Q4W: What is on your list of requirements for a husband?

Business-Stretch2208 · 2025-06-26T21:49:51+00:00

We love eachother
Healthy relationship
Compatibility

alreadydark · 2025-06-26T22:14:06+00:00

To preface, I don't have a checklist. What I like and dislike are intuitive. IDK what's wrong with you sociopaths who have a list in your notes app. But for the sake of the subreddit, here's one i'm going to draft up now:

Physical:

Not horrendously ugly. I find that as long as a guys face doesn't make you wanna vomit immediately, then he can end up being hot once you have enough chemistry
Same height as me or taller. Being shorter is not a deal breaker but it's a harder bargain
Has hair. i dont care if its a toupee or a turkish scalp implant. Just have hair pls.

Personality:

Must be open minded and intellectually curious.
Must read. I spend my life reading and it's the core of my personality. I have nothing to talk about other than books. He has to at least have some idea about the books i'm talking about.
Must be open towards life, the good and the ugly.
Must be interesting to talk to. Must also think that I am too.
Doesn't have an overly loud or talkative personality. Can't stand that.

And finally: loves me for who I am. Duh?

HotOutcome9161 · 2025-06-26T22:21:17+00:00

Emotionally stable (no one with anger issues)
no adicts of any kind
can communicate well
morals and values align
has hobbies and friends
doesnt want kids

leosandlattes · 2025-06-26T22:12:22+00:00

Competent, knowledgeable, someone I can respect
Caring and kind of paternal, spoils me
Someone I can enjoy myself with and laugh with
Good sex
Strong sense of social politeness and manners
General shared political stance on major things
Wants a family and a couple kids
Not obese; slim to a lil chub is all good
Taller than 5’4”
Not picky with food, must be open to eating a variety of cuisines

Lysa_Bell · 2025-06-27T04:39:19+00:00

I didn't really had a list until I met my husband. He checked the things I didn't know i cared about. Mostly because I didn't think I would marry anyone. And I wasn't too fond of the idea of marrying a guy anyway. And then I met him and had to lock him down.

So the things he checks that made me want to marry him:

caring as hell (a bit of a people pleaser)
compatible with my kinks and compatible in the bedroom in general
great communicator and keen to understand my point of view without judgement
doesn't want kids
my height (sometimes he is a bit taller because of a birth defect)
around my age (I'm 2 years older than him)
secure in his masculinity (he let's me pay for stuff and doesn't care that I proposed to him and that i sometimes take the lead, but he also doesn't mind taking the lead and dealing with stuff when i want to be passive)
passionate about something (i love the energy he brings when he gets excited about things - proper golden retriever energy)
has his own life/hobbies and doesn't care that I need a lot of me time
aligning values on important topics
big talker (he can just ramble on and I love to just listen)
Humour
spoils me (he will bring me my favourite energy drink, makes me tea, does stuff for me when I ask and when I don't, carries my bags, etc)
easy going/laid back personality
had previous relationships (we met when I was 29. I couldn't be the starter gf. I was too experienced for that)
similar mental health issues so there is no judgement for the struggles we are both dealing with
and obviously attractive to me

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-06-26T22:33:35+00:00

I find him attractive
The sex is good
We are compatible - this includes compatible love language, thoughtful, caring, non violent, kind, emotionally intelligent, homebody, libido, interests, ambition, political affiliation, lifestyle, and life goals.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-06-26T22:14:13+00:00

Must be 8/10+ to me, have a degree, come from a good solid family, be a devout Christian, kind, not a bigot of any kind, engaged with church and charity work, at least 5’9, want 50 million kids and chihuahuas, be an intentional virgin waiting for marriage, no mental illness, be emotionally aware and stable, intelligent, no drugs/smoking, and be athletic.

ladyindev · 2025-06-27T12:10:47+00:00

When I finally decided to go husband hunting (lol), these were my requirements:

Respect for me, my views, my opinions, my feelings, and especially my boundaries - full stop. I had a very strict filter and did cut off men who spoke to me in the wrong tone or spoke too aggressively or dismissively for my taste. Men who asked inappropriate things way too early or who seemed to want to try to push past my boundaries got the axe immediately
Financial stability and some degree of success and ambition. I wasn’t interested in relationships or marriage until my very late 20s/early 30s, so I needed someone compatible in the realm of career/ambition/financial success. I was pretty determined to stay in my chosen city, which is very expensive, and I knew I wasn’t interested in having a child if it meant struggling financially or carrying that burden alone. So finances were key. I only found myself interested in one man who wasn’t financially where I’d like him to be and he was an ambitious, driven artist and I could tell he’d get somewhere - he wasn’t interested (though seemed to like my attention…), so that didn’t work out. Other than him, I couldn’t get over it if guys were too broke or even one guy who intended to eventually join his family business but just never got serious about a career. I think his way of living is beautiful in some sense, it just wasn’t what I was looking for and I think I also just couldn’t relate to it personally. He had explored many fields jobs, wasn’t employed full time, and didn’t really care. As a socialist, I can appreciate the beauty in that. As a woman looking for a provider to make motherhood easier than the struggle bus I’ve seen far too often, it raised the red flags and I didn’t feel a sense of security or relatability.
Accountability when he’s in the wrong and/or when he has hurt my feelings. I wanted someone apologetic when he should be, who cared about the impact on my feelings. Not a perfect angel, but not someone who couldn’t give a shit either.
Good conflict resolution skills. Okay, tbh this might have been more something I discovered throughout the early stages with my husband. I probably would have just called this “respect” beforehand, but it’s actually somewhat different. I noticed that we worked really well together, partly because of respect and accountability, we didn’t let things linger, and we addressed hurt feelings and anger right away. We both have kind of tepid temperaments for the most part, so we’re not prone to dramatic fights. That’s boring to a lot of people, but this was a HUGE green flag for me. Maybe ended up being the thing that sealed the deal because being able to show care and consideration for one another is a big part of enabling vulnerability and creating a softer and safer emotional space within a relationship. We listened to each other. If anything, he’s actually more patient and a bit softer than I am, which helps me be soft, considerate, and patient with him too. When I’m too “spicy,” I recognize it and apologize and work on changing a specific way of communicating, etc. I don’t think I would have married a man who didn’t have these traits. My personality is naturally dominant and I think someone who didn’t work well with me on conflict resolution would have resulted in gridlocked head butting or something. Not to say we never clash or have challenges in conflict, but we just work very well together. Very rarely ever anything approaching yelling, name calling, if that has ever happened, etc.

(continued in comments)

freekin-bats11 · 2025-06-28T12:22:01+00:00

If I were to date a guy for husband material the main things I look for are:

reciprocate affection and love to me (NUMBA ONE)
make me laugh (NUMBA ONE AND A HALF; the rest are in no order lol)
share a lot of my interests or at least be interested in mine (id share interests in his)
be kind and helpful (to others, to animals, to me especially)
share similar politics (this is a major one)
be intelligent, emotionally in particular
childfree and open to sterilization
u/leosandlattes here described being 'spoiled' perfectly imo; big need, especially for affection.
respectable (upstanding, people admire you for what you do, etc) and respectful (shows elders respect when applicable, holds open doors for people behind him, treats children as little people, gives animals their space when they show need for it, etc) -pays gender roles no mind. Wear dresses with me sometimes. Jewelry on men is nice. I love men with long hair, etc. Yes lets watch [insert chick flick or something lol) (just dont be an AGP about it lmfao). Be a lik quirky, girl!
be in good shape (dont gotta be chiseled or grotequesly muscular ew lol. But im just not really attracted to obese guys. I think they can be handsome though :-). Guys with a bit of fat that are strong looking tho? Yesss. Strong arms, and back but a bigger belly that can bench bars go together :P).

Just be a 'good guy' that Im attracted to and youve got me. Saur simple! :P

Appropriate-Mango385 · 2025-06-26T21:56:56+00:00

Not be a misogynist. That's getting harder to find each day. Not all of them wear it on their sleeves so it can be tricky. Young men are becoming more right-wing/conservative which is great but one too many seems to go to the extreme. Because we're women we're used to taking things as it is without much complaining, were it men they would complain, cry , weep and moan to the extreme like they did about how "Western Women Are Ruined" which in this case Western Men Are Ruined because their heads are filled with Anti-Women material. Hard pressed to find a guy these days
Not kill me or the kids eventually. Something that seems to happen to mostly those good and happy Family Values type of families, but somehow never gets brought up as a negative of being a homemaker. Guess it's because men are the perpetrators. We have to understand and give them sympathy. Maybe they were depressed or something.

EulenWatcher · 2025-06-26T22:06:07+00:00

To put it short: compatibility, integrity, attraction, good communication, enjoyable company.

Compatible values (egalitarian, Buddhist or not religious, pro-choice, anti-war/anti-Putin, environmentally conscious, family-oriented etc.) , plans on the future and lifestyles. Compatible morals and behavior consistent with them. Good communication, he can be vulnerable with me and be there for me when I'm vulnerable. Compatible sexually, find each other attractive. I wanted my partner to be a good lover who would care about my pleasure. We should find each other's company pleasant and interesting, have things to talk about, want to spend time together. Some common interests and hobbies. Good financial habits, trustworthy and responsible. Caring and supportive. Relatively healthy lifestyle.

A lack of red flags.

I scored pretty much everything with my husband. Communication suffered somewhat on both ends - but we met as teenagers and we got better with time.

beerandglitter · 2025-06-26T22:09:27+00:00

My partner checks all of my boxes off:

Not misogynistic, homophobic, racist, or transphobic
Shares my values and views
Has similar hobbies (namely hiking)
Kind and understanding
Understands that I have a past and doesn’t judge me for it
Attractive to me
Loves me for me
Accepting of my child and okay with not having more

Yeah, like I said, my partner checks all of my boxes and I’m so glad I found him. We want to get married and probably will within a few years.

S0yslut · 2025-06-26T22:27:58+00:00

•Is Christian •Doesn’t have casual sex •Is traditional •Wants kids •Taller than me •Highly intelligent •Undergraduate •extroverted •Fun to be around •Cute face •Has female friends •Doesn’t belong to any narcissistic victim cults (RP, feminist, MRA’s ect..) •Games with me •Politically right •Never cuts their hair •Vegan/Vegetarian •Kind but not “nice.” •Doesn’t do drugs •Has a misdemeanor that’s 10 years old •No mental illness •Isn’t Bi •White (not just passing)

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p_fulga · 2025-06-27T00:00:05+00:00

My requirements for a spouse.. hmm. In terms of who they are? I'd say my partner fits the bill for someone I'd marry. For fear of just gushing basically for several paragraphs, unless someone wants me to, my list of requirements and desires would basically just be me describing them.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-06-27T03:44:56+00:00

Attractive (my type)
Loving
Kind
Respectful
Responsible

Lack of major personality red flags

Bonus if the guy is Funny, smart, well off,

fakingandnotmakingit · 2025-06-27T04:53:42+00:00

In order of priority:

Compatibility of beliefs no homophobes, must be pro-choice, generally progressive, not religious, doesn't believe in gender roles, egalitarian, believes in equal partnership. I will kick out any hint of "I am the man of the house" mentality. In fact if my husband suddenly decided to go even slightly trad, he better be ready to sign divorce papers within the day. But he knows this and threatened to divorce me if I even thought of voting for our country's conservative party so I think we're in the same boat.
Compatibility of lifestyles. Red pill likes to say a man has to hold frame. Well I think everyone needs to hold frame. I ain't bending backwards for nobody. Fit into my life plan or GTFO.
Be at the same stage of life as I am. I'm not going to be taking care of someone who's still a step or two behind me. But also I don't want to play catch up with someone ahead of me and is pressuring me to go a certain way.
Emotionally and mentally mature. I say this because I am 30+ years old and I don't have time for people who aren't at my level yet. The amount of men/women in my friend group who is like "oh he/she is great but they get angry a lot!" Or "he/she is great but they spend so much money and can't have an adult conversation about it" or "he/she is great but they're so bad at resolving arguments it takes us hours to get anywhere" or "he/she has anger issues" or "he/she can't commit" or whatever.

Nope. No. Nada. Schedule your own doctors appointments. Remember to buy gifts for your side of the family. Organize and host your family. I'm not going to be cooking and playing host for the in-laws. Either you co-host and do the same work or they're not coming over.

Figure out your own emotional regulation. Figure out how to compromise and resolve arguments. I ain't your therapist. We are 30 not 18 and not 20 and not 25.

I won't nag because only wives who's husband's are children nag. You're an adult partner not a child. Act like it or GTFO.

Shares at least some of my hobbies and interests because hey it's fun to geek out over pathfinder with your partner or travel together. Its a great bonding thing.
Takes care of themselves. We're all going to get older and fatter but we should still try and exercise and not eat like a sumo wrestler.
And yes, before RP comes at me you do still need to be attractive enough for me to date

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-06-27T08:53:25+00:00

Just make me FEEL the spark.

Different_Cress7369 · 2025-06-27T10:45:14+00:00

Who has a list? It’s sex and dating, not grocery shopping.

oofieoofty · 2025-06-27T11:21:39+00:00

Before I met my husband it was:

full time stable job
want children
no children from previous relationships
well maintained teeth and hygiene
have relatively few partners before me
handsome (to me, I really prefer when men have large eyes, prominent noses, and small chin)
have passion for life and hobbies
high sex drive *gentle in bed/no painful bdsm
be kind
have a sense of humor
maintain a healthy sleep schedule and habits
doesn’t use cannabis or kratom
enjoy interacting with my family
have kindness and respect towards disabled people (it is the biggest ick to see people demean those who cannot defend themselves)
religious; either catholic or orthodox Christian
be from Europe or a culture I have attraction towards and interest in.

HeartCatchHana · 2025-06-27T17:25:55+00:00

Physically attractive Taller than me (if not, he has to make up for it by being exceptional in other ways) Stable income Career path Can drive Independent Compatible personality and vibes

NothingOrAllLife · 2025-06-27T19:42:20+00:00

The list is:

Mutual love and affection
Healthy communications
Compatible morals/ethics
Healthy boundaries with extended family (his parts/siblings)
If we want kids 200k minimum combined income

Assuming he cleared the list for me to date him, this is all that’s needed after for marriage in my opinion.

2025-06-28T12:58:46+00:00

No cheating. This includes emotional cheating, flirting and very close relationships with female friends.
An understanding that love is a choice and must be worked on, not just a “feeling” that has to end at some point.
Attractive enough by my standards. AKA not overweight, taller than me, good hygiene, nice voice.

rose_mary3_ · 2025-07-01T15:19:50+00:00

Is a feminist
Not misogynistic
Emotionally mature + mentally/emotionally stable
Funny
I find them attractive
Sexually compatible
Shared values + life goals + politics
Committed
Degree educated & middle class
Doesn't want kids

11.Good communication + conflict skills

Honest
Mentally and emotionally challenges me

14.Genuinely a good person

Growth mindset

That's about it i think

EveningSuggestion283 · 2025-07-01T23:03:42+00:00

Good conflict resolution (can express and communicate directly)
We love each other
Has kids, or is ok with them 🤭

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-07-02T03:12:12+00:00

Be into me
Be into some of the same things as me
Be loyal, as loyal as I am to him

ConanTheCybrarian · 2025-06-26T23:56:35+00:00

compassionate, kind, communicative, thoughtful, loving, physically attractive (required: naturally nice shoulders, good hair, not a body builder, nice smile; preferred but negotiable: not too tall, wavy/ curly hair, ginger), growth-oriented, self-aware, agrees with me on key subjects that will impact our lives together, mindful, funny, kind, sexually compatible with me, loved by animals, secure/ high self-esteem, clever, creative, interesting makes my nervous system feel safe a majority of the time, empathetic, doesn't engage in performative masculinity, respects boundaries, goes to therapy when needed without me needing to ask, does his fair share around the house/ egalitarian

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-06-27T01:08:24+00:00

• Same values/political beliefs. Key ones being feminism, anti-racism, pro-LGBT+, anti-ear etc. I don't think that having slightly different ideas about how taxes should be spent is an issue.

• If they're religious they have to be tolerant of other beliefs and not believe that people who do good things and are basically good people are doomed for eternity because they believe in a vaguely different book (I'm a Quaker)

• Is competent at cooking and cleaning. Bonus if he enjoys cooking, I hate it but I will happily bake bread and cakes.

• Kind and empathic.

• Good hygiene.

• Makes me laugh.

• Has good hair. This probably won't last forever if course, but at the age I am it's crucial for initial interest on my part.

• Can't hate cats. Understandable if there are allergies so you can't have a cat, but if you hate them that's an immediate no because they're my favourite animal and they're on so many things that I own.

• Has to be educated around autism or willing to be because I'm autistic

• Don't have to share all the same hobbies but must present an interest in hearing in/occasionally partaking in mine (as I do with my partner)

Those are all deal breakers. The next ones are bonuses.

• Taller than me. I actually don't want someone very tall (6ft and over) because I can present quite childlike and I think it would just feel squicky to me to have that with a big height difference. Also my brothers are tall, so I don't want to be outnumbered by more tall men.

• Not obsessed with sports

• Has some kind of music/theatre background

• Puts thought into gifts for birthdays/Christmas

• Dresses well

(I have basically ended up describing my partner)

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-06-26T22:21:49+00:00

Attractive
Childfree
Big dick
Sexually experienced
Loves dogs
No emotional labor /knows how to adult (responsible, reliable, considerate, mature)
Empathetic, active listener
Shared sense of humor (doesn't have to completely overlap)
Not strongly religious, preferably atheist
Pro-choice, not a Trumper, not a Republican
No substance abuse issues, not currently nor in the past
Makes around the median income for my city (40-50k) or can be less if working for a cause/in school/etc.

AllelWasHere · 2025-06-26T22:51:53+00:00

I plead the 5th.

Height and good looks were not on my list, but I ended up with a very tall handsome man.

I still wouldn't say these reasons are why I'm with him. He absolutely dotes on me, matches and even exceeds my libido, is always striving to be a better man, and has supported me unconditionally with difficult personal struggles.

Still, I think it would be hypocritical if I pretended it's not a fact he meets my requirements but is also a 10/10

FitnessBeth · 2025-06-27T00:32:58+00:00

Minimum:

- No autism/ADHD/serious mental disorders

- Less than 3 years older in age

- No heavy drinking/smoking/drug use

- Slept with less than 5 people

- No serious criminal record

- Not severely obese/underweight

- No watching porn

- Not an Andrew Tate/Manosphere follower

I gave up looking a while ago.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-06-26T22:41:21+00:00

What I was looking for:

A face that I find pleasing to look at.

Jewish

Funny

Really, really smart

Politically liberal

Understands me

Isn’t an addict

Doesn’t run up debt for stupid reasons and can live within his means

Wanted kids

Not a picky eater

Liked to have new and different experiences

Likes music

AngeAware · 2025-06-26T22:42:49+00:00

Christian, waiting until marriage, wants kids, gets along with his family, gets along with my family, left-leaning moderate, flexible job that doesn't consume his life, brown hair and eyes, fit enough to take long walks with me without getting winded easily, very docile and gentle personality, big beefy hands, thick carpet of body hair, shared hobbies, shared sense of humor.

I think that about does it.

blebbyroo · 2025-06-26T23:14:51+00:00

Handsome (to me)
Kind (to me, himself and others)
Confident
Able to financially provide (above average wage but not required to be a millionaire)
Preferable taller than me but as tall as me is also ok
sense of humour
compatible (sexually, emotionally, politically, morally, world view, and as friends for good conversations)
loyal
trustworthy
makes me feel calm and safe
loves to give and receive (to and from me but I’m not talking material items)
no bad debt
stable (emotionally, and in their career)

ThatBitchA · 2025-06-27T00:13:59+00:00

Hot, educated, funny, helps others, and confident.

And my husband has all those things.

MajesticBeat9841 · 2025-06-27T00:03:39+00:00

I am mostly gay, but I’m willing to entertain the possibility of a potential husband.

Knows how to do chores
Financially responsible
Non smoker
Not an addict
A non abusive human being
Body type isnt a huge deal, but healthy and fit enough to do active things that I enjoy and not die of heart disease at 40. Thinking hiking, swimming, maybe skiing. Skill not required, just willingness and some level of capability.
Wants kids but is okay with fostering/adopting/a surrogate.
Alignment on basic political issues, or at least being open to being challenged positions I might disagree with.
Willing to collectively minimize our consumption of products
Good communicator
Religion doesn’t matter, but must be okay with my atheism and raising our children without censoring that.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-06-26T23:10:39+00:00

I never thought like this. stop making weird a priori lists

attendquoi · 2025-06-27T00:45:39+00:00

I'm far too lazy to list all of my requirements at the moment. But basically it's:

All of the requirements for dating
We've been living together for a few years at least
He's willing to do a prenup

Title	Q4W: What is on your list of requirements for a husband?
Author	Icyfemboy
Upvotes	11
Comments	212
Date	June 26, 2025 9:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1llcf8q/q4w_what_is_on_your_list_of_requirements_for_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-what-is-on-your-list-of-requirements-for-a.1555683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555683

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