Q4W: Would you support your boyfriend/husband for the rest of your relationship?

thegr8profiter · 2021-06-28T03:37:33+00:00

As a man, it is humiliating to depend on a woman financially.

SaBahRub · 2021-06-27T14:53:57+00:00

Sure

If he manages the household and raises the kids, or is pretty and fun and we have no kids

OmarNBradley · 2021-06-28T01:12:56+00:00

I've been the breadwinner for 20 years. We have three kids. I don't care at all who makes the money and everything we both earn goes into the checking account we have shared since two days after our wedding.

Sometimes I have outearned him by a factor of two, sometimes much more than that. He has a passion career that he loves that is not well-remunerated, and I have a passion career that I love that is very well-remunerated; we are both lucky to have found one another. I have never and would never belittle him about making less than I do, it is something I could not ever possibly care less about. I have never ever sought provision from a man.

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-06-27T14:21:04+00:00

If he was sick and couldn’t work then yes but not going to lie it would be a challenge with just my current salary and our expenses. It would be naive for me to say that it wouldn’t create a strain on the relationship at times.

If he just didn’t want to work, then no.

simeneta_two · 2021-06-27T14:35:29+00:00

I’m trying to convince my husband to become a SAHD lol

Yes I’d be fine with it if he took over all domestic and and childcare duties and took care of his looks.

NarniaFox · 2021-06-27T14:21:44+00:00

If I had enough money and could afford it with no problems, I think I'd be able to do it. Especially if we decide to have kids and he'd be the main caretaker for them. The thing is that he wouldn't allow me to do it for a long time anyway, because he wouldn't be really comfortable with staying at home and having no income of his own.

I can consider this option, because I love my husband. If I was single, I wouldn't date a person who couldn't support themselves whether they're a man or a woman. If an adult can't feed themselves for no good reason, that's a huge downside.

To make it clear, it also wouldn't work with reversed gender roles, as I have no interest in being a SAHM either.

And I was supporting my husband for around a year, while he was finishing his first degree and I was working already. We didn't have any problems with it, he did most domestic chores and I brought money in.

My cousin supported her husband for around 1-2 years as well, while he was looking for a job. Also no problems.

My other female relative supported her husband after he got into an accident at work and he was just physically unable to work for almost 5 years I think. They're still together.

There are other examples like this. I'd say that most women are okay with covering their man's back when it's needed. Less of us are okay with being the only breadwinner though. Gender roles, women needing maternal leave and being the ones giving birth in general, men stereotypically being bad at a domestic side of the deal etc.

To be fair, I wouldn't say that "most men naturally love supporting their wives or at least feel indifferent about it". The ones who were raised in traditional gender roles maybe. Most men prefer a working partner though or at least they can't actually support a full family, so it doesn't really matter whether it's their preference or not.

relish5k · 2021-06-27T14:21:32+00:00

If my husband was willing to take over all of the domestic duties, and we could get comfortably by on my income, that would be heavenly. Or even if he just wanted to work on a passion project for a while that would be fine, tho we would need to adjust our lifestyle.

But both of us prefer working to the drudgery of home-making full time.

funlightmandarin · 2021-06-27T14:59:34+00:00

Would you support your boyfriend for the rest of your relationship?

No. I intend to retire early. I don't have the pay to save up for two retirement funds. I also want an acceptable living standard. He needs to be able to cover his side.

would you respect a man if he was financially supported by you and would you still treat him as a masculine man and not belittle him

He doesn't get respect for financially supporting me or me him. He gets respect for being a respectable person. I make more money than him, I don't mind that.

If he wants to be treated like a masculine man, he needs to be a masculine man.

and how long are you willing to do so

For as long as he needs to finish education (max 1 year) or find a new job (max 6 months), not forever.

He'd be taking care of the home as well.

parabenprincess · 2021-06-27T17:06:59+00:00

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Reisiluu · 2021-06-27T15:08:40+00:00

Only if there was something in it for me. Can't control getting sick or injured so I wouldn't lose respect for that. But if he just chose to be unemployed and didn't contribute in any way, nah. I can get cheaper pets.

extrachromozomes · 2021-06-27T20:16:49+00:00

milkyymochii · 2021-06-27T21:05:19+00:00

If my S/O decided to up & quit his job and wanted me to financially take care of everything forever I’d absolutely not do it. I’m also only in my early 20s so I’m no position to be financially taking care of my SO.

Maybe if I was old and rich and my SO was hot, young, tall, buff, beautiful, and not balding I’d consider it maybe.

Otherwise no. My SO needs to be working.

wtknight · 2021-06-27T23:17:39+00:00

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death_by_1000_cats · 2021-06-27T14:28:26+00:00

No. I'll do it (and have done it) temporarily while he's out of work but I would quickly lose respect for a man who chose not to work.

Novadina · 2021-06-27T17:04:44+00:00

I make 4-5 times as much as my husband. I pay most of the bills, he does put most of his money into our shared account, but I manage our money and I invest/save more than his entire salary. I encourage him to look for a higher paying job (because I think he is worth more than his job is paying, and he could get more doing the same thing if he looked for another place), but I also told him that as long as he is doing something productive (work, school, working on our house, etc) I would be willing to financially support him forever. So he could quit his job and just work on improving our house or go back to school if he wanted, since we can afford it. I would never belittle him, I love him, and we promised to take care of each other forever. My career is where it is in part because of his support. And we split all tasks needing doing in our household by ability or desire, not gender.

Cimorene86 · 2021-06-27T14:11:40+00:00

If my FWB needed me to do so, I absolutely would. I already pay for all the stuff we do together so letting him live with me would be fine. The issue would more be whether I could afford to...I'm debt free but he still has student loans, credit cards, car payments. If this is a magical world where I got a raise to cover his bills as well as my monthly expenses, yes. No question about it.

I'd expect him to cook and keep the apartment clean though lol.

EleanorAbernathyPhD · 2021-06-27T15:12:51+00:00

Only if he was sick or something. I couldnt do it if it was because I had a better salary, I would see him as less of a man tbh.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-06-27T15:46:34+00:00

If I had the means to and he would support me non-financially, then yes.

LittyKitsune · 2021-06-27T17:37:01+00:00

Yes. I became so much closer with my dad while he was at home. My mom loves her job and the hours are reasonable, so when she got a big promotion the first thing she did was ask my dad if he wanted to stay at home for a while. He was happier and had so much more energy to spend time with us, and that made my mom happy too. It helps that my dad has a natural affinity for household chores. He would keep the house clean, do the laundry, manage the finances, clean the pool, schedule the appointments, etc. The one thing he doesn't do is cook, and with everything else done my mom is more than happy to do that, or just order dinner if she's too tired. We were actually kind of sad when he started working again, but this job isn't as physically demanding or stressful as his first one (and it pays more) so he's still happier than he was back then.

I would be happy with a model similar to what my parents did over those years. Or if he has low-stress job with plenty of flexibility, even if it doesn't pay well.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-06-27T22:58:45+00:00

As long as he's comfortable with me also controlling the finances, sure. I don't mind supporting him, but he's not going to spend my money.

Ppdebateismental · 2021-06-27T23:09:41+00:00

FUCK NO, lol. I made more than my husband, but never really cared for working tbh. Now we mostly live a frugal lifestyle off of rental income. Misery loves company. Not getting up and doing something I would rather not do just so someone doesn’t have to do the same.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-28T08:19:28+00:00

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honeydewmelonz · 2021-06-28T20:08:35+00:00

I won’t belittle him but I’d quietly dump him. I was interested in this guy but he said he’d want to be a stay at home dad if I want to be a working woman. Sickening. I didn’t even think he was attractive after that. He doesn’t have the ability to bear children or menstruate, he’s able bodied, physiologically stronger, and chooses to be femme. A man that doesn’t work is a waste of space so I won’t pretend like he’s still masculine or hand him my card to pay for things.

philomexa · 2021-06-27T17:23:13+00:00

I've been supporting my husband for 16 years, I wholly expect to support him/our family for the rest of our lives. I don't really give a shit about who supports who, like, as long as the bills are paid and there's food to eat who cares where the money comes from?

People who tie their ego to "who pays for what" are weird and off putting.

I respect my husband because he's a respectable person, like...what does that have to do with money?

superlurkage · 2021-06-27T15:39:11+00:00

Many women would have a househusband if it was financially feasible.

And contrary to the male narrative on this sub, housewives aren’t that common to begin with, due to said financial necessity.

So all dependents are rare

evanstown21 · 2021-06-27T14:40:55+00:00

Yeah. And I’ve done it before. I’m totally down to have a husband that spends more time at home and helps with domestic stuff. I think it’s hot when a guy can anticipate household needs and can take responsibility for the things that need to be done. Where I have a problem is when a guys does neither- does not contribute with household duties AND does not bring anything financially AND complains about the situation. I’m more than happy to support someone who is trying

parabenprincess · 2021-06-27T15:01:30+00:00

No. I find value in gender roles and prefer him to make more money than me. I’m not a housewife, as I prefer to work, but I have absolutely no interest in a man living off me. The only exception would be if he was injured and unable to work, or experienced a job loss.

Btw, a true “masculine man” does not live off a woman. If you want to be treated as a King, head of household, etc… behave like one.

1Here4Bach · 2021-06-27T15:11:04+00:00

He would have to do the vast majority of domestic labor, child rearing and be proactive in every aspect of our relationship. In other word, he should be able to see and address problems before they become a problem.

midwestufohunter · 2021-06-27T18:16:30+00:00

No they don’t. Men HATE providing for and courting women. They hate it. They treat all our needs like huge burdens. Don’t lie.

No I wouldn’t support a man. And there’s no world in which a man would support me.

Adhdathon · 2021-06-27T14:47:44+00:00

I financially could afford to support someone forever but I wouldn’t. I’m in my 30s so anyone my age should have enough put away that if they lost their job and it took say 3-6 months to find another one that would be a non-issue.

I wouldn’t respect a man who needed me to support him. I wouldn’t date anyone where this issue would arise. I don’t understand why men would want to support a woman now that women have so many career options.

Edit - I’m not including supporting the mother of your children. Of course you should financially support the mother of your children.

justnotherthrow35 · 2021-06-27T16:04:03+00:00

Depends why and the reason for it. If it's something out of his control, health issues etc., I dont mind being the breadwinner. I wouldn't mind being the sole financial provider anyways, given they carry out the roles at home.

If they have a shitty attitude or anything though, say they lost a job and are just completely unwilling to get back on their feet, that's his own battle to face, I would leave.

I would also like to add men are MUCH less supportive of their wives, and are a lot more likely to leave than a woman if their partner is ill.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-06-28T00:36:21+00:00

I'm going to predict significant overlap between the women who say "yes" in this thread, and the women who claim to be attracted to "dad bods."

gimpgirl555 · 2021-06-27T15:57:57+00:00

would you respect a man if he was financially supported by you and would you still treat him as a masculine man and not belittle him

Yes ofc.

and how long are you willing to do so

I have provided for my man financially since I was 18 years old. I plan to do it for the rest of my life. I never want him to work.

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Comprehensive_Zombie · 2021-06-27T15:07:20+00:00

I wouldn’t financially support a boyfriend except for an emergency. A husband, yes but it depends on why. Are we childless and he just wants to hang out at home all day and do dick squat? Fuck no. If we had young children and he was staying home to take care of them, I’d be fine supporting him until they go to school. If he was sick I’d be fine supporting him for as long as needed. If he lost or quit his job I’d be fine supporting him for as long as it takes to get a new one, but that’s assuming I see him putting in the work of finding a new career or studying to enter a new field. I’d like to not be stingy about money with family members but this only works if your family is well intentioned. I’m fine with supporting my husband and I wouldn’t degrade his masculinity for doing as long as I can see him working towards something or he’s dealing with something. Edit: word

DXBrigade · 2021-06-27T15:08:11+00:00

Nope. I want to share the bills.

poppy_blu · 2021-06-27T15:50:17+00:00

I might be finding out in the future.

jedzy · 2021-06-27T15:54:02+00:00

I did at times financially support my husband and kids when he wasn’t working. He had narcissistic tendencies and did not take over looking after the kids, food shopping or all the housework.

I am now divorced and financially support my kids with little help from him - they all live with me full time.

I have no intention of ever mixing my finances with a partner again, and would not be open to the idea of financially supporting a partner in any way. By the time my kids leave I will have very little time to prepare for retirement - that is my real focus just now.

Even if I had money to spare I think of this as finances for my family not just for me, and definitely not for someone new coming into my life.

I have always worked even with kids and would expect a partner to work to cover their own expenses.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-06-27T17:16:59+00:00

No. But I probably wouldn’t stay home either. Having more money is always good. And a dual situation just seems better.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-06-27T18:28:40+00:00

We’ve been doing that. Health issues. It’s been on and off about two years. He’s finally back to work part time which is a huge stress reliever. Working from home has helped with stress too in some ways since I don’t have to worry about a commute or being gone 8-10 hours a day. His appreciation and willingness to do what he can to contribute to the household impacts my willingness to do it. If he just sat on his ass barking orders while I did everything I would probably shut it down.

boomcheese44 · 2021-06-27T18:31:15+00:00

I wouldnt mind earning more than him and essentially paying more of the way. He has high romantic value and isnt a bum though. The problem is that women dont want leach husbands/boyfriends. And very rarely will a man not resort to bummery if he knows a women is paying his whole way indefinitely. You have to keep fire under men or they become bums.

rft24 · 2021-06-27T18:36:06+00:00

i mean i’d be okay with doing that temporarily if we needed to or if he really wanted to do something that requires him to remain unemployed for some time. i don’t think i could do something like that for longer than a few years, and i would only be willing to do something like that for my husband; and only because i don’t believe in divorce.

i would still respect him and i wouldn’t belittle him, but i’m sorry to admit that i do think it would emasculate him to some degree in my mind.

to me, the masculine is the provider. if i’m providing, then i’m basically taking a big part of that role. now if we’re doing 50/50, that’s different; but i’m assuming the woman is fully providing in your scenario.

doesn’t mean i wouldn’t love him anymore or still want to be with him, just means i’d see him a little differently. idk why, i’m still trying to figure out the deeper reason why i feel this way.

and i’m sorry to say, but i would not want to be with a man i have to provide for. the idea of that just seems weird and unnatural to me. not judging people who do it or anything, what works for you works for you; i’m just saying i, personally, don’t like that dynamic.

miketrance · 2021-06-27T18:52:27+00:00

most men naturally love supporting their wives or at least feel indifferent about it

I'm gonna disagree with you here. Men don't like supporting their wives they like reciprocal relationships. If that's reciprocated with her doing domestic stuff, or being there for him career wise then he isn't supporting her completely it's symbiotic.

I make significantly more than my wife does and even though I wouldn't notice and could pay outside people to take over all that she does I wouldn't be happy about her not pulling her own weight. Luckily my wife is a good person who's genuinely interested in being in a healthy relationship.

thelajestic · 2021-06-27T20:10:55+00:00

If I earned enough for him to quit work I'd agree to it in a heartbeat - this is something we've already discussed a lot and is something I'm aiming to do if possible. He was furloughed most of this year so far, and he had very little work on for most of last year. It was really, really nice having him around the house all the time and we're both gutted he's had to go back to work now.

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-06-27T20:28:02+00:00

I’m general no; but I would also not date someone that would make significantly less money than me. I would however support my partner if they went back to school (for the duration of the program) and/or became sick and would have to cut back on work.

That said, respect has nothing to do with it. People don’t earn my respect by making a lot of money, but by being great humans.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-06-27T21:05:33+00:00

I do

Aishacryptomoon · 2021-06-27T23:29:21+00:00

I married one. 11 years that I work and he doesn’t. I never looked for a provider. I’ve always provided to myself and make 6 figures a year so I don’t need to look for what I already have. I wanted a sensitive, kind, loyal and committed man, witty, funny and found him! We have been together for 11 years and it’s always just as amazing. He takes care of the family, cooks, do the laundry and iron. The maid does the rest.

FlavFal · 2021-06-27T23:56:11+00:00

Sickness? Yes

Laziness? No

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-06-28T02:26:01+00:00

I outearn my husband but our finances are set up so that we could survive on one of our incomes alone so absolutely I would have no problem with that if he became ill and could not work and/or if we had kids and he wanted to stay at home and raise them and be a full time stay at home parent. Why not?

idiotgirlhaha · 2021-06-28T03:29:49+00:00

If I was financially able and he took care of our house/the kids while I was gone then absolutely!

i_have_a_semicolon · 2021-06-28T03:56:39+00:00

Works for me if he cooks and cleans :)

meltedjuice · 2021-06-28T07:06:40+00:00

Probably not, I’m oriented to be attracted to men who have more drive than I do and who make me feel supported and relaxed so I can be feminine and not worry about providing. But never say never. If i were in a position where I outearned the guy I love by a staggering amount, it would seem ridiculous not to. I can’t say what type of men I would be attracted to were I a multi millionaire. Priorities would undoubtedly change in ways I couldn’t foresee. There are certainly high flyer women -J Lo, Madonna- who don’t have a problem with it and I’ve never been in their position.

Dawn_design · 2021-06-28T08:57:25+00:00

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goatismycopilot · 2021-06-28T11:51:59+00:00

Probably not however that would depend on what that scenario looked.

Sophiatab · 2021-06-29T15:16:59+00:00

It would depend on the reason I am supporting him. If it's because he is disabled and unable to work, no problem. If it's because he has decided to be the homemaker in our relationship and not seek paid employment because he is doing the bulk of unpaid domestic labor and childcare, well, this is kind of my dream relationship, so I would be very supportive of him doing this. However, if it is because he wants to be a lazy jerk and not earn a living, I would be throwing him out, so fast his head would spin into orbit.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-06-27T16:12:43+00:00

Oh, and girls, you will be doing the chores as well. Let's not be PC and pretend like we actually expect them to do chores. This is a simp situation and we should all admit it.

Sure other women will shame you but the joke is on them when their men leave them for a co-worker.

Slipthe · 2021-06-27T14:40:43+00:00

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Slipthe · 2021-06-27T14:44:55+00:00

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layne89 · 2021-06-27T15:35:16+00:00

The only time in which I’d financially support him would be if he was sick for an extended time or trying to take a break.

Otherwise if I supported him financially, it would significantly change the dynamic of our relationship. Now, we have pretty clear responsibilities: he goes to work and comes home to a clean house, home cooked meal, and me being horny and eager to please.

I don’t really wanna be the one to come home to a man that’s doing all the domestic chores; I would see him as less masculine if he was cleaning the bathroom, doing the laundry, cooking, and prancing around in scantly clad clothes waiting to jump me.

richlad · 2021-06-28T11:48:43+00:00

No they'll not.

Women are like wolves, they sense weakness quickly which results in coup.

I know guys who have had accidents because of which they got on wheelchair and their wives wanted to have affair with me so I did fuck them like my wild slut.

What women say doesn't matter the moment you can't dictate her life she will see you as enuch and will find her alpha elsewhere

What they say is the story they want to believe but it's not what happens, her moods dictate her life and only a man who can dictate her moods is one who owns her.

Title	Q4W: Would you support your boyfriend/husband for the rest of your relationship?
Author	Dawn_design
Upvotes	15
Comments	196
Date	June 27, 2021 2:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o8xop0/q4w_would_you_support_your_boyfriendhusband_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-support-your-boyfriendhusband-for.787182 https://theredarchive.com/post/787182

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