Am I getting screwed ?

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-11-15T00:11:08+00:00

50/50 custody

Add your debts and divide by 2 Add your assets and divide by 2 That included the house and retirement.

That’s what each of you get.

Then , go to your states child support calculator and that will tell you what she’ll pay you.

Then spousal support. A common formula is one year of support for every 3 years of marriage. So, you should be getting about 5+ years of spousal support. Yes, she pays you.

This is what you’ve got coming. Don’t believe me? Reverse the genders and post in the divorce or legal subreddits and see what advise you get.

edr5619 · 2023-11-15T00:24:11+00:00

You're only getting screwed if you let her screw you. Fight back.

Her demands are unreasonable - laughable, even - especially alimony for herself.

The only thing she might get is more custody since at 16 your daughter might get a say in the matter and decide for herself where she wants to spend the majority of the time.

MaitreGrandiose · 2023-11-15T00:39:22+00:00

Yes, at lightspeed with 0 lubrication. Refer to u/revolutionarylaw8854 's comment

junkmailbox121 · 2023-11-15T01:42:37+00:00

That’s just her opening offer so don’t agree to it. It’s like when you go to buy a car the salesman will come back with an awful deal to test the waters.

Her offer is so lopsided it’s a joke. Any assets that were accumulated during the marriage should be split along with debts as a starting point. Depending on your state you should then look at who would be responsible for child support and if possible spousal support. Get an attorney that is familiar with your county’s judges. Don’t settle for her quick and easy split and take it to trial if needed.

muttonchap · 2023-11-15T01:51:19+00:00

Big ‘ol pineapple textured butplug coming your way if you let it.

probebeta · 2023-11-15T01:48:46+00:00

50/50 custody and nothing less, it's your kids and this is the mountain you die on. Everything gets split in half and you're even entitled to spousal support probably. I don't understand why these entitlements are not ok for men but they're perfectly fine for women to ask for. Do not bend over for this woman. If tables were turned she'd go for all of it, guaranteed!

Crushed_95 · 2023-11-15T01:45:15+00:00

And also. Do not move out YOUR house before the divorce is final.

MidniteOG · 2023-11-15T00:15:09+00:00

Idk your jurisdiction, but you have rights to your house, material things and daughter. I fitness forsee any alimony coming from you, as she makes double what you do and may very well have to pay you. Seek. Council

Legitimate-Match2675 · 2023-11-15T11:50:18+00:00

And you get half the house. If she wants you out, she has to refi and pay you your half of the equity.

New-Ad3709 · 2023-11-15T02:50:13+00:00

2nd getting an attorney ASAP

Decon_SaintJohn · 2023-11-15T03:35:42+00:00

A common tactic of any negotiation, and that's exactly what a divorce is, is to ask for everything and more upfront. Nothing is set in stone until a judge signs the papers. Negotiate for everything. Never split the difference.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-11-15T13:26:38+00:00

You are absolutely getting screwed but that is the nature of being a married man in divorce. This is why I tell all young men to never get married. My advice to you as an old man (59 next month) and the father to a daughter about to finish college.

> Give up on custody. Your daughter is 16. In 2 years she can visit you if she wants. I know it tears your heart out but that's what happens to men in family court.

> The house - get an appraisal. Get the appraised value minus any mortgage. She can keep the family home but has to pay you 50% of the net equity.

> Child support - she's your daughter, you just gotta pay.

> Cars - hell no, she gets one, you get one.

> Alimony - she earns more, she should pay YOU. Tell her - 'you make way more, I will pay you zero alimony but I won't ask for any alimony from you'.

Lawyers NEVER represent their clients. They represent themselves and ONLY themselves. They will bankrupt both of you.

Try to meet her in a neutral place over coffee and talk about this like mature reasonable adults. Or try arbitration - - way cheaper than lawyers.

Good luck.

smiddy0922 · 2023-11-15T01:54:21+00:00

You need to find the top family law attorney in your area, even if you don't retain. And then find the next 5 top family law attorneys for consultation. Like as soon as you see they are open.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-11-15T02:13:40+00:00

She's screwed lol you got her by the short and curlies, you're gonna make out pretty good in this, hire a lawyer and sit back relax and be a good father and don't leave the house

samk002001 · 2023-11-15T01:29:37+00:00

50/50 for every thing! Of course she’s gonna ask for the moon. Also, ask for alimony from her end as a bargaining chips in case the deal of 50/50 didn’t turn out to be in your favor. She’s asking for a divorce, so let her have one and don’t take anything less. Love the equality playing favor on the mans end!

upfnothing · 2023-11-15T02:36:02+00:00

Yes. Get a lawyer ASAP. No more Mr. Nice Guy. She lost respect for you as a man along the way. It’s time you remind her exactly how cutthroat you can be.

Kenny_Power55 · 2023-11-15T03:39:17+00:00

You need to get a lawyer asap. Don’t get walked over, take care of yourself.

Wild_Debt_8065 · 2023-11-15T13:21:47+00:00

Get a lawyer now. That’s a pretty good deal for her. You need to protect yourself. Absolutely fight hard for custody to be split.

FUMoney · 2023-11-15T14:32:18+00:00

You NEED a lawyer ASAP. Her "offer" is a total ripoff. Do NOT agree to this.

anthonyhceo · 2023-11-15T15:25:43+00:00

GET A LAWYER. Based on what you shared, and the fact that you are male, you've got everything to lose by not retaining a lawyer. Fight for 50% custody, you need to be there for your daughter as she enters adulthood. Your wife will pay you child support, spousal and you'll sell and split all assets, including house, cars, etc. If you don't get a lawyer, she'll find a way to screw you.

I am not a lawyer, don't care too much for that profession but I would never represent myself in court, especially family court.

FatihKilic · 2023-11-15T02:54:19+00:00

What she is asking for shows how heartless and cold she truly is. Get an attorney if you value time with your kids and get half the assets.

SECTION31BLACK · 2023-11-15T05:12:50+00:00

Yes she's trying to screw you over.

Don't settle for what she's offering you, you are entitled to 50/50 on everything. get an attorney!

IT IS SUPER UNREASONABLE for her to be asking for all of that. you are the lower income earner, so she is going to be paying you child support and alimony! You should not be paying her! Based on what she is greedily asking for, you should hire an attorney ASAP! ask for temporary orders for child support and alimony ASAP

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-11-15T06:22:37+00:00

She can wish for whatever she wants, but most likely all your assets together will be divided up. No, you won't leave with just the shirt on your back or zero proceeds from a 350k house unless you just cave in and not fight. Lawyer up and take your portion.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-11-15T07:46:09+00:00

That's a very greedy and unreasonable offer by her, which will not only leave you with nothing but saddle you with max child support obligations for the next 3+ years depending on the state. The bloodsucker is in your house, not in the lawyer's office.

If anyone should be getting alimony, it's you. Joint custody with her paying support. Sell the house and split the equity. What about her credit card debt?

Make sure you do all you can to secure yourself financially before she pulls some nasty shit.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2023-11-15T12:22:47+00:00

Update. She dropped her demands for full custody, alomony and child support. She is holding firm on the rest. She hinted that she could dip into my inheritance but I live in Ohio and inheritance is not considered marital property. I inherited a house but sold it to my son so I don't think she can get that. Also she still wants half my retirement but yet she cashed in ans spent her 401 a few years ago. I know a bit of of it is personal. She wants me out so her kids that don't work can move in. Hate to say this but one reason I want to sell the house is to keep them out of this house. They have maneuvered this between us for years.

iSurvivedltd · 2023-11-15T13:26:23+00:00

Tell her to fuck herself and ask her if the tables were turned would she agree to a deal to that. If she says no, ask her if she would instruct her daughter or one of her kids to accept that deal.

She doesn't get to call the shots pal.

Get a lawyer and do this the right way.

xjeeperx · 2023-11-15T02:36:00+00:00

Nah, fight that. Just keep control of yourself, no arguing, get a recorder or security cameras to defend against accusations of abuse and be a gray rock.

Don’t settle for less than 50/50 custody. She should pay you child support, and you should get half the equity in the home and one car.

She’s delusional if she thinks she will get more than 1/2. And you’re a sucker if you let her.

ruintheirday · 2023-11-15T02:55:24+00:00

Get a lawyer. Start talking to some. Explain the huge difference in income. You'll do fine. You have to lawyer up. My ex made similar demands and makes double what I make. I ended up keeping the house and 50/50 split custody. I carry health and dental insurance. She pays for the majority of sports. I pay for winter sports. I did sue her in civil court for slander, loss of income, pain and suffering and won 🤣 I was petty asf but thats an entirely different story. Again. Lawyer. I would of been fucked without won. If you can't afford one reach out to the bar association for a reduced rate, reduced retainer pro Bono.

Positive-War3957 · 2023-11-15T03:23:31+00:00

I still don't understand why American men can't push politicians to vote a law to legalize Polygamy. This is the only solution to cure this madness from the female folk. Africans are polygamous and that keeps women at their place.

Wishing you the best buddie.. lawyer up, hit the gym, be a good father and don't leave the house just yet

Metabater · 2023-11-15T06:21:51+00:00

Yes you are getting screwed. Hard. With no lube. Don’t move out, hire a lawyer asap.

leegiovanni · 2023-11-15T00:05:58+00:00

It’s hard to give you advice because laws vary by country and by state. I’m guessing you’re American because you’re not aware that there are other countries in the world.

Given this assumption, and my knowledge of the fact that Britney Spears paid alimony, you could well be due spousal support. And there is no way you are getting that without a lawyer. Since your STBX is being unreasonable, there is no reason not to engage one. The only good reason not to engage one is when your STBX is being amicable AND more than fair.

ConclusionBorn · 2023-11-15T07:49:32+00:00

Even if you get screwed on assets, don’t give up on your kid!

mubacalypse23 · 2023-11-15T01:49:13+00:00

You have no leverage. Take the L she has already monkey branched off to the new bigger better guy. Investment phase complete now she’s going to rug pull and take everything. You have 2 options go your way or get re married again like a goof ball. Either way legal fees will run you $100K after all said and done and if you’re under 45 you have a chance to rebuild however over 45 you’re done.

GadtheAnton · 2023-11-15T06:03:13+00:00

She wants a "quick and easy divorce" because she knows you will win if you push it. A lot of times, it makes sense to back down. This is not one of those times.

metalmaniak68 · 2023-11-15T13:04:04+00:00

Like others have said on here, 50/50 custody split, child support and spousal maintenance according to the calculator, fair split on all debts and equity.

The one thing you have working for you is you both have to pay your own attorney so the mindset you need to have and in some way make her believe is either get it don’t quick, fair, and cheap…….or you both go broke fighting. It’s one or the other, no in-between.

tropical_human · 2023-11-15T16:12:35+00:00

Get a lawyer and make sure you take whatever is your right. Don't do the silly "I am a man, I can't be paid by a woman". The mere fact that she is trying to make you pay her alimony shows that she would take you to the cleaners if she could. So make sure to take every penny from her that is legally due to you by law.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-11-15T17:00:06+00:00

Yeah, you're getting screwed. Start with the assumption that you get half of everything including physical and legal custody. Then add alimony.

I wouldn't personally collect alimony. It's evil incarnate not matter who pays or collects. But I wouldn't hesitate to use it as a bargaining chip if someone was unreasonably trying to take my children away from me. And I'd carry through on principle if there was enough friction (say she dragged it out / it cost above $20k in lawyer fees).

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-15T17:05:07+00:00

You're a man getting divorced. Yeah, you're screwed.

Special_Profit4509 · 2023-11-15T22:36:20+00:00

You are, get spouse suport and 50% of property and accounts. This is coming from a guy who trusted his stbe and she took everything, destroyed my family heirlooms and claimed abuse, infidelity and financial fraud to win

Physical-Shame738 · 2023-11-22T07:58:18+00:00

on what legal grounds is she claiming to sue you for divorce? unless she has grounds to dissolve the marriage (as marriage is a business contract), she can demand what she wants but she ain't gonna get it. unless she has proof of you violating the terms (each state is different, so you need to find out for your state what the legal grounds are to petition/sue for divorce). Unless you have done something to violate whatever those grounds may be and she has proof, the best she can hope for might be seperation. Unless you are willing to agree to a No Contest divorce judgement...and from the list of demands that you state she presented to you about what she expects to get at the end of this, that is exactly what she is expecting you to do.she is expecting that you will concede to her outrageous demands because you think this will be in her favor.

First, have you been served with divorce paperwork? If no, that's fine. You should do nothing . Do not file a countersuit. If she has no legal standing to sue for divorce and you file a countersuit, a judge can issue a joint judgement based on conbatative nature of both parties.

Second doesn't matter what she thinks or demands as settlement - only what you agree to. If she files suit for divorve, especially with no grounds, burden of proof is on her. Otherwise, she might be able to get a legal seperation (but technically you are both still married, but living apart). and if that happens, fine. she makes more than you, she can move out - she can afford it. since she has no legal grounds, she can also pay you alimony (yes, that is actually a thing and possible to do). Your daughter is still a minor (although at 16 she could get herself declared an emancipated minor) but if your relationship with her is solid, you should petition for primary parental custody. she wants a divorce? fine - she can plan weekly visitation around your schedule - oh, she can also pay you child support until your daughter reaches the age of legal adulthood (yes that is also possible to do).

Don't agree to anything, don't have conversations with her regarding outcomes unless you have a lawyer sitting next to you and certainly DO NOT GIVE HER A NO CONTEST DIVORCE unless the outcome variables are the ones that you set and fall in your favor. It is possible to do - you just can't hold onto emotion or think that things may go back to normal. unfortunately, this is the sort of chess game you have to play ruthlessly and to win. she already assumes that you will roll over and play dead - allowing her to set the terms and make demands. tell her to shove it by no letting her steamroller you.

Good luck man...

Title	Am I getting screwed ?
Author	Embarrassed-Safe-670
Upvotes	41
Comments	81
Date	November 14, 2023 11:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17vg272/am_i_getting_screwed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-getting-screwed.1238502 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238502

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