Girls want a man who is... Well, simply not anxious and depressed.

TheOffice_Account · 2020-12-14T00:51:13+00:00

So what is the Magic trait that these people possess?

You're wrong. When it comes to female attraction for men, there is no magic trait.

Men look for, well, looks/femininity + loyalty, and then everything else.

But for women, they look at 20 different factors:

being 50% at 10 factors is sufficient (regular guy in LTR)
being 100% at one factor is sufficient (coke-addicted bankrupt but tall w model looks)
being 80% at 3 factors is sufficient (attractive investment banker, but also depressed)

So you can improve yourself on multiple traits, or you can focus on just a few, and there is always a woman out there who is looking for someone like you. OLD unfortunately allows you to max only on how photogenic you are, but IRL, women are looking for their own specific weird combination. Figure out what your best traits are, and hope that the women who are attracted to those traits are women that you are attracted to as well.

Sir_manalot · 2020-12-14T03:15:21+00:00

It isn't even that.

Most people look for these things in a person:

Compatibility
Entertainment value
Sexual attraction

It literally does not matter how happy you are and how confident you are if someone doesn't see any of those things in you. But it's not the end of the world. You just have to showcase yourself better and look for the ones who want you.

JohnDoe9564 · 2020-12-13T22:15:23+00:00

Gaslighting yet again. Depressed people get in relationships all the time.

This isn't the reason more men are struggling with dating today

1Falange1 · 2020-12-14T01:11:59+00:00

Just cure your crippling depression and dont born autistic bro

WomenHavItHarder · 2020-12-13T23:07:39+00:00

Most women would rather date a tall anxious man over a short confident one. Most women would also rather date an anxious good looking man over a confident ugly guy. Mental health matters for sure but looks matter just as much (if not more)

rivetcitymayor · 2020-12-14T11:39:53+00:00

This post is complete bull shit

TheJim66 · 2020-12-13T22:03:48+00:00

I can count the men I know who are anxious and depressed with one hand. I can't count the men I know who struggle with women.

ThrowawayVeee · 2020-12-14T04:49:42+00:00

You think an anxious and depressed Chad won’t be in a relationship? Girls go for status. Whether it be looks, height, money or whatever.

Awokeeleven · 2020-12-14T08:21:00+00:00

No, the problem is the market value change. The supply and demand is just completely broken right now because of Social media. As I’m working in marketing and promotion I can see the exact same behaviors here when you need something from someone in a position of power. I thought it was a female behavior first but I concluded with haste that it’s actually a human behavior. I’ve noticed that I act very similar to women who get a lot of sexual/romantic proposals when I work sometimes. I start to look after the best product etc and denying pretty good stuff because of all the options. Human nature.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-13T22:32:28+00:00

Fairly simplistic take.

It's a little more complicated than that. Actually, it's a lot more complicated than that. Women want success because success = resources, first and foremost. As long as guys have that, women won't be too far behind.

Success in life does translate to them having certain physical/personality traits and skills too, so it's not as though "not anxious and depressed" is all-encompassing of these traits.

SaBahRub · 2020-12-13T22:01:40+00:00

Nope

Anxious and depressed men get partners all the time. Women love to try and fix broken shit — it’s an ego boost and an insurance policy — and often have mental illnesses themselves

tulip_problems · 2020-12-14T09:49:30+00:00

I haven’t had one boyfriend who doesn’t have some sort of mental illness. The love of my life at this moment struggles with depression and anxiety. I hold his hand and I’m there for him.

Not all women are the same. That’s what you’re not understanding. Some women like hairy dudes, short dudes, etc. some don’t have the patience for a dude with mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with that. Vice versa for dudes, some like tall women or plus size women. Some don’t have the patience for mental illness.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2020-12-14T01:34:26+00:00

Let me explain the problem with the anecdotal examples we see on here. Quite often the posts will be like this

"I know a short guy who has a girlfriend, this proves height doesn't matter."

"I knew an ugly guy with a girlfriend, this proves looks don't matter"

The problem is, with 7 billion people on the planet, outliers no longer look like outliers due to the large population effect. There's endless millions of men who are below average looking, or short or whatever, so it stands to reason that an awful lot of these types of men will get a relationship. The sample size is too large for this not be the case.

The issue comes when you think, what percentage of men are noticeably below average looking, and what percentage of women are willing to date ugly men. This is where the discrepency lies and why nearly a third of American men haven't seen a tit in the last year (number probably higher than the study suggests to be honest).

Quite simply the number of physically unattractive men exceeds the amount of women who aren't disgusted by these men. So when you go out and you see a low tier guy walking alongside his girlfriend, you're seeing one of the women who is willing to date these types of guy but this cannot be extrapolated to apply to all ugly men, because there's simply not enough women who don't care about looks to go around.

The other point is guys who are unattractive often have a mixtures of unattractive features rather than just 1. For example some of you are seeing a shorter guy getting laid however he could be very handsome, muscular etc. this just proves he had enough in other areas to overcome the disadvantage of being short.

If the "unattractive" features that turn women off are ugly face, balding, being short, narrow frame, bad skin, lack of muscle, racial minority - guys in the bottom 20% or bottom 30% likely have more than one of these which is why they're bottom tier.

Bandit174 · 2020-12-13T22:14:20+00:00

I think women are willing to tolerate anxiety and depression in men if the guy is good looking enough. Sure being anxious as a man is worse and less tolerated than being anxious as a woman but if you're an attractive guy women will overlook it and may even find satisfaction in emotionally supporting you. Conversely if you are average or worse looking just fixing anxiety and depression (which seeminly at best can only be managed) is not going to make women want them. They'd experience much more of an improvement to their dating life by increasing their looks by 50% than they would by decreasing their anxiety/depression by 50%.

But ugly men get women. Short men get women, unemployed men get women, poor men get women, bald men get women

Perhaps, but they have far less women to choose from and even their equivalent female counterparts don't actually want them i.e. a fat woman will still hookup mainly with fit men and only go for a fat man as a last resort. Also ignorance is bliss, and knowing can be torture. Guys who know the dynamics of how badly they are fucked will have a harder time being content with it than people who have their heads in the clouds.

Mimoxs · 2020-12-13T22:17:16+00:00

If you need to "work on yourself" Work on your anxiety and depression. Anything else is extra.

If you're obese, smelly, and gross, you definitely need to work on that first lol

Some men have way too much confidence than they should, and they need to work on the other shit first

Diamond-Breath · 2020-12-14T03:41:00+00:00

No, women just want the best of the best. Just like men want the best-looking woman they can get.

AidsVictim · 2020-12-14T07:39:17+00:00

So what is the Magic trait that these people possess? They're not anxious, they're not depressed. That is all.

Not anxious = low inhibition, high sociability. Just not being anxious or depressed won't do shit for the average man. Women want men that are popular or socially successful perhaps more than any other factor, hence the occasional examples of ugly short men being successful with women.

lemme_tell_you · 2020-12-14T14:01:33+00:00

Musicians literally romanticize and broadcast their depression and angst all the time. These mf are a hit with women.

ivy176 · 2020-12-14T14:47:32+00:00

Er I have both and so does my husband. If depressed/anxious people can't date then a huge chunk of the earth would be shit outta luck

Fuego213 · 2020-12-13T23:36:51+00:00

I only disagree with the depression part because depression is kind of a spectrum. I go in and out of it, the women I date go in and out of it.

But either way, no woman wants to be with a man constantly anxious that she’s gonna cheat on him and that’s such a common theme here.

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-14T04:27:46+00:00

I got more women when I was fat and confident than when I was starting to build muscle but depressed.

Confidence and game is what gets you laid. Everything else just makes it easier.

Dont tell women anything bad about yourself, friends and family. No politics, no ex's.

reluctantly_red · 2020-12-14T00:16:41+00:00

But ugly men get women. Short men get women, unemployed men get women, poor men get women, bald men get women....

Only on very unattractive terms. Hot guys get the zero down zero interest not everyone will qualify deal. Unattractive guys get the subprime deal.

LeJacquelope · 2020-12-13T22:57:46+00:00

[removed]

medlabunicorn · 2020-12-14T01:17:57+00:00

Also, the ones in long-term relationships are not vicious, hateful misogynistic pigs.

2020-12-14T03:00:12+00:00

Pete Davidson

Mkg102216 · 2020-12-14T06:08:37+00:00

Me with my anxious depressed boyfriend....

2020-12-14T06:44:20+00:00

But ugly men get women. Short men get women, unemployed men get women, poor men get women, bald men get women....

First of all, these are 99.99% of the time disjoint categories. The men with these negative qualities make up for it in with a different quality.

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-12-14T11:21:09+00:00

Women want men who have balls and actually go after them

PAThrowaway59 · 2020-12-14T14:46:10+00:00

This can be disproven pretty easily. You don't know if a stranger is anxious and depressed unless you get to know them. But guys who are ugly or poor don't get that opportunity to show their personality traits. So it couldn't possibly be depression or anxiety that is keeping women away from them.

2020-12-14T15:26:29+00:00

Does anyone of either sex prefer to date someone who is anxious and depressed? No. If you do, you have your own mental problems to deal with.

Women date depressed/anxious underachieving men who they play mommy to all the time. Give me a break. They shouldn't, but they sure do. I'd even say women are MUCH more likely to put up with this shit (and by shit, I mean a partner who has untreated mental illness and is aware of it but make no effort to seek treatment) in their partner than men are.

If you're depressed/anxious, that's probably affecting your ability to be charming and have basic social skills. So yeah, um, having social skills is important in making a connection with someone. Why else would they like you?

All people want to date an emotional stable and physically attractive person. Absolutely.

And all people should be seeking to fix their anxiety and depression for themselves and their own wellbeing. If you are doing it just to be more dateable... you probably have other issues beyond anxiety and depression that are making you undesirable.

But to act like depression and anxiety is the biggest flaw that turns women off is a joke. You can be a very good looking, highly anxious person and still be objectively successful and attractive. Women will take that over some overconfident loser who works at Applebees with average looks.

I think physical attraction is #1, social skills #2 which could be affected by mental illness, and #3 is objective success (career, money, friendships/social status).

perkytitssolidshits · 2020-12-14T16:06:41+00:00

Not the whole truth but I completely agree that would never date someone with depression or anxiety or history of mental illness. I was always taught to steer clear of families with all that kind of stuff as it has a high chance to pass to your kids/just makes life harder than it already is.

bakedsunflowers · 2020-12-14T17:39:36+00:00

Why does this post imply men are more logical than other genders

thetruthishere_ · 2020-12-14T01:02:49+00:00

I dont do well with needy or depressed people. They zap my energy like an energy vampire and will trigger the Dismissive Avoidant side of my attachment.

thasixohfour · 2020-12-14T02:12:17+00:00

Confidence, competence, and consistency - in all aspects of life. That's really all it comes down to.

asdf333aza · 2020-12-14T02:54:41+00:00

But do these women deserve these types of men??? At lot of these of women have the same traits that they find unattractive and yet think they deserve something better.

Alfredaux · 2020-12-14T03:37:32+00:00

“Men are logical”. Hardly.

Cimorene86 · 2020-12-13T23:26:58+00:00

It isn't as simple as "women don't want depressed/anxious men at all".

It instead has to do with 1) the amount of empathy the woman has 2) whether she has experience living with/overcoming depression or anxiety herself 3) how comfortable she is supporting a partner with these traits. I have persistent depressive disorder, my lover has seasonal depression. Mine is mild but doesn't stop, his is worse but only occurs during the winter. The fact we both have experiences with depressive mental states actually makes it easy to communicate about them and give emotional support.

twennysvn · 2020-12-14T04:34:33+00:00

Do you think men are born anxious and depressed?

Do you believe that men who are predisposed to being anxious and depressed feel this way all or even most of the time?

DREADC0RSAIR · 2020-12-14T01:35:19+00:00

Getting women isn't the crux of the inherent issue. Women have never been easier to bed.

The pushback you're seeing is men finally understanding that women aren't the romantics they hoped them to be, in a world where admitting the truth gets you silenced.

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801735 · 2020-12-13T21:55:24+00:00

So what is the Magic trait that these people possess? They're not anxious, they're not depressed. That is all.

Nope. You're missing the other 50% of the interaction. It has to do with her a bit, too and timing/luck.

Reason why all these theories exist is because observation and mentalsturbationing about there being a "to-do" list that guarantees results because many guys have tried tons of times and failed tons+1 times.

If you need to "work on yourself" Work on your anxiety and depression. Anything else is extra.

While true, it's not true. Anything else is NOT extra, it's in the package.

edit: Also, what they want and what they'll get but only a chance at getting if they'll be constantly fighting for, can be completely different things. Remember, there are less males than females by default, and males are pulling out, not playing "the game". Fun times.

2020-12-13T23:18:53+00:00

There's more to romantic success than simply getting a partner. We can readily see that many men struggle to find partners and quality relationships, even if they're not some forever alone stereotype. It's one thing to get a partner you're not especially attracted to, who herself is not especially attracted to you and then maintain a passionless affair with them, it's another to do better than that. From my observations, the men who readily do so fit a fairly narrow archetype that although it generally (but not always, surprisingly) includes not being anxious and depressed has a lot more to do with external physical and aesthetic qualities that make them attractive to women.

Not being anxious and depressed helps in finding a partner, but women don't choose men to be sex symbols based on their sound mental health.

2020-12-14T00:29:18+00:00

Nope

astramouse · 2020-12-14T05:53:32+00:00

Yall, alright. Let me interject.

Maybe I’m weird, but I’ve been in a place where I’ve had options. In college there were two guys interested in me that I was interested in back.

Both were virgins, both loved magic the gathering, both played too many video games and board games, both were about the same level of attractiveness.

The major difference? One of them was desperate to no longer be a virgin and desperate to find a lover and spoke of this often. The other one rarely spoke of that and instead we talked about our long term goals and aspirations, and what a good relationship looks like, and I liked what he had to say. I also watched guy #2 show kindness and empathy and special care and attention to our mutual friends who were less socially apt. Boom, married.

That’s not to say that guy #1 was a bad guy or didn’t deserve happiness; I was just way more interested in someone who I understood would not pressure me into sex and who shared my future goals and morals.

Was guy #1 anxious and depressed? I guess, but so was guy #2. I just wanted someone I could trust.

PookyTheCat · 2020-12-14T07:31:58+00:00

Nobody wants a partner that's anxious and/or depressed.

Best way to avoid it is to not be in an LTR and - as a man - be perceived as having resources / money. You'll have women almost standing in line.

I'm tall and not anxious nor depressed, but in my country of origin as an older guy without a lot of money my chances of hooking up with an attractive young woman are 0 really. In my kindof 2nd country of residence I'm perceived as relatively wealthy. It makes ALL the difference. No problem hooking up with attractive university girls here.

dirtyoldbastard77 · 2020-12-14T08:00:18+00:00

Dude, anxious and depressed guys get girls too. I know girls that actually prefer that. My gf used to like that too, but realized it was a bad match for her since she can be quite anxious too, so someone more on the other end of the scale would be a better balance

Nine9ThreeEight · 2020-12-14T08:50:33+00:00

I just like to say that loud people usually end being the ones used to represent a group, even if the majority of the group doesn’t agree. And I believe that applies, at least somewhat, to every group that has ever been, and ever will be.

revente · 2020-12-14T10:52:46+00:00

What don't you understand? Just stop being depressed!

GunnzzNRoses · 2020-12-14T13:50:06+00:00

Women want a guy who is thoroughly self confident in his identity, in his own shoes. That is all. Once genuine self confidence is granted, all else follows

bigdaveyl · 2020-12-14T15:02:35+00:00

You're over simplifying things and coming to the wrong conclusions. I'd hazard a guess that people who have attributes that others find attractive will have a higher self esteem then those that do not.

In other words, it means there's a feedback loop:

People that others want to be around might be less likely to feel lonely, which leads to less depression and anxiety.
People that others don't want to be around leads to loneliness, which is a trigger for depression and anxiety.

This is just like telling fat people to get in shape and they'll find someone. Sure, they'll be healthy and potentially live longer but that doesn't guarantee them a mate, people will likely find other things wrong with them: they don't make enough money, they still aren't attractive enough and so on.

quesoburgesa · 2020-12-14T15:19:36+00:00

Women don’t want whiny little bitches it’s that simple

2020-12-14T15:20:58+00:00

But ugly men get women - maybe, only if he's got a lot in other things like financial or social status.

Short men get women - Short men that have 'small man big mouth syndrome' surprisingly can get women. small man big mouth syndrome is the over-compensation for being short which some women still see as confidence. But even if he's short, he better be pretty good looking and have some status in other areas.

unemployed men get women - a good looking unemployed man get get laid. Women don't have to look to men for provision anymore so they will pick 'pretty'. And if the guy isn't chronically unemployed she will see some potential.

poor men get women - same as above.

bald men get women - These men are over 45. Yes, women over 45 will date 'bald' if he's got a job and a house.

Don't forget there are stupid and/or ugly and/or low quality women out there too. How many of the men listed above have high quality intelligent hot women? none.

Zombombaby · 2020-12-14T15:26:01+00:00

It's not depression or anxiety, it's a lack of drive for self improvement and self awareness. A lack of responsibility for their own actions and words. Hating women is a scapegoat rather than facing up to the fact they're not genuinely good people.

Moldy_Gecko · 2020-12-14T15:43:43+00:00

You basically just said what RP says all the time just worded it differently. Women want confidence. The rest doesn't really matter.

xFallacyx69 · 2020-12-14T15:56:00+00:00

Yeah the majority of my bros who are mentally stable and have a good job are single more than my mentally unstable batshit crazy gal friends who work part time and don’t have a degree... but sure men are at fault

toothfairy222 · 2020-12-14T15:56:03+00:00

My boyfriend has depression and anxiety and we support each other all the time. What the fuck you talking about man .

KaskyNightblade · 2020-12-14T16:33:57+00:00

This is my problem with mgtow. I like the philosophy and all that stuff. But I can't shake the feeling that we are just a bunch of losers who use any excuse for our failures. The part of the self improvement and taking care of yourself is cool tho

z2a1-9 · 2020-12-14T17:11:07+00:00

Rule 1 of attraction = be attractive.

2 = don't be unattractive.

3 = repeat 1 and 2.

Simple

Cloverfield1996 · 2020-12-14T17:18:44+00:00

My long term partner is depressed. Guess what? Women want different things because we're not a hive mind. My priorities in a partner differ to any other woman. There's no how to or guide. Just meet people, treat them the way you would like to be treated and don't cheat on them.

daddysgotanew · 2020-12-14T17:54:09+00:00

I’ve dealt with panic disorder that came out of nowhere a few years ago. I’ve not had much problem getting into relationships if I choose.

I hide it well though

2020-12-14T19:13:19+00:00

Flint Sky : Those people in the forest, what did you see on them?

Jaguar Paw : I do not understand.

Flint Sky : Fear. Deep rotting fear. They were infected by it. Did you see? Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it. It has tainted your peace already. I did not raise you to see you live with fear. Strike it from your heart. Do not bring it into our village.

trail22 · 2020-12-14T20:07:13+00:00

I thought the more positive place I was in , in my life; that dating would be naturalas long as I was meeting people. Yeah, that was BS.

I still remember havign a large social circle who all liked me and wanted me around. I rememberworung out and running 30 miles a week with friends. And I remember approaching women and meeting women through these friends, getting ignored over and over wondering; if the happiest version of me is still not worth a date; do you even want t date? OR maybe its I am a 5'3 asian guy.

Either way the choices and options are pretty shitty.

escapethesolarsystem · 2020-12-15T00:39:41+00:00

Women want men who have normal levels of testosterone. Being anxious and depressed is a low-T trait. So are most of the other things that American men are (needy, bitchy, whiny, passive-aggressive, insecure, unsuccessful in life, indecisive, overweight, etc), which drives women away.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-12-15T05:00:04+00:00

But ugly men get women. Short men get women, unemployed men get women, poor men get women, bald men get women....

No offense but you suck at statistics. You're offering cherry-picked examples for the chronically single unemployed, poor, bald, fat men.

Antidepressants are not going to make low-value men more fuckable.

I give your premise an "F".

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2020-12-18T21:24:37+00:00

But it's ok for the woman herself to be anxious and depressed... Teehee

Haki_User · 2020-12-14T01:28:45+00:00

Reddit really is full of idealistic introverted incels who are so fanatic that the answers to their sexless lives are in books. This can't be helped. Im out before I get infected LOL.

sextinaaaaquafina · 2020-12-14T02:40:17+00:00

Nah we want em depressed and anxious so the suicide note looks real.

jonathan88876 · 2020-12-14T03:07:59+00:00

I’m anxious and depressed and have over 50 bodies. Granted, I’m 6’3” and have a cute face, but I’m not exactly ripped or wealthy by any stretch, I’m a dadbod accountant lol

Flintblood · 2020-12-14T04:28:12+00:00

I agree that anxiety and depression makes meeting new people almost a non-starter. I struggled with both a little 2-3 years ago and I believe that I used learning some trp to get dates and some action for validation to slap a bandaid on old scars instead of finding ways to properly heal.

Title	Girls want a man who is... Well, simply not anxious and depressed.
Author	Haki_User
Upvotes	158
Comments	288
Date	December 13, 2020 9:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kcjn6l/girls_want_a_man_who_is_well_simply_not_anxious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/girls-want-a-man-who-is-well-simply-not-anxious.731386 https://theredarchive.com/post/731386

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