You are allowed to eat.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-07-21T04:32:01+00:00

My ex didn’t care or comment on what I ate but his mom made multiple comments like that to me, while I was pregnant! Who tf shames a pregnant woman for eating a plate of food. It’s a LV trait for anyone to have. Also I would NEVER have said anything to her but she had really poor eating habits and had type II diabetes. It was so weird, and of course my ex didn’t stand up for me when I got upset.

bisanti · 2021-07-21T05:20:45+00:00

And the opposite applies as well. If you take me out and I only finish half my plate because I naturally get full easily, then there's no need to mention it or insist I pack the food to go. I've found guys can be super rude and pushy about this insinuating you're starving yourself. God forbid you get a salad too.

Protoetype · 2021-07-21T06:10:27+00:00

I was neglected emotionally and physically as a child. In adulthood I gravitate to nurturing men, one of the green flags I look for in a man is that he wants to buy me food and I feel comfortable devouring it in front of him to the point of cozy fullness and this satisfies him, he's pleased that I'm happy and comfortable.

When men are telling you not to eat or making fun of you nurturing your OWN body and appetites, he will never love you. He hates to see you love yourself.

The comment about you finishing your sandwich breaks my heart.

electroloop · 2021-07-21T03:34:07+00:00

Just another classic case of negging. Men try and have control of our bodies in any way possible, even including controlling our food intake. Your post is extremely well worded, these men have no place in your life! In fact, even family members/friends who talk to you this way have no place in your life either.

The examples you’ve listed hit close to home for me and were the catalyst for an eating disorder I had in my late teens. These men think it’s a joke but really don’t understand the impact it has on others.

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-21T07:28:12+00:00

Amen!!! any man that makes comments about what you eat or how much you are eating is negging and it will continue to get worse if anyone carry on with him.

one guy from a while ago asked me to dinner and then made a comment (luckily over message before the date) telling me that I had to order the grilled chicken and vegetable dish because of the macros and calories and that the other options were not healthy. I deleted him immediately!

one of my college friends dated a NVM that actually ordered for her at restaurants and coffee shops as well as would make her share a portion with him, rather than getting her own.

the men that give you unwanted lectures about nutrition / organic vs non organic / their diet choices acting better than you are NVMs and need to be nexted

proudpine · 2021-07-21T11:40:53+00:00

I’ll never forget my first date (years ago, before FDS) who asked if I was going to go throw up my dinner in the bathroom because I “look too thin to eat that much.” When I ghosted him (obviously) he sent me a butthurt email saying “at least you got a free dinner out of it.” A $10 burger at a bar! I’d pay $1,000 to have never met him.

Men are so gross.

nurulfakasha · 2021-07-21T04:22:41+00:00

Dumped my last ex coz he was negging me about how fat i was and how i shouldn't lift weights coz it'll make me bigger. He kept wanting me to run even though he knows damn well i hate cardio. His defense was that he used to be a fat kid and he lost weight so he knows what it's like to be judged for being fat. I told him there are many ways to remain healthy and i like my body now. That's the most important. Clearly it wasn't a priority for him. His priority is for me to be "slim" so that i'd look "good" on our wedding day. uh, no thanks.

shelballama · 2021-07-21T09:43:55+00:00

Once I got a cup of froyo and out of nowhere my ex bf asked if I was stress eating 🙃🤡 he got more aggressive about body shaming too, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Shortly after he became less subtle (I was a very healthy weight for my height, ate pretty well and worked out almost daily)

Don't tolerate this shit. You should be bailing at the first sign of him negging like this, as he will only get worse

chocolatelustpile · 2021-07-21T10:35:04+00:00

One of the best dates I went on was to a Belgian beer restaurant. I had a beer and a burger that I didn't eat all of because it was massive, but we had a hilarious time laughing at how messy it was to eat between talking about other stuff. If you like to eat salads, good on you, but screw shaming a date for actually eating!

thatshadywitch · 2021-07-21T10:52:24+00:00

My LVX didn't directly criticise my food intake or my diet, but towards the end of our relationship he started to neg me, saying stuff like "Wow, you're getting soft", "We should hit the gym more often" and comments like that, always with a giggle. Bare in mind I have been underweight most of my life (at least according to general standards), and at the time I was finally getting to my weight goal and I was building some muscles as I had started going to the gym. Apparently, I was getting "soft" only because my belly wasn't flat with a six pack. Their expectations of women's bodies are distorted by the porn industry and our society's toxic beauty standards.

idiopathictendencies · 2021-07-21T14:13:41+00:00

Former power lifter here: best thing ever was eating a dozen donuts while my now ex boyfriend looked in in horror. I just completed a massive weight cut to make weight for a competition but he still had to say, “How are you even in shape when you eat that much?!”

I let him down easy the next day when I broke the state record for deadlift (398lbs!) His parting words were “don’t die trying to eat an entire pizza by yourself whale woman!” Whale woman weighed 148lbs at 5’9” lololol

Reception_Queasy · 2021-07-21T04:07:08+00:00

Ah, this one is a classic. Forget people on dates and such, I've had random strangers comment on my portion sizes when I post a picture of my lunch/dinner to Social Media. And the gym bros who will tell you what you should and shouldn't eat are in plenty. And the non gym bros who will tell you that you eat too much with their belly out are in plenty too. We need none of that.

peaches88888 · 2021-07-21T04:38:36+00:00

When my ex and I first had sex he said “you have some meat on you” (how charming and romantic of him...) I’m 5’1, 24W and wear a 2xs... I eat a plant based diet and workout 5 days a week. Pornsick losers think any woman not on a fen fen diet is obese.

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-07-21T09:49:09+00:00

Me too. I have been overweight since childhood ( but not that much now that I look in photos. Just normal baby fat) but somehow people feel free to comment "eat less or you'll get fat" as a joke. Even if i visit family friends I am the butt of all jokes because guess what, I am the only girl and I am fat.

Once I was at a family friends house for their kids birthdays and the boys (who are close to the family and I call them elder brothers ) took photos of me while eating and were showing it to the other guests because it was funny.

If I eat something, I am the butt of jokes like, "ooohhh you're dieting. Don't do it, it never works"

And if I do, then it's, "eat less, fatso. How will you get married?"

I went through eating disorder. TWICE.

I always just wanted to be the cool girl, mostly just taking those as a joke or replying something equally sassy, but I don't feel like doing it anymore. I just want to cut everyone off. I also developed PCOS in my teenage and I think the stress and eating disorder worsened it.

But I guess all of this is fine because from where I come from, all this "aren't real problems"/ "just a myth from the west"

bamboohobobundles · 2021-07-21T13:12:57+00:00

When I first met my ex I was still recovering from a 15 year eating disorder and only still weighed about 102 pounds. The moment I started gaining more weight (healthy weight) he started making comments about how I was giving up and letting myself go, and asking why I wasn't fine with staying 102 pounds because "that should be easy to maintain with a healthy diet". He discouraged me from buying any clothing larger than a size 2 or XS and made me donate any clothing I owned that was larger than that.

When I got pregnant, I had hyperemesis and wasn't able to eat much and did lose some weight in the first trimester. Then he accused me of "relapsing into anorexia" and putting our child in harm's way by "refusing to eat".

FlappyMcBeakbag · 2021-07-21T04:07:15+00:00

I’ve personally experienced this mostly from overweight/unfit men. Like, dude - I’m at a healthy way and actually pay attention to how I fuel my body - you just sit around getting fatter and fatter and have no idea about nutrition/calories.

May-rah10 · 2021-07-21T04:45:38+00:00

My NVX put me on a diet without me knowing. He would portion out my food, count my calories and would give me “healthy” foods. He would always eat chips, chocolate and junk food in front of me (to taunt me.) I’m human, and naturally, I wanted some of the junk he was eating. Whenever I would ask him if I could have some chips, he would always count 5 individual chips for me, meanwhile, he would gobble up the entire family size bag of chips. I didn’t realize what he was doing to me until I visited some family out of state. They were praising me on my “weight loss.” I was a bit confused. I weighed myself and I had lost about 12 pounds. I’m a petite woman, and I was a little overweight but it was hurtful when I realized what he was doing without talking to me…without my CONSENT. Being the pickme I was back then, I never told him anything because I was afraid of making him angry. A few years passed after I dumped him and I decided to join Weight Watchers to begin my physical glow up. I was shocked to learn that the diet he put me on back then was Weight Watchers. He “made” recipes from the app (he was a terrible cook & of course, only made me eat this food.) This realization made me loathe him even more. Now I’m 40 pounds lighter and happier than ever, on my own accord!

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-07-21T04:25:18+00:00

For the longest time, I was terrified of eating in front of people, especially men I liked. I grew up with parents who would comment on my weight and that I shouldn’t eat too much, and they’d constantly make me feel bad if I ate something unhealthy. My mom would give me a disapproving stare whenever I ate a candy bar or a cookie. Like I was shamed even when I had just one. I was never overweight, I was always involved in various sports and workout groups so I have a toned and athletic body. That was very damaging and I had a poor self image and was very insecure in junior high and high school. Now on dates I’m not ordering the salad, I’m ordering what I want and if a man ever makes me feel bad about it, he will not be seeing me again

ThatOneCuteNerdyGirl · 2021-07-21T12:36:26+00:00

One of my exes used to neg me constantly when I was overweight, even though his damn thighs were about as big around as my biceps are now 😂 For contrast, my HVM husband encourages me to eat enough if he notices me picking at food because, I dunno, I guess he wants me to be nourished or some shit. Who knew?

arnezuara · 2021-07-21T12:26:09+00:00

I usually get comments on how little I eat, sometimes even made fun of for getting the food boxed up (I always finish it afterwards). A friend of mine kept trying to make me feel like a bad person for not finishing my plate because there are starving kids out there 🤡

I was either negged about it or forced to finish my portions (out of “care”). I fucking hate it. I don’t want to walk around, my stomach full, feeling like throwing all of that up. It’s uncomfortable. I’ll finish it later, when I can.

I’ve been struggling with being underweight my whole life. A lot of my self-neglect stems from anxiety and occasional depressive episodes — sometimes I just can’t make myself eat. When I do eat whole portions or have appetite, it’s always such a huge win for me. But when people comment on it, I just get angry at this point. I won’t be nice about it.

Men who make negative comments about your eating habits deserve to be dropped. Along with other people who are up in your business.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-07-21T13:34:44+00:00

I once had a man ask me if I wanted a take-away box while I was still eating the meal. He literally asked mid-bite because he thought that I had eaten enough! ☠️

If it’s so hard for these men to spend money on a dinner, you’d think they’d be happy you finished the meal? But they aren’t. They’re impossible to please because they’re miserable.

waddamelone · 2021-07-21T06:40:58+00:00

Sis.... You better eat the whole plate and order some more if it’s not enough. If he’s making dumb comments about you simply eating...? You can eat him as well.

Winnie6 · 2021-07-21T13:41:50+00:00

Any man who dares to give me dieting advice will live to regret it. Especially one who has never had a surgery or a baby.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-07-21T06:57:57+00:00

I don't eat lunch so just keep your hands away from my face at dinner or you'll lose them. 😁

dkwantsdk · 2021-07-21T04:26:17+00:00

Another reason to only accept dinner dates. Not joking. I only want men that derive pleasure from feeding me. And they absolutely, 100% exist. I'm married to one.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2021-07-21T14:00:51+00:00

For extra context, I eat a healthy amount for someone who is above average height and lives an active lifestyle, weight/HIIT training 5+ days a week. I'm well aware of my nutritional requirements.

Believe me, it's not because of your height or physique. I'm average height, slim, and flabby, and I've had a man shame me for eating an entire sandwich because he thought "women shouldn't eat that much." God, that guy was gross. He eventually went to East Asia and got a tiny wife who fit his ideas of how women "should" look.

MadamLeFay · 2021-07-21T15:12:45+00:00

The former UPS driver at work made comments about what I ate and how much I ate! Back then, I was still too nice/ timid to nip that shit in the bud. He finally said, "every time I come in here, you are always eating!". I replied, "Then stop coming in everyday at lunchtime!".

gcfemtastic · 2021-07-21T16:18:46+00:00

TW:

I dieted down on 1200-1400 calories/daily with a 3 hour/daily workout regimen with a personal trainer for about two years. I went from a size 12 to a size 2 dress and children section clothes. I remember doing the "bikini bridge" challenge and being able to turn sideways to see that my waist could be hidden by the length of my phone. I had surpased Marilyn Monroe's best hip/waist/chest stats. I once was flexing in the gym mirror admiring my ribcage, hip and collar bones when an older woman said "if you get any skinnier you'll disappear" and I thought that was the nicest compliment I'd ever recieved.

My techbro boyfriend of the time would frequently say "you're not quite skinny are you?". He said I was too fat to ride on his motorcycle.

Men like him behave badly because that's who they are as people. Our weight isn't the problem, the problem is men who prey on female insecurity and willingness to please.

spiderunderweb · 2021-07-21T09:08:33+00:00

I agree! I so feel this when going out and we all have a silent competition of ‘who is full the quickest’. Food is food! Remember that

souredskittles · 2021-07-21T06:19:51+00:00

I got a “wow you were hungry” lmao I’m literally size 2P you can’t neg me about my weight idiot

They way underestimate how much you can eat if you weight lift. It’s crazy and I hate thinking about food all the time 😭

Suspicious-Judge-380 · 2021-07-21T12:23:31+00:00

My ex used to say that I couldn’t talk to him about my depression until i cleaned up my eating habits (because yeah that’s totally why i have depression- not anything to do with the way you treat me...). i was so depressed and eating a lot of processed stuff, but not even nearly as bad as many of my friends.

Radenoughyet · 2021-07-21T16:01:24+00:00

YESS this. Negging is a very common tactic that men use in dating - even the ones that seem nice. They know they need to make it subtle enough for you to be able to overlook it, and if given the chance they WILL keep very slowly increasing it until they’ve eroded your sense of self. It goes something like this: kind gesture, compliment, romantic gesture, alluding to future together, appeal to your sense of empathy, kind gesture, BOOM- neg about something intended to deeply hurt you but can also be played off as “teasing”. And if you show any offense, you’re too sensitive.

I’ve had guys immediately neg me in the first 10 minutes, and that never works. For instance, a guy I was dancing with “teasingly” told me I had no rhythm, so I walked away just like that. No offense taken- I know what he was trying to do.

But it’s the ones that seem nice and genuine otherwise that have you starting to doubt yourself. “This guy really likes me and is super sweet, maybe I really did eat too much”.

I was with a guy for 10 years- he was not even close to the most narcissistic guy I’ve dated, probably not even in the top 10. But he would jokingly neg me all the time. One time I (half-joking but also not joking) go “why are you always so mean to me?” And he (half joking but also not joking) goes “because otherwise you’d be confident enough to leave me.”

And that told me all I needed to know about men.

Boondersnoontch · 2021-07-21T14:42:18+00:00

This is so crazy and they’ll even do it the other way. I tend to get nervous on first dates which ruins my appetite and makes it really hard for me to eat. I ended up having half my sandwich and didn’t touch the chips. He said “come on you don’t have to eat like a mouse around me”… I ate half! Which proves your point that it’s damned if you do damned if you don’t, they are looking for a way to police your eating habits and make you insecure.

daisy_0720 · 2021-07-21T16:25:46+00:00

On the other end of the spectrum, look out for men who don't consider your eating/dietary needs on a date. I'm only 105 pounds and if I don't eat every 3-4 hours my blood sugar drops like crazy and I get dizzy and light-headed. Any man that doesn't take that into consideration when we're going out is immediately dropped. No way in hell am I going out on a date that doesn't involve food. Not for any man am I going to be walking around feeling faint and miserable.

movethefurniture · 2021-07-21T18:28:15+00:00

Overheard a man I once worked with tell a male coworker to watch him fuck with a woman’s head. He waited for a woman to stop by and he asked her if she was gaining weight. Her reaction was as expected and the guys had a good laugh. Don’t think for 1 second they don’t know how society has brainwashed women to worry about their weight.

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-07-21T15:19:02+00:00

True. Always find it weird when they chime in on your diet or exercise routine. The ones that have no idea what they’re talking about purposely neg you to feel insecure, even if you’re fit and and eat well. When it doesn’t work, they neg everything else. Most LVM have terrible diets and eat like little kids. If they are jealous of diet and exercise, they won’t ever stop. If they have disordered eating or body dysmorphia, you’ll be in for one hell of a ride because you’ll get the brunt of it.

recedingmorals · 2021-07-21T15:35:46+00:00

My last LVM ex actually deliberately tried to fatten me up in order to “devalue” me.

For context, this was in a Southeast Asian country where impossible thinness is the standard/idealized. Initially he denied that he was fattening me up deliberately. But he would routinely get chocolate ice cream popsicles, cover them in peanut butter and mms, and pressure me to eat them! After midnight too! He was African American (I’m mixed Asian and White) so he tried to play it off as he is just into thicc women… but eventually he confessed to wanting to plump me up so I wouldn’t be as attractive to the local men!!! WT actual F?!!!

Besides the obvious hideousness of that being his attempt to devalue me and “keep me trapped with him”… I realized that even if he was just motivated by an appreciation for thiccer figures… it’s extremely presumptuous and vile to try and change my body according to his preferences. Like he owns me and I’m just some fetish doll.

Since then I’ve started seeing any interest from a man around my food consumption (whether it’s to eat more or less, simply interfering and making it an issue) as a red/orange flag.

Like when they compliment your long hair cuz “they like women to have long hair”. 😑 - Okay, mouth breather. I like men to be financially solvent and emotionally evolved, yet you don’t see me FOISTING MY DESIRES ONTO YOU.

victoriabowen8 · 2021-07-21T17:14:55+00:00

This is a great post! I think it is something we've all experienced, maybe it wasn't from a bf but from a dad or brother or friend.

I honestly think the best way to deal with it is to just point blank tell that "that was a rude comment" without smiling or anything so they know you're serious. Hopefully that stops future incidents but if it doesn't you need to get more firm. I've said something like "you seem to be getting pretty comfortable with disrespecting me and that's going to be an issue if it continues." I like this one because it shows you KNOW what they are doing and it's not going to work. If he's not a complete a**hole that should shut it down. If it doesn't you need to walk away, permanently. People who don't respect you don't get access to you.

PeachPitiless · 2021-07-21T18:32:02+00:00

When I was still married, I was out to dinner with my ex and his father. I had a burger and some fries, I think. A normal amount of food. And I ate it all. He also finished his meal, so did my ex. But for some reason, my ex in-law made a big deal about me finishing my plate. He said loudly, "Wow, I guess you were hungry!" and pointed at my empty plate and laughed. And of course I was pretty slim and he had a huge middle-aged man belly. Don't know why a fat man thought he could shame me for eating.

VanessaViews · 2021-07-21T19:54:34+00:00

A guy I was seeing once made me breakfast. It was a nice breakfast he was a sous chef but there was only two pieces of bacon. I made a comment about how we should make more bacon and he said two pieces were plenty. They were thick cut but still! I like bacon. Needless to say it didn't last.

LaTaina87 · 2021-07-21T20:03:06+00:00

My last two exes have tried to skinny shame me and it makes me so angry because they were both aware of how I struggled with an eating disorder and acceptance and now that I’m finally free of that self criticism and LOVE and accept myself fully, these bitches want to bring me down because they can’t get over how out of shape they look next to me. My one ex wanted me to fatten up to look more like the cam girls he was addicted to (get the fuck out of here pervert!) and the last ex was a former overweight narcissist who made several comments throughout our relationship about how ripped I am and how I make him feel inadequate and fat lol so he had to body shame me and say “he isn’t really attracted to a figure as lean as mine”. They will try to knock your confidence down regardless of how you look, so ladies pay no attention … love yourself because guess what? We’re never going to be good enough for the wrong man.

NewDriverStew · 2021-07-22T02:11:06+00:00

Part of being a good dude is knowing how fraught society's relationship gets with women and food, and not making a gaffe by commenting on it further.

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-07-22T11:43:25+00:00

Yeah I’m very physically active and pickmieshas always have something to say about how much I eat . I have had to drop more then one friend over it. At work it’s so bad I eat alone to avoid listening to their shitty comments. One time at work we had a party and so I ate an ice cream sundae one pickmiesha I work with was like personally insulted by this because I apparently ate it standing too close to her . At least it’s useful as a red flag device any woman who makes a bitter comment about how much I eat or my body size gets ejected out of my life ASAP .

florasts · 2021-07-22T21:09:26+00:00

My ex was so terrible and abusive about this. He would make a comment every single time I ate … I guess he wanted me to starve. He critiqued my weight (healthy to low BMI), what I ate and what exercises I did or did not do. I honestly think that if I kept going with the relationship he would’ve probably have me weigh myself everyday and report it to him. He was so toxic. I remember him making me cry in public more than once because of his spiteful comments (apparently he was “joking around”) ughh. Bye boy bye.

Oh and I went through an ED as a teenager which is something I struggle with on a daily basis. He knew this and still did all of this. What kind of a human being does this to another?

Title	You are allowed to eat.
Author	habeuscorpuscallosum
Upvotes	684
Comments	97
Date	July 21, 2021 2:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ooh9ft/you_are_allowed_to_eat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/you-are-allowed-to-eat.794284 https://theredarchive.com/post/794284

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