Did you regret getting divorce?

DudeforRighteousness · 2024-10-20T12:28:15+00:00

I regret that she didn’t turn to God and repent of her wrongdoing and choose to reconcile. I did. God changed me, she is the same as ever.

ideastoconsider · 2024-10-20T04:13:27+00:00

My ex became insufferable over a decade and covid lockdowns made me realize that no amount of house or nice things make up for a lack of physical and emotional connection to your spouse.

While I miss seeing the kids every day, the ability for them to see me at my best and for our time to be as high quality as I want for them when I see them makes it worthwhile.

I’ve been dating someone for over a year that my kids enjoy, who makes me feel appreciated, and who I enjoy spending time with even if to go to the grocery store.

Life is too short and you owe it to your children to model a happy, fulfilling, and healthy life.

A year later, my ex is also dating someone, and she is just as insufferable as the day we divorced. Even with new relationship challenges and splitting time with the kids, I know for certain I could not and would not go back in time and change anything.

Fight for equal time with your children if you divorce. Nothing else matters in comparison. You can rebound financially etc., but parenting time your kids is immeasurable to both you and your kids, and it is so much easier to reach a fair agreement during the divorce than after.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-10-20T01:48:41+00:00

Hell no the only regret I have is being nice in the beginning of the divorce, maybe if I went on the offensive this wouldn't be still dragging out after almost two years .

Chicago_Saluki · 2024-10-19T23:36:38+00:00

the onlly regret I have is that I didn’t insist on getting more than half. She wanted the divorce and I made it too easy. We did a no fault and divided everything trightt down the middle. In the end, I’m set for life but now I’m just irritated

david10277 · 2024-10-19T21:23:52+00:00

Mine had an affair after 30yrs

She Got caught

She Filed

Got half my shit

Gets SS and CS for my daughter totaling 4k monthly

Cost me 80k in legal fees on useless back and forth

Now living my best life, sugaring girls , dating some vanilla oned and have 2 subs which please me anyway I want.

All that and I love my life now...im I totally healed.. no but that's never gonna happen. Rebuild your life exactly how you want it to ..will I get remarried..nope will I settle down with one women..maybe but dont need that now , I dont have to..build life where women just want to part of the adventure. They will adjust accordingly.

regrets no, just make sure ur kids can survive it ..that's the main thing u need to stay focused on while your healing..but in retrospect..i should have done it 10yes ago. But I refused to see her defect .

You live and learn..

No-Profit-1027 · 2024-10-19T20:20:11+00:00

I regret the agony that we are putting the kids through. I regret the fact that she is so cavalier about the situation. I regret the fact that she destroyed our family. Could I have changed some things on my part? Absolutely. She found it easier to take the divorce route because she is getting cash and prizes. No real consequences for her other than not seeing her children half of the time. I put up with a lot of things over time just to ensure stability for the kids. No infidelity or violence was involved. She felt she missed out on some adventures by being married.

Interesting-Doctor-5 · 2024-10-19T20:06:12+00:00

Yes, i regret that we didnt divorce earlier!

Puzzleheaded_Fun4421 · 2024-10-19T14:29:01+00:00

I don’t regret it but I wish I had listened to my gut earlier in the marriage when the red flags were there but I ignored them. We moved to the state where her dad lived and that’s when she completely changed and it was only a matter of time before things fell apart. After she cheated I made the mistake of being a simp trying to work it out. When she cheated the second time I finally walked away and since then my mindset has been so much better.

It does hurt that I don’t get to come home to my kids every day and now they have to deal with this mess too. But I’ve been focusing a lot more on myself and my kids. The hardest part is that my kids are so young and they now have to witness their mother be a public restroom.

darealyst · 2024-10-21T16:07:29+00:00

I regretted it for a couple weeks but that's all. She made herself so awful it was easy to move on. Maybe that was intentional on her part the way sick people push their loved ones away.

I regret that my children do not get to grow up in an intact 2 parent house. But that is thriugh her actions not mine.

kimboslice3345 · 2024-10-19T16:34:34+00:00

I see thanks.

CommercialConcern828 · 2024-10-19T15:56:22+00:00

Regret?

Hell no.

I was married to a pure narc.

Lucky to have survived it.

Been smooth sailing and blue skies for the past 3 years 4 months.

Puzzleheaded_Fun4421 · 2024-10-19T14:35:25+00:00

I don’t regret it. What I do regret is that my kids now have to witness their mother be a public restroom and have to deal with her reckless behavior.

drase · 2024-10-19T14:13:39+00:00

My STBX is having movers pack her stuff up literally right now. I feel relief and excitement to be free again and not constantly living in tension and contempt.

Smooth-Sheepherder86 · 2024-10-19T13:36:34+00:00

If she betrayed you, for me, there’s no coming back from that… for me divorce is/was never an option unless there’s something (in my opinion) I consider serious, like abuse/violence and of likes.

My recommendation is if you are of the same opinion and have not done or experienced any serious abuse, please pause, and seriously assess (your) short comings in the marriage before hitting the divorce button: have you let yourself go? Have you stopped courting and dating your wife? Have you stopped helping with the kids? Are you needy or codependent? Are you depressed? Have you tried therapy for you? (not for both of you, just you) “Save the Man and perhaps the marriage can be saved”

I recognized all of my shortcomings after the fact. Had I understood my personal shit on time, the outcome could had been different… make my ex- think twice before she doing what she did.

Unfortunately there was more than just my shortcomings, my ex- betrayed me and completely blindsided me for years… and that is a form of abuse I am was willing to put up with - she broke the family ultimately and it can’t be undone.

Flick1981 · 2024-10-19T13:33:50+00:00

My only regret was getting married in the first place. My divorce was fairly amicable, but he was definitely not the right person for me.

scubaysky · 2024-10-19T12:04:47+00:00

For me, divorce was the last step in many attempts of seeing if it could work. When you deal with a woman who won’t compromise (and many women will not), you either emasculate yourself by staying or be the man you need to be by leaving.

dudefromyork · 2024-10-19T08:54:37+00:00

My regret is not doing it earlier. Wasted a year trying to fix it with couples therapy and “giving it another go” but the truth was our marriage was a busted flush a long time ago. Should have ripped the plaster off sooner.

Truth is I stayed out of fear of being alone rather than any genuine attempt to make the marriage work again. Had I recognised this sooner I would have left sooner.

Therapy on your own is good. Couples therapy much less so.

dnbndnb · 2024-10-19T07:40:29+00:00

Regret the divorce she wanted? No. Regret staying with her as long as I did? Yes. Regret staying with a cheater for the sake of my kids? No. Regret not putting us both into therapy for a year? Yes.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2024-10-19T07:33:01+00:00

Fuuuu no

investthrowaway000 · 2024-10-19T07:17:45+00:00

It is different for everyone, but if I were in your shoes, I would exhaust all avenues to try to fix it.

If it can't be fixed after you've tried everything, then it's time to go.

I have been divorced for almost 3 years and I find myself getting hung up on it still. We are 50/50 custody and the days I don't have my son I just feel empty.

I've done the work and all that stuff, but the feeling of regret and shame like to pop in from time to time.

SouthParkTimmy · 2024-10-19T06:23:53+00:00

Regret? Well I didn’t have a choice really. She filed for separation and I asked her if she really wanted to do this. I told her nobody is putting a gun to her head to do this and she will regret this in the end.

Well here I am 9 months later and we officially separated our finances in August. This last week she told me regrets her decision and is angry how I easily replaced her. I’ve been seeing someone new for last 5 months.

This of course after she found out her boss was not going to leave his wife for her and after sleeping with another man. She tells me that she never wanted a divorce…just needed space. 🙄

I am terribly saddened at the moment that this has destroyed our family. I never wanted this but hey, it was all about her happiness and being a strong independent woman.

SoloUnit2020 · 2024-10-19T06:19:38+00:00

Not at all

Informal_String_2549 · 2024-10-19T05:59:26+00:00

I was super upset when it all happened after she cheated on me once. I tried to work on us only to be strung along for a few months while “she found herself” I now live my life much better. I get our daughter the majority of the time, am dating a girl who truly values me and wants to be around me, and most important actually brings me peace. I can honestly say my ex never did she give me peace over the last 5-6 years. Verbal and emotional abuse took place and I am better without her. I would have said yes fresh in but now I say it was a blessing.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2024-10-19T05:52:09+00:00

I don't regret the divorce, even though I was the problem and she left me for someone else. I met a girl I have vaguely known my whole life. After the divorce I attended a barbecue and she (new girl) was there, and told me she just got divorced too. She was so perfect to me that I was totally shy around her and could hardly look her in the eye. We got married a year later and had a beautiful baby girl a year after that. I regret nothing, in fact the thought of being married to my ex fills me with repulsion. Me and the ex are friends now as well. We also have 2 girls together and they adore my new wife. So my life is now so much better that I think the divorce was the single best thing that has ever happened to me. Dark days have become paradise. No regrets. But I don't believe in coincidences and random life changing events. I believe God saved my life for this amazing future. Oh and the kids will always be fine if they are loved and not pulled into the dirty divorce process. My kids are so happy that I am now happy. Sometimes, divorce is better for everyone. No regrets.

Boomhower113 · 2024-10-19T04:08:18+00:00

You may miss the life you had, but you won’t miss the woman.

Once you go through the hell that is the divorce process, she’ll show her true colors and you REALLY won’t miss her after that.

Gattsama · 2024-10-19T04:02:57+00:00

I filed, no cheating, and no regrets. As others mentioned, I didn't file to see what else was out there; I filed because we were never healthy and not workable. 17 years together, 12 years married, no kids. She was never happy, everything was my fault, we fought frequently, constant attacks and name-calling were directed at me, dead bed the last two years, etc.

She was manipulative and told me to leave. Took off her ring and said don't come back until my vows mean something. So I left. And once out of the house, I had never been more peaceful and stress free. Her telling me to leave was another manipulation tactic, but it blew up in her face. Once out of the situation, I could appreciate how unhealthy we were.

About 2 weeks later, I said we should terminate, and she talked me out of it, and the love bombing began (which by the way, healthy people do not do). That lasted about 2 months before it fell apart. I ultimately filed.

No lie, I was pretty messed up after filing and my sleep is still not recovered. But her actions during the divorced 100% demonstrated why we should not be together.

Some people and relationships are just not workable. And termination is the logical and healthy choice.

Sea_Examination_120 · 2024-10-19T04:01:26+00:00

Emotionally? Not any more. Financially? Not any more.

I don't owe alimony. That's a small miracle after a 20 year marriage in CA. And I've caught up to my pre-divorce savings after scraping by spending as close to zero as I can, maxing out contributions. I lost the home. But honestly, it was not a model home.

No regrets. Life is much better. I think she'd agree. We were horrible together.

yosemitesam00 · 2024-10-19T03:39:19+00:00

I filed, the divorce process was brutal and lasted almost three years. I have not one regret. My life is exponentially better now.

berzerker5000 · 2024-10-19T03:37:28+00:00

She divorced me and I met someone 10x better so I am grateful to be free from that bitter bitch but I miss seeing my kids everyday and they miss me and I wish they didn’t have to experience and live through this pain. But I have no regrets because there is no happiness without pain.

roshi-roshi · 2024-10-19T03:11:09+00:00

I didn’t file. So yes. Unfortunately it’s not my call. I have to move forward with or without her. I’d love to be with her. We could grow so much if we stayed together and worked it out.

Due-Act6417 · 2024-10-19T03:10:34+00:00

No, she divorced me after she got her green card and being pregnant with another mans baby and having a miscarriage and finding out she was sleeping with someone from her college days, all of this happened while we were still married

Jumpy_Impress8733 · 2024-10-19T02:40:43+00:00

Yes, every day and I asked for it.

P36x9 · 2024-10-19T02:21:46+00:00

Yes I regret…. I regret not doing it earlier. Other than that best thing ever happened to me.

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2024-10-19T02:03:31+00:00

My wife said I abandoned her. Truth is a left to live with my parents while I got the domestic violence charge she put on me dropped. Then she wanted an apology for me leaving and I wouldn’t give it to her.

discardafterusage · 2024-10-19T02:00:40+00:00

I regret the settlement I accepted. I should have gone to trial and slung it out.

Commercial-Doubt-612 · 2024-10-19T01:46:10+00:00

Kinda regret for dragging it longer. Gaslighted everyday but I am gonna keep calm until she blow up herself.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-10-19T01:39:18+00:00

She asked for the divorce. I regret ignoring the red flags prior to marriage which could have prevented this shit year. I’m not perfect nor is she and I imagined I married someone who would put in the work.

ramad84 · 2024-10-19T01:36:22+00:00

regret marrying, not divorce

soontobesolo · 2024-10-19T01:20:20+00:00

I regret waiting as long as I did!

bennyl23 · 2024-10-19T01:16:52+00:00

Ask my wife. Heyoooooo!

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-10-19T01:11:58+00:00

absolutely not. it was her idea and i liked what we had built aswell but the love was gone for me 3 years into our 24 years. i shoulda punched out then. dumbass.

i miss nothing about her. my only kid was out of the house when it happened.

it was painful for a few months. on time during a conversation about splitting things she says to me….how are you so calm about this. cuz i was already fucking my college sweet heart i shoulda never left. lol

it was like being released from prison early.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2024-10-19T01:04:28+00:00

No for a micro second. And it was initially my call. Couldn’t be happier.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-10-19T01:00:04+00:00

I didn't file to see what else was out there.

I filed because she burned us to the fucking ground.

I would have stayed to the bitter end.

groonoak · 2024-10-19T00:57:14+00:00

No ragrets here. I miss having my kid every night but getting away from my abusive, narcissistic, gaslighting ex has done absolute wonders to my mental health.

0neMinute · 2024-10-19T00:55:17+00:00

Most men here didn’t get the choice and i have a feeling you aren’t getting the choice either. Did she bring it up, is she trying to make a we choice while you keep saying no? Its going to be confusing as hell when you realize she already has the next guy lined up

dave2118 · 2024-10-19T00:52:58+00:00

Women walk out for little things. Trust is gone, there’s no turning back.

Title	Did you regret getting divorce?
Author	Holiday_Ad_1669
Upvotes	32
Comments	105
Date	October 19, 2024 12:45 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g6x733/did_you_regret_getting_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-you-regret-getting-divorce.1532825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532825

Comments