How important is “virginity” to men?

Zabadoodude · 2023-10-09T23:59:17+00:00

I always preferred her sexual history to be roughly similar to my own. When I was a 15 year old virgin, I wanted another virgin girl. In my 20's and 30's, I wouldn't want to be with a woman that didnt have some sexual experience, but I also wouldn't want one with hundreds of partners, because that's not who I am.

There are a lot of virgin men on this sub that, understandably, prefer a virgin woman. Most men irl aren't virgins, though.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-10-10T02:51:01+00:00

To most men it's not really important, especially as they get older. The minority of men who want virgin wives are mostly religous.

sine120 · 2023-10-09T23:53:57+00:00

When I had little experience myself, it was nice that we were each other's firsts. I enjoy not having to ever think about past partners or being jealous in general. In the hypothetical that I were dating at my current age (late 20's), I know it'd be unrealistic to have virginity be a deal breaker, but I'd still strongly prefer a woman who had a similar dating style/ history to me.

obviousredflag · 2023-10-10T06:34:12+00:00

It's not important to men on average. It's important to a select few who cannot fathom that they are the minority and very loudly and boldy defend their position as that of the majority of men, because anything else would make them look insecure.

There are studies about preferred number of sexual partners. Even young men, 20 years on average, prefer on average 1 previous sexual partner in a current partner over virginity.

melindabrown2023 · 2023-10-10T08:30:30+00:00

Girl, don't worry about what men do or don't prefer. Do what you WANT. If that means abstaining form sex, you should do that. If that means having fun with lots of new men, you should do that. I promise you, you can always find a man. And anyway, most men won't know what you've done in the your past unless you tell them.

wtknight · 2023-10-09T23:57:41+00:00

I don't think that most American men care. The majority are probably just turned off for relationships by women who are more sexually experienced than they themselves are.

Hot-Law2682 · 2023-10-10T01:52:19+00:00

Now that Im not a virgin I don't feel like I have any justification to demand a virgin partner.

Thats just not how the world works too. Around my age (21) basically everyone has had at least one serious relationship, including me.

What makes me any better than my peers that I should cut them all out of my dating pool for having normal sexual experiences? Seems unnecessarily picky and delusional.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-10-10T03:13:27+00:00

The lower the bodycount, the better.

slazengerx · 2023-10-10T02:00:46+00:00

I have negative interest in a virgin. I want a partner that is very comfortable with sex and already knows what she likes. I'm happy for the dudes before her to engage in the trial and error. A virgin is a complete crapshoot.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-10-10T07:36:14+00:00

To me, zero. What is of value is a lack of damage and overall effed-upness, which you can sometimes also find in girls who are “happy sluts”, just don’t expect them to stick around or be faithful; if you do, you are in for a hurricane of pain.

No guy wants to be a girl’s therapist for three hours for 30-60 minutes of pussy. This is particularly true when the answer to their problem is blatantly obvious, but they don’t want to do anything about it.

Workaholiconew · 2023-10-10T01:34:26+00:00

Virginity itself? Little.

It is just that male instinctual attraction is inversely correlated with number of past male partners.

Thus virgin obviously is the "prefered" by said instincts... but its not like someone who has a n of 1 is suddenly a whore and should not be considered for love.

If anything because virgins are oftne very demanding... most guys prefer the ones with 1..3 previous partners... usually defined as "low n women".

Bassist57 · 2023-10-10T00:12:54+00:00

Most men prefer a female virgin. Virginity is prized for women, male virgins are shamed.

grillopie · 2023-10-09T23:56:22+00:00

not important after like 19 or 20. typically you would assume they are not unless they tell you.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-10T00:17:30+00:00

I'd rather not date another virgin, but it's not too bad. A virgin has the excuse of not knowing how sex works, so I give her a pass. But there are 30+ year old women who don't know how to please their man, what pleases them, or how to have sex. Yikes.

I put no value or importance on virginity. I put value on body count. Hypersexuality as a result of trauma is very real. Avoid those women like the plague. I don't expect women to be virgins and I dont want a slut. My goal is to find a woman with a "healthy" amount of experience and partners.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-10-10T08:12:15+00:00

I think any adult man who expects his prospective similarly aged partners to be virgins has serious hang ups/issues

Affectionate-Base645 · 2023-10-10T00:05:04+00:00

Throughout history, men have always desired virgin wives. It wasn't until recently that western countries started encouraging women to have sex outside of the marital bed, and now we have high rates of single motherhood, abortion, STDs, divorce, etc.

Society benefits when sex is kept in the marital bed. Now, it is not men's fault if women think highly of non-virgin men. Men couldn't care less about the sex lives of other men. The ones who celebrate male promiscuity are women.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-10T01:42:23+00:00

I will tell you a little secret. Most women don't go to college virgins. I've checked.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-10-10T01:45:48+00:00

It's not mandatory but the lower the bodycount, the better

Teflon08191 · 2023-10-10T01:58:42+00:00

Men like women who are prudent about who they let between their legs. A woman's virginity is essentially just the most obvious affirmation of said prudence.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-10-10T01:59:49+00:00

I think its important for men who are serious about monogamy from the get go. I think some men fetishize it due to natural inclinations. I don't need a virgin at my age and experience but its also not like I'd turn a girl down for being one if all else is aligned like attraction and values. I think in an ideal world it would be nice to have a virgin that was sexually attracted to you for a serious monogamous relationship I don't quite understand when guys sometimes say they would want their partner to be well experienced but not too experienced idk I don't relate to the idea that I'd want some other guy to teach my life partner how to please me sexually I can do that myself just fine.

That said its just less romantic and less ideal times and wishing for a virgin will get you nowhere the vast majority of women that are still virgins 20-30 are more mentally ill than the promiscuous ones because they're usually only virgins involuntarily these days

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-10T00:09:03+00:00

It’s not important to most dudes. Most dudes are just looking for a girl that likes to date/hookup.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-10-10T00:48:59+00:00

It's very important for ltr.

AntiHypergamist · 2023-10-10T02:32:24+00:00

It’s the single most important factor for me

BeReady6129 · 2023-10-10T00:33:11+00:00

In the US the vast majority of women are not virgins early in adulthood. There is no expectation of them being virgins, so which lead to most men not caring.

Countries and Cultural more traditional they care.

throwaway__jay1 · 2023-10-10T01:03:16+00:00

Virginity is not at all a big deal to most men. Everyone has a past. But you also don't want the town bicycle either.

John_Oakman · 2023-10-09T23:56:17+00:00

The act of having high/unreasonable standards itself raises one's social standing, or at least not lower it.

This also applies to men/males in regards to potential SO's virginity. Sure, you might think them as pompous, but at least you're thinking of them for that brief moment, which is more than could be said for the masses who don't have that standard.

Troll4everxdxd · 2023-10-10T00:21:49+00:00

I don't care about it honestly. I'm more anxious about my own sex life and performance. I lost my virginity at 24 and one year later I'm still not that good or experienced in bed. I'm good at making out, at cuddling and at fingering, but regarding the "put penis in vagina" part I'm kind of clumsy.

If the woman I'm with doesn't judge me for those "limitations" she is more than alright in my book.

Edit: My anxious mind also mildly tortures me with "what if the condom didn't work/gets off" kind of thoughts too.

not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-10-10T03:23:35+00:00

It's a non-issue, unless girl treat it as some sort of treasure. Then such princess can just sit in her tower and continue waiting for some idiot. And it's possible that girl might think that being a virgin is an excuse for being lazy.

justacceptandmoveon · 2023-10-10T00:54:46+00:00

I don’t know about virginity per se, but I know that the closer to zero previous sexual partner any women I’ve been with was, the less « unattracted » to her I was also.

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-10-10T00:39:52+00:00

Its not that important at all. But would be a luxury.

Some-Parsnip-1551 · 2023-10-10T03:10:08+00:00

For any high value respectable man who wants a family then yes, it's very important. Any man with a plethora of options should settle down with a virgin if the opportunity presents itself.

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2023-10-10T11:57:18+00:00

Important? Not really. Most men, including myself, that claim to want a virgin would probably put her sexual past aside if the girl was perfect. If someone find their perfect partner, I doubt they would let virginity affect their relationship. But for those men, again including me, I would much rather them be virgins.

I think I could date a non virgin, I have in the past. But I will say through out the relationship I would feel devastated cause I would think of their past. But I figured it’s a pain that I must deal with

TenaciousVillain · 2023-10-10T00:36:56+00:00

In America, it’s used as a fuel hatred toward women to promote purity culture and patriarchy. But those women are usually trampled over and end up divorcing later in life. There are some who are actually traditional / religious and hold virginity in a wholesome light. Young girls in particular, have to fight to hang on to their virginity. I think there’s a high value in being virgin, but it depends on the man. It’s high value when it’s rooted in tradition and religion, or even self-preservation, and not hatred, power and control.

abaxeron · 2023-10-10T04:56:46+00:00

Terrence Popp of Redonkulas (who is, surprisingly, still active and based as always) proposed the Stack Test.

For a woman to be wife material in this day and age, all the penises she had in her life vertically stacked on top of each other must make up a completely safe height to jump off of.

If she jumps and bruises her knees, that's too much.

CountMandrake · 2023-10-10T05:08:27+00:00

As important as owning a Ferrari.

So, I don't have a Ferrari and I don't think I'll ever have one. I actually never got to drive one which is super accurate for this metaphore hahaha.

You get the point.

Yeah, today women are cars again, so virgin chicks are Ferraris, slutty chicks taxis.

No purpose in buying a taxi, so that's out of the equation.

Now, I'm currently dating an average cute 24 years old girl with a normal N-count, and a 36 years old professional cougar with an N-count of 2 including ME (unvelievable I know).

And I drive a Mercedes Advantgarde most days and my ol' Chevrolet Nova 73' coupé (which I love dearly) whenever I want to feel like a true champ.

So EVERYTHING in my dating life fits perfectly with my cars. You see...

The lady is like the Mercedes. Modern, fast, nice, good autonomy, gets the job done. But you can't crash with that shit or it gets wasted.

The ma'am is like the Nova. Nova it's more demanding and time consuming, but higher reward. Pure tradcon, ride or die shit. Like my grandpa (original owner) used to say, "this baby was made in a time when TVs and wives lasted a lifetime kid".

You can split a russian tank in twice with it. Two fucking owners! A couple of decades and a mileage and still running like the first day. That's where the status and reliability is at.

Makes perfect sense. So.

If I don't get to have a Ferrari, gimme the Nova. There are a thousand Mercedes out there. No status in having one, and will be trash in the next decade.

The Nova is for life.

And you can always get to work by cab when the Nova is at the workshop anyways.

FoggyDanto · 2023-10-10T12:30:47+00:00

Women value success and wealth in a man, what do you think a man values in a woman? Men don't marry women because they are successful, and even if they wanted to, women don't marry down.

It would be heartbreaking for a man to discover while he was working hard for a successful future, her future wife was busy shagging people. She feels like a fraud

AnimeBacon69 · 2023-10-10T05:01:26+00:00

for a serious relationship where she's gonna potentially end up as my wife she has to be a virgin no exceptions.

But for females that i consider recreational use i dont care but if they have more than 5 body's i find them revolting but i will still fuck them for fun.

Also for my wife im gonna give her a spiritual wedding i will never be married on paper im not gonna sign a contract where the women has a incentive to leave if she's not happy because she will be rewarded at the end

babazuki · 2023-10-10T02:40:45+00:00

It's like a giant engagement ring. It's like the biggest diamond you can afford.

You'll find very few women that would demand their fiance spend all of his money on a huge ring, but almost all women are going to expect at least something special. It doesn't have to be the most expensive ring, but it has to be something. But if they did get the biggest ring they ever saw, they would feel flattered.

So you'll see guys say they don't demand a virgin, but for a long term relationship, they need a woman that's at least not sleeping around a lot. They need her physical intimacy to be somewhat special to him. But if a guy did find out the woman he loves has only ever wanted him, that would be one of the most special things he could receive.

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DangZagnutsNewSon · 2023-10-10T00:30:01+00:00

I'm afab but I think I'm still qualified to talk about this a little at least. With virgin guys, the young ones, they are too shy to initiate touch so I just get to do it when I want to. This actually thrills a lot of guys. Even non virgin guys. But the non virgins when sensing chemistry will often just go for it. And I tell them my preference they almost always say "this is what my last girlfriend(s) liked" so I imagine for cis amab men there's a similar preference for being in control and training. When a guy goes too fast and regrets it and says that's what his old girlfriends like he basically admits he was trained wrong. But the thing is I'm female so I'm used to men wanting me for no reason other than my looks. The men who want virgin girls are usually rich ugly old white men who have no idea what it feels like to be wanted just physically for appearance alone, therefore only want virgin girls for control. Not because moving at their own pace is easier for them, but because they know nothing else from being spoiled with power.

Macron3124 · 2023-10-10T01:15:32+00:00

I don’t feel like an actual man as a virgin.

Mitago1 · 2023-10-10T02:49:34+00:00

I personally don't care that much about virginity, but a huge body count might be a red flag depending how old the individual is.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2023-10-10T05:22:49+00:00

virgin is unrealistic once you reach a certain age in most western countries but a high n count is definitely a turn-off for a lot of guys. there are logical reasons to explain it but really it's just like an ick to put it in a way women might understand better. a gut feeling of sorts, probably tied to evolutionary psychology. more common in less promiscuous countries i'm sure, in the US hookup culture is as normalized as it can be.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2023-10-10T05:30:05+00:00

To man himself or to his bros who know that he's a virgin?

xTakki27 · 2023-10-10T05:59:15+00:00

It's closer to a low-risk relationship than one with a woman, whose bodycount is above 50 or so...

She can't gaslight you with " I've got options, you're lucky I'm settling for you" and this also lowers chances of cheating...

So why wouldn't I want someone with limited sexual experience?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-10-10T07:27:47+00:00

I think there is an evolved male instinct to prefer some degree of sexual 'purity' or even virginity, for a lot of obvious evolutionary reasons such as paternal certainty.

But I question how strong this instinct is--it does not seem among the strongest, and there seems to be a lot of variation among males in terms of how strongly they feel it. The instinct also seems relatively plastic with respect to how impacted it can be by socialization. But it is there.

Something akin to that is in women, too. Women slut shame at least as much as men. A lot of this is probably cultural and for helping to manage male sexual expectations. That said, I believe most serious investigators of the issue recognize there is some natural asymmetry between the genders when it comes to promiscuity and its effects. That said, I do not believe this is an enormous difference. Arguing that women should stay virgins until they marry, in a highly sexualized culture, while men should fuck everything they can, seems misguided.

LaTableEstBasse · 2023-10-10T08:38:18+00:00

I don't care about virginity.

I care about baggage and STDs. I don't want to deal with someone's emotional baggage. I don't want to be another number on a list. I don't want to be with someone who's more likely to cheat, ignore and abandon others. I don't want to be with someone that don't take accountability for the consequences of their actions.

I want a partner who values relationships and physical intimacy the same way I do. It's not about a precise number that once passed makes you become an unworthy person. It's the way you value people.

CosmicBioHazard · 2023-10-10T10:46:41+00:00

I mean I was a virgin when I married first. Divorced now.

Sex is the most intimate thing I can think of, so if I can only be as intimate with someone as I’ve already been with someone else, that’s not special enough to me to deserve my lifelong commitment, and for that reason I’ve been trying only to hook up since and not get into another relationship. Of course that’s not happening either so I’m just kinda stuck doing nothing at all these days.

I’d never want to pledge the rest of my life to someone knowing neither of us is getting the full brunt of a special experience when we’re intimate. Just not an acceptable set of parameters for me.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-10-10T11:04:36+00:00

I believe that most of the guys who look for virgins are just religious.
For me personally, the only thing that matters is if her body count is concerningly high, and that is exclusively in the context of serious long term commitmet.

throwaway651109 · 2023-10-10T12:36:47+00:00

Some men do think it is important, some men don't. From my experience, it depends on whether they are religious, easy to get laid, media consumed, and circle of friends.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-10-10T13:13:47+00:00

Be a virgin or have a history of dating decent men.

I have an issue when a girl has a long history of dating bad boys. I'm not one, so I doubt it will work long term and would seek a different partner.

Mr-Yuk · 2023-10-10T14:58:01+00:00

Not whatsoever

SyrusDrake · 2023-10-10T15:38:14+00:00

I would hypothetically prefer a virgin because I think she'd be more willing to put up with me also being a virgin, which might be naive. But if that wasn't a consideration, I really wouldn't care at all.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-10-10T17:23:14+00:00

The only reason I'm concerned by women's body count is because the more men that women have slept with, the more likely they are to cheat on you.

Common_Letterhead423 · 2023-10-10T19:40:51+00:00

Really really important. It's one of those things men value the most. Only those who can't choose say that they don't care, or that they are actually choosing that which is the only thing they can get. I'd never choose a woman with sexual experience over a virgin girl. And no honest sane man would tell you otherwise. Of course, this is an ideal. Same way women tend to prefer 6 feet tall men, but they cannot always get it.

sharksville · 2023-10-11T04:55:37+00:00

Very important.

Anti_Thing · 2023-10-11T07:23:18+00:00

I don't think there is a "general consensus".

It's high on my list of priorities, but I'm devoutly religious volcel virgin & my parents are immigrants from Eastern Europe.

Regular men around me, in contrast, who are generally secular, sexually experienced, & much more culturally Western than myself, generally don't care about a woman's virginity, or even prefer women who aren't virgins.

throwaway316stunner · 2023-10-11T16:25:12+00:00

As a virgin myself, I don’t find whether or not they’re a virgin to be important but I do feel there is a max n count that depends on their age.

I would much rather have a woman who genuinely cares about me.

Title	How important is “virginity” to men?
Author	intothemayland
Upvotes	12
Comments	233
Date	October 9, 2023 10:58 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1745oza/how_important_is_virginity_to_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-important-is-virginity-to-men.1234567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234567

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