There is a lot of conversation on this sub about men being “lied” to about women’s preferences. Many claim to have been totally clueless about women weighing other qualities in a potential male mate such as their physical appearance. I not only question this claim—yes some women lie about this and say they only care about “personality” but there are also many instances of the contrary, and these days so many women are openly saying they want 6ft, 6 figure, 6 pack that it has become a trope in and of itself.

I believe the true reason men get so upset about women valuing other traits in addition to or even more than “niceness” is because being nice is accessible and relatively easy to achieve compared to the many other things a man could do/have to be attractive to women.

Let’s review the qualities that could influence a man’s attractiveness to a woman

Physical Looks (Face), Physique and Health (Body), Wealth, Power/Protective instinct or capability, Intelligence, Social Adeptness and Humor, Kindness/niceness

All of these are generally considered attractive qualities by women, though the order in which women value these things varies. Nevertheless out of all these qualities the most attainable one for the average man is kindness/niceness. Pretty much any man can be nice if he wants to be vs being good looking or tall which is contingent on winning the genetic lottery. Being nice also doesn’t require much skill or effort, it’s not something that an average man has to work towards to gain over a long period of time like power and wealth. It’s even easier than being funny or socially savvy which could also take time and is somewhat contingent on upbringing, environment, and/or genetics. Average men are pissed not because they were “lied to”, but rather because it’s actually more difficult to achieve or obtain all the other qualities and they don’t want to try. They want it to be easier.

For instance if a woman “lied” and said she mostly cared about a man’s looks but went on to date a “nice guy” who wasn’t that good looking I doubt these men would care or complain. I mean, isn’t that the plot of every “nice guy and/or poor guy gets the attractive/popular/shallow girl once she learns to value niceness over good looks or wealth because the ‘alpha’ guy she chose originally treated her like crap?” Nice guys genuinely feel good about those stories and even blame them for the “deception”. They love the idea of the bar being extremely low for them. While women are shaving, plucking, dieting, getting skin care treatments and plastic surgery, dying and cutting their hair etc.. to be more physically attractive all men have to do is “be nice”. Damn I wish I could live in such delusion myself. Some of you really need to get over this, nothing in life is that easy. And it’s not that women don’t like “nice guys” it’s that they like a bunch of other stuff too so you’ll need to work on the other stuff as well. Don’t be lazy about it.