Women Don’t Like Dating Apps for Only One Reason

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-01-16T19:06:34+00:00

Women don't like dating apps because we get spammed by men who don't read our profiles, right-swipe on everyone and then waste our time with incompatible matches and offload all the filtering onto us.

If men actually used the apps the way they are supposed to be used, the heavy volume of low-effort and incompatible men would go down, we'd know that a match is someone who is more likely to actually be interested in us and compatible with what we're looking for, we'd be less overwhelmed in our inbox and more of us would be on the apps and stay on them.

Or, you can ignore the actual experience of women and what we say and just substitute what random men tell you we think instead, because no one should ever trust what women say about ourselves, our experiences, our likes, our dislikes, etc.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2025-01-16T21:03:52+00:00

so women who go on dating apps only want to date the top 10% of guys so therefore they are delusional

the men that go on dating apps want to date women who only go after the top 10% of guys and are delusional making these men delusional

therefore dating apps are full of crazy and delusional people and as someone not looking to date crazy and delusional people i avoid them

ta06012022 · 2025-01-16T20:35:56+00:00

You start to get there, but then you miss some key points. I’ll give you my perspective as a guy who always has done well on dating apps.

The reason women don’t like dating apps is when they swipe right 1 out of 20 times, there are many other women swiping on the same men with desirable qualities. These select men (around 10%) get flooded with options for dates.

You are correct that likes are concentrated at the top. In terms of receiving likes, it tends to be feast or famine. When I tried a month of tinder gold, I could see my likes. What’s interesting is my likes count went from “99+” with the free version to “9,999+” with gold.

The thing that you’re sort of missing is that when you get that many likes, it also includes a solid number of likes from attractive women. That means a guy who gets a lot of likes can be selective about who he swipes right on.

I swipe right a little under 3% (based on my downloaded Tinder data). Swiping that way, I match with almost 1/4 of the women I swipe right on. That typically gives me a few matches a day and comes out to about 25-35 a week (it fluctuates in any given week).

From that population, I could probably get five first dates a week, but I don’t have anywhere close to enough time for five first dates a week. So I don’t message most of my matches. I prioritize a subset who I’m most interested in meeting.

So even if your “60% of women are going after the same men” is true, it doesn’t really matter. I’m swiping left on 97% of women, so while they might be going after me, it doesn’t really matter because we never match.

Women keep trying with the top 10% on the apps, but he can get a date AND a relationship anytime he wants. So he dates around until he finds a woman that is high value and really pushes his buttons, and enjoys spending time with. If a man can get dates at will. He’s going to be very picky in who he picks. That top 10-20% guy is going to date around for potentially months to years before deciding on one.

There’s an element of truth to this. I spent most of my early 20s keeping things casual. I was open to a relationship but didn’t see any reason to push for one if it didn’t seem like a natural fit.

Again what you’re missing is that the women I was with came from the top <3% I actually swiped right on. So it’s not like they came from the broad 60% of women you’re describing.

One other thing to note is that it’s not just the top 60% of women. When I had tinder gold I could see my likes and can tell you that even the bottom 10% were swiping right too. Guys do the same thing. It’s not like a basement dwelling neckbeard goes “oh she’s too hot for me, I’ll swipe left”.

Basically a guy who does well on the apps can have an unlimited supply of dates and casual sex, but that naturally results in him becoming very picky.

edit- One key point: this assumes he lives in a big city. I live in NYC and I can swipe right 3% because my supply of women to swipe on is essentially endless. It feels like hundreds of new profiles every day. A guy in a small town can’t be nearly as selective if he wants steady casual sex, because there’s an extremely finite number of attractive women.

rosephase · 2025-01-16T18:54:22+00:00

Women don't like dating apps for the same reason men don't like them. They are a lazy, shallow way to make a connection and that means you are often making connections that aren't nice or fun.

themfluencer · 2025-01-16T20:14:36+00:00

I don’t like dating apps because guys swipe indiscriminately and open with messages asking to see my butthole instead of saying hi and asking me questions first.

SnooCats37 · 2025-01-16T20:22:55+00:00

I hate the idea of them, never used them. Met my husband through mutual acquaintances. Will always argue that’s the best way.

Muscletov · 2025-01-16T21:18:11+00:00

Via their extreme selectivity, women basically recreate a similar situation average men face. Being one of many and fighting over a few people who can lean back and choose.

_phe_nix_ · 2025-01-17T02:24:42+00:00

As an average guy who went hard on the dating apps for a period of time, can confirm that paying for tinder gold was a huge difference maker and well worth the cost for boosts and other perks.

Can also confirm that I was very very successful on the dating apps. Met a lot of cool chicks, a lot of fun dates, some even remaining friends until this day.

They key to success I found was to just be light-hearted, have fun with zero expectations, genuinely enjoy getting to know the other person, and not be a weird creepo (while still demonstrating confidence and self worth, which is not the easiest line to walk and took much practice).

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-01-17T07:44:59+00:00

You of course applied your TRP logic to this.

I would say you are wrong.

The apps suck because you are going from stranger to lovers. Lovers is expected outcome whether thats a fling or relationship. And we as humans haven't done this whole thing. Usually we date from mutuals. We have similar social groups that overlap a friend of a friend knows someone. We met at an event. We met at school. So there is a whole prescreening process that goes down before you start to date this person. There is some kind of familiarity. Before you go into it. You hang out with this person gain rapport. With online dating you're missing that whole acquaintance part. This person can be anyone. And with pressure because everyone could have the next best thing or no connection it skips the whole preselection thing.

So guys think it's a free for all for sex. Women are sifting through a bunch of likes having to prescreen all these people before meeting them.

I would say (I'm in a relationship with someone I met on hinge) it takes way longer than meeting someone off the apps. Definitely worth it though

uglysaladisugly · 2025-01-16T18:50:35+00:00

Some women enjoy dating apps, find a boyfriend they really like, they are not delusional about who they are and are based in reality and understand that desirable men will exploit there opportunities.

I'm this kind of woman. Do you know on what percentage of men I swipe? 1% big fat max.

InitialPaths989 · 2025-01-17T02:06:41+00:00

People need to get it through their heads that men and women are after different things. Just because guys on apps are bottom-feeders trying to get their wiener wet by the hottest thing that'll have them doesn't mean women are too. Guy will lie, saying they're looking for a relationship. When all they want is sex, and they'll go ghost as soon as they get it. Guys try to generalize ALL women based on the shallow behavior of coastal women in large liberal cities. Women in middle America don't act like that.

bluehorserunning · 2025-01-17T03:35:04+00:00

TL,DR: OP has never actually asked a woman what they dislike about dating apps, and simply applied his existing terp world view to speculation about that topic.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-01-16T21:41:57+00:00

I have literally NEVER heard a woman describe using dating apps as "euphoric" at any point. I think YOU think this is what their experience is like because you want to have a woman's experience on a dating app so badly that you can't possibly imagine that women don't like it.

AngeAware · 2025-01-16T19:59:24+00:00

for Only One Reason

This is literally how clickbait YouTube content is titled to draw people in. In reality there is rarely a magical "just one reason" for explaining any human behaviors and preferences.

I didn't like the mainstream dating apps because they didn't seem like a good place to find men who shared my values. Lots of references to drugs and alcohol, which I do not partake in. Lots of "not sure what I'm looking for right now but open to" bullshit. Finding a man who just has "looking for a serious relationship" with no qualifiers on his profile was like finding a needle in a haystack. I wasn't about to waste time with that.

The religious dating app that would have probably given me the most compatible matches was notoriously stingy and expensive. If you think the mainstream apps are a scam and constantly nickel and diming people, the more niche ones can be even more ridiculous. I'm not even kidding, if you were on the free version you would need to wait 7 or 10 days to talk to a match.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-01-17T03:45:50+00:00

tbh i don't know many top 10-20% guys who are even looking for relationships on dating apps to begin with. they have plenty of opportunities just living their (social) lives with women who are often pre-vetted and show clear indicators of interest, so they just use apps for easy access to a variety of women. of course exceptions exist, some guys might have busy lives, very male dominated hobbies/social circles etc. but they'll be off the apps in a heartbeat because women practically line up to audition to be their gfs - and what remains are the casual daters. and even in 2025, some guys have certain unfavorable preconceptions about women they meet off apps (and not without reason either imo).

but yeah, regardless of that, the vast majority of women who will shoot for the most desirable guys that will match with them, will end up only qualifying for casual arrangements with those men. it's just the logical consequence of men being willing to sleep down. and people in general are not good at dealing with and conceptualizing large numbers which creates an illusion of choice if a women doesn't understand all the underlying dynamics on the apps. what's interesting is that the very same women then blame the apps for creating an illusion of choice for men - no sweety, the guys you want actually have a lot of choices and you're just one of them. men don't get matches with lots of women out of their league.

Oli_love90 · 2025-01-16T22:26:47+00:00

The intial experience isn’t euphoric and most realistic women are not so flattered that they all of a sudden believe they’re hot shit.

I don’t understand why the overwhelming idea is “women being picky means they think they’re special”. You should be picky too? Why would you believe that you’re compatible with everyone??

The real reason women don’t like the app is being flooded with disinterested matches from men who swiped desperately and obviously do not like you, are immediately sexual, “hey” and then sometimes you may run into viable matches. When will you hold your fellow man accountable for the incorrect way they utilize the service?

Also these claims constantly ignore that women’s self esteem may not be high. I’ve gonna online and felt like I couldn’t possible stack up to my matches and felt really discouraged. En masse women are not as delusional as a lot of you seem to think.

RelativeYak7 · 2025-01-16T19:01:23+00:00

The women I know who don't like dating apps get disgusted with the swiping aspect. If they see too many ugly men they delete the app. Another reason is they don't like the idea of the man dating lots of women which is odd bc why wouldn't an offline dude be doing that? I get annoyed with these women and think they aren't maximizing technology to their benefit but it's their choice

Churchneanderthal · 2025-01-17T01:40:37+00:00

When men say stuff like this I can't help but wonder if they have transexual fantasies.

Biological women DO NOT think like this, at all.

rag3light · 2025-01-16T18:48:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ThatBitchA · 2025-01-16T19:46:12+00:00

There is nothing euphoric about being a woman on a dating app.

Women don't like dating apps because it's a trashy two-dimensonal view of people.

It's a waste of time and the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

HappyCat79 · 2025-01-16T19:04:02+00:00

I loved dating apps because I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I was certainly open to it if I met the right person, but it wasn’t my overall goal. I just wanted a good time, and it was great for that!

I ended up meeting the love of my life on Facebook dating.

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-01-16T21:19:08+00:00

I don’t here dating apps. I loved using them, they worked really well. I signed up talked to a handful of men, only ever met one. Then married him

Technical_End9162 · 2025-01-17T00:49:10+00:00

When citing statistics from dating apps, don’t forget that men outnumber women by a lot

Sky_Shrink · 2025-01-17T03:39:41+00:00

I could see how some women might feel good about dating apps… could be empowering, maybe? But each time I tried them, it just made me feel overwhelmed and anxious… it’s too much.

Swiping feels gross to me, especially if people don’t put much effort into their profiles. With all the matches, messages, or prompt responses (prompts reduced the anxiety a bit though, because it seemed to provide an easy way to showcase some aspect of personality. I could feel bit curious, instead of overwhelmed), it still feels superficial and maybe like too much… pressure to chose guys even to just chat with, let alone the prospect of a partner, on such limited information, I guess, regardless of the types of guys or how they looked or whatever…The abundance dudes here complain women get, I know, but I dislike that much attention in ANY context. But it’s easier to field in real life— doesn’t really happen all at once like it does on an app.

As a result, the longest I’ve lasted on an app was less than half a day (I looked in at my lunch break, saw too many notifications, etc., felt my shoulders get tight, my stomach lurch, and my heart rate go up, and deleted immediately), and usually I lasted more like 10 minutes….

Regardless, it simply wasn’t my thing, and euphoria wasn’t the word I’d use.

In-person interactions from the get-go are different and more tangible. I’m thankful I met my partner on a run in the mountains… 😮‍💨

Werevulvi · 2025-01-17T08:39:27+00:00

Strange, because that is not the reason I don't like dating apps. For me the initial experience is disappointment. First, I have a look around, and decide most (maybe 70%) of all the random men's profiles I come across are worthy of a chance or two. I get positive feedback only from the remaining 30% or so. I decide "okay, I can broaden my view, maybe I overlooked these men at first glance" so I chat for a bit. Turns out their first question is something related to sex. I try to steer the topic away from that and clarify that I'm only interested in LTR's. They keep talking about sex, so I give up and move on to the next.

After about 10 or 20 of these, finally a guy seems interested in just getting to know me as a person. I have relayed important "need to know" stuff like that I have autism and can't work at this point, etc. He seems kinda boring and there's nothing really that I feel stands out about him, but at this point I'm just happy to have found a guy who seems normal and decent, and we have a fair amount of stuff in common, so I agree to a date. During date he suddenly acts like a complete asshole, berating me for my autistic traits and tells me I'm ugly. All that time I have been polite, and not pointed out whatever pet peeves I may have had about him. Anyhow I'm butthurt and decide I don't wanna see him again.

I go back to the app but ultimately I've lost interest and remind myself that I hate texting and being judged by all the disclaimers I have to jot down in a bio, when that doesn't have to come up immediately during irl dating. I decide I hate online dating and log off the app for half a year or so. Trying to connect with random guys in facebook groups and on reddit instead, but they all live in America and I really don't want a long distance relationship again because the last two such I had were really stressful.

Eventually I crawl back to the dating apps, and the same procedure happens again.

Could this be because I'm in my 30's, autistic and open about that I have some mental health issues I'm slowly improving, and that I really don't look like a super model yet refuse to fake my pictures with filters? Absolutely, I'm not under some illusion that I'm some hot shit that men are fighting to get with me. Clearly no one's fighting over my attention on these apps. But these apps are making me feel like some bottom of the barrel scrapings, when I don't feel it's quite that bad irl. So far all the boyfriends I've had were men I met irl.

So I have a hard time believing I'm actually some really terrible, far below average woman. A little below average? Sure, my mental issues and age alone bring me down a peg or two, but I'm not very overweight, I dress well, I keep up my hygiene, I'm sociable to a point most people don't believe I'm autistic up front, I have several male dominated hobbies, I'm not a feminist, I like dressing up for a guy, and I'm not against having sex within the first few dates.

But let's say I am some really terrible looking hag and total man repellent. Fine, I decided I'm gonna take a few years off from dating to lose my few extra pounds of fat, fix my memtal health issues, fix my face and learn how to cook and keep my house pristinely clean. So then even if I still can't work, I'd be a good housewife. Then we'll see after all that if I'll have a better experience on dating apps, but for now only time will tell.

But that aside, my perspective is that most men (I mostly focus my attention on men who are my age and up to 20 years older, btw) on these apps must be only really interested in the top 20-30% of women, and somehow deluding themselves that the 18-25 year old instagram model looking women (most of whom are probably scam bots) are average. And then when they've given up on chasing those women, they come after me, but they're clearly not happy about it. So they pick at my every flaw to tell me how awful I am, when I was kind enough to not focus on their beer bellies, their bad hair cuts, or that their choice to wear stained sweatpants and a sport logo t-shirt feels slightly embarrassing. Or that I don't appreciate them trying to force me to listen to the one genre of music I said I don't like, or rag on me for needing to blow my nose every hour when that is a medical issue I literally can't fix. Like I'm sorry I hate my nose too, what do want me to do about it, plug tampons into it?

I get that some women get their inboxes full of messages yet most of them only want sex. But that's not my experience. I get maybe at most 5 men messaging me per week, and they all just want sex. After several weeks maybe I get one who wants a relationship, but then turns out he's a douchebag. For that I can't think I have too high standards, because no one should have to put up with a douchebag, just because he was the only guy who wanted a relationship out of the few who had any interest in you at all.

That said I don't know any other women who are using dating apps to find men. All the women in my life are either not interested in dating altogether, already married, or gay.

rejected-again · 2025-01-17T09:07:01+00:00

Using dating apps is beta male behaviour. They mostly appeal to men who are too chicken shit to approach women in real life. And the reason women don't like dating apps is because they don't treat it is as serious business as men who see it as a last resort to get laid do. They see it as a game for when they're bored, no different than having Candy Crush on their phone. That's why most women will never reply to your messages. Because they have no intention of meeting anyone on the app, unless they're hungry and want to use you for a free meal.

BuilderSmart2011 · 2025-01-17T23:24:06+00:00

Men date up and f#ck down women date down and f*ck up, always has been

But with the dating apps its just that much worse

Ok_Cry_9825 · 2025-01-18T13:42:27+00:00

It is not exactly like that. I am an "statics nerd".
I did my own statistical analysis: I swipe right on approximately 35% of men (I do it partly as an experiment to see what happens if I match with men who aren't conventionally attractive). Of those men, I only end up going on a first date with 10%, and from that 10%, only 10% lead to a second date. Believe me, none of them are supermodel millionaires. They are regular guys, without gym bodies, earning basic salaries; yet half of them still ghost me. Objectively, I'm more attractive and successful than they are. There are other factors that aren’t being considered in these "analyses". And yes, I am pretty, my lovers are super hot guys (but they don't want a serious relationship), and many man approch me at streets to flirt or to ask me out.

Velor22 · 2025-01-19T18:15:14+00:00

This post basically summarizes why dating apps are counterproductive for most women, and also the small subset of "top men" (that is, "top" in superficial qualities conveyed through photos)

Too much choice, perceived or real, has a tendency to cause inaction.

In the case of dating and relationships this manifests as a lack of commitment, as well as thinking someone better is always just around the corner.

This form of “choice paralysis” results in anxiety and stress from overanalysis, and made worse by the constant comparison in our social media driven culture.

Those (with options) who don't establish guardrails for themselves on the apps run the real risk of life passing them by without ever experiencing an authentic loving relationship. That's a tragedy.

Sonia314 · 2025-01-21T21:54:42+00:00

This sparked my curiosity, so I asked the most conventionally attractive men I know (10s in terms of looks, careers so successful that they are famous in elite tech tech circles where people are typically already in the richest 5% of Americans, top 10% charisma and sexual skill, etc). This has not been their experience at all. They’ve struggled on dating apps. They don’t even have the success that below average SMV women have. What are you basing your opinions on?

Flaky_Examination911 · 2025-05-23T19:27:48+00:00

I never liked apps because:

1) without the mutual friends and social circles men are shameless and will try to get sexual intimacy sooner. It is something I will never be comfortable with. For me being exclusive comes before sexual intimacy.

I have never had a problem with this with men met in real life. When a man knows me as a person and not just as a match, he will realise that I am a genuine, caring and intelligent woman who does not sleep around. So they are either into me and get to know me and start a relationship or they are not into me enough and just leave.

In the big ocean of apps I get offered sexual intimacy like if I were a prostitute. I hate this!

2) It takes more than a bunch of dates for me to be into someone. I love the slow-motion process of getting with someone organically.

3) I am less picky in real life because I get to know a person and fall for that person (despite all the superficial reasons which would put me off on a first job-interview-like first date.

I met my partner in real life. He is intelligent, ambitious, cute, focused on what matters for real. Most men on apps are just awful.

Front_Statistician38 · 2025-05-25T21:15:53+00:00

Most women don't qualify for the top 10% most women will get pumped and dumped hence you see women on dating apps for years because they hope that one guy will change their mind eventually women will

Lower their standards and date someone who may not be a TOp 10% guy but still a guy that may have stuff going for themselves
Double Down and keep getting pumped and dumped

Avdellah · 2025-06-06T18:38:23+00:00

Yeah, Laylooper fixed that for me. Never going back.

BrightAutumn12 · 2025-01-16T19:06:50+00:00

Also, they've an illusion that they're better than most men. They delude themselves to think that 80% of men are simply "unattractive", which is scientifically outrageous to say.

Their egos are on the roof. They don't want good men, they don't want personality, all they want is fun. They think if many guys want to have sex with them then she thinks she is above most men even if she's average.

The manipulation, lies and drama a man can do for sex is crazy. Women need to stay away from that and I'm taking accountability for my gender but no women here would. The simple thing a woman can do is to talk about their ideology IN REAL TIME.

It'll be hard to be under the mask for long but that's not happen most of the time, they just want to fuck the popular guy. They ignore the basic assessment then they have the audacity to blame ALL MEN for their own poor choices.

To be honest, If a guy dates a girl who knew she has a high body count or was a single mom then I would say he had to choose better because it's more likely his life will get screwed in future.

Most women can't even take a pinch of accountability and scream on their own echochamers they've created. They'll be disrespectful and will make personal insults if you make them think rationally. Their feelings are more important than facts.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-16T18:54:28+00:00

No, women really don’t find their options and especially their behavior appealing

And no one who understands basic human sexuality would be surprised that men want casual sex more than women, and thus have a much, much harder time getting it

Women should be getting matches and dates more easily, because there are more men who are more thirsty and swipe on more women

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-01-16T19:05:36+00:00

Same stuff over and over and over again.

Someone award me the Nobel award for finding out that the Sky is Blue.

Supply and demand is a bitch and will hold up a mirror to oneself and since most people aren’t honest with themselves, this will become ugly.

Bookmarking this so I can copy paste this to another genius man next week.

Title	Women Don’t Like Dating Apps for Only One Reason
Author	InitialPaths989
Upvotes	16
Comments	305
Date	January 16, 2025 6:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i2vyxg/women_dont_like_dating_apps_for_only_one_reason/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-like-dating-apps-for-only-one-reason.1541398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541398

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