Put yourself first. Always.

DejaBlue_Chump · 2020-06-25T01:08:35+00:00

I had a few guys try to convince me that we didn't need to use condoms because I was on the pill. I immediately dumped them, and they were always, always stunned. Have boundaries, ladies. That is your body they are disrespecting.

Equipoisonous · 2020-06-25T01:41:32+00:00

Men: but it’s harder for me to get off!

Me (who has never gotten off from a guy): 🙄

PicklesNBacon · 2020-06-25T01:12:52+00:00

Guys that don’t want to use condoms because they “hate condoms” are fucking gross

badnewsbroad76 · 2020-06-25T01:24:40+00:00

Unfortunately, these are the same men who would be disgusted at finding out their girlfriend is pregnant (when they could have avoided it by using protection). Why do I keep seeing jokes from men saying they cheer at finding out their girlfriend isn’t pregnant or would run away if she is? You could’ve prevented it but you chose not to. The hypocrisy is too much.

meecy166 · 2020-06-25T02:18:29+00:00

Sad women have been taught to put others needs before ours. I’m glad I am unlearning that now at 20 and I’ve never been happier, I only love myself, care for myself and put myself first and I’m so happy and for the first time in my life I feel fulfilled and I’ve been able to set boundaries and use the word “no” more. How did no one teach me this before 😭

plembb · 2020-06-25T01:02:44+00:00

My mother was chronically ill for 20 years, no one ever knew why. She was basically bed bound and was never able to do normal mom stuff with me and my brother. Then she went through menopause and had her IUD removed. Her illness suddenly vanished.

I will never take hormonal birth control and never use an IUD. Some women are very sensitive to these things and it can permanently cause damage. Condom or no sex.

azngirl7689 · 2020-06-25T01:38:22+00:00

Inspired by this lovely thread where a man thinks it would be easier to get a vasectomy and make his future partner go through the horrificly painful (for her) and time consuming (for her) process of IVF because condoms are a little uncomfortable. Most the comments are just telling him to ask her to get a copper IUD (almost guaranteed to give you horribly heavy and long periods with painful cramps).

Or he could...use a condom? Men who say that they don't have any good BC options are being lazy and disingenuous. They have the most convenient and best type of BC that exists.

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/hduiv5/since_theres_really_no_good_male_birth_control/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

hotchisbae · 2020-06-25T04:32:17+00:00

One time I was explaining to a guy what PCOS was, and I mentioned I took BC pills to help me manage it, and his FIRST reply to my detailed PCOS explanation was: "oh so you can have unprotected sex all the time!"

BrUH.

CheshireTerror · 2020-06-25T06:59:39+00:00

[deleted]

watchoutwoman · 2020-06-25T01:41:15+00:00

To add to this, men act like they're being 'cucked' if women ask them to get a vasectomy if they want condomless sex. A completely reversible procedure with no impact on hormones or long term discomfort, yet apparently the absence of microscopic tadpoles is too much for men to handle.

chokeychokey · 2020-06-25T01:10:45+00:00

Deadass.

Adawritesrules · 2020-06-25T02:15:41+00:00

They can’t keep it up anyway, and even if they could sex with a porn user is shitty. I’d rather my vibrator at this point!

Buckley92 · 2020-06-25T04:25:33+00:00

Wow. I never looked at it like that. Most people also don’t consider men who sneakily take the condom off to be rapists either (like the piece of shit that raped me).

ZeroNineOhNine · 2020-06-25T04:40:16+00:00

"I cant feeeeel anything 😭"

Ok so

You gonna take care of a surprise baby? Are you gonna birth it, too?

2020-06-25T01:03:10+00:00

Sanity

trippysloths · 2020-06-25T00:59:54+00:00

Literally so pathetic. Surprised by how normalized this is

devoushka · 2020-06-25T04:46:48+00:00

I've stopped hormonal bc because I was having suicidal thoughts for no apparent reason and theyve completely gone away. Scary how dangerous this stuff is. I won't ever go back on it again, condoms or bust.

munissa · 2020-06-25T02:30:39+00:00

This. I just wish we all saw this at a young age. The things we do just to be kind and thoughtful.

Lattika · 2020-06-25T08:46:14+00:00

One time I was about to hook up with a guy and asked him if he had condoms. He said "no, but it's okay, no women ever got pregnant with me". I asked him if he was clean, and he was so offended and asked me how I could ask him that.

I told him I pretty much had to because he just admitted to never wearing a condom, and he kind of shrugged and reluctantly agreed. So many LVMs think they're above STDs and think the only downside of unprotected sex is the possibility of getting someone pregnant.

CheshireTerror · 2020-06-25T07:20:15+00:00

Boy if your condom is uncomfortable, it ain’t fitting ya dick right, it’s the wrong size

radical__daphne · 2020-06-25T07:46:45+00:00

And he still won't bother to make her orgasm.

lickyblickyuhh · 2020-06-25T04:17:40+00:00

I am very lucky that so far an IUD has been working for me with minimal side effects. I feel more in control when I do things like this myself because I know I can rely on myself. Those stories of abusive guys poking holes in condoms scarred me.

I feel awful other women go through so much regarding birth control, even people I personally know and they have unsupportive partners. I feel like this would be a dealbreaker for me

intrepidis_dux · 2020-06-25T04:28:37+00:00

I feel this so much. Sick of this particular brand of nonsense and I refuse to participate.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-06-25T16:41:23+00:00

It's funny how triggered males get when you suggest they should care about women's health and use condoms or get vasectomies.

MakeURegret · 2020-06-25T01:05:28+00:00

100%

So mad about the new birth control coming out (shocker: it’s for women). Side effects include 10% of the sample population experiencing vaginal burning. But don’t worry! It usually goes away!! 🙄

You just know no men would approve or use a similar product. And you just know some NVM is gonna use this as an excuse to not use a condom as if his guaranteed o is in jeopardy with a condom. Meanwhile it’s hard enough getting an O without VAGINAL BURNING.

Where is the R&D for for male bc?? Ugh.

Link for the curious: https://www.verywellhealth.com/fda-approves-non-hormonal-birth-control-gel-4869870

Eta: it’s actually 18% experiencing vaginal burning 😐

keruise187 · 2020-06-25T03:56:00+00:00

I had been in BC for like 3 years when I found out I had abnormal cells which could turn cancerous or something like that. So I went off the pill for treatment and began using condoms. A few months ago we were discussing male birth control pills with a few friends and asked my partner what he thought about them. It was a straight up no. I couldn’t look at him the same way after

Vetinery · 2020-06-25T06:33:00+00:00

When did we start pretending the epidemic of std’s was over?

Lala00luna · 2020-06-25T13:02:05+00:00

My ex coerced me to have sex with him even though I was in physical pain due to my ectopic pregnancy. I was bleeding internally but his needs came before mine.

platinumprimarina · 2020-06-25T13:02:10+00:00

My ex was always asking this of me. At the time I thought I had a thyroid condition that I was prescribed meds for and I was worried that BC would make me gain more weight that I had at that point (no thyroid condition here, so that’s a relief). He never said i had to do it or he’d leave, but he was constantly pushing boundaries with it. By the end of that relationship he’d talked me into just the pull out method and was asking if he didn’t have to do that as long as he bought me plan B. This is a dude I’d known since I was 16 and who I lost my virginity to, btw, so I had every reason to think he cared about me.

I’m on BC now not because of my current BF but because I had a talk with my doctor about it and she said I should at least give it a shot and current BF basically said “you don’t have to do this for me, your health comes first.” I didn’t know I needed to hear that until he said it because that stuff from the past was such background noise in that relationship. I know BF cares about me and loves me without him having said that, but him saying that was huge for me.

Villanelloh · 2020-06-25T18:31:23+00:00

Women are still dying from blood clots caused by BC, not as many as when the pill was first invented but even one death is one too many.

Meanwhile the male pill is still being tested to make sure it is 100% safe 🙄

sjefsiljuuus · 2020-06-25T08:24:41+00:00

This makes me happy to see, because I had a longterm birth controll, the kind you have in your arm (dont know the english word for it). When I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago, my longterm birth controll had been in my arm for 3 years, and I was unsure if it was safe to have sex without condom. Even tho both me and him hate condom, he didnt have any problem using it while I waited to get a new one (he never asked me to, I wanted to do it myself. It makes me more comfortable and not anxious about getting pregnant).

But the fact that he had no issues using condom while I waited to get a new birth control, even tho we hate condoms, makes me realize how lucky I am with this man. My exes never liked condom, but they forced me to have sex without and pressured me to get birth controll so they didnt have to use condom - because it was so uncomfortable for them and harder to get off, but they never helped me get off (they were also rapists so their needs were more important anyway. My current boyfriend actually cares about my needs and have given me orgasms. He is the first real guy that actually cares for me and he has told me several times that if the birth controll I use makes me uncomfortable in anyway with bad side effects, he has no issues with supporting me and use condom. Because safe sex is better than getting pregnant with a child both of us doesnt feel ready for right now or want at the moment.

saydeesalt · 2020-06-25T02:23:32+00:00

Or wait to have sex until you’re married and do the rhythm method 🤷‍♀️ if you’re able

Medicalmass · 2020-06-25T10:58:37+00:00

Just a heads up, the argument for those who say it works fine no problem and for those who gain weight and might even acquire hypothyroidism. It is literally tied to your genes based on how well your body responds to the hormonal changes and if it manages to balance out thyroid hormone secretion and effect. So for some it might be actually fine but others it can cause problems, so consult your doctor. Be especially careful if you have some predisposition to Hashimoto’s thyroiditis or Leiden mutation etc. That said I would say it is not worth the risk.

2020-06-25T12:11:58+00:00

Holy shit. Punch in the gut. It floors me what I have done in the name of pleasing a man because of religious and traditional upbringing. Damn I have a lot to undo.

manalitta88 · 2020-06-25T09:40:18+00:00

And nobody talks about the implations that these hormonal or devices could potentially have on a woman's fertility and ability to conceive. I am not a doctor but I read a lot of stories on that.

butterfree_zhuangzi · 2020-06-25T10:29:48+00:00

Even with my IUD, a man better wrap it up if he's so lucky to have the opportunity.

Jecht-Blade · 2020-06-25T02:11:58+00:00

Dam here I am thinking wearing a condom plus bc is normal

RivenRoyce · 2020-06-25T04:38:13+00:00

Birth control can be amazing. Plenty of reasons a girl would wanna be in any sort of contraception I bet we can agree with that.

Certainly dudes not wanting to wear condoms isn’t one of them

Transparency about actual side affects. And also how it makes us more willing to give our bodies to men. Need to be talked about.

harleyquinnsbutthole · 2020-06-25T09:58:53+00:00

Monogamy w someone you trust FTW

saydeesalt · 2020-06-25T13:38:31+00:00

Maybe I meant FAM 🧐 I thought that and the rhythm method were the same thing... tracking ovulation. Still learning!

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-06-25T15:45:56+00:00

One of the reasons I will never go on birth control unless my husband gets a vasectomy so that we have double protection.

Bug_Hugger · 2020-06-25T08:29:29+00:00

Women should be making their male partners use a condom every single time anyway*, so really there should be no need for additional female birth control which only causes horrible side effects and illness for women (and doesn't even work reliably).

*yes, even if you're married or have been with him for years. Someone can cheat at any time and then it's your health which is at risk.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-06-25T01:45:18+00:00

[removed]

listenbuddy125 · 2020-06-25T02:06:32+00:00

Absolutely.

listenbuddy125 · 2020-06-25T02:10:46+00:00

I also could not recommend more to track and learn your cycle with a thermometer and chart, and there’s some good apps to help too , so you know when you’re ovulating and will likely get your period. It’s a nice thing to know about yourself. In addition to condoms. There’s even devices that help, I’m not sure what all is out there.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-06-25T08:01:32+00:00

[removed]

Ms_Tilly · 2020-06-25T13:09:14+00:00

[removed]

ThePrincessEscaped33 · 2020-06-25T14:16:20+00:00

My boyfriend doesnt turn me on anymore , but he is a great potential husband. I see his value as a provider and husband but I dont see just as much value in the sexual department. Do you ladies have any advice for me? I feel I can move forward without the sex but am I being weird? Sorry Im a new user here so go easy on me... :)

violetraysgen · 2020-06-25T03:33:36+00:00

My philosophy is to just wait for marriage and use contraceptive gel since you wont have to worry about stds. My friend who was a virgin when she went to her gyno to get examined for bc pills. She said the examination was extremely painful but she wanted her period to be more predictable for her wedding night. I told her they sell that shit online 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.

Title	Put yourself first. Always.
Author	cherthemusical
Upvotes	2642
Comments	173
Date	June 25, 2020 12:38 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hfcq4r/put_yourself_first_always/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/put-yourself-first-always.699360 https://theredarchive.com/post/699360

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