Can't believe I had this conversation.

funnyfaceking · 2013-01-20T03:11:21+00:00

Why would a black person not want to rape me?

lmao

half-human · 2013-01-20T04:39:49+00:00

Frankly, this is a disturbing way to behave at night, so I wouldn't suggest identifying yourself with the creep. It's fairly common knowledge that you should try to be conspicuously noisy and pass someone quickly and at a distance.

Just say it's gender neutral, because it is. Being overtaken quietly in the dark is potentially unsettling if you have reason to fear an attack. Men have reason to be on guard for assault and robbery as they are the primary victims.

According to her phrasing, we're supposed to suspect that the potential lurker in the shadows glances ahead, determines if it's a man or woman, and if it's a man, sure, go ahead and sneak up on him, because fuck him. If it's a woman, special consideration is due because she's a passive flower.

TheZenji · 2013-01-20T06:14:39+00:00

So this should happen?

"...^^^Hey ...^^Hey,you ...^Hey ...Hey ...Hey, lady ...Hey, just walking by you, I wanted to make as much noise as possible and get your attention during my approach so that I wouldn't make you worry about whether or not I would rape you."

sleepingprincess · 2013-01-20T05:02:41+00:00

Granted, it would be scary to be overtaken by ANYONE walking alone at night. I don't even like to overtake anyone during the day because I don't want to risk startling them.

saxmaster · 2013-01-20T05:12:14+00:00

I found her post justified. If you read it carefully, she says that he walked next to her silently for a few minutes before overtaking. That's what was creepy, not the fact that he was a man.

I enjoy a lot of the fresh ideas in this subreddit, but I don't find every little sexist remark offensive, and I don't think the tactic seemingly employed by the OP of feigning offense is particularly convincing. Plus, considering what she actually said, it's clear he overreacted and misread her post anyway.

Grubnar · 2013-01-20T06:51:12+00:00

Wait, is she saying that it is OK to say a black man might rape her, but saying that he might rob her is racist? I do not understand what she is trying to say.

ShadowSlipper · 2013-01-20T03:15:51+00:00

Be wary of arguing with fools. They will bring you down to their level and then proceed to beat the crap out of you with experience.

Demonspawn · 2013-01-20T05:17:37+00:00

Dear female neighbor:

If you are honestly that worried about your own safety, why not change yourself by getting the training and tools you need to maintain your own safety rather than expecting the world to change for you.

One is obtainable, one is not. I pray you have the wisdom to know which is which.

actanonverba8 · 2013-01-20T12:27:05+00:00

Sounds like a personal problem to me. The man did nothing wrong (or discourteous for that matter). If she has a problem with normal things in life, it is HER responsibility to adjust HERSELF. Walk with a mirror in your hand. Find a chaperone. Whatever. It's her issue, not anyone else's.

zpgnbg · 2013-01-20T11:53:07+00:00

This happend to me last night. I was going home from town and happend to walk the same path as a girl infront of me. I was tired and a little intoxicated so I just stayed behind her at a decent length and pace. Because it was so cold I couldn't walk slower and didn't wanna speed up to pass as she was walking faster wich meant I would have to walk stupidly fast. Then she turned but went back to where she was going so now I was closer and I slowed down because she was walking faster than me anyway. Let her gain some distance and went another way so I would let her go first over the bridge. I was just walking with some music in my ears and looking at the view, not caring about where she was. She must have slowed down or something cause I was now just a few feet behind her. When she turns and asks me if I'm ok. Since I'm following her she said. This was on a bridge that thousands of people use every day and she who was changing between walking slow and fast and turning left only to return and walk the other way. She was so bitchy, I was so shocked at her rudeness that I just said no I'm not before she started powerwalking the rest of the bridge.

Sorry if it's hard to read, wrote this on my phone.

Nepene · 2013-01-20T10:19:55+00:00

Whenever I feel uncomfortable due to the person looking like a murderer or a gang rapist I just cross to the other side of the street. It's not that hard. Why do these women find it so hard to just walk a little further?

kencabbit · 2013-01-20T04:58:35+00:00

How would I know he's black?

... for that matter, how would you know he's a man? Way to miss the point.

That said, if you know that women tend to be skiddish in this kind of situation it might be polite to act accordingly. That doesn't mean it's okay to demand men change their behavior to accommodate their fear of the male sex, though.

FireReadyAim · 2013-01-20T05:01:23+00:00

tl;dr: black people are rapists

Kogknight · 2013-01-20T11:47:20+00:00

Actually, if I find myself walking somewhere somewhat remote, like a parking lot, park, or anywhere peculiar I find myself, if I end up following someone, I tend to attempt to overtake them anyway, simply because I would be freaked out if I thought someone was following me.

EleisonJoy · 2013-01-20T22:58:50+00:00

I'm female and tiny and white (this will become relevant soon). One time, I was walking to my favorite bar in the evening, and I was going to be late for the tennis match they were showing that night. I was walking quickly as all hell, and I was taking poorly lit side streets. I was speeding past this slow lady in front of me and she jumps around and sprays mace in my direction. She screams, "Don't even try it!" The spray went to my right and I immediately looked behind myself (to the right) for a threatening person. There was no one else there. When I turned back around, the lady was running away and I slowly realized that I was the treat- that I scared her soooo badly that she felt justified in temporarily blinding me and leaving me in burning pain alone on a dark street at night. I'm convinced men and black people and other groups have a million stories like this that are better examples of why this idea is so awful- I'm just glad that crazy bitch has such crap aim and missed my face. I refuse to live in a world where you are guilty of threatening people until proven innocent.

iheartbakon · 2013-01-20T13:55:35+00:00

Dear feminist,

Go back home and stay there. Isolate yourself in a protective plastic bubble and let the rest of us live our lives without your delusional paranoia.

Sincerly,

The rest of society

unexpecteditem · 2013-01-20T17:32:22+00:00

The answer to this is always the same:

"I walked behind you because I don't feel comfortable walking in front of a psycho bitch".

gekkozorz · 2013-01-20T05:03:40+00:00

NEVER be afraid to engage feminist tools in these discussions. Just as you should call out racists, homophobes, and bigots of all varieties, you should never let misandry go unchecked.

OP, I salute you for your courage.

popsickletits · 2013-01-20T05:48:34+00:00

I hate people

procom49 · 2013-01-20T08:12:11+00:00

I don't wanna be that guy. But this is far from sexist. I'm a male and I would have been kind of scared too if a creepy guy walked really close to me when it was dark and not saying a word. And when she said "why would a black guy not want to rape me" I assume that she didn't mean that every black guy rapes. But that IF a black guy wanted to hurt her, why would it be mugging and not rape? What difference does it make that he's black?

I don't think it's fair to call this sexist sins the circumstances were scary and didn't help by having a creepy dude walking really close to you for a few minutes before saying anything

Wolf_Protagonist · 2013-01-20T17:54:39+00:00

I can see how a person could have been legitimately afraid in that situation. Personally, I'd be more afraid of a mugging than rape, since total stranger rape is really rare, but I could see being afraid.

What I can't see is blaming someone who was acting in a perfectly acceptable fashion. The guy almost certainly wasn't trying to sneak up on her, he was probably just walking normally and she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings.

If you are concerned about who might be coming up on you, it's on you to be aware of what is going on around you, not the 'creepy' guy who was just walking down the street.

I agree that he could have made some noise or something to let her know he was there, but that could have just as easily been the thing that startled her. He obviously was making enough noise for her to hear him approach, otherwise she wouldn't have known he was 'creepily close' to her.

The way it sounds she didn't even glance back to see what the situation was, and she could easily have stopped and let him pass, since it was obviously making her uncomfortable.

I swear, no one knows the meaning of the words "Personal Responsibility" any more. Let's just blame everyone else instead.

egibson · 2013-01-20T19:27:39+00:00

This is why I carry a portable air horn to warn all possible victims that, yes, I am approaching and that I am safe.

thedjb · 2013-01-20T03:08:55+00:00

So... she wants to be raped? :S

2013-01-20T07:09:56+00:00

If the path isn't wide enough to pass someone, I will walk behind them for a few minutes, then I will quickly overtake them.

Not intentionally close, but you can only comfortably change your gait so much, and I would rather not be behind someone slow.

SPARTAN_TOASTER · 2013-01-20T07:29:20+00:00

open mouth insert foot

GaryLeHam · 2013-01-20T08:13:30+00:00

To be fair, my own girlfriend's been stalked before by guys when walking home, so I can understand where this woman's first post is coming from. Her last response, though, I hope it was a miswording, but experience tells me it's probably not.

zpgnbg · 2013-01-20T08:19:11+00:00

Shame. when I joined this subreddit, I took it as more of a joke than a serious issue. but its really opened my eyes.

Caelamid · 2013-01-20T12:37:33+00:00

Yeah.. That's all pretty silly. And a bit paranoid...

And really, she should be grateful for the person walking quietly nearby that didn't rape her. The person's mere presence is probably like to deter an actual crime by causing her to no longer be a solitary target.

Estephe · 2013-01-20T13:08:15+00:00

Personally, I do not understand the item. "Letter" or "conversation" A woman is delivering a letter, but has steamed it open?

aCreaseInTime · 2013-01-20T15:14:34+00:00

I think you're over reacting. If anyone was walking "creepily close" to me at night for a few minutes I would be concerned too.

Chicago-JSO · 2013-01-20T15:46:21+00:00

Wow, that's sexist and racist... 100% purly bigoted.

XeroPeace · 2013-01-20T16:30:23+00:00

It's not sexism when women do it, just like it's not racism when minorities do it.

2013-01-20T16:36:27+00:00

Why would a black person not want to rape me?

That's pretty conceited right there. $20 says she's a total bitch IRL and that she's also pretty unattractive.

gazork_chumble_spuzz · 2013-01-20T16:40:47+00:00

Woman here - that's so silly. How dare he be out at the same time of night, on the same street as a woman! The reason he hesitated to pass her was probably because he didn't want to freak her out by rushing up behind her quickly. Dudes just can't win in these situations...everything you do is wrong no matter what, by virtue of being a dude outside at night on the same street as a woman.

MaunaLoona · 2013-01-20T16:44:57+00:00

Racism In The Elevator

2013-01-20T17:06:31+00:00

Why would a black person not want to rape me?

wat

2013-01-20T17:42:29+00:00

I don't ever want to meet this person ever in life.

16894 · 2013-01-20T18:33:59+00:00

Is she retarded?

electriophile · 2013-01-20T19:22:24+00:00

To be perfectly honest, no one likes being followed closely at night. It's scary, and not just the fear of rape. Men don't like it either for the distinct possibility of getting mugged or beaten.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2013-01-20T05:15:58+00:00

Why would a black person not want to rape me?

Oh god it's like in those anime/sitcoms where the man accidentally barges in on a girl, she gets all anxious/mad, and then she gets offended that when he averts his gaze with him apologizing.

"Why wouldn't you want to peep at me? Aren't I attractive enough to you?"

theonlyguyonreddit · 2013-01-20T05:29:22+00:00

My brain... it bleeeds

AnnieSchueler · 2013-01-20T10:11:30+00:00

A situation like this has scary elements. Wouldn't go as far as calling him a creeper. I also think situations like this can be just as unnerving for men. I don't want to start weighing fear of mugging/attack and fear of rape against each other. I don't think that would get us anywhere. I realise this fear women feel is sexist in a way. I realise this is upsetting. I have discussed this with my boyfriend recently. At the same time I personally don't know any woman who hasn't been subjected to some degree of sexual assault in her life (starting with verbal abuse all the way up to rape). This is a sad fact. And while this doesn't justify an assumption about 'all men', it does justify those women's being afraid. It's Schrödinger's Rapist.

IgorsEpiskais · 2013-01-20T14:14:46+00:00

How, why... why would she even be serious about something like that? I understand that some people are narrow minded, but to think that every man at night wants to rape her and that black people are all rapists is just over the top.

Holy shit...

Tusse · 2013-01-20T15:15:41+00:00

I whistle or sing if I am walking faster and am about to overtake someone (of any gender) over when it's dark.

Men get scared too, it's a totally natural reaction.

bunker_man · 2013-01-20T15:23:02+00:00

To be fair, I generally do try not to walk past people in creepy ways when we're walking alone, if possible. Being 6'3" and already knowing what getting mugged is like, I figure that it's common decency to not appear as a possible attacker to anyone you cross in any even remotely secluded area. Which is essentially anyone smaller than you.

hombretrebor · 2013-01-20T16:44:13+00:00

Though what this woman said BS, A simple "on your left" can go a long way in this situation.

pressthebutt0n · 2013-01-20T16:56:31+00:00

So she's a feminist, a racist and possibly a narcissist. She must be a REAL WINNER

Xenoith · 2013-01-20T16:58:24+00:00

Pick your fights man. Everyone is creeped out by this, but women are less afraid of other women because of their size. This is one area where because of biological facts, like the physical potential of men, that it's NOT sexist to fear men more than women. Men can dominate you easier than women. There is a reason women aren't fighting men in the UFC.

a1icey · 2013-01-20T18:20:46+00:00

My issue is seeing the shadow next to me for a while, but as a woman I invariably look behind and move slightly to one side, try to make eye contact to check the person's relative risk level, and to indicate that I am aware of my surroundings and of potential risks.

If it's at night and it feels like a high risk scenario, I turn my entire body around and walk backwards a few feet while I inspect the person.

I've lived in a scary city my whole life.

Altiondsols · 2013-01-21T02:12:37+00:00

"Oh, I can think of a ton of reasons why he wouldn't want to rape you."

midnitebr · 2013-01-21T02:21:30+00:00

What's one supposed to do? Announce that he is going to overtake? "Hey, unknown person in front of me, i'm overtaking you, ok!?", cause this way it won't be sacry at all...

Corblimy · 2013-01-21T14:54:21+00:00

/r/facepalm would like this.

Crazyjanda · 2013-01-21T16:58:00+00:00

:P you dont need these if you are serious.

And I do hope you are; also logic from expirience can not change a persons point of view if a person will not change it him/her self and as you can see they will not.

You cant fight other person ignorance, you can only help them see it for them selfs and these people just dont want to see how hurtfull and hatefull they comments are to a regular run of the mill guy like you or me.

SuperUppercut · 2013-01-24T23:06:47+00:00

She sounds starved for attention.

Wrong_Gecko · 2013-01-20T15:29:46+00:00

I usually am an advocate of men's rights as a woman, but in this instance I can't side with you guys. You have to understand that fear is a form of self preservation, and although not every man who walks behind a woman is thinking about raping her, it's a very real fear. Being aware of your surroundings is a crucial part of this preservation. It's unfortunate that any stereotypes arise, but it's not a useless mechanism. I'm not saying all men should tip toe around women to make them feel at ease, but certainly know that creepy behavior is going to be a red flag to us.

KINGCOCO · 2013-01-20T19:31:37+00:00

If she is being sexist it is entirely understandable. Fearing a strange man walk behind you at night doesn't mean you think all men are rapists. It's called being safe.

randallfromnb · 2013-01-20T19:49:03+00:00

I'm a guy and I agree with announcing your presence if you are overtaking a female on a sidewalk. The "black person" comment was funny though.

backhairparty · 2013-01-20T06:16:57+00:00

I support men's rights. I do believe the feminist movement has created bigotry in legislature, but I do not believe this woman is in the wrong. Criminal activity occurs at its most frequent between the hours of 12 a.m. and 4 a.m. Any cautious, logical thinking person would be more paranoid of any sort of attack whether it be rape, mugging, battery between those hours. Statistically, women make up a HUGE majority of rape victims, as men do rapists. Because she is a woman, thus more likely to be raped, that is a primary fear of hers. Also, someone lurking at night walking strangely close to you is a bit creepy. Given the circumstances, I feel this woman's fear is justified. I do not believe it was offensive to men as a whole, as it was directed at an individual. Perhaps the inclusion of "Dear Male neighbor" was not the most intelligent word choice, and I could understand how some would perceive it to be offensive. Let's be serious though, who else would rape her? a woman? very unlikely. And to my final point: I believe you made a fuss over something incredibly minor. I do not believe that things like this oppress men in any way, nor is it offensive.

2013-01-20T12:24:21+00:00

This is a pointless argument. This serves no purpose other than to antagonise.

2013-01-20T16:52:35+00:00

Passing someone while walking on the sidewalk is simply uncool.... in any situation. I understand that in some cases it must be done; and that is often the fault of the passee, but it is still uncool regardless.

Octagonecologyst · 2013-01-21T01:35:49+00:00

Why would a black person not want to rape me?

I can't help but feel just a little bit proud of her. I mean...wow.

BioGenx2b · 2013-01-20T05:32:16+00:00

Maybe he doesn't like white bitches.

JeffIpsaLoquitor · 2013-01-20T06:36:43+00:00

turn it around on her and insist she was going to rape YOU. At her age and with her looks, that's the only way she might get viable semen. those eggs get rotten quickly

Bbxf3 · 2013-01-20T06:02:55+00:00

I want to make a pretty undeniable point. Accuse me of bias. Accuse me of whatever. But if a woman is walking alone at night and a person approaches from behind, that woman IS FACTUALLY STATISTICALLY MORE LIKELY TO BE ASSAULTED IF THAT PERSON IS A MALE than if that person is a female. Out of the total number of cases where a woman is approached from behind by another person at night, a higher percentage of the male cases result in an assault than the female cases. This is obviously true. FURTHERMORE, in certain areas, it is also statistically true that A BLACK PERSON IS MORE LIKELY TO ASSAULT YOU THAN A WHITE PERSON. This is because of socioeconomic background, not because of any inherent racial differences. NONETHELESS IT IS TRUE.

THEREFORE: It is entirely reasonable to be more frightened of a male than of a female, and of a black male than a white male (at least in some places).

stw33 · 2013-01-20T06:53:36+00:00

New to this subreddit and have a question. Is this gonna be like /r/atheism and people are going to post a bunch of arguments they had on facebook?

memymineown · 2013-01-20T03:15:46+00:00

I can't believe you posted this here.

Of course there are idiotic sexists in the world but if we complain about them all the time we will never get anything done. And it is doubtful this even happened.

Title	Can't believe I had this conversation.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	737
Comments	249
Date	January 20, 2013 3:08 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/16wsj8/cant-believe-i-had-this-conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/cant-believe-i-had-this-conversation.1604483 https://theredarchive.com/post/1604483

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