CMV: It's ok to end a marriage/family for your own happiness

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-02T16:44:57+00:00

how it is okay to leave your marriage and family if you are unhappy

Leaving your marriage is one thing, leaving your kids is a completely different story. I suggest that people try to work on the relationship before ending it but if you're unhappy, that's not a good situation for either party. I don't think my partner would want to be with someone he knows is unhappy to be with him, I know I wouldn't be.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2024-11-02T17:56:20+00:00

I’m divorced. She did not do any of the right things, and it was a dead end. Had we had children, I would have stayed and died a bitter man.

despisedlove2 · 2024-11-02T18:48:05+00:00

Women who think like that aren't marriage material. The scary part is that such women sing hosannas about the value of loyalty and patience in a marriage, until one day their feels disappear. A man should strive to find out about this character failing as early as possible in a relationship, and end the relationship proactively, even if he is 10 minutes away from getting married.

NJFlowerchild · 2024-11-02T18:32:01+00:00

How do you feel when a man leaves his wife and children to start a new life because she makes happier? That's what you're endorsing. The younger sexier woman that hasn't given birth makes him happier and he deserves to be happy.

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-02T16:51:08+00:00

It entirely depends on one's view of marriage and their agreement with their partner. If they find the option leaving because they're unhappy although it's not their partner's fault, they should warn their partner about it prior to getting married.

My husband and I agreed that even in case one of us wants to leave, we try couple therapy first. We view marriage as commitment to go together through thin and thick. If/when we have kids, leaving becomes an option only for drastic situations like cheating or abuse. But we both believe that love is a choice and action, not just magical butterflies in your stomach.

In my view happiness is fickle. People can't be always happy. If you're an unhappy individual while your partner does everything right and hasn't changed much, the problem is in you, and chances are high you'll stay unhappy even after divorce.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-11-02T23:26:14+00:00

No it's not okay. Why even commit to someone as serious as marriage and children if you feel like you should just throw it aside like garbage?

babazuki · 2024-11-02T18:10:34+00:00

I ain't listening to a woman spout stupid shit for few minutes. Not watching the video.

But, it's in the vows. You stick together to the end. Good times and bad. Til death do we part.

If you're too lazy or weak to handle that, don't enter marriage. Or just call it something different. Barriage, Carriage for instance.

NeatEngineer5623 · 2024-11-02T16:40:06+00:00

Or just scrap the whole marriage thing entirely because its a waste of time, money and hassle in the long run.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-11-02T17:36:28+00:00

There’s more than a semantic difference to be drawn between not being actively happy and being actively unhappy. It’s not realistic to expect to be actively happy all the time or even most of the time, it is realistic to expect not to be actively unhappy all or even most of the time.

One is a signal that the relationship or the person themselves may need some tweaking but is pretty normal especially during stressful times.

The other is a signal that there is a much more significant problem. That problem may well be the relationship, but it also may be an internal issue of the unhappy person.

Actively Unhappy people should honestly investigate the cause prior to making the decision to end the relationship.

MachineMan718 · 2024-11-02T18:40:00+00:00

No. Fuck off, absolutely not.

You have a responsibility to your spouse and children. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!

You brought life into this world, and took a vow to do it with the man YOU CHOSE. You have to see it through now.

S0yslut · 2024-11-02T18:51:57+00:00

If your unhappy and your spouse isn’t doing anything wrong why the fuck would you blame them for your unhappiness? Seek therapy.

Tywinlol2 · 2024-11-02T20:02:36+00:00

It's okay to be a drug addict, nothing matters in life more then emotional high./s Seriously do you guys need any more reasons to walk away from marriage? You have to be an idiot to get married in the West these days.

No_Sun_658 · 2024-11-02T22:54:20+00:00

So don't complain when the man goes out into the world and abandons his child and wife.

just_a_place · 2024-11-03T02:51:28+00:00

Hear that boys? Even when you do everything right, she will still fuck you over with a divorce just because.

Please, ladies, continue convincing us chaps how we definitely should marry you, commit to you, devote our fucking existence to you, just so you can repay us with betrayal. We definitely need more reasons to not give you the middle finger whenever you bring up totally win win scenarios like a relationships, commitment, and marriage.

Marriage should be fucking abolished! In fact, it needs to be criminalized.

Why in the fuck would any stupid asshole ever agree to sign a contract where his entire life is contingent on the fickle ass feewings of women - who we all know are totally rational and never prone to bouts of emotionalism - and in which they stand everything to gain by breaking said contract and completely fucking men over with the power of both the state and the court of public opinion behind them?

Any man who is stupid enough to get married deserves the shit they get on the divorce.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-11-02T16:27:26+00:00

What do you mean by “okay?”

Based on the context and facts, ending a marriage or family for one’s own happiness may not be moral, reasonable, justifiable, or practical.

My_House_on_Mars · 2024-11-02T16:31:05+00:00

As long as they share custody and care for the kids if there's any that's pretty normal (expected) way of behaving

LillthOfBabylon · 2024-11-02T16:20:23+00:00

Selfish pricks. Abandoning your kids is evil.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-11-02T16:30:08+00:00

If it’s going to make you actually happy then ok, but I think a lot if the time it’s a “the grass is greener” approach

We only get one life so we are supposed to be happy, I do think if you have a family and have built a life with your partner you really really should think about what is it exactly that’s making you unhappy before leaving

woodclip · 2024-11-02T16:56:40+00:00

In this clip a divorced woman explains how it is okay to leave your marriage and family if you are unhappy. Just because your SO is doing all the right things on paper doesn't mean you feel in love. It doesn't mean you are happy.

Makes perfect sense if you're selfish and narcissistic.

purplish_possum · 2024-11-02T17:27:59+00:00

Sure. People are free to do this. However, that means that marriage vows are basically worthless.

Marriage is a self-imposed limitation on one's freedom for the benefit of the family. If women aren't willing to keep their side of the bargain marriage is dead.

DistributionLow5919 · 2024-11-02T17:33:49+00:00

It's funny how many people are willing to lie and say "for better or worse" and "til death do us part" and not really mean it. Especially females. It's pretty clear that their word means nothing to them and it's exactly why women and marriage should never be taken seriously.

Programmer_Scared · 2024-11-02T17:08:19+00:00

To an extent, even as a man I get that... but here is where the dynamic changes.

If a man had provided for a woman a home, money, protection and the man decides to leave. I think its very sad but fair. A providing man like an employer should get his pick of employee. I say man here as a stereotype. I think if the woman is providing, the reverse is true but that is extremely rare.

If it is a marriage, the man usually have to split the asset he earned and maybe pay alimony. To compensate for lost time. Most men think thats unfair. But it is the law.

Here is my qualm. If you are with a man, and a good providing man, and he is doing everything right, and you leave out of the blue. What does that leave the man? Trust issues. A broken home. Years wasted. Money wasted on a woman who left her home broken.

Is there any law to stop this? No. Unfortunately not.

But if you do this and you wanna do this ethically.

Don't ask to split his assets. Give him a proper closure. Don't shame him in front of the kids. The woman in the youtube video was like the definition of a bitch. She made a choice and now preaches other to follow suit. What if their mutual friends see this? Family?

tonyghow · 2024-11-02T18:04:35+00:00

Esther Perel says women want mystery and security. A man can rarely maintain both.

That video is more of a lesson to men that you have to keep things interesting and varied. It’s a lesson that women will rarely be happy with a man as he is. There has to be constant change or growth.

And unfortunately, the men who keep things interesting are the bad boy borderline abusers.

babazuki · 2024-11-02T18:20:30+00:00

I'm certain she was proposed to with a diamond ring. Women like her would accept nothing less.

It's a fucking diamond because it's supposed to be forever! It's a forever promise. What the fuck? How do people think it's a just whatever deal?

ScreenTricky4257 · 2024-11-02T21:07:42+00:00

When you commit to a marriage, you're making a promise that you'll care more about the marriage as a collective than your own interests. It's a contract that says that even if the other person gets more out of this arrangement than I do, I'm OK with that. For you to renege on that deal is wrong.

A lot of the problem is that we don't view marriage that way today. We view it as an agreement to partner up so long as doing so is better for both parties. Usually it is, but I think that the traditional view is both more robust and more likely to result in happiness.

Intelligent-Insight · 2024-11-02T21:24:13+00:00

Marriage was never about happiness, it was about having double income and raising family. Happiness comes from within, too. Chances are, she's not unhappy because of the marriage and leaving it won't make her happy. Especially since in this case her husband isn't doing anything that would make unhappy. But I guess she had some special vows where she said "... till death do us part or till I'm not feeling happy", in which case she's not breaking any vows.

Ineedtogetthisout97 · 2024-11-02T23:06:55+00:00

Being unhappy typically causes you to treat others worse. Especially those closest to you. Staying together for the kids usually does more harm than good. Parents are people too. Repeating toxic behaviors and instilling them into your kids doesn’t do society any favors.

If divorce causes you to abandon your children you weren’t a good parent anyway.

emorizoti · 2024-11-03T00:00:24+00:00

This is very weird to post it online. Imagine being the child and finding mom telling people online that it was okay to leave dad because she wasn't happy even though dad made all the right things and was a good man. Or being the ex husband, still hurt from the divorce, and watching the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life, sharing it online on how it was okay leaving the marriage just like that, like some kind of story you tell to your friends in a pub. The message behind this "I put my happiness above the rest of the family, because my husband wasn't the right guy even though he did the right things and was a good person. Sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, I couldn't understand what being responsible and how to handle a family was like when I married him. Oopsies. Don't forget to like and subscribe."
This may be wrong to say, but have you seen how many women are willing to stay in a marriage with abusive men that cheat on them on daily basis. They leave only when things get too heated and far from the point when divorce comes because of not being happy. She sounds just like the typical case when a woman checked out of the marriage, and found another guy that was more exciting than her husband. The one that would make her think that she found her right guy. While divorcing for your own wellbeing is good and normal, especially when you have tried everything and there was nothing else to change the outcome, two adult people should be fully aware of what expects them after the honeymoon and when the dull boring routine strikes and it goes like that for the rest of their lives. It is becoming so frequent that people build this fantasy that everything will be an adventure with highs and lows.
The kids are the casualty behind all of this. It doesn't matter if both of your divorced parents respect each other and treat you well until you become an adult. It will leave a huge trauma that would take years to recover from. Only those who grew up in a divorced family can understand this. The rest of the society has still a long way to unlock the real meaning of responsibility and comprehend that family needs you to sacrefice and put children wellbeing above yours.

IamHereAndNow · 2024-11-03T12:57:57+00:00

Is this woman entitled for 50% of his wealth, alimony and full custody with child support payments or if she is not "happy" he should leave the situation and not leverage legal system to get free cash flow to fun her new "happy" lifestyle?

NJFlowerchild · 2024-11-02T17:53:29+00:00

Expecting another human to be responsible for your happiness is probably one of the dumbest damn things I have ever heard in my life. Their job IS to do the right things. Their job is to cultivate a romantic connection with you. Your mental health and personal feelings about your life are not on them unless their direct actions are the source of your unhappiness.

finitemike · 2024-11-02T21:18:47+00:00

The fact this sentiment is held by the majority of women makes me want a vasectomy.

Feisty-Saturn · 2024-11-02T17:08:19+00:00

I didn’t watch the video. I don’t necessarily disagree with the cmv but I will note that if a man said the same thing, it wouldn’t be received with support.

In our society women are allowed to pursue their own happiness. If a woman is struggling in her relationship the response is “what is her partner doing wrong”. If a man is struggling the response is “what can he do to make his partner more happy so she in turn wants to make him more happy”.

HappyCat79 · 2024-11-02T16:30:18+00:00

I would go a step further and say it’s horrible to stay with someone you don’t love. You are denying them an opportunity to be with someone who would love them.

My ex didn’t love me and he acted like he was such a noble martyr for staying with a woman that he didn’t love or want to be with. It really, really hurt.

I eventually left because of the domestic violence. He hated me and thought I was his property so he treated me like everything he owns, and he doesn’t take good care of any of his stuff.

Sorcha16 · 2024-11-02T18:20:13+00:00

It's OK to leave your marriage, it's not OK to abandon your kids, or put your happiness over your responsibilities as a parent.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-11-02T16:37:57+00:00

Lack of love isn't a good justification to leave a family. If a woman can't be happy with a man she married and procreated with and who does everything right on paper then I don't think she can be happy in general. Happiness is difficult to attain bc life sucks for everyone. We all eventually get sick and die but before we do most of us lose everyone we've loved to sickness and death.

Jesus-God-Cornbread · 2024-11-02T16:21:38+00:00

It’s fine if you don’t have kids. Otherwise stick it out. It’s not about you anymore. Your happiness is at the bottom of the list.

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Hi-Road · 2024-11-02T16:42:36+00:00

I think the wording is important - we can argue it's okay to do almost anything but...

Placing that happiness over the wellbeing of your relationship, family, etc. is probably not something most of us would consider "ok". When most people make vows, they promise to be there through sickness and health. That goes way beyond "I just wasn't feeling it". Seems like loyalty, accountability, and sacrifice has left the building. If they avoid development and growth, that person will likely just jump into another relationship before wrecking it. Rinse and repeat. If you're that person, pleeeease don't have kids, at the very least. Best case scenario, don't get married either.

Id argue that it displays extreme immaturity, and that it's likely what you identify as your "happiness" is an unreachable goal constructed by delusion. People usually don't just act based on the things that they "want" all the time. There's an obvious problem there.

Obviously there are instances where most of us can agree it's okay to leave a relationship, but it really doesn't matter what our, the people outside of the relationship, opinion is - other than judging on the sidelines. There's no right or wrong / okay or not okay to this

Direct-Alternative70 · 2024-11-02T16:53:07+00:00

Leaving a family is never okay. Ending a marriage but still being a family is understandable and reasonable

Miserable parents are bad for kids. But absent parents are worse.

Bikerbats · 2024-11-02T17:15:43+00:00

For once, I agree with you Windmill. However, it's still not a decision to be taken lightly. The landscape is littered with people who left relationships thinking it would make them happier, and it didn't. Add a couple of kids in there who's lives you are messing with, and it's not so simple anymore.

DistributionLow5919 · 2024-11-02T17:36:49+00:00

Happy is a state of mind that comes from within. It's something that you're completely in control of. Not external forces like a spouse who you chose to be with and it's not your spouses job to make you happy.

Emotions are fleeting and temporary. If you can't honor a commitment you made to a family because of some fleeting emotions then you honestly shouldn't be considering marriage in the first place because you're not marriage material.

9guyKguy9 · 2024-11-02T17:37:18+00:00

A marriage can end with decision of one partner and should be easy and with no hard feelings (very ideally)

Family NO wtf is that supposed to mean the moment you start a family you are connected with the other parent by obligation and rights (co parent is different from a relationship)

That said I haven't experienced it personally

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2024-11-02T19:12:41+00:00

You can do anything you want, the only thing you cant do is control how other people react to it. Divorce to be happy, sure but also recognize the costs of that choice. The problem is people dont want to accept accountability for their behaviors.

Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-11-02T23:16:24+00:00

No. A marriage is a union for life IMO

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-11-03T01:05:15+00:00

Sure but just dont think to duck out of marriage in middle age and think you will end up with a better man then the one you attracted when you were young. Thats what happens to a lot these women. Happiness is a mindset by the way. There is no study every done that really shows otherwise. There are people in the bleakest possible situations who are still happy and rich people with everything they could ever want materially that are unhappy. Its best for chronically unhappy to be quarantined away from happy people. Only naive people look for complete fulfillment in another person.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-11-03T07:42:08+00:00

as always i'm curious whether you share the same sentiment for men that feel unfulfilled in their marriages, especially if they end up dating somebody younger and hotter after divorcing their wives.

or are those deadbeat selfish misogynistic losers going through a midlife crisis? because somehow for a lot of people the opinions seem to differ depending on the gender.

either way, just don't get married if you have shit to lose imo, it should be more normalized to opt out of marriage honestly.

Termodynamicslad · 2024-11-03T11:18:59+00:00

If you're simply not feeling it, its not ok to leave because it harms your kids.

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-11-03T14:17:38+00:00

This is one of those threads that says a lot more about the OP than anything else.

Whilst I won't deny male incels have a stranglehold on this sub, I'm seeing their female counterparts fighting hard for second place.

Tj21040 · 2024-11-03T17:17:54+00:00

I agree so long as socially and legally it is ok for a man to do the same. I think a man’s happiness is paramount

DamagedByPessimism · 2024-11-03T21:33:35+00:00

Agreed, as long as you also focus on your children as well.

Up until these days I wished my own mother chose her own children over her own comfort, that way she would’ve chose to leave her abusive husband. Instead, she remained and expected us to endure or put up with his narcissism.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-11-04T06:04:16+00:00

Happiness is not persistent. There will be times when you are unhappy and there is not much that can be done about it. All relationships would end if everyone followed this advice. Parents after having children are miserable, but they should work through it rather than just giving up because it gets a little tough.

Proudvow · 2024-11-04T06:08:05+00:00

It's not okay to get married at all if this is your mentality.

kr_ok_ · 2024-11-04T10:52:28+00:00

I think if you are no longer happy in your marriage, you are doing your partner and your kids a disservice long term by staying married. Kids will be more fucked up by having parents who are together but hate each other or are constantly adversarial, than being raised by divorced parents who they get to see both of regularly.

Abandoning your kids is an awful thing to do though. Get divorced, but fight for custody.

alwaysright0 · 2024-11-02T16:24:44+00:00

Of course it is

John_Oakman · 2024-11-02T17:01:54+00:00

Those types of people should probably have not gotten married in the first place, for the point of marriage is Sacrifice, responsibility, duty, commitment, and about fueling transient hedonistic materialistic desires.

And yes I say this as the main purpose of marriage for males as well, if anything that should be the primary motivation for marriage for a male.

QuantityAcademic · 2024-11-02T16:51:46+00:00

I agree for the most part. Things get a little bit iffier if kids are involved. For me, if kids are involved then you owe it to them to stay unless your SO cheats. If you don't stick around for the kids then you're a shitty person who is and will always be a failure of a parent and a human being and you deserve to have your reproductive organs medically removed so you can never have kids again.

But if you're childless, do whatever you need to feel happy.

Inomaker · 2024-11-02T16:55:45+00:00

Nah. It's fine to leave if you no longer love your SO. But you're going to be unhappy regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship.

OilJust4498 · 2024-11-02T16:29:58+00:00

For me personally, as a 37 year old virgin whose never been in a relationship, I couldn't fathom ever voluntarily ending a relationship for anything short of suffering life threatening levels of abuse (no girlfriend is worth your life), I mean after 20 years of trying to get into a relationship I wouldn't want to finally end the first one I got into without trying to make it better. But everyone is different and depending on your personal situation and what you want out of life, than of course you should leave. While I personally would be willing to, no one should ever have to feel trapped in an uncomfortable relationship.

Title	CMV: It's ok to end a marriage/family for your own happiness
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	186
Date	November 2, 2024 4:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gi01g6/cmv_its_ok_to_end_a_marriagefamily_for_your_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-its-ok-to-end-a-marriagefamily-for-your-own.1534419 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534419

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