Weekly FDS Chat/ Check-I’m

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-07-20T11:09:28+00:00

One of my PickMe friends tried to "what did you think would happen" me after a scrote tried the dreadgame (i.e., flirting with another woman) because I wasn't "moving fast enough".

I just can't believe this is where we are as a society. I can't believe I'm made to feel like an anomaly or an outlier for not sleeping with someone 5 minutes after I've met them. Like it's some kind of a fucking affront to humankind that I'd (god forbid) like to vet a guy first.

Absolute nonsense. I wouldn't touch any of the neckbeards she's shagged with a 10 foot pole.

bisanti · 2021-07-20T14:33:05+00:00

Blocked and deleted a guy I had been dating for a month and a half because he had the audacity to big reveal that he's broke (said it's a sensitive topic lol) and said that we need to find ways to and I quote "eat for less." This is after he prematurely told me he loves me and wants to marry me (???) 🚩

The bar is in hell.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-07-20T12:25:34+00:00

People at work get miffed that I, a single woman, don't talk about my dating life at all. Are these people looking for entertainment? Do they expect me to walk around lamenting like some sitcom Spinster? Why would I go on about such personal stuff? Just because they're married and bored? Or is it because I'm robbing them of the opportunity to judge me over my love life?

ello-motto · 2021-07-21T00:04:28+00:00

I just saw a singles event being promoted.

Age range? 18-45. 🤮🤢

No 18 year old girl or boy, who has just finished highschool, needs to be at a singles event full of 25-45 year olds!

Such a creepy age range.

Practical_Appearance · 2021-07-20T13:00:47+00:00

So excited, I made a new friend last weekend. I used an app called We3. She's new in my country and studying here till end of next year. We had a nice lunch, took a walk in a park and then went shopping. Tonight I'm taking her to my favourite pizza place.

I've met 2 other ladies from the app previously. One was a total pickme who had to ask her husband's "permission" to have brunch with me, and the other was only in my area for a few weeks so I won't be seeing those 2 again.

It can be very hard to make friends with HVW but I finally feel like I'm making some progress. The new friend have the same values as me when it comes to dating and being childfree, and it's so nice to have someone to explore new restaurants and go to events once they open up again with.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-07-20T12:15:03+00:00

This is probably my trauma talking but does anyone else think there's like an overwhelming perverse facination with the female form, even when it's not sexual? Like those stupid flower pots with boobs on them, or those silicon moulds of an hourglass womans torso - no head, no limbs. It's not even men who would buy this stuff. I see this everywhere. And honestly I don't think it desexualizes or de-shames anything because it's not intended for men who are doing the sexualizing or shaming, but rather normalizes women seeing nudity portrayed in day to day life under the guise of "it's not sexual". Anyway, join my club for a free tinfoil hat.

ello-motto · 2021-07-20T13:58:00+00:00

Wow, there's a thread gone viral on the front page called:

"What men's issues do you think women are mostly unaware of and if there are simple things women can do to help, what are they?"

Most upvoted answers by men were:

That we're not allowed to be emotional!
The the school always calls their mom before me!
That men aren't considered good with kids paperwork.
That men shouldn't automatically be assumed to be a predator when interacting with children.
That men shouldn't automatically assume to be wanting to sleep with you if he stares at you.
That men are so lonely.
That it's tiring being the breadwinner and being depended on.

Notice how none of these are high threatening scenarios? Women at work fear being sexually assaulted by men, or domestic violence within relationships. These men are getting pressed just over how others perceive them.

Then the loneliness thing, that's on you to self-improve and fucking get yourself out there and learn how to make friends. No one wants to be friends with a porn-sick gaming loser at home.

On men not allowed to be emotional, who are the ones that impose that standard? Right. Other toxic ZVM/LVM men.

The person who started this topic was a woman as well who is frequently on the MRA subs. It's so sad how she thinks us women are the ones that should be mindful of this. The source of all these issues are other toxic men who make things worse for the decent men out there. Not women with their natural self-preservation instinct.

gingerandlime · 2021-07-21T00:04:33+00:00

Had a pre-date call after work today, I just… was so tired by it. I don’t think he’s a terrible guy at all, he might bring value to someone else with different life wants. But he just was not showing interest or asking interesting questions, a lot of performances of self awareness. I’ve also had dates in recent months that brought the energy and interest I want to see, so the contrast was obvious. Anyway, finally got off the call and had more fun making myself a casserole. 😂

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-07-21T02:07:12+00:00

Has anyone else had their profile reported by a “concerned Reddit user?” I got a weird message from a Reddit support system today. Since like 95% of my post history is FDS it feels like someone is just reporting people who are on the sub.

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-07-21T06:03:40+00:00

I got negged for the first time in so long recently! Oh my god I couldn’t believe it, the first time this man did this I was like ?? Come again ?? Second time I recognized it for exactly what it was, I can thank FDS for that quick and painless “spot and drop” 💅🏼

56redditor65 · 2021-07-20T14:53:52+00:00

Decided that I don't want to date anymore and it feels liberating!

exhalestardust · 2021-07-21T09:32:22+00:00

Had a talk with my bf about wanting him to take more initiative in planning dates. He victimized himself saying how I think there’s 100 things wrong with him and that I don’t love him. This just sent me to so many levels of wtf. And it’s not the first time he’s victimized himself like that. If my friend can plan a better friend date than he can plan a romantic date then what am I doing with him? I thought he was HV but now I’m really questioning him and our relationship.

nebsemi · 2021-07-20T09:48:54+00:00

What is FDS's opinion on a man with no friends and doesn't go out much? Basically my male counterpart lol.

PengBa · 2021-07-23T15:50:37+00:00

I'm working in a military installation where this young officer who was stationed here was found dead in a famous hiking trail. It took them over 3 days to find his body despite being a popular site, this is with over 100+ volunteers and aerial reconnaissance. It seems like (and is probably) an accident, the cause of death is from falling 200 ft. -- but it made me think about all these hiking dates LVM want to go on in first dates... jesus not only are they absolute strangers taking me in an isolated location in an unknown terrain, it's not easy to go back home if I ever wanted to bail out on a date. And if he ever kills me it'd take such a long time for people to even find my body and he will likely get away with it.

I hope things like this gives women perspective before settling down for cheap ass hiking dates.

PengBa · 2021-07-20T13:12:17+00:00

Hi ladies, kinda fuming over something and wondering if I handled it adequately. I'm in an internship and a new intern (woman) came in a week ago. She's fairly young (22) and friendly, I'm 28 and felt a lot of affection towards her. Shes one of the youngest interns here and I looked after her to make sure she was adjusting well. She was venting to me about her roommate troubles and boyfriend issues and to commiserate with her I told her all about my LVM ex fiance and how I broke up with him a year ago.

As soon as another person stepped in the room she bursts out saying "Pengbas basically spilling her whole life story to me when the conversation started about roommates". I instantly thought "wtf" but just played it off. Today I was talking to her again about something completely unrelated and when (yet again) another person stepped in the room she randomly said "did you know Pengba almost married someone just because she felt bad for them?"

Now the person I told this too already knows what happened (I told them). So I looked at her and said "he already knows, but what if he didnt. And that was extremely personal to me? I can see you're not someone that can keep things to herself. I should watch out for you." She started talking about how she figured he knew because I was pretty cavalier about it (I am, but it seems like shes trying to embarrass me which i dont appreciate) and how she didnt think I thought it was a personal story. I didnt feel like dragging the issue on because it was getting awkward so I told her I was messing with her.

I feel like she got the message, but I'm wondering if I was appropriately assertive enough. I keep replaying the scene in my head and wonder if I shouldve been more assertive. If she tries to do that again, what would be the appropriate response? Should I call her out immediately in front of our peers and ask her whether she's intentionally trying to embarrass me and to knock it off, or ask her to step out with me and attempt to extend an olive branch and privately tell her I dont appreciate what shes doing?? I really dont want to crush her in her first ever internship, due to her young age I feel like shes just immature (not vindictive) but I find myself still annoyed by it.

ello-motto · 2021-07-23T13:02:29+00:00

We have to include the Tonga flag bearer from the Olympics in the next Fine Ass Fridays. 😍🥵😫

2021-07-20T14:30:11+00:00

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msromperstomper · 2021-07-21T12:54:16+00:00

I am about to return to work post-COVID and see the guy I had a situationship with before the pandemic. After getting into FDS last May, I basically called him out on his behavior towards women (using his charm to gain favors at work, harem-like tendencies, blurry boundaries, etc), told him I wouldn't be continuing our thing post pandemic, and then he "dumped" me over text because he said I was "too judgmental." What is the right way to handle our inevitable encounter at work? Basically want to come off like I'm living my best life (getting there - I've made enormous strides since I told him off and have leveled up considerably) without it feeling forced.

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-07-20T16:36:57+00:00

Help! Have LVM fatigue and no longer able to decipher if his last message is direspectful or not. Or too immature..favourite films.. (he’s a grown-ass man and texting not calling to find out about each other)???

Him: It’s done 💪🏼, have a swim for me 😁. Hey, would you like to meet up for a drink in X on Weds or Thurs evening ?

Me: Yay well done! I don’t meet for drinks as a first date. You can ask me on a date though!

Him: Do you live in X ? How about dinner ? Probably a good idea to find out a bit more about each other first… what do you write about ? What is your favourite film ?

Golden_Lavender · 2021-07-20T14:25:28+00:00

Can the mods make a report button for posts that are pretty much rage inducing, misery exploitation. A few weeks back the sub was in shambles over the sub being reigned in in terms of content but this week its back to the same posts about bad male behavior. It's exhausting and not helpful or constructive at all.

Edit to add: also for low quality text or meme posts. They're pretty tacky too.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-07-21T13:30:19+00:00

I'm visiting with my inlaws for a few days before my SIL and her husband and baby move to Texas (UGHHHH). Not only is her husband pushing 500lbs now, he's verbally aggressive towards her and even has been towards me! I've called him out a couple of times, but I'm usually more passive so I'm more surprised that he's being such an ass. He's also a mama's boy who picks his mommy's comfort over his wife's EVERY TIME

My SIL is intelligent, strong, loving, beautiful...she deserves so much better than this scrote!! I wanna bring up to her how aggressive he is because I honestly am really worried about it. I know this isn't the life she imagined for herself and I wish I could do more to help her. 😞 she's so upset about having to move. Apparently, they could have moved anywhere, she wanted Colorado, but he picked Texas because that's where his mommy is.

It makes me feel so sick to my stomach

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-07-25T19:36:14+00:00

Met a HVW with FDS values (like... i was so close to asking if she surfed this sub🤣) at work. was very refreshing 🥰

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-07-20T19:41:00+00:00

I am working on leveling up my looks in tangent with working on my career, thinking a more put together wardrobe will help me in interviews. Do you ladies have any knowledge of the Kibbe system and colour analysis?

I have worked on them and I will admit I am struggling to find a way to translate my alternate tastes into a style which would be acceptable in all situations. Though I don't know if this is because I would prefer to have a single wardrobe rather than having a specific work wardrobe and a separate one for everyday.

judyfoody · 2021-07-22T12:54:19+00:00

I just noticed it's my cake day! I discovered FDS a year ago!

AconiteBlackbird · 2021-07-20T18:30:05+00:00

I keep no contact with narc ex and resisted hoover this week. Cry a lot and feel awful but I know that its a right decision and its gonna be better soon

LucyFurTheCatQueen · 2021-07-21T12:36:50+00:00

Two months ago a man in my coworking space screamed to the entire space that I'm a bitch because I wouldn't help him when he interrupted me working to ask for help. (He didn't actually want help; he just wanted my attention.) The situation escalated so far that this man was ejected from the coworking space, much to my relief. Turns out I wasn't the first woman he'd been like this with.

This week the manager of the space asked me to "give him another chance" because he has "mental health issues" (anger management aka entitlement) and "understands what he has done wrong" and "is very sorry and wants to apologize to me". I told her outright that if they accepted him back that I would leave, which ended the discussion because my company rents more desks at this space than this one guy.

I'm still mad they were even considering letting him back in! The manager admitted to me that he used to visit her office and say things that made her uncomfortable, but she's still willing to give him a second chance. Ugh!

peaches88888 · 2021-07-24T19:47:48+00:00

A scrote tried to triangulate with me and the girl he was with the other day. She was stunning, obviously way out of his league and not interested in him. He looked like a burrito. He was staring at me way too intensely as I walked by, he did it multiple times. Super creepy and so obvious. I just smiled at the girl and said hey how’s it going?

Rare_Awareness · 2021-07-20T18:15:36+00:00

THE SLOW FADE- confront it or let it go?

zombiesonlywanthugs · 2021-07-20T21:48:03+00:00

So, after waiting 3 months, I finally got an outstanding document that I needed for my work visa. Hoping to get done with application and leave my home country! I've been stuck in my home country for over a year due to Covid-19. Starting to feel excited about a new start in a new country.

LMT4EVS · 2021-07-21T17:42:09+00:00

I am so, so worn down by trying to figure out how genuine my boyfriend is when it comes to certain issues, namely when it comes to his attitude towards the opposite sex. To his credit, he has abstained from porn since we started dating because he knows my feelings on the subject and had also tried to stop on his own as well before we met. He also claims that he does not look at women the same way he used to when he was single now aka sexualizing and checking out. Does anyone have any success stories with their men changing these behaviors? I don't want to try to block the sun with my thumb but I also don't want to be paranoid and not give him a chance.

girludontbringhome · 2021-07-24T23:17:43+00:00

I am just wondering if I did the right thing here.

I went on a first date with a guy I met on Hinge. Our texting chemistry was great, and we kept good boundaries, texting 1-2 times a day with long thoughtful responses. I never felt like he was texting me too much or too little. From the get-go, he insisted that we go on a dinner date together. It took us a while to meet up, because of my schedule unfortunately, so we texted for a few weeks before meeting in person. I know that it's ideal to meet up sooner rather than later, I just had some unforeseen life circumstances pop up and couldn't meet up earlier.

When we met up, I do not know what happened to me. He was polite, took me to a nice place, asked me a lot of questions. But I was really awkward and serious. Our date lasted a few hours, and we had plenty to talk about but I felt that I was making the conversation so lackluster. At the end of the date, he paid. But he did not offer to walk me to my car, and we went our separate ways.

I did not text him after the date because in the past guys text me right after asking me if I returned home safe, and asking to see me again. He never texted me.

I doubted myself for a while, wondering if I should reach out to him. I felt that I probably seemed very uninterested in him because I was so serious and awkward on the date, so maybe he did not want to put himself out there by sending me a text after the date. I did not text him though, because I know that I need to let the guy lead based on FDS. But I am wondering since I came off as aloof if I should have redeemed myself by texting him? I also do not know why I was acting like that, I think it's because I have always been friends first with guys I have been on dates on, and also my social skills have probably deteriorated because of the pandemic.

metaphoricalrose · 2021-07-25T15:51:12+00:00

Can anyone give me some advice or help?

My (20F) father was very abusive mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. I haven’t seen him since 2018 when my mom and I moved out of state to avoid him. Well, as of a couple months ago, he started talking to my mom again online (despite me trying to earn her against it). He’s selling his house in Oregon and “going on vacation” to the state that my mom and I live in and he’s asking her to stay at her house (where I live) for 3 days and he wants to spend time with us. I’ve told her that there’s no way I am spending time with him and I will have to find a friend to stay with. I’m worried that this will be a slippery slope type of situation where he’s getting his foot into the door (literally and metaphorically) so that he can gain access to my mom and I again. I will get a restraining order against him if I have to because I’m afraid that he will track me down. Luckily I’m not a minor anymore so I have some control over his access to me. I’ve talked to my mom about his influence in my life was negatively affecting my mental health and how he’s dangerous for the both of us and she literally just laughed at me and gaslit me. I’d like to move out, but I have no money because I owe my mom about $5k for the cost of my car and vet bills for my pet. I have a job as a TA for an online class, but right now I’m only getting about $66 a week because the hours are so low. Does anyone know what to do? I have no idea what to do.

numbers213 · 2021-07-24T16:09:15+00:00

I need advice... I moved into an apartment with a roommate. They recently fully came out as transgendered (male to female). I 100% support then etc. But how do I gently tell them of the dangers of being a woman? They understand it to an extent, but somethings I do, like required them to be home when the washer/dryer delivery happened didn't make sense to them or why the cut off to take my dogs out to the bathroom is 9.30 (last tiny bit of sunset left). Getting them to remember to lock the front door has been a mild struggle too, although I think that more so has to do with living with a large family in a nicer area.

afab_100 · 2021-07-22T13:52:29+00:00

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship that started in coersion?

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-07-24T02:35:19+00:00

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Valeria_Venn · 2021-07-24T15:04:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

spiderunderweb · 2021-07-25T04:20:13+00:00

This week I finished my gym trial and I can proudly say I am signing up to the gym! My cat has become very sick which triggered some emotional eating however this weekend I managed by writing down my feelings instead of eating them. Additionally I went to a party, it was my first one this year and included old high school friends.

After joining the FDS and progressed in my journey to becoming the young lady I want to be, I noticed and acted a lot different then I used to. Note I haven’t been to a social event in about a year. I listened more than I spoke, I asked inquisitive open ended questions to my old classmates and made sure to validate and congratulate them on how well their studies are going. I understand that at reunions there’s pressure to appear the best or in control of your life, so I think telling them, they are doing well helped. Btw it was an all women party plus one gay man so it was AMAZING.

Talking to some of my old class mates, I could see who was having a high value mindset and who had a different mindset. One of the young women in particular raved on about her boy problems bringing too many names of young men who are obviously not persuing her. I felt quite sorry for her as she is lovely and should know that she deserves better. She was also on her phone half the night Snapchatting boys (I found that a little rude and quietly made my way to someone else)

An old friend who I had a falling out with 2 years ago was there too. I realised after speaking to her she appears to be working on herself to be high value too. We had some great conversations on Caroline Criado Perez Invisible women as she was interested in the non objective world of medicine. Alongside we were civil with each other and convesed well. I am sending her a card today apologising for the terrible way I ended our friendship.

Overall it was an interesting experience. On one hand I was overjoyed to be surrounded by old friends sitting at a cozy campfire. I don’t have a lot of friends so being welcomed by everyone was a joyful time. I loved hearing how everyone is moving up in their lives. I am also proud of myself in my conversation and guest skills, making my way around everyone to talk to, being civil with those who I had disputes with in the past and making sure the host is not feeling too much pressure. On the other hand it was my first experience to socialising with pickmes and liberal feminist women (they raved on about being picked and only fans). I disengaged and politely listened to their justifications but I did mention that it can be a quick spiral down and a few of the guests nodded in agreement.

I sent out messages following up with those I enjoyed speaking to. I don’t usually do it but after reading a lot of class etiquette books and Anna Bey I found it was the right thing to do. I am proud that results are starting to show.

Title	Weekly FDS Chat/ Check-I’m
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	43
Comments	161
Date	July 20, 2021 9:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/onynqy/weekly_fds_chat_checkim/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-im.794458 https://theredarchive.com/post/794458

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