a thing.

How I've heard it here, being attractive enough can overcome personality quirks or flaws, which would point to looks being weighted more than personality.

alebruto · 2024-06-12T19:28:57+00:00

Appearance always matters more than personality, and this is often denied because women perceive a man's personality. through appearance. A Chad and an Incel can tell the same dark joke in exactly the same way, the Chad will be seen as funny while the Incel will be seen as scary. If a Chad is imposing in a conflict, he is seen as "protective", if an Incel is imposing, he will be seen as "violent" The Halo effect is very strong, when a woman says "I like his personality", she should really say "I like my interpretation of his personality". The personality itself is his, but the interpretation is hers, and she interprets the personality based on appearance

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-06-12T00:00:23+00:00

i think the problem i see with a lot of the "looks vs personality" is trying to break down attraction into separate components when it doesnt really work that way. its more the perception of the entire person which includes their movements, mannerisms, body language, voice, energy, etc.

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-06-12T07:30:50+00:00

There are tradeoffs in life. Building up a "personality" in the way that women view "personality" takes time away that he can spend on getting ripped, rich, confident and knowing how to talk to women.

Personality makes up less than 15 percent of attraction in a relationship, be it long term or short term. Ted Bundy gets more women than the average guy does. I know rich men that get more women than the men I know that have decent "personalities".

There have been literal anecdotes in this very sub, where dozens of men have told you that they have gotten more options and more girls after getting fit and making more money without changing their personality, so either men are lying or you are wrong.

Savings_Builder_8449 · 2024-06-12T12:09:55+00:00

making text bold does not make what is written true

A man who only had "alpha traits" was called an Alpha Fucks who got casual sex from women

this is what men want

but who women didn't enjoy in a long-term relationship due to the lack of consideration and care.

ohh well

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-06-12T12:48:10+00:00

Ok. This is probably the most truthful and accurate piece I’ve seen here.

What a lot of people don’t get is that in cultures that push really hard for gender equality it changes the percentages women want here. In Sweden those ladies want something like 80% alpha and 20% beta traits. If you go to the Middle East, it’s more like 30% alpha and 70% beta. China and most of east asia is similar. Africa in my experience varies widely by tribal affiliation, but it’s a really solid balance there.

They also tend to change as they age up.

But let’s be honest. As men, we don’t want to be in relationships with women who lack that carnal lust for us. We even feel that when we know it’s impossible… and that’s most of the sour grapes you see here, because male attraction is so much more simple and forgiving.

DarayRaven · 2024-06-11T22:36:06+00:00

So your saying TRP was correct on women's ideal archetype yet your title says we misinterpret it

How exactly ?

toasterchild · 2024-06-11T23:18:13+00:00

I feel like a lot of people confuse good personality with GOODY GOODY personality. Good is at least a little flirty, confident and funny it is NOT behaves well and never does anything wrong. But what combo and style of those things differs from person to person. That doesn't matter so much though, you don't have to be attractive to all women just enough women.

obviousredflag · 2024-06-12T06:24:34+00:00

but not in the way present-day manosphere men seem to interpret it.

Maybe you should at least start out by telling us how you think present-day manosphere men seem to interpret it. Because you said yourself, that TRP has long understood that personality is sexually attractive and i don't see how the manosphere changed on that topic in the last years.

Opie67 · 2024-06-13T04:36:30+00:00

charm/assuredness/intuition/etc.

I almost feel like these belong outside of "personality". Personality is just your beliefs, interests, values etc. Things like charm, assuredness, intuition are social skills that anyone can develop

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-06-13T08:01:19+00:00

Based on all the comments here, it seems more like a math problem in a way.

People who reach and surpass the looks threshold might not have to up their game at all, they only have to worry about not getting deductible points.

People who are not that attractive need more game and charisma to get similar results.

If your looks are way below, charisma may not even matter at that point.

And then, different women have different thresholds for both. Some women have more weight needed for the charisma than others.

You, OP, just sound like you have higher biological standards for both to arouse you. Especially compared to the examples of women that men have already given.

pg_throwaway · 2024-06-12T01:36:27+00:00

The people who spread the "personality doesn't matter" lie are also selling that lie that women are like robots and if you just perform the right cheat codes: "be attractive, be rich, have status" then women will like you.

It's like a 2 for 1 deal in self help scams. Those people pretend there is some kind of "short cut" to women that doesn't involve improving your social skills, mindset, and attitude - most likely because they cater to men who can't or who refuse to do the work on themselves to fix their personalities.

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-12T01:36:47+00:00

I'm coming to a point I don't genuinely believe any man was stupid enough to believe that being nice was all it took to get women.

I just don't. This is just ego defense nonsense. And I get it, but come on. Do we really have to debate this point. Your options are you are in denial or incredibly stupid, right? Like this just isn't a believable claim unless you were raised in a cult or something.

Title	Personality matters to women, but not in the way present-day manosphere men seem to interpret it.
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	20
Comments	405
Date	June 11, 2024 10:16 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ddqt59/personality_matters_to_women_but_not_in_the_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/personality-matters-to-women-but-not-in-the-way.1521282 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521282

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