Don't Date Men Who Devalue Your Interests

Back in the day as a teen and beyond, I experienced boyfriends telling me my hobbies, interests, and opinions were bad. Even on topics they had zero interest, experience, or knowledge about.

Examples from multiple men:

"Your music sucks"

never asking me about my interests

acting annoyed if I bought myself something nice with my own money (even if it was inexpensive)

acting annoyed if I was playing a video game I liked while he ignored me in the same room

acting annoyed if I told him something I was happy about

rolling his eyes and contemptuously "joking" about how he has to put up with me. Example: "Oh, here we go again" when I was complimented on an item and I briefly told them the story behind it (multiple compliments in one day). Apparently a "thanks, you can get them from this cool company here!" was annoying

comparing me unfavorably to something I liked or mentioned (e.g. comparing my figure to a cartoon character's)

never watching a movie that I would be interested in, we always had to watch things he liked, maybe something we both liked if I was lucky

never acknowledging my accomplishments, even if I was surpassing them academically. I never pointed it out.

taking credit for things I showed him and acting like he invented it

correcting me when I mentioned the name of a band (I had the band name right, and he was wrong 🤡 I showed him on Google and he "corrected" me a SECOND time 🤡)

When I said a particular brand of skincare was good, he proudly, nonchalantly said "wrong." Mind you he had never used the skincare line, he just wanted to tell me "no." I wasn't even suggesting he buy it, I was expressing an opinion about my own experience.

twisting his mouth in a sick Jack Nicholson smile and telling me my eye makeup (which I was very excited about and replicated well from the model's look) was bad

my saying "I look good in red lipstick" followed by an immediate "NO YOU DON'T" from him. He never saw me in red lipstick??

if he deigned to watch a "chick flick" with me, he would talk or do something else distracting so he could say "I didn't like it" at the end.

To clarify, I am not talking about interests against their religious beliefs, interests at risk of physically harming anyone, or anything that could be culturally offensive to a reasonably sensitive person. I am talking about literal benign, inconsequential "small things of life" that make me happy, like a pistachio latte, or a field of daisies. I would never force them to like my interests or mock their interests.

I grew up with some Pickme values. I felt like a "bitch" for being angry, unhappy, and turned off when this happened. I was raised to think this was "normal" and something I had to "put up" with to have a boyfriend. It would not happen all the time, bit even once made me feel repulsed. I would think, "at least he isn't picking apart my body." (Spoiler: it happened sometimes anyway).

You might say, "Fluffs, certainly this trash behavior was from a small sample of men you dated when you were younger, right?" NOPE.

Beware of men on online dating pulling the same exact negging garbage.

Examples I encountered:

Men telling you the thing you like (listed on your dating profile) is stupid, and you should like their version of the thing instead

Men making assumptions about something I like without actually looking it up. Asking a question about it to look "funny," but the laziness and/or contempt is obvious in retrospect.

Men lecturing you about your OKCupid questionnaire: "you don't like anal? Uh, ok weirdo lolololol"

Ladies, this is all misogynistic negging. This is small-minded nonsense peddled by men with one or more of the following: inflated egos, insecurity, low self-esteem, selfishness, self-deceit, jealousy, entitlement, desire to dominate a woman, lack of empathy, seeking a mother figure, seeing women as less than "human," poor family modeling promoting misogyny, etc.

Sure, I met "nice guys" who would not degrade my interests at first. But, they would not assert their opinions and be passive-aggressive later. Surprise, I wouldn't read their mind or find their weakness/lack of an opinion attractive (🤢).

So, when did things turn around for me? Prior to FDS, I met a man who turned out to be LVM, but NEVER knocked my interests. He was a masculine, fit, guy who oozed testosterone. He was nurturing and wildly more attractive than the exes who negged me. He never told me my interests were wrong, never questioned the worth of my interests, and encouraged me to be happy. He was an assertive bloke who readily vocalized things he did not like (e.g. a TV show). The reason he was LVM (among others) was because he was low effort and did not make attempts to romance me beyond the first few months. Hence the eventual demise of the relationship. However, I started to feel very secure and normalized with him. This guy actually wasn't patronizing me or lying to me. For once, I had a man not resent me for being happy about something other than him. We actually could discover interests together in a healthy way. After FDS, I was able to take the positives of our relationship and demand even better for myself!

To the angry male lurkers: this is why we don't want to spend time with you. Hashtag TOO EFFING MANY of you do this, and it's draining. Being an angry little pissnugget is simply going to turn us off forever. We don't want to cater to your whims 24/7 like a newborn. If you feel the need to shit on a happy woman, something is wrong. If you rain on parades like this, you probably have a serious misogyny problem. Leave us alone and engage in some self-reflection. Nobody wants to be friends with, let along date, someone that toxic. Be accountable and take charge of your own life. Learn to be happy for people when they are happy.

Tl;dr: Ladies, a man should be happy for you when you are happy. It is the bare minimum for him to want you to be happy. Walk away and never look back if a guy shits on things you like. Block and delete if he smiles when he sees your face fall. Even if all men had this misogynistic mindset, it is better to be alone than to be with someone who tears you down.