Do you feel bad for only having sex with a girl who clearly wants commitment from you?

Tek_Analyst · 2021-06-09T12:15:54+00:00

Are you lying to them?

Be brutally honest with them when you don’t want a commitment. “I don’t want a relationship.” “I only want casual.”

If you see that even though you’ve been honest with them, they are still hurt and aren’t having fun hooking up with you move on to the next one. If you don’t, this is when it’s wrong, or when you lie to get sex.

Trust me, the women that enjoy casual with you are the ones you’ll have the most fun with overall. Because everything is just easy and carefree.

cloudydays84 · 2021-06-09T13:25:32+00:00

I appreciate being on the same wavelength and being transparent when it comes to stuff like this, so yeah I would feel really bad, which is why I wouldn't do something like that.

SN2rx · 2021-06-09T17:19:06+00:00

I don't feel bad. These situations usually play out like this. We fuck for a few weeks and they'll eventually ask "what are we." I tell them we're just fuck buddies and she says she wants something serious so I cut all communication with her. Inevitably, they hit me up saying they miss me and want to hang out so we keep fucking. I don't feel bad because it's them who keep coming back

Turning_blades · 2021-06-09T19:23:53+00:00

Wouldn’t I just be creating more low value women who have higher N counts?

No. Give women a little credit here, they are making a choice which makes them lower value, unless you are raping them the decision is theirs.

I don't outright lie, but I can be ambiguous. And it's ok to change your mind, as any woman will tell you. But if I'm not sleeping with them someone else is so I do what I have to. Take care of yourself man, no one else will.

slazengerx · 2021-06-09T19:44:20+00:00

No, I don't feel bad about it.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-06-09T14:06:34+00:00

As a guy in a very happy if unusual 30 year LTR you are probably doing this wrong IMO.

You want an LTR eventually, great, you are going to meet a lot of women on the way great, but you are approaching it as "some day".

There are only so many women out there that will be your match. Its a crapshoot, you might never meet them or you might meet them the first time you date someone and then never meet one quite as good again.

Old guys who are married rarely admit it, but "the one that got away" is a common thought, and its usually something they did to blow it.

I also know a good number of guys, two in my family, who had a string of girlfriends and then finally hit their own relationship walls and are basically alone.

So rather than "leading them on" always be searching yourself.

carly_rae_bopsen · 2021-06-09T13:39:43+00:00

Nah, women aren't entitled to commitment, if she didn't ask for this before sex, then she shouldn't expect it after.

PeskyHijinks · 2021-06-09T22:09:33+00:00

In my life I've only ever done this once. I never lied to her though. But I never say her down and said, "I have no interest in a long term relationship and just want to have sex." If you do that you're basically done and she won't sleep with you. Game over. So I don't feel bad about misleading her, because I truly never did. And also in my defense she never brought it up either, but I got the sense she wanted commitment, and I did drop several major hints (but not outright say) that I just wanted sex.

She got into a car crash and I sent her flowers while she was recovering. Her injuries were minor but she had a hurt neck for a few days and was advised to bedrest at home. I didn't go to visit her though because, again, I was trying to make it clear that I didn't want a relationship without being SO clear about it. I did send her flowers because I thought it was nice and that's just what you did for people. I thought nothing of it except that I was just trying to be nice. After all, I cared about her as a fellow human being, not spousal material, but I wished no ill will on her and a speedy recovery. She took it as a major symbol and slept with me. After that I ghosted her.

Looking back on it all I do regret it. I never intended to mislead her. I was also young and in my mid 20's (a long time ago now, lol, we all get old, eh?) and I didn't really think it through. To this day I still think about it and I do feel bad about it. I never wanted to hurt her, but I also didn't think sending flowers was a big deal.

On the one hand, I don't necessarily feel I dod anything wrong except not imagine all the repercussions of a nice deed. But on the other hand, she was dropping hints too.

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle between the two of us. But the point is, yes I regret it.

wtknight · 2021-06-09T12:21:41+00:00

Yes, I’d feel badly if I did that, which is why I’ve never done it. I tried to have casual sex once with a woman who I wasn’t really into a long time ago when I was still a virgin and I couldn’t even perform because I felt so badly about it. But I’m probably unusual for most guys when it comes to things like that.

just_a_place · 2021-06-10T03:41:35+00:00

Well, yes! Because I am not a piece of shit. A girl I was having sex with caught other feelings for me and it became even though we started off as fuckbuddies. When she told me how she was starting to feel more attached and more intimate with me and was feeling like she was developing other feelings for me we had to stop having sex. I tried staying friends with her but she said it was not helping that she had developed other feelings and she was just feeling hurt any time we would be together because it was just a reminder that she can never have me the way she wanted me so we parted ways.

So yes I felt bad about that because this girl was sweet and honest and didn't deserve to be hurt or disappointed like that and it did make me feel like a piece of shit because my instinct is to keep her from harm, NOT to cause it.

So if you're going to be hooking up with girls be up front with them on what your intentions are, if you only want a fuck buddy let her know that so she can decide if she still wants to have sex or not and if she still wants to just pay attention to her in case she unwittingly develops feelings for you.

And please stop that stupid shit about "N-Count" nobody gives a fuck about that and if you seriously think it's a big deal how many men a woman has slept with then perhaps you are going to end up with the wrong woman due to inexperience. How do you even ask a woman how many dudes she's been with? Why do you even care? What does it matter?

geometersbane · 2021-06-09T13:13:32+00:00

Fucking you is her audition and chance to show her value so why feel bad about it?

slimee4l · 2021-06-09T13:53:07+00:00

If she's a hoe I don't care lol. That simple

If she was a good girl then yeah I'd feel bad

Physiologist21 · 2021-06-09T16:11:34+00:00

No, I am straight forward in letting them know that I am not some sort of vending machine that you put sex into and a relationship comes out.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-06-09T12:19:42+00:00

When I’m just tryna smash I’m upfront about what it is from the jump. If she think her vagina is so good that it’s gonna change my mind into me locking her down that’s her prerogative.

xXx_FireHydrants_xXx · 2021-06-09T12:20:27+00:00

She doesn't commit to guys that want her so why should you feel bad when she gets a taste of her own medicine? Just seems fair to me, like women have it so easy with dating, like a primary complaint is that they have to go through so many options. Unfortunate about her n count going up but these days its already over 10 for most women anyways, don't think most women actually have enough real modesty to restrain themselves to wait until marriage for sex.

Suck-Less · 2021-06-09T13:06:02+00:00

Do you think any of them feel bad for going on a date just for free food? If this was 30 years ago I would feel bad. Heck, I turned down women over it. Today? I’d consider it equally.

my_alt_account1312 · 2021-06-09T13:31:40+00:00

As long as I don't make any promises to them then no I do not feel bad. Women today are perfectly capable of making their own decisions and its sexist to treat them as incapable children.

This is however coming from someone who isnt totally against a relationship but it takes more than a few dates to decide.

I expect to get downvoted for this but many women just arent that interesting and have nothing going on in their lives. It doesnt mean I dislike them it just means that I dont feel anything and thats not something I can change.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-06-09T13:07:08+00:00

No

Given the chance, she'd lie through her teeth to me.

ToughAnswers · 2021-06-09T15:02:47+00:00

Wouldn’t I just be creating more low value women who have higher N counts? I.e women I wouldn’t want to commit to?

Yet you don't want to commit to them. So who cares? They're adults. They're making their own choices. If commitment was a dealbreaker they were free to refuse sex till commitment

TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-09T15:39:19+00:00

You need to know what you want. If you only want casual sex, seek out women who want casual sex. Don't go for the ones who want commitment. It's not that fucking complicated.

AllowedToBeHere · 2021-06-10T02:33:03+00:00

No. Women feel no guilt pretending to love the beta men they marry when Chad stops taking their calls, so why should I?

GrandRub · 2021-06-09T16:29:06+00:00

if you are honest to them ... no problem.

if you are lying or dont tell them that you only wanna hookup while you know they want a relationship... you are the problem.

hobomojo · 2021-06-09T17:34:12+00:00

As long as your honest about your intentions (just looking for something casual, etc) then you shouldn’t feel bad cause if she’s wanting more, than that’s on her for chasing someone who made it clear what they want. We’re all adults here, and that means respecting each other’s decisions as well as boundaries

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-06-09T21:58:55+00:00

That's why I stopped dating women. The ones I wanted to stay didn't, the ones I wanted for short term stayed on.

midwesternMD · 2021-06-09T23:42:12+00:00

If she never asks and we never have the conversation, I’m not going to rock the boat.

But if the topic does come up and she makes it clear that she wants commitment, I’ll have to put my money where my mouth is and tell her the truth. It’s awkward (and downright terrifying) the first few times to tell a girl you don’t see anything long term between you. But after the 3rd or 4th time, you begin to appreciate that it’s kind of liberating too.

So no, I don’t feel bad. I still go on dates with those women. We still have a good time chatting about whatever. And I still seek out first dates with other women with whom there might be better chemistry while I’m more casual with one woman.

If I’m going to commit to a woman again, she’s got to be a solid catch. Doesn’t mean I’m going to choose to be celibate until I (possibly) find this (rare) woman (who may or may not be into me).

Chaddamhusein · 2021-06-10T04:01:31+00:00

Also I think lying about your intentions is wrong

Women have been doing it for centuries but now its wrong 🤡

currently_confused50 · 2021-06-10T14:08:52+00:00

I said every time: "Do not expect relationship." Thry just ignored this sentence every time and labeled me as an asshole. I never lied like that to girls. However, they always ignore this statement and expect relationship. Also, of course, I get labelled an asshole everytime.

Ok, once was I a complete asshole to FWB.

Her: "Real man see more than sex in woman." Me: "Yeap and they usually see more in women who do not fish for relationship with sex"

She did not take it well.

mudeating · 2021-06-09T12:12:27+00:00

If she wants commitment from me and i don't feel she's worth committing, no.

I would tell her i am not interested in a relationship but i would fuck her if she’s ok with that.

OSfrogs · 2021-06-09T12:14:52+00:00

I guess guys who break up with attractive girls feel bad but if she is below average going for models only no she doesnt deserve any commitment from guys who have better options.

Old-Ad-8260 · 2021-06-09T12:00:11+00:00

No. She wont have any problem getting attention and commitment from other men. Dating is incredibly easy for women.

Mondholm · 2021-06-09T12:38:20+00:00

Yes, that's why i stopped having sex with them when i don't feel them longterm.

_lemazaki · 2021-06-09T12:50:34+00:00

1st. You should tell what you want. Lie is ugly mister.

2nd. You are contributing to a higher n-count "technically" BUT the world is morally free now. We don´t live back in the old days where this things matter to society. Maybe it´s important to a individual but not to society. It´s not like you are fooling fathers who wants to marry their daughters. lolYou can find one with 100 n-count tomorrow.

old_wise_man_ · 2021-06-09T13:03:34+00:00

I don’t do casual so I’m fine. the only thing you shouldn’t do is lying. The rest is up to them.

Odd-Dark · 2021-06-09T12:21:27+00:00

I've ghosted a girl before where I'd be in relationship only using her for sex and waiting for more attractive woman to come along.

I just dont have a stomach for that, especially after I hurt one of my exes pretty badly. Though on other hand, I was out of her league and I mightve been entitled to something like that in some respect.

BarestBranch · 2021-06-09T13:42:20+00:00

If you're actively lying to them, yeah that's pretty shitty. Not the end of the world or anything but it's obviously not very nice. Outside of that though I don't know why you'd care. Just forget about this N-count/low value bullshit.

reluctantly_red · 2021-06-09T13:57:58+00:00

No guilt at all. A guy doesn't know if he wants a relationship with a woman until after he's taken her for a test drive. Sex comes before relationships. Good sex leads to relationships. Meh sex and guys move on.

fridoden · 2021-06-09T14:23:01+00:00

I dont understand why you would be such a piece of shit to go out of your way to specifically then target those type of women because youre "sensitive" and "it feels unfair" If you feel guilty then youre probably not acting completely right.

No ones entitled to another person but you shouldnt go out of your way to lead people on and manipulate others. That says more about you than them.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-09T15:27:01+00:00

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Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-06-09T12:52:57+00:00

Not if I'm not lying. If my intentions are clear from the beginning but she keeps coming back for more 🤷

Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-06-09T12:59:01+00:00

Depends how the way was to reach that hookup. If it was jumping through hoops layered with shit tests along the way and zero effort on her side? Then definetely no. Otherwise i wouldn't do that in the first place.

Hoopy223 · 2021-06-09T13:42:24+00:00

I’ve never really been in that situation tbh. Sometimes I will lie about the stuff I like or other bullshit but I don’t lie about what I want.

goofstaffshin · 2021-06-09T16:15:34+00:00

lol na man ~sex positivity~!!! dont let any man or woman ~sex shame~ you

Bandit174 · 2021-06-09T13:39:12+00:00

It depends. If she seems like a nice girl I would definitely feel bad about it. However if she gives off a bitchy vibe I probably wouldn't feel bad, although I doubt I would meet the standards of a bitchy girl in the first place.

stats135 · 2021-06-09T13:54:34+00:00

How do I know?

She tells me? We all know how reliable that is. To know you judge by her past actions, who she's actually fucked. Which brings us over to the beaten horse of n-count/virgin.

If I was lucky enough to meet a woman that is a virgin and wants to only have sex with the man that would eventually commit to her. I would feel bad for pumping and dumping. But then again, if I was lucky enough to meet a woman like that I would actually want to lock her down.

If, and this is the likely outcome, I meet a woman that's been on the CC in her youth and only now want commitment, I see no issues whatsoever.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-09T13:04:17+00:00

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TheBookOfSeil · 2021-06-09T13:40:50+00:00

Nope. I only want to have sex with women who want commitment from me. Problem is that most seem to want a test drive first.

Timmy721123 · 2021-06-09T15:05:48+00:00

Feel bad? No. Regret, some. The problem is none of the gals where clear upfront.

If they had said from the beginning sex is only for a marriage guy, I would have passed.

I dont need drama, or want to hurt anyone including myself.

The problem is in my experience, that women imply things without actually having a conversation. And that men avoid topics like this. Both are somewhat to blame.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-06-09T17:48:11+00:00

No, I've always been fairly upfront about my intentions

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-06-09T20:30:22+00:00

No.

In my casual days i explicitly told the woman(en) that i was not looking for love or a relationship each time.

If they held out hope beyond that? Their fault.

The one time i forgot to say that i actually did date the girl, and she turned out to be really cool actually, just... Not compatible.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-06-09T20:43:52+00:00

I don’t have sex with women I couldn’t see as the mother of my children one day. I cut off connections that I know have an end in sight. I don’t feel bad because I understand that what they think they want in a relationship with me isn’t going to live up to their fantasy.

S0mnariumx · 2021-06-10T00:06:59+00:00

Yes I've felt remorse from it but I try to be up front about whether I see a relationship coming from them. Sometimes they come onto me anyway but that's their decision.

fourpanelwindows · 2021-06-10T02:10:53+00:00

If she's not ok with casual, she's not a candidate for long-term.

InitialArgument1662 · 2021-06-10T05:13:10+00:00

Just be prepared for your “low N-count” dream wife to judge you and reject you just the same once she realizes you spent all that time she was being virtuous and pure on hooking up and only wanting casual sex with women. Women who place value on the intimacy of sex and keep their sexual history to a minimum consider this value when selecting a husband, too. It’s a RedPill Fantasy that these kinds of women simply don’t care (or even more hilariously, prefer) men who use women for sex. If a woman is attractive enough to have many sexual partners and yet is very choosy as to who she sleeps with, you bet your ass that the guy who spent his 20s on Tinder banging anything that moves is going to be a huge turn off for her. Selective women want selective mates. Women who sleep around a lot don’t care about their partner’s past.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-06-10T08:00:14+00:00

Yes I do feel bad. But its the world we live in now. Males are the new beauty trophies. And we gotta lower our standards. Its not too bad just imagine some porn while fucking. I feel more bad for gen z guys. They have high virginity rates. So either fuck the uggos or accept virginity. Your choice. Ill choose the first option but to each their own.

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2021-06-10T11:27:19+00:00

I usually tell that I will never marry (not just to her, but to anybody)...

Some girls are ok with it, some move on..

I am not going to warn her everytime we have sex, that I wont marry her... She continuing the relationship is an indication that she is ok with this arrangement..

Now, if they later complain that I strung them along (Some have)... I wont accept the blame.

basedmillennial95 · 2021-06-10T18:41:54+00:00

I'd never do such a heinous and evil thing.

Nurgle_Marine_Sharts · 2021-06-10T22:48:04+00:00

I've had a few FWB's in the past, and as soon as I started getting the vibe that they are starting to get "into me romantically" I would sit them down and talk about it with them, letting them know that this is not what I'm looking for or ready for, and that I like them as people very much but not in a romantic way.

Usually they tell me it's no problem and they are happy to stay as FWB, but if the feeling of them having romantic inclinations sticks around and they are clearly hung up on me, I generally cut off contact (not ghosting, like a breakup). The last thing I want to be doing is leading on a girl just so I can fuck her, I think that shit is awful and reprehensible.

festethefoole1 · 2021-06-12T11:01:06+00:00

No, because the same thing has happened to me with women only wanting sex from me when I earnestly saw them as gf material.

In my experience it’s something which goes both ways

OXOzymandias · 2021-06-09T13:47:30+00:00

wtknight · 2021-06-09T23:14:34+00:00

[removed]

Title	Do you feel bad for only having sex with a girl who clearly wants commitment from you?
Author	Mammoth_Ad_5181
Upvotes	6
Comments	215
Date	June 9, 2021 11:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nvu0tb/do_you_feel_bad_for_only_having_sex_with_a_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-feel-bad-for-only-having-sex-with-a-girl.783560 https://theredarchive.com/post/783560

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