"Can't wife a hoe" but, why not?

Taipanshimshon · 2021-08-08T16:27:56+00:00

I've slept with engaged girls and married girls.

I wasn't the first nor the last.

It's not about N count. It's about behavior patterns.

If you don't believe in behavior patterns then serial wife beaters and rapists make terrific husbands.

After all. People change. Right ?

md8716 · 2021-08-08T16:39:28+00:00

The phrase originates from the black community (as evidenced by the use of the word "ho"). It basically means, don't marry a woman that's for the streets.

See, a ho likes to stay out all night, drink, party, have fun and hook up. She enjoys her sexual freedom and is highly attracted to and keeps the company of alphas. She probably looks very attractive.

So when a dude marries a ho, she will sit there, put on the mask and pretend to be a wife for a limited time during the honeymoon period. But eventually the facade cracks and she starts going back to her ho ways. Because she can't stop being a party girl. The streets call to her, and she must follow. So she goes back to being a ho, placing herself in sexually charged situations, despite the fact it's now obviously inappropriate and disrespectful to do so as a married woman.

She is also definitely not fit to be a decent mother. I've seen single mom ho's that literally leave their little kids at home all night long to dress to the 9's, hit up the club, get drunk (or high) and hook up with a dude.

So... don't make a ho a housewife. I think the Boondocks episode where Grandad dated a stripper was the perfect example.

ToughAnswers · 2021-08-08T16:35:15+00:00

Committing to girls with sexual history has been a bad experience. Feels icky. Gives me images. I feel no need to justify or rationalize it. It's just not for me.

Of course, it being current year, girls will have sexual history.

So I don't commit

Problem solved

Bandit174 · 2021-08-08T16:20:56+00:00

It can be a variety of reasons.

I think part of it is men might have an innate repulsion towards the idea of committing to a promiscuous woman as a developed protection against cuckholdry.

Part of it is assumption that she is a higher divorce/infidelity risk.

Part of it is ego/male competition in not wanting a woman lots of other guys have had especially men in their social circle.

And part of it can be insecurity. The assumption is that women have a lot more options for casual sex and can afford to be more picky/have higher standards so if you are a relatively average guy and your partner was promiscuous the odds are that most of the guys she casually fucked were some combination of taller, more endowed, more experienced, more dominant, and overall more attractive than you. Guys don't want to feel like they are the stable fallback plan after none of the hotter guys were willing to commit to her.

Jaylen-Gads · 2021-08-08T17:35:28+00:00

Basically this.

Women: We don't like hookups, most women aren't sleeping around.

Men: Good, we do not like promiscuous women.

Women: You're not supposed to say that, you sexist misogynist incel, women are human beings.

EdwardCircumcizehand · 2021-08-08T17:48:21+00:00

Because you will commit and she wont. That’s what it means. Dont try and claim something that’s going to roam, it’s as dumb as trying to claim the wind

Critical-Ad-1344 · 2021-08-08T18:21:46+00:00

Paternity fraud. And partner number correlates with relationship success/failure.

CraptainToad · 2021-08-08T17:30:50+00:00

I'd much rather not date a woman who has a history of poor partners that treat her terribly. They have underlying issues that lead them to pick out these kinds of men that I don't wanna deal with. Not to mention the very real possibility that they'll go back to them. I'm comfortable being single so it's just not worth the hassle.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-08-08T22:11:28+00:00

Promiscuous women have higher divorce rates, lower relationship satisfaction, higher infidelity rates (and therefore higher paternity fraud rates), higher instances of mental illness, higher instances of personality disorders, higher instances of STI's...

What more reasons could you possibly want?

There's an evolutionary aspect to it also in that women who have been sleeping around previously may already be pregnant which means her new boyfriend can be stuck raising another man's offspring and wasting his time and resources thinking it's his kid - this is why men like virgin women. Now you can say this is illogical but it's more logical than women's obsession with a man's height and broad shoulders but we just have to accept that because it's how women are programmed.

There's a romantic aspect of this also, experiencing something new together as a couple strengthens the bond and makes a relationship more special. If a man plans a romantic trip to Paris for his woman, and she finds out he's done the exact same trip with his 10 previous girlfriends, the trip probably isn't going to be feel as special. Same applies to a woman who has been seeded by 30 men in her past.

John_Oakman · 2021-08-08T18:21:40+00:00

Being a hoe and being a wife (the substance rather than just the title) requires very different set of skills and mentality. Just as it's hard for middle age people who were suddenly laid off and forced to switch careers/professions, it is also difficult for promiscuous people to make the transition...

poppy_blu · 2021-08-08T18:41:47+00:00

No it just means a person who needs the constant high of new partners and can’t constrain themselves probably isn’t the best bet for a LT marriage.

This is common sense and a pretty stanadsrd view in the RL world. It gets skewed here because so many man are totally clueless about how RL people live and/or project their resentment at not getting laid on women who are more experienced than them.

Therefore on PPD:

the town bike is a woman who’s had 4 partners
unpublished “studies” where novice college kids and Christian funded organizations try to claim women who’ve had sex before marriage are “unhappy” reign

I mean if you think about it, you can understand why men who get rejected by sluts hate them with such vitriol. A woman who fucks indiscriminately and still won’t fuck you is probably a huge blow to the self esteem. And to them a “slut” morphs into any woman with more experience than them.

To me the question is whether someone who needs that high (which is NOT the same as a single person who just enjoys having sex with people they’re attracted to) can curb or change that instinct. Multiple theories are out there claiming that love can change it, getting it out of your system while young can change it, mental fortitude can change it, etc. I can’t say for sure. I know that i wouldn’t marry a man who was a ho because I’d be skeptical of his ability to overcome the drive.

wtknight · 2021-08-08T16:29:54+00:00

It's a question of loyalty. The more partners that a woman has had, and the more easily that she separated from such partners (a woman who had several long-term relationships is going to be looked at more favorably than one who has only had a lot of casual sex), the more men are going to distrust her loyalty. This is biologically important due to men's innate fear of being cuckolded.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-08-08T18:08:26+00:00

To be fair, you also can't "husband a fuckboi"

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-08-08T21:15:23+00:00

You can’t wife/husband a highly promiscuous person with no genuine desire to change their lifestyle, that much is true. Some people will always need the variety of multiple partners... usually it’s men who are like this. However, the problem is that “hoe” is a highly subjective term that usually is reflective of a man’s anger and insecurity rather than anything real.

just_a_place · 2021-08-08T21:49:24+00:00

The assumption is that hoes will be hoes. Men are apprehensive about taking those type of girls seriously because of the baggage they come with and the extremely high risk of flight - she is not going to stay put and will soon want to jump to another man.

Also, those type of girls aren't exactly projecting youth and beauty anymore. They are world weary and often cynical about life and do not have the capacity to feel true love anymore.

Men don't want hoes as partners for the same exact reason women don't want fuckboys as partners.

Sad_Top1743 · 2021-08-08T21:55:31+00:00

a woman can still like sex and be horny in the context of a relationship. Men like women that are sexual with them, not someone who partakes in flings with hot guys

ohdiddly · 2021-08-08T17:22:43+00:00

They say it’s better not to even know, but… my ex asked my sexual history. I told her (not many), and she instantly clammed up. I didn’t ask but I got the feeling she didn’t actually know. I didn’t worry about it too much, but she did.

Her jealousy and (completely unfounded) suspiciousness spiraled uncontrollably from there, for whatever reason. It was like her own insecurities took over complete control and she just knew I was going to cheat because…? Idk? She thought I thought she was worth less because of her past? Or that I was going to see cheating as just leveling our counts?

tl;dr I don’t think that standard is held just in the male mind. I think promiscuous people always see themselves as promiscuous.

Edit: I do know promiscuous, good looking men who have this double-standard though. They realize the hypocrisy, but don’t care. And why should they? Hoes will fuck them, then they’ll marry a virgin if they want to, anyway.

ArtNo6372 · 2021-08-08T18:45:44+00:00

"it's just slut shaming "

No, it is slut shaming (which is good eitherway ( fuck boys aswell) ) but it's also true. A whore is much less likely to make for a good loyal partner

Hoopy223 · 2021-08-08T17:58:59+00:00

Guys wife up hoes all the time just like women have kids with dumbass guys. Attraction is a weird thing, its not logical, and sometimes its a terrible idea but thats life.

jasonology09 · 2021-08-08T18:44:19+00:00

My interpretation is that if a woman is predisposed to promiscuity, trying to make her monogamous is a futile enterprise. Which I don't disagree with, as the saying goes, "you can't turn an outside cat, into an inside one".

At the same time though, that attitude is dismissing the possibility that people can, and often do, change. In my 20's, I had no interest in a serious, long-term, monogamous relationship. But now that I'm older, sleeping around holds less and less appeal to me. I value the other benefits of a committed relationship more.

Personally, I have no interest in knowing someone's sexual history (provided they are disease free, etc.). I'm in no position to judge someone else's history, just as no one is in any position to judge mine. It's none of my business.

CarHungry · 2021-08-08T18:53:19+00:00

Well I mean, you can wife a woman who had a history of cheating, or similar behavior, and hell, you can even raise another man's kid. That's your choice or whatever, my choice is not to do that stuff, so why shame me for it? If anything you're just enabling the mentality that makes people think they can do shitty things and get away with it. You're essentially training someone to create victims.

Gofishingrn · 2021-08-08T18:54:26+00:00

Generally 304/high body count = can’t pair bond.

AlienFix · 2021-08-08T19:35:30+00:00

From personal experience and from learning about the experiences of other people, dont marry a woman with a wide sexual history, they might be very determined and say that they are ready for marriage but not for the ups and downs of the marriage.

There is a big chance you will regret your decision on trusting she is ready.

When are they going to be ready? After menopause, and after making their life a disaster because of their own bad decisions.

JumboJetz · 2021-08-08T19:36:23+00:00

This is nothing but a historical meme spread during a time where religion tried to control peoples sexualities a lot more.

A woman that has had many sexual partners can absolutely go on to become an excellent and faithful wife if that’s what you want. With the ease by which sex an come by these days any man that doesn’t want to marry a woman that’s had a number of sex partners will likely end up single forever.

nofap_champ · 2021-08-08T21:02:24+00:00

That you shouldn't marry a woman who isn't a virgin? or has had multiple sex partners? Or just a woman who thoroughly enjoys sex?

Could mean all/any of that. Depends on the guy.

Anyway i will give my opinion.

I dont think a hoe is just a girl who had a few partners. I think a hoe is seen as a girl/woman who has had many partners like more than 10 or 20 partners depending on her age. A lot more than her peers and is usually easier than your average girl to get into bed.

I wholeheartedly agree that you cannot make a girl like that your wife. 1. because guys dont want to be with a woman who has been around. And 2. Because we also dont think she can be a good wife or mother.

Men have a different sexual appetite compared to women. We find a lot more of a variety of women attractive enough to sleep with than women do men. But this doesnt mean we would want to be with most of them. The standards for "wife" is much higher than for "sex partner". I guess this is where a lot of the confusion comes from. Most men do not want to be with a girl who has slept with many men. Its pretty much out of the question.

The other thing is that women who sleep around a lot in my experience have weaker boundaries. Sleeping around a lot doesnt make them stronger it makes them easy. Thats not something we want in a wife/mother. That means she is more likely to cheat and probably more likely to endanger the kids.

Its just not a desirable quality. You can make the same assumption for men who get desperate and go for hookers or do some foul/non consentual type stuff. Thats also seen as weak. But when a guy gets girls because he has game its different. That actually takes effort and talent so he doesnt get the same bad rep. If anything it makes him look stronger.

Thats why there is a double standard. And i think my two points explain my reason why guys dont wanna wife hoes.

girlindolor · 2021-08-08T21:37:48+00:00

I find it cute that these men think virginity makes a woman better at pair bonding when i'm a virgin woman who have 10 million mental issues that make me unable to be in a relationship. I don't think virginity is what matters most when it comes to ability to pair bond. Dating women who had a lot of casual sex are fair to avoid, for reasons already stated in this thread. But a woman who had sex with a few men within committed relationships who has a secure attachment style and has never been in an emotionally abusive relationship before will be a much easier and better pair bonding partner than a virgin woman with mental issues

michekapotszarini · 2021-08-08T22:28:46+00:00

I’m a responsible “hoe”. You can have great sex and not comprise anything else in your life. What’s all this crap about men “giving” some kind of lifestyle? You must feel powerful talking like that. So much stupid in the world. Gosh.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-08-09T13:52:36+00:00

On one hand, it is used as an explanation of Madonna-Whore thinking, used by guys to explain away their lack of affection for women they sleep with.

On the other hand, it describes women like Nelson Munz mother in the Simpsons, who's dis-functional relationships with men impact her son, Nelson, turning him into a bully at school.

stam84 · 2021-08-08T16:41:31+00:00

First of men who sleep with a lot of women is not the same as women sleeping with a lot of men. A man has to put effort in getting women women simply have to say yes. I understand some men have it easy but most don't.

Women having these discussions always take thing to an extreme. " what wrong with a woman who has a lot of partners she is sexually compatible with you, they want a virgin". No, there's a difference between a woman who rides the carousel and a woman who maintainsong relationships and has one or two fwb in between.

One 19 year old on reddit started to worry about her body count. She's 19 and already slept with 45 guys (yuck) what high value man would turn her into a wife when he can get a woman who isn't used up? No man want to introduce a woman like that as his girlfriend or wife unless he's low hanging fruit himself.

Besides some women who sleep around have past chdhood trauma which has been unchecked. Marrying a woman like that is a future train wreck. Men with trauma generally act out violently or rebellious because they can not just choose a women and randomly sleep around, whereas women can do that with men. Stop comparing men and women as being the same, we are not!!!!!

Jaylen-Gads · 2021-08-08T17:34:34+00:00

Marrying a woman with a huge sexual past is not a good idea, some numerous studies and data explain why that is not a good decision as well. Just because you marry a woman who had a huge sexual past does not mean you are getting to have an amazing sex life, that is quite the opposite because a women's sexuality is determined by how sexually attractive her partner is. And the idea that women with a low n count don't like sex that much is a huge fallacy that women like to throw around because they can't fathom the idea that a woman can like sex but doesn't need to sleep with everyone in the whole fucking town.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex and having multiple partners if that's your kind of lifestyle, but they're just not for me though, and most mm don't them 👍

VanderLinde6000 · 2021-08-08T16:19:21+00:00

Because a woman with more than 10 sexual partners is more disposed to be unfaithful and her ability to pair bond with a man is decreasing. It is an overlooked, outright shamed truism by the modern feminist-inclined narrative that women suffer irrevocably from too much sex with too many partners. Something goes numb in them, something suffers unrecoverable damage. Don't ask me what exactly. It's probably a matter of biochemistry, but even without knowing what exactly is causing this, you can still see the results on an empirical, macro-structured level.

It is an unfairness of gender dynamics that just has to be accepted. Men and women are not the same. Men pursue as many women as they can, women choose the best suitable partner for their offspring. Only through contraception women now have the artificial ability to have a more male mating behavior.

This is not just puritanism, or just 'slut- shaming' for the sake of it.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-08-08T17:16:51+00:00

the expression is "you cant turn a hoe into a housewife" which i agree with--YOU cant turn her into it, she however can turn herself into one

TomorrowsWar · 2021-08-08T16:34:30+00:00

It’s jealousy and insecurity. They don’t want to feel like a cuck (even tho that’s an increasingly common fetish), they’re worried about what other people will think, they want to feel special, afraid they’ll not be good enough to not cheat on, and they’re mad women can go outside for a few mins and get sex while that have to work so hard.

Mimoxs · 2021-08-08T18:03:51+00:00

The right guy can but most men are aware they are not that guy

And the men that are that guy tend to enjoy it

Orange_Paisley · 2021-08-08T16:08:57+00:00

It’s based on that paranoia that if a woman has gasp had sex before she might cheat on you and your child might be some other guy’s kid. I was not a virgin when I had my kid but I knew exactly whose kid it was. Because despite not being a virgin I never cheated on my ex-husband and had not had sex with anyone but him in like 2 years before we conceived. I didn’t even have any other friends but him at that time which is sad in retrospect… but he isn’t an asshole so he never questioned paternity (also she looks just like him).

ThrowRAmtf · 2021-08-08T17:03:37+00:00

there is something in our brain which is hardwired and cannot change.

Let's call it the "homo sapiens firmware v0.9"

This firmware knows this: if you are a man you need a faithful wife. Not horny, not sex doll, not with a beautiful body... at the end of the day your firmware is telling you to make a baby and to be sure that the baby is yours. the highest quality of a wife is fidelity. In every circumstance. In every aspect. Men have fear of being cheated, because it _happens_.

If you are a woman the firmware is: having sex means having a baby so choose carefully because pregnancy is hard, birthing is hard, raising a child is hard. Choose carefully the father of your baby, choose carefully because every sex act can give you a baby.

the female contraception has changed the software outside but the firmware stays there. immutable.

reluctantly_red · 2021-08-08T17:47:55+00:00

You can't wife a hoe because hoes are in it for the money.

Sluts in love, however, are the best marriage prospects. They fuck you because they're actually into you.

M_LaSalle · 2021-08-08T19:55:36+00:00

It's really not slut shaming, it's just an attempt at practical advice. You can't wife a woman in an age of no fault divorce laws that disadvantage men. A hoe will be faster to divorce rape you since her history indicates that she will leave a man sooner than most, but marriage is no longer a good deal for men. With the hoe it's more obvious and the cost of the mistake will come due sooner.

NarniaFox · 2021-08-08T16:16:25+00:00

I guess people who believe in it think that a high n-count woman can't be a good wife. Because reasons. They use some studies that show that higher n-count lead to higher divorce risks and lower marital satisfaction levels, but it's correlations and not causation. I'd guess that some high n-count people of both genders just aren't cut out for LTRs and marriage, but it doesn't mean that all of them aren't.

From the other hand, I also don't agree with the idea that low n-count women necessarily have lower libido or are strictly into vanilla sex. Again, there might be some correlation, but it isn't always causation. Some just got lucky and met their spouse early on.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-08-08T20:36:24+00:00

Because a woman is property and a guy buying used goods is low rent. Like he's buying a woman that another man didn't want to keep.

If the woman had such good wife qualities why didn't the previous guy keep her?

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onenitemareatatime · 2021-08-08T17:47:39+00:00

A few folks have already hit the nail on the head but I’ll add my explanation.

It’s about behavior patterns.

So these behaviors are specific to women in the dating pool.

I today’s western cultures women are giving so much freedom that they can take the very best parts from several different men that they keep in rotation and live at an unreasonably elevated level thru what is basically other people means via pooling of resources.

Then, when this gets older, she looks at settling down. The problem comes in when she has to settle down with ONE man that is also within her league. The problem is that one man within her league doesn’t possess ALL of the things that she has become accustomed to.

So, now she feels like she’s settling, no one person seems to meet her standards. meanwhile she’s asking one man to turn himself and his finances inside out to provide a lifestyle she is comfy with, that was really only possible because she was feeding off several different men.

So now I’ll pause. The area I live is probably an outlier, but I have soooo many stories about this playing out. Sure by Reddit standards personal accounts don’t matter but let me tell you, it’s real. Briefly, many many many years ago, I had a part time retail job. Dating and it’s stories were often a subject of conversation while we closed or had spare time. During one of the conversations it was striking to me how different our view of dating was. For me the process was always very negative, lots of effort and money for nothing or very little benefit. Her words “ I LOOOooOoVE dating! Lots of dinners, drinks, activities, and I don’t need to have any money!” Now bear in mind, we were both fairly average looking individuals, but our experience dating couldn’t have been more different.

I have another anecdotal current story but I’ll save it for later.

Also this doesn’t apply to all women. Men don’t say this to universally apply to all women.

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2021-08-09T05:59:14+00:00

What makes a hoe is her need for attention, and willingness to use her sexuality to get it.

The moment you don't give her enough attention, of which there is no such thing, she will go looking for more.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-08-08T16:54:02+00:00

Title	"Can't wife a hoe" but, why not?
Author	ohdiddly
Upvotes	0
Comments	316
Date	August 8, 2021 4:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/p0ha5s/cant_wife_a_hoe_but_why_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cant-wife-a-hoe-but-why-not.963004 https://theredarchive.com/post/963004

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