How do people date nowadays?

Urbantexasguy · 2022-08-16T18:02:08+00:00

When it comes to meeting women in nightclubs and restaurants, you have to play close attention to the type of venue, day of the week, and time of the night. I've lived in Dallas and Houston for many years, and some types of places are great....others just suck.

Dance bars are better than sports bars. Upscale bars are better than dives. Weekend evenings are better than weeknights. Places that specialize in "fruity" drinks are better than beer bars. Places in good parts of town, are better than those in bad parts of town. Places with valet parking, are better than those without it. Darkly it places are better than brightly lit joints.

Also, get yourself a "wingman". A guy who enters a bar already talking to another guy, is far more attractive than a guy who enters alone. This is all time-tested stuff, but a lot of it gets forgotten, if you don't go out much.

MickIsBlue · 2022-08-16T18:42:33+00:00

Familiarity breeds attraction. Its pretty well documented (within the limits of the studies which mostly focus on exposure to a certain facial picture) that people you see more often will likely seem more attractive to you over time. I think this is a major problem with dating today. People don’t have communities anymore to meet people organically. Join a club or beer league sport. “What are you doing after this” to an acquaintance who know you is a lot easier than “hi my name is Jim and I think you’re very good looking could I please have your number” to a stranger.

geyges1 · 2022-08-16T18:00:56+00:00

This is the largest obstacle for most lonely guys: they have no direct physical, natural access to dateable women.

If you put 2 people together eventually they'll make a connection (romantic or otherwise). This is how people can "hit it off".

In 2022 this proximity can be arranged through apps/bars/friends. First 2 are super unnatural environments (and often also uneven/unequal). Having good friend group (that includes opposite sex willing to date) is not at all guaranteed due to how mobile our society is.

The people that I know met/connected through dating apps or through work/school. Working on a school project, or being in a same class, same office, or otherwise just going through misery that is online dating.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-08-16T19:02:25+00:00

Most meet thru work, school, dating apps, and social circle.

They make eye contact, talk, laugh, guy asks for number, he then texts her to hangout, BINGO. a new couple. Thats how it goes for 99%.

You need to do it urself, you cant be a background npc, nobody is going to do it for u. Talk to her, say hi

Freelovehighway · 2022-08-16T18:04:01+00:00

It happens mostly through social circle, with the exception of my sis, anyone who has met someone on OLD it still is just a person in their wider social circle. This doesn't mean people are saying 'have you met my friend such and such' and setting people up, just that people are meeting in the same vicinity as their social group and they foten overlap

rurunoa · 2022-08-16T17:45:45+00:00

i met my bf in school and we didn’t even go on dates we just hung out outside after school with other friends like 2 or 3 times and then he asked me to be his gf and i said yes. we were friends for around 2/3 months prior to that but we weren’t really close to be honest there was just a lot of tension at one point and it was definitely a decision made on a whim but it has worked out really really well so far. he is actually the only person i am 100% comfortable with, i consider him to be my best friend as well. and he has helped me a lot with my anxiety. even though i didn’t know him as well at the time we got into a relationship he turned out to be a perfect match but i know i just got extremely lucky. also since we are both kind of childish we said i love you straight when we started dating because we assumed it’s normal since that happens in movies. 😭 both of us were inexperienced and definitely mimicked what we saw in movies/shows alot LOL

wintergreen233 · 2022-08-16T19:18:29+00:00

Other than online dating, most of this typically comes through organic connections. People they meet through school, or work, or friends. People they start talking to, and realized they clicked with, and it evolved naturally from there.

So, for example: the last guy I really hit it off with was someone I met through a mutual friend, when we were all at the same professional event and spent some time together. He and I sure noticed quick that we had amazing chemistry and loved to spend time together, so it evolved from there.

That’s pretty typical of how me and the people i know mostly date. (I quit OLD recently, realizing it doesn’t suit my dating style — I need those organic connections to really develop attraction.) We meet people out in the world through our existing friendships, hobbies, activities, careers or other connections, and you start noticing sparks flying with some of them. And no, that isn’t restricted to only the most attractive men.

peteypete78 · 2022-08-16T19:35:05+00:00

Socialisation.

What a lot of people who struggle seem to share is the fact they don't socialize.

If you're not meeting new people how do you expect to find someone????

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-08-16T18:06:05+00:00

There is a bit of hope that once school starts up (especially colleges) that now: after a lot of stay at home online, people will go back to gathering in person and suddenly a lot of the young dudes here suddenly find themselves doing things with people. And then maybe some of them start just hanging out together.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-08-16T20:13:44+00:00

I met the new guy I’m dating via OLD last year, the spark wasn’t quite there, we both started dating other people, recently he reached out we were both single again so we met up again and he won me over with how he treated me, opening the car door for me, sweet dates like walking in the park, cute shit that’s just not that common, he hooked me, it’s still new but I’m feeling a bit smitten.

2022-08-16T20:52:09+00:00

Without sounding like hippy bullshit, it's all about the vibe.

JMoon33 · 2022-08-16T17:49:53+00:00

A lot of people meet their partner through activities of some sort. They meet them in a class they took, at an event they attended, while practicing one of their hobbies, at a get together organised by a friend they have in common, etc.

I met my partner at the gym. Neither of us was there to find a date lol, it just happened.

It was like that for most of my relationships.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-16T17:57:51+00:00

Same kinds of ways you meet friends, but you have or develop extra feelings towards them.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-08-16T18:03:29+00:00

But what does that even mean. What's a good example of someone hitting it off with someone.

are you all just from another planet now?

lolomotif12 · 2022-08-16T18:59:58+00:00

Activities, app, friends circle, work, basically anywhere there is the opposite sex.

todo_pasa_ · 2022-08-16T19:06:39+00:00

WHere people meet people for dates:

OLDsomewhere you both have to go regularly (school, work, courses, etc)travelingparties, friends of friends

with a guy who is not significantly above average or really attractive.

either go to therapy to level up that self esteem or find women who are uglier than you. Attractiveness isn't the only thing men have to offer.

Available-Ad-9338 · 2022-08-16T19:23:37+00:00

Through their social networks. It's pretty obvious. If you struggle to make and keep friends, you should focus on building your social skills before you even consider dating.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-08-16T20:09:18+00:00

In my social circle (20 year olds) most couples met either in high school, college or through mutual friends. You go out and see an acquaintance with their group, you mingle and vibe with them, somebody hits it off. You go to a party, both of you know at least one common person. Social proof is very important.

Barneysparky · 2022-08-16T22:46:20+00:00

A lot of the guys here do not have a social circle.

The best way to get a girlfriend is to have a social circle. If you don't have one join whatever league is popular with young people in your area. Slow pitch baseball, indoor hockey, whatever it is.

Do NOT go there and hit on the women you deem available. Go there and try to have fun, get to know the people who talk to you, at some point it will come out that you are single and looking.

Also take dance classes, same rules apply. If you are chill things will sort themselves out and within a couple of years max you will have found a gal that suits you.

If you do that for a couple of years and nothing happens it's not your bone structure or your height that is keeping you from getting a girlfriend.

bitchlodia · 2022-08-16T18:16:19+00:00

I was at a restaurant last night and saw mediocre out of shape guys with women who were decently attractive and dressed well. I even caught one of them eyeing me through a mirror and she looked away when I caught her.

Was I even interested? Nope.

Point is that I'm sure these guys had some basic social skills. It was around midnight. The women were dressed for a night on the town and the guys were dressed like they were on the couch all day.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-08-16T17:42:02+00:00

So what are the guys who do regular things like asking a girl out for dinner and being just another guy get dates easily? I just don't buy that. Unless they wait for incredibly amounts of time for a women that just finds him extremely attractive. Is that how most people date? They just wait for incredibly amounts of time?

It starts with actually asking them out on a date. It's a step way too many men don't even attempt before they start complaining.

Aim within your league, and ask girls out on an actual date, and you'll start to get dates and eventually a relationship.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-08-16T18:17:27+00:00

Haven't you heard? People don't date or have sex anymore. They are just born into relationships or part of a Chad's harem.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-08-16T18:32:04+00:00

It gets harder to meet new people as you get older, I think this is the cause of a lot of struggles. People of both sexes don't want to settle down too young, when it would be easier. Once you're past the age where most People are in relationships I'd say most couples are formed onl9ne somehow.

kenshn1 · 2022-08-16T19:54:39+00:00

I'd recommend most guys try and meet women through mutual friends, family, or work/school. That way you can build real attraction over time and you know you at least have something in common.

Avoid apps like the plague if you value your self esteem and aren't a 9/10 in looks.

Bars can be fun if you're going out with a group of friends every once in awhile. If you're not around women much the female attention is nice but i wouldn't suggest looking for a girlfriend there.

Another option is speed dating, or group classes but I'd only go there as a last resort in your thirties.

KFC_Fleshlight · 2022-08-16T19:49:31+00:00

i don’t just ask a girl on a date because i like the look of them that’s weird. I ask a girl out who i think i would get along with because of either their personality, sense of humour, or shared interests.

hotpinkpurple · 2022-08-16T21:08:58+00:00

What’s a good example of hitting it off?

Well, with my current relationship, our first date lasted for 10 hours! We didn’t plan that, it’s just that we “hit it off”!

Which means that the chemistry between us was so good that it made us want to hang out for as long as possible. We thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, had great conversations, laughed a lot, and had a lot of fun. Just on the first encounter.

We met in a singles group on Facebook, and we went on a date because we determined we share similar interests in music and counterculture.

On the contrary, I had another date with a different person, where I believe we both just knew right away that we wouldn’t click. We talked for about 30 min and then parted ways, never talked again.

MarBitt · 2022-08-16T18:00:37+00:00

What I see around me:

It's easy if you have a rich social life and personally interact and talk about normal things with more women your age offline. Then you know what she likes to do, what you have in common, you are not complete strangers. And you just have to ask, and it doesn't even have to be a classic date. "Shall we go swimming together at the lake?" "Let's play pool / darts / bowling." "What are you doing in the evening, shall we go dancing and have dinner?"

And then you just act so you don't end up just being a friend. Waiting a long time is stupid. On the contrary, jokes, flirting and fun are needed from the beginning. Lead. Don't let yourself end up in the role of "just a friend". And if you're not sure even after the third joint activity, you can clearly say - "I want more than just being friends, do you see it the same way?" If she declines, you don't invite her again, no problem.

This way, you spend your time doing activities you enjoy, with girls and women you find interesting. And some of them will step up to more than just friendship and it's clear almost from the beginning whether yes or not.

Of course, it requires some money that you can spend on your entertainment. But if you don't have them, dating is probably not a good idea.

richard_golbes · 2022-08-16T18:07:13+00:00

Because as the days go on it seems incredibly harder and harder for guys to meet women, approach women, talk to women, date them etc.

and

Like that's all they complain about is guys they constantly have sex with but won't get commitment from?

Who are you hearing complaining if you are unable to meet and talk to women in real life? Social media influencers, clickbait bloggers, and reality TV performers are not a representative sample of women.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-16T18:01:50+00:00

Get a group of friends together, go out to a bar, try and merge your group with another that’s a mix of people, keep doing this regularly and at some point you’ll meet someone

BlackjointnerD · 2022-08-16T18:17:23+00:00

You approach a girl and talk to her like a regular being.

Then you ask for her number. Then you ask her on a date.

But number one you have to be attractive.

h1shman · 2022-08-16T17:51:14+00:00

I approach women and ask them to join me for dinner. I also have an online profile that I have a pretty solid bio and pictures that makes women reach out to me first.

Between those two that’s how I date. I find online better use of my time as my SMV is pretty high so I do well with just my looks.

I found it easier to actually just have ONS with college aged girls than get actual dates from them though. Have had girls ask to go home together at clubs and left them with my number instead only to not be able to get them on a real date lmao.

AstronomerNo42 · 2022-08-16T17:56:59+00:00

I met my boyfriend on tinder but we also had mutual friends in our town so that helped.

Usually it’s been online with someone who has mutual friends like that or through other friends with no online thing or at school/work. Hitting it off just means attraction and common interests. I haven’t had any issues with people not committing because I’m clear about that from the start, nor do I go on dates with people significantly above average attractiveness.

For most of my friends this also applies, I don’t know where you’re pulling these ideas from. I think you’re on the right track with it just taking time for some people.

sarkington · 2022-08-16T18:43:36+00:00

Based on the middle, high school, and college students, and the young adults I know….you have friends and colleagues

I don’t know why I’m still surprised I get pushback on this from so many dudes here, but this is, like, human socializing 101, people. If you really can’t deal with anyone offline, the problem is you

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2022-08-16T18:50:27+00:00

It's easy for men:

Choose the right race and body type before you are born.
Select the right place and time to be born.
Work and train hard all your life to be worth something.

Doing that, you get a chance to interact with women.

From here it's a numbers game. You just have to meet a few dozen women every year, try and make each one feel like she is truly unique and a queen, jump through all the hoops.

Then you might actually get lucky once or twice.

PlainTundra · 2022-08-16T18:28:25+00:00

I don't date, I simply meet girls and things happen.

Last year I was approach in the beach by a girl and she gave me her IG. We texted and met couple of times. She was too young for me, it wasn't serious but fun.
I met my gf at work. I noticed she could be like me from a personality POV so I talked to her. One thing let to another and we are together. I use commuter rail to go to work.
There was a girl who sat near me for some days, she ended up talking to me in a flirtitious way. It didn't progress because I have a gf now and I didn't really like her. Too many tattoos.

supershotmd · 2022-08-16T20:10:20+00:00

Talk to many women. And wait until one smiles with her eyes at you and laughs at your comments more than usual. Then you try to get one-on-one time with her. If you are handsome it will happen very quickly. If you're not - it could take a very long time. Most men who are lonely are not handsome and gave up too quickly.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-08-16T21:15:41+00:00

You date by meeting people. You meet people at school/college, at work, through friends and hobbies. If you can't find a single person who likes you in any of these settings, it's less likely that all of these women are somehow super picky, it's probably that you're being weird and off putting.

And I'm sorry, I know this is going to come off as very rude, but if you are genuinely confused about how the average person dates, you seem like someone who stuggles to socialize in general.

Vtridolla · 2022-08-16T17:59:35+00:00

I just meet women out and about. If I see a woman giving me the eyes I’ll go introduce myself. Homegirls always have friends. I don’t know women are literally everywhere.

Zcuzz · 2022-08-17T00:59:33+00:00

Be a semi-hot chick and proceed foolishly and delusionally however you please.

As a dude? Ha! Buy a fucking lottery ticket. Total crapshoot. Learn to be a mind reader. Bust your ass in the gym and the workplace, learn how to satisfy a woman in bed. Grow an extra inch or two in height and cock. Learn to cook. Develop an interesting personality. Check every box a chick has and time your moves absolutely perfectly. Be strong, stoic, masculine, yet sensitive, intellectual, and kind. But also be an asshole. This is where your mind-reading comes in handy. Don't forget to argue with her and agree with her when her hormones demand it.

Sorry to go on so long for all you ladies, I'm sure my description of your dating experience was excessive mansplaining.

And for you dudes, sorry for the super concise explanation without any nuance.

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upalse · 2022-08-16T17:56:12+00:00

The easiest way is probably to be the plug at a proper time and place (festivals and other such get togethers).

If you're too scared or old for that, bar tending comes second best.

SwaySh0t · 2022-08-16T18:23:33+00:00

approaching in real life is the best since it’s hard for women to play hard to get without a screen. Made out with 4 girls at the same bar over the weekend and all but 1 flaked for dates so far, so even if you’re attractive it isint particularly easy. I get decent amount of matches in OLD but most don’t go anywhere I can usually edge out 1-2 dates per week. Moral of the story don’t limit yourself.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-08-16T19:35:44+00:00

Trust me man. Just hit the gym. It gets so much easier. They even start coming up to you.

lucasanderson24689 · 2022-08-16T17:43:30+00:00

Dating is actually extremely simple. "Hitting it off" is just another word for saying the date ended back at someones place with some wild nasty monkey sex. Incels just can't seem to wrap their heads around how easily this happens with men of a high enough caliber

jojo-giraffe · 2022-08-16T19:10:53+00:00

I met my partner online back in 2016. We from dating app, to Snapchat, to texting and phone calls pretty much every day. After a few weeks I decided to ask him out. We had really connected over the past few weeks via these phone calls, and I hd never even met this man in person, only saw him in photos and Skype calls. We met in person for the first time about a month later, and then dated LD for 4 years before moving in together.

If I was single at this point in my life, I don’t think I would be interested in dating at all, at least not in the traditional sense. I don’t really want to go out and meet people. I hate small talk and I don’t want to worry about people flaking on plans or feeling the need to bail halfway through a bad dinner. I suppose I just got lucky when he sort of fell into my lap.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-08-16T20:22:46+00:00

I gave up dating back in 2014. Quite possibly the wisest decision I ever made.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-08-16T20:29:08+00:00

its not that hard. ask them out and if they say yes cool if they say no then move on to the next one

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-08-16T22:52:02+00:00

I know some couples, here’s how they met:

Lived in the same college dorm/mutual friends
Bumble (three different relationships started this way)
Work/coworker set them up
Cold approach HOWEVER this happened in a college dining hall so they already had things in common like going to the same college, and it was just an exchange of numbers at the time

DreysunTheOne · 2022-08-16T22:53:05+00:00

the best answer I can give honestly is... organically?

like my first girlfriend I met because she used to buy drugs from my uncle and didn't drive, so she'd pay me to either run something up to her or to bring her to his house, she was always bubbly and flirty with me so one day I (autistically) asked her on a trip back to her place "when we gonna fuck?". she was offended at first but maybe in 2 days she said shit why not and we met and got it on in my car at the local park. this led to a very aggravating 2 year long FWB turned situation-ship turned relationship. didn't end well ofc because I had no business as a 18-20yo dating a 33-35yo woman, but I think aside from the messy ending we both had a good time

second was a coworker (I know, don't shit where you eat but wheva) who had to kinda drill it into me she was attracted to me, it started with her inviting me to go to her post work waffle house ritual with her friends, and we just built from there until I actually told her I wanted to be with her after I couldn't help myself from kissing her after a dinner date.

Alot of why I think OLD doesn't work for everyone is because you kinda just throw yourselves against eachother and hope you stick, when in reality men and women both benefit from having time with someone before they realize they want to be something more for them.

it really is as simple as finding someone you mesh with, however it may be, and playing by ear.

sometimes it really is love at first sight, other times its 2 friends who start spending too much time together until they fall in love, some others still meet up at a church, and others still have pseudo arranged marriages where 2 kids are just kinda set up for eachother from a young age. just depends on the people involved per relationship.

Sweet-Silvius · 2022-08-17T00:33:44+00:00

Lmao maybe don’t hook up at bars for life partners unless you’re a bar rat looking for another bar rat? Go get hobbies and do group versions of them. Meet people. Easy.

As for approaching women? You think it’s bad approaching them? Imagine being the woman and not knowing if you’re about to be attacked or harassed or at least deal with a misogynist. Sucks. There is no right answer since most women are different and range in likes, wants, and even if a majority fear men, it can vary and different things can be more alarming to them than others. This has nothing to do directly with dating women but existing with them where they are people that are afraid for their lives regularly and most got personal experiences that have at least made them wary.

Honestly wasn’t hard ever for me. Man or woman. First meet at places that were neutral and populated. Bright out usually. Stay a decent ways away to give them space unless absolutely needed to come closer or their body language opens up or they directly invite me closer. And then… talk to them like a person. Not some random woman or man you want to hit it with. Easy peasy. It sounds more complicated than it really is.

SantarpiosPizza · 2022-08-17T00:37:17+00:00

School and dating apps.

AdditionalPrice7336 · 2022-08-17T00:53:19+00:00

Hey ladies hit me up, I am a xy chromosome unit.

Bunny_and_chickens · 2022-08-17T02:10:24+00:00

I tried OLD off and on for several years, but never met anyone I clicked with. I met my husband in calc 3 and never thought he would be more than fun, NSA sex. 10 years later I can't believe how lucky I am to have found a man so amazing. We came from very different backgrounds; one of the reasons I'm drawn to this sub is because I'm trying to understand where he got some of what I consider bat-shit crazy ideas he had when we first met. But something just draws us to one another. He is hands-down the most valuable person in my life. He's everything I always wanted and my best friend. I could live alone with him forever and never feel like I'm missing anything. He puts my needs first, I put his first, and it works. It's not always easy, but he's perfect for me and I would sacrifice everything to be with him. It just takes time for some

neetykeeno · 2022-08-17T03:20:22+00:00

Well yeah...women are inherently cautious about being the sole object of the attention of a strange man who has plans to stick his dick up them, especially when as on a date they are without any backup from their friends. That's because some guys do be rapey...or stalky...or angry...or pushy.. or methy...or whatever. The hook needs bait because it is a goddamn hook, right? Without bait the downside is the first thought she will have. Because the downside of allowing strange men access is a statistical reality.

Demonstration of value is necessary before any woman who is not already relentlessly outgoing, extremely bored, drunk, feeling like cutting loose because she's on the rebound etc will accept a date or give you her number. Looks are one of the few valuable things that can be demonstrated in just a few seconds. It isn't all about looks, looks are just real easy to notice.

You need a plan to have demonstration of your value to appropriate women be systematically built into your lifestyle. I can't tell you what that plan should be. I don't know you I don't know what is valuable about you to women. I don't know what sorts of women you are after. But if you want mate acquisition to become easy you need to be regularly demonstrating to appropriate women whatever that value is.

Maybe you could run the lights and sound at the local pub's open mic night...that demonstrates a few things. Maybe you could volunteer at the local mending club at the community centre, fixing random items. Maybe you could join a local political group. Maybe you could join a band. Be a regular at church. Join a large writers group.

I don't know you I don't know what is worthwhile about you, I don't know what your interests are and I don't know what women you want. You know these things. Make a plan.

TheLoneMushroom · 2022-08-17T03:39:05+00:00

Nowadays people including myself have issues dating. Basically it works by being around someone long enough to start developing feelings for each other. Issue is nobody socializes anymore, and most people at scenes where they do just want a hookup. Best bet is through school or work. Or if you have any social hobbies.

TheHairyCooch · 2022-08-17T04:45:53+00:00

It’s simple………….alpha fucks | beta bucks

BitsAndBobs304 · 2022-08-17T10:35:05+00:00

> Like it's extremely hard for me to buy a regular woman

yes, women on ebay are very expensive and they have low product rating and horrible shipping costs.

MisterBastahrd · 2022-08-17T16:30:33+00:00

Step 1: Go to places you enjoy being at

Step 2: Talk to desired gender

Step 3: Schedule date

Step 4: ???

Step 5: Go on scheduled date

Bonus points if you stop getting your dating advice from absolute morons like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson.

Title	How do people date nowadays?
Author	MickIsBlue
Upvotes	109
Comments	253
Date	August 16, 2022 5:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wq0b8r/how_do_people_date_nowadays/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-people-date-nowadays.1128207 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128207

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