It is not society’s fault that there are men who dont know the difference between casual sex and a relationship.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-11T19:35:10+00:00

I don’t believe they don’t know.

Otherwise, they would just ask for sex upfront, or demand sex/payment for dates, or not lie

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-03-11T23:20:10+00:00

Every relationship I've had has started from casual sex. Its not the 1950s where men court women anymore. I dealt with those women really quickly actually. I explained that why would I be a suitor or court them like they had that idea in their head, when other guys were doing it too. Not one could give me a good answer. I told them as soon as we start fucking around we can talk talk about that. They held the belief that sex comes after courting and being a suitor. I can tell you without a doubt every single one of those women who had a warped view on relationships cant find a healthy relationship, or ended up a single parent because of those unhealthy views.

Women love hooking up just as much as guys, and its essentially a test drive just like a car to see if you're compatible. Like above, the women who said they wouldn't or had unhealthy standards or views have them to this day.

Every woman I've been with has had zero problem telling me what she's into, exploring, and all sorts of other things. Its all about just putting a lock on your sexual desire and saying all this stuff is off limits. You only live once.

Its not assholes who get laid, its assertive people who get laid. Im extremely assertive everywhere in my life. Other people have called me an asshole because I want to know what I get out of a bad deal. If I'm asked to go to a place I've said I dont like when I feel like crap, ill just say no. The same way I'll ask for a girls number because she's cute. That doesn't make an asshole, it makes me "assertive" and people like the monkey that goes for the fruit. The same way if you're in bed with a woman and you're like I really love anal, she's way more likely to try it than if you dance around it. Or if you just ask for something.

I have a type, im not afraid to admit it. Will I date outside my type, sure. My type is just a chick with a decent body and a good ass and tits. That makes me normal.

Zabadoodude · 2026-03-11T17:39:49+00:00

The difference between casual and forming relationships isn't as clear as you would like it to be. My experience dating for a relationship in big cities in Europe Canada, and America has been that the process is usually: you go on a few dates. If you feel a spark you have sex. After a month or two of fucking and going on dates you talk about becoming exclusive.

Being physically atttactive and not boring is critical to get that initial attraction, and many people significantly underestimate these. When people talk about all the character traits they want in a partner, they mean after they are already interested in them. Most people would meet the personality threshold for a relationship, once the attraction has already been established

MarioWilson122 · 2026-03-11T22:50:44+00:00

No one said “If you open a door for a woman, she will constantly finger herself at the thought of you and beg you to fuck her”. Alot of guys truly cannot fathom that there’s more to a relationship than fucking AND that most women (in America) arent that fond of hook up culture.

Most men know that unless the woman is already fond of him in some way whether it be looks or status then this is unlikely. Especially if she isn’t the type to sleep with men easily. Would be nice if that is all it took but most men know it’s more complex than this.

“Why dont women just talk about sexual attractions and looks more?” Because the biggest priority for RELATIONSHIPS is finding you dont abhor. So yeah, the number one thing on a woman’s mind might be to make sure she’s not with an unsufferable selfish prick.

They usually let it be known what looks they are most attracted to.

“If women care so much about morals, why do assholes keep getting laid?!” Because fucking around and a relationship are not the same thing. Just like men are willing to tolerate an insufferable bitch for sex, so can women who are just looking for dick. Who said casual sex was about having a good heart? Maybe harem hentai, but thats male creators selling other guys a fantasy.

Well, if they cared about morals so much, then these men that don’t have them shouldn’t get anything short or long. So, it shouldn’t matter at all if it’s the same thing the men that aren’t so good are still being rewarded if they are getting that, which is one of the main things that men are after to begin with.

There are different requirements for LTR and hookups. The blue pill didnt lie about what women want just because you thought hookups and relationships are the same thing. Also, different women want different things and Im trying to figure out why guys here wont admit they have a type.

Naw bp mostly lied about a man needing morals over most other things that are more important. Since women will still lay down with a man that doesn’t have them, if he checks most or all other boxes.

icypiee · 2026-03-11T19:31:27+00:00

Men’s real beef is they can’t do it too and they don’t want to be the “loser” in the situation.

As a woman, you could be a total slut in your youth, partying, hooking up, trying out a FWB, etc. As you age out of the dating market, women can easily settle down with a nice dude who will provide. Women have the option to have their cake and eat it too.

So if you’re a painfully average or below average man, chances are you will always be delegated to the Beta Bux category. Meaning you’ll never be the guy girls fuck on the first date. You’re not the guy she’s calling a 2am uber to. And you’re definitely not the guy that has her emotionally crashing out to her friends every week.

Most men are the second guy. The guy who comes after and has way more jester dancing and hoops he needs to jump through. The guy who has to impress her with multiple dates. The guy that isn’t physically attractive enough to make women lose it so he has to go through the full courting process.

Men don’t want to be this guy, ESPECIALLY not for a woman that was more DTF for hotter guys back in the day. Why? Because it makes him feel like a fucking loser and reinforces his place as a ‘lesser male’ in the hierarchy of men

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2026-03-11T17:54:59+00:00

There are different requirements for LTR and hookups.

Here is the thing:

Most men understand that. We know that being attractive is the main thing driving a ONS for women.

We also know that for a long term relationship, women are seeking investment from men (energy, time, money and so on).

But here is the trick, we know that if an attractive dude pass the bar for a one night stand, he also pass the bar for the LTR if he invest enough. So to summarize, if an attractive dude can have a ONS with a woman he is the one making the choice. The whole thing being a ONS or a LTR is up to him and the investment he's willing to dedicate to her. We are not dumb, we see all of the women out there on tik-tok or instagram complaining about that attractive dude who isn't calling back: Those women are the one chasing the relationship, not the attractive dudes.

So, since we are not dumb, we figured out that, if she tells you things like "You're not someone I would hook up with but someone I would marry", well that sucks and we rather have a "complete relationship" aka being with someone who value our investment into the relationship but is also attracted to us.

But all of sudden, saying that is not ok and "There is more into relationship than fucking".

At this point, women should just admit that some men are just the second option that they have to settle with because those attractive dudes weren't settling for them. You are almost there : "that most women (in America) arent that fond of hook up culture." Of course they aren't that found of hook up culture, most of them can get some one night stand with hot dudes but can't get what they are really looking for: the long term relationship with those guys. We get it, that's frustrating.

And, if a man decide to avoid all that and chose another option : "Maybe I should date a woman who never had a ONS, she might have a different mindset" Then it's somehow not ok either, He's an insecure mysoginistic asshole.

Looks like, if you're not an attractive men your only available option according to those women is to be the second choice and to shut up about it.

teeb8 · 2026-03-11T22:29:32+00:00

you are the only person with common sense in this entire sub

PraefectusCasmiricus · 2026-03-11T20:35:04+00:00

Oh great, another "men are horny pigs but women are virtuous angels" post from this person

Level-Carrot7313 · 2026-03-11T17:58:37+00:00

It doesn't make sense to be the guy who will provide a good relationship if you're not the guy she would have fun with.

FriendlyCapybara1234 · 2026-03-11T16:46:45+00:00

It's so much fun to know that your partner is only having sex with you so she can secure a relationship, not because she's sexually attracted to you.

SecondEldenLord · 2026-03-12T13:38:37+00:00

The men's main issue is that women would tolerate absolute anything for a rude hot tall asshole just because while women would make a good guy's life a nightmare if he dares forgetting her birthday or whatever. Not just that, but women would often settle for the good guy just because he is the safe option, not because she loves him or cares about him. Unattractive men have the end short of the stick no matter how good they are, cause personality is absolute zero for both hookups and relationships.

PotentialPresent399 · 2026-03-12T20:24:43+00:00

The biggest most hypocritical post on this website.

Men and women put up with different behaviors for LTR and hookups but they shouldn't. If you would do more for your hookup, exert more effort, give BETTER sex to that LTR you shouldn't ever have the GRACE of experiencing that LTR. Ever.

Big-Locksmith-535 · 2026-03-11T16:40:10+00:00

It's pretty much women's fault, they find it a turn off if a man has a low body count (1-5) because in their mind 50 trillion body count for men means the greatest sex partner of all time

No-Word-2912 · 2026-03-11T16:36:05+00:00

This is basically it

A lot of dudes mix up who someone will sleep with vs who they’d actually want to date long term and then act shocked when those aren’t the same standards

Also some men really do not want to hear that being physically attractive can get you sex while being emotionally stable decent and compatible matters more for an actual relationship. Both can matter but not in the same way

And yeah women are not a hive mind either. Different women want different things. That part always gets ignored.

LysanderAegis · 2026-03-11T16:54:35+00:00

Yes, water is wet, but who cares whose fault they think it is?

Jephta · 2026-03-11T18:39:54+00:00

A relationship isn't the sought after thing you think it is. Have you noticed that men who want to date go hit the gym rather than attending workshops to become better active listeners or whatever? Men care deeply about how fuckable we are but we don't really care about how good of relationship material we'd make. So then if blue pill is meant to optimize for relationships rather than sex, as you say, what reason would we have to care about it?

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2026-03-11T20:04:38+00:00

plenty of women are in relationships or want relationships with men who aren't 'good guys'. the idea that men who are good looking and not kind, empathetic etc. struggle to attract women long-term is a delusion.

now i don't think there's anything wrong with it, you like what you like but this post is a false dichotomy. and if women complain about the consequences of their own actions and choices, you can't expect too much sympathy, especially not when they collectively blame men/the patriarchy yada yada.

Logos1789 · 2026-03-11T18:22:40+00:00

It’s not that men expect to turn women on/get laid just for being kind; they’re saying, if being a good person is so important to women, even if only for a relationship partner, then surely they care enough about incentivizing that behavior to have more sex with kind men compared to douchebags.

virtualPasserBy · 2026-03-11T18:10:23+00:00

The difference is casual is better by far than being in a relationship. Personally at least lolol.

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No-Rough-7390 · 2026-03-12T08:36:53+00:00

You really seem to hate sex, OP. Is that fair to say? It’s the vibe of this and everything else you post.

Southern_Source_2580 · 2026-03-13T08:28:58+00:00

Holy, that's alot of rationalized thinking. Do you think the Madonna Whore Complex is a dysfunction in men and not a reasonable mind that can tell the difference between investing in a whore vs a respectable woman?

SirJCurt · 2026-03-14T04:47:08+00:00

Men generally know this though, especially if they arent still in their teens.

seadraugr · 2026-03-15T00:06:50+00:00

I see where you're coming from, and I think a large part of it is that men haven't been taught what's involved in a Long Term Relationship until they hit the frying pan and have to learn the hard way. However, I'm someone who still doesn't believe in casual sex. I've turned down multiple offers for that because I know I want a long term relationship, and to me- sex is a very intimate thing between partners, not just something someone does because they aren't strong enough to control their desires. Sure, that person chose you and is now exclusive to you, and yes, intimacy comes from more sources than just sex, but me personally, I would feel not as valued in a relationship if I knew my partner had casually thrown around intimacy with people they'd only known for a night. Not that I'd end a relationship over that, it would just eat at me until I learned to overcome it.

beneficent2557 · 2026-03-16T03:34:17+00:00

Even if I accepted your framing or premise, (I don't) what ARE women responsible for in a relationship?

Lost_but_not_blind · 2026-04-08T16:24:47+00:00

Oh, I definitely have a type, and agree not being aware of how that impacts both kinds of exchange is folly.

I think the confusion comes from their own view that an LTR is just an added step to the situationships that are seemingly becoming the norm.

But I dont think most human things are impacted by anything other than genetics and social conditions. If men aren't TAUGHT to think that way they HAVE to default to their own way of seeing life.

Which seems is often sex, romance, and friendship are very seperated things that happen to be ideal in a committed relationship but that the sex part is ubiquitous and meta stable.

They/we are wrong epistemologically but right in that they are just doing what they were taught.

whackswordsman · 2026-04-24T16:23:38+00:00

It absolutely is society's (American culture) fault that men are grown up being taught they're special for wearing a doinky and they don't have to do anything else. Even growing up.

It is not society’s fault that there are men who dont know the difference between casual sex and a relationship.

Comments

The women are thinking about RELATIONSHIPS.

HE is clearly thinking about his dick getting wet.

Then they can shut the fuck with the bitching.

IN A RELATIONSHIP. Most women want a RELATIONSHIP.

Title	It is not society’s fault that there are men who dont know the difference between casual sex and a relationship.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	8
Comments	368
Date	March 11, 2026 4:21 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rqybmu/it_is_not_societys_fault_that_there_are_men_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-is-not-societys-fault-that-there-are-men-who.1575247 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575247