Q4M: when dating, do you factor in how attractive she is to others?

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-10-12T17:22:19+00:00

This is an area where men and women will differ greatly. If I am attracted to her, and she is attracted to me, I wouldn't give a single fuck what some third party thinks.

Puzzleheaded_Till829 · 2024-10-12T17:18:16+00:00

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-10-12T17:02:46+00:00

when dating, do you factor in how attractive she is to others?

What matters is if I want to tap that ass. I dont' care whether Ryan, Jeff, Robert or Ben would tap that. Completely irrelevant to me.

Big-Accountant4923 · 2024-10-12T17:09:51+00:00

Inomaker · 2024-10-12T17:11:27+00:00

I don't really care about the opinions of others for personal things.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-10-12T17:49:16+00:00

This concept matters a whole lot more to women than men. Women can’t even understand how attractive some men are unless she knows he’s with other beautiful women.

Any girl with cute face and looks decent in a swimsuit will relentlessly be hit on by guys. If you land a an above average chick, guys that don’t get girls will say she’s mid or say heard she is a ho because they are jealous.

Reasonable_Corner624 · 2024-10-12T20:43:14+00:00

Probably about 95% of men do not do this.

KratosGodOfLove · 2024-10-12T17:12:06+00:00

You can ask yourself these questions but ultimately you have to make up your own mind and stop relying on the judgment of others to pick your partner.

If you can't decide for yourself, you're not a functioning adult and are others your potential partner or are you?
That's why I am not that bothered if I don't like some of my friends' wives or girlfriends. I don't tend to say anything because 1) I don't claim to be smarter than them 2) I'm not the one ultimately dating them so I don't need to like them.

BigMadLad · 2024-10-12T18:03:33+00:00

Honestly for me its better if no one wants them. It makes it feel more special and I feel less in competition. I do not care overall what other men think, and I dont want to.

Termodynamicslad · 2024-10-12T20:16:48+00:00

No, at all, it's often a blessing if she is attractive to you and not others, less competition.

Relevant to the video you posted:

The women on my circle care about this

They will usually dissect all the visible traits from the men and ask opinions to each other. Being single for a long time.is reason for suspicion.

It's called mate choice copying

This is why men at relationships are seen as more attractive, and men who gets rejected by everyone, are seen as less.

DumbWordsmith · 2024-10-12T16:59:29+00:00

Nope.

Women seem to be concerned about wanting the best overall, and they often focus on how they're perceived by other people. I just want the best for me; if I can't get it, so be it.

Of course, there are men who want "trophy wives." I've never been one of them. I don't even find most "trophy wives" attractive, as the Barbie look doesn't do shit for me.

thedarkracer · 2024-10-12T18:46:28+00:00

Nah we don't follow mate copying.

Bubbly_Pension4020 · 2024-10-12T16:56:03+00:00

One time I dated a girl that was very conventionally attractive, but not my type. It didn’t last very long.

I haven’t really done it since then, but I do think a lot of guys will date as a status thing. You don’t really need multiple men pursuing her though, because you know what’s conventionally attractive and what’s not.

a_minty_fart · 2024-10-13T05:21:02+00:00

The only question I ask is "if she's this hot, why is she single?"

You always have to watch for the red flags. They can hide them for a while but they always drop their guard eventually.

HighValueWomanBook · 2024-10-12T18:33:10+00:00

"If he's not talking to multiple girls, that's kind of a red flag." She goes on to question, "like, why does no one want this one? No one wants this one? Why not? Whats wrong?"

This is why pre-selection is so important when dealing with (low) value women. When a man has been pre-selected by other women, it relieves that woman's accountability for potentially choosing a bad apple. Yet, this same woman will get upset when he chooses to be with other women.

babazuki · 2024-10-12T19:59:06+00:00

She entertains multiple guys at a time, that's why she thinks it's normal that people be like that. She a hoe. Ain't too complicated.

Where's the stones?

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-10-12T18:27:03+00:00

I wouldn't even consider it 🤣 my opinion is superior to everyone else's.

ThickyJames · 2024-10-12T22:52:34+00:00

There is an element of this for men but it has nothing in common with the mate choice copying of females. For men it's a point against you if you're embarrassing in public. But that has nothing to do with others' judgement of your attractiveness: it has to do with whether you make a fool out of yourself and by extension me.

Dry-Ad3452 · 2024-10-12T17:17:12+00:00

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-10-12T18:00:30+00:00

No because I am very confident in my ability to get to know that person on my own without having to get my opinions from someone else, especially not someone else I don't know. I'm also confident in my ability to discern whether I like the person and the experiences I'm having with them.

What I've italicized above is an area where women are under-socialized and their social skills are typically lacking to their own detriment.

Also, I'm assuming if she's talking to me she's talking to ~95 other men. It doesn't work the same way for men (except for the top dudes) as it does for women in that regard.

Involved_Currently · 2024-10-12T18:43:43+00:00

No.

Actually sometimes somewhat. Ill admit that there used to be an element of prestige associated with some women. But its more that the espousement of these women validates you, so you kinda want that. That can make some women more desireable. However we are talking like 1 out of 10.

But generally speaking, no it doesnt factor in at all. If I think shes pretty, other men being interested in her is annoying competition in the vast vast majority of cases, its not an encouraging endorsment.

Matter of fact the whole "out of your league thing" comes from the fact that women that have many suitors showing interest in them kinda turn off a lot of guys, because its not worth the effort "queueing for her attention". And I feel that way often as well. If I have the opportunity, ill gladly take it, but Im way to proud to not get undivided attention.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-12T19:10:30+00:00

Part 2: But there is nothing wrong with introverted men, I think it would be worse to pair bond with a guy that is extroverted and good looking but won’t commit and has many options. Many Woman subconsciously love men that are admired by many woman lol. An example would be all the woman in college or high school that all want the good looking quarterback or sports player. The same thing exist in online dating and in real life relationships with woman. This goes back to mate selection in female primates and the human animal.

DietTyrone · 2024-10-12T21:44:19+00:00

If I think she's hot, why would it matter if others don't?

Only-Plate590 · 2024-10-12T22:29:23+00:00

Men don't overthink this.

She's not talking to other guys? Great, I've got no competition.

BigMoistTwonkie · 2024-10-12T23:58:40+00:00

No, I think that's definetly more of a woman thing. I've never once cared about whether or not any other dude thought that the women that I found attractive were attractive to them.

I've actually talked with other guys about what women we found hot, and very often, I'd find out that guys I was friends with were into totally different types of women than I am. Nobody cares though, it was always something like, "Whaaat? You don't think she's hot? You're crazy man!!!!!" ...and vice versa.

Bitter-Hat-4736 · 2024-10-13T02:21:52+00:00

How the hell can I see if she is attractive according to other people? Should I take a survey of everyone around a specific woman before I talk to her?

"Ahem, excuse me everyone, I am about to flirt with this woman. But, before I do that, I want to take a few minutes to determine how attractive she is to everyone else. I will be handing out a small 10 question questionnaire, along with a series of photos. Please take your time filling them out and place them in this convenient box. Thank you, and have a good day."

JollyRoger66689 · 2024-10-13T04:59:20+00:00

While I wouldn't factor in how attractive she is to others (for instance im a bit of a chubby chaser) I would factor in the dating of multiple people but in the opposite way that women would, beyond the not wanting to date a ho I would be thinking "why do all these guys just use hee for some short term fun?" And "damn I don't want to be the guy that seriously dates the town slut, that's pathetic I would want to clown on myself "

Creation_Soul · 2024-10-12T16:57:44+00:00

i think this isn't its own factor, but it's part of "how were your past relationships?" discussion.

After a certain age, it's kinda weird for both genders to not have had any relationships at all. It's not a red flag, but it is a yellow one that that needs some examining.

krackedy · 2024-10-12T16:54:09+00:00

If she's struggling to find any guy interested in her then I'd wonder why. Assuming she's pretty, I'd wonder what red flags she might have. I'd be a little hesitant but give her a chance to see what kind of person she is.

WhiteLotusGauntlet · 2024-10-12T20:40:16+00:00

It doesn't matter to me if others are physically attracted to her, but I certainly do care if she has friends and is well liked by others.

Men just tend to value personality a little more than women, who care more about physical attraction.

HTML_Novice · 2024-10-12T17:11:03+00:00

If she’s nearing 30 and still single I usually can figure out why pretty quick. So the result of her not being wanted by others is a negative result, but also I’d be lying if walking into a place with by far the hottest girl there, around my arm didn’t make me feel like I won at life

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Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-10-12T17:16:16+00:00

Sure. Its very odd if a pretty woman, who has interests in relationships not be able to have a boyfriend. And it may be a sign of other issues (usually mental health issues)

19whale96 · 2024-10-12T17:57:05+00:00

If the opinions of others factor in at all, it's actually whether she's too hot for me, or if my friends would be as interested in her, or if she gets so much sexual/romantic attention that I can't trust her to stay exclusive.

KamuiObito · 2024-10-12T18:30:03+00:00

Nope. Why would i. Some men are followers tho. They tend to like those generically pretty girls. I like a little uniqueness. Like being fit, gaming, so if you look alright and have a trait that’s fun it makes you more attractive. I also like things like voice, cadence and mannerisms..or does that fall under personality.

ta06012022 · 2024-10-12T18:55:43+00:00

If a woman is attractive but perpetually single, that's a red flag. In my experience, there's typically a reason.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-12T18:59:50+00:00

Some Woman never understand evolutionary or social psychology when it come to men and dating. Your alien like instincts tell you there is something wrong with a single lonely guy that’s introverted. The thinking is “he’s a loser, he’s a weirdo and creep, he’s a serial killer or socially inept lol.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-10-12T19:00:41+00:00

I never thought about it because I understood that if I thought she was hot, other guys would too.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-10-12T19:14:28+00:00

Well, that's generally a proxy. Following the mass help finding good enought solutions. But going outside the general mass help you find some great gems. I generally vet the people I date so it will show if the woman in front of me is a problem

The best thing is to check by yourself

63daddy · 2024-10-12T19:15:10+00:00

I’d say overall, It’s what I think that matters, not what other people think. Different people are attracted to different attributes.

That said, if someone I know says a woman I find attractive is bipolar, prone to being controlling over time, etc., I’m certainly going to consider that.

wtknight · 2024-10-12T19:17:46+00:00

No. I don’t care at all if other people find my partner attractive. It’s actually better when other men aren’t hitting on her but I find her attractive.

classicslayer · 2024-10-12T19:22:14+00:00

Nah this is something women worry more about. If I really like a woman I don't care if other people don't find her attractive or not.

OuroborosMadness · 2024-10-12T20:29:06+00:00

No.

And what she says make me see her THE RED FLAG.

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-10-12T20:47:11+00:00

I never really cared. My standards are fairly mainstream, but I've never cared what others think.

purplish_possum · 2024-10-12T21:11:54+00:00

Nah. I don't care if other people think she's too fat.

MeteorMash101 · 2024-10-12T22:13:06+00:00

Hypergamy seens to only run in women.

Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-10-12T22:28:26+00:00

Not much.

My gf is Asian and I know a lot of guys aren’t into Asian girls at all so I know from the get go lots of men won’t be attracted to her. In Australia most guys I think idolise the blonde tanned busty white girl look

It means more to me that other women acknowledge her as pretty, which they do. Especially women from similar backgrounds as her

ThePrinceJays · 2024-10-12T23:01:02+00:00

If she’s already attractive to them, if other men find her attractive BUT she doesn’t pay them any mind, attraction to her increases greatly. It’s called the madonna affect. But thats just attractiveness, which has nothing to do with the decision to date her, only to ‘smash’.

Otherwise, if she’s unattractive to a man, nothing will change that lol. I could try my hardest to like her but it will never really work if there was no attraction to her in the first place.

But to answer your question directly

modidlee · 2024-10-12T23:25:44+00:00

Some guys do, other guys don’t. I remember I actually cursed one of my boys out when I said I could “do better” than the girl I was with at the time. Most men really just want someone who accepts and likes them. I’d say certain guys and a lot of women care about the person they’re dating being seen as super attractive to other people. Like someone else said, if I find her attractive it’s almost certain that some other guys do too. And the funny thing is a woman will find a guy attractive, but let the opinions of their friends dissuade them from dating him. It’s like women don’t actually think for themselves sometimes lol

Prcrstntr · 2024-10-12T23:53:55+00:00

For some reason the women I have been attracted to have all been among the most beautiful women I've ever seen, even if others disagree.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-10-13T00:09:00+00:00

Not really it's really just about who has the features we seek, were not like women where we find them attractive and then try and see how they fit among the nearby populace

Total_Hospital_6013 · 2024-10-13T01:59:00+00:00

No it's irrelevant how attractive other people find her so long as I'm attracted

I know women will often find a guy more attractive if her friends find him attractive

Saying that I would care about how she presents herself and carries herself and I would factor in how other people perceive her into that for example I don't think it's necessary for my partner to dress up or do her hair everyday especially if we're just chilling in the house or if we're just getting some groceries or whatever but if we're going out meeting friends for drinks or whatever I don't want her to be the least best presented girl in the room/pub/restaurant etc

berichorbeburied · 2024-10-13T02:05:54+00:00

No

What others think doesn’t matter to or affect my attraction

cardboard_pyramid · 2024-10-13T02:19:51+00:00

It wouldn’t matter to me at all

Reno0vacio · 2024-10-13T04:07:32+00:00

I mean, when should he talk to more girls? Maybe they are a relationship and then? Or when he's at school? Why should he talk to other girls?

I have some idea what she means, but this, like a lot of tiktok videos, is like shitting on the porch and ringing the doorbell.

SadCahita · 2024-10-13T07:12:22+00:00

when dating, do you factor in how attractive she is to others?

No. In fact I don't want other men looking at her

just_a_place · 2024-10-13T07:46:21+00:00

No.

Zero fucks are given about how hot other dudes think a girl is. It does not matter at all in our own attraction to her. Men do not find women attractive 'via consensus' the way women do. We like what we like and we don't give a fuck if other men think she is ugly or hot - it does not matter nor factor at all in our judgment, at all!

This is one of those things that applies only to women and is completely alien to men.

SerpentCypher · 2024-10-13T12:51:25+00:00

Nope. Caring about how their partner compares to others is something women care about.

Men couldn't care less. If I'm attracted to her why would I care if anybody else is or isn't?

In fact, if she isn't constantly being hit on or in flirtatious situations with other dudes I call that a bonus. I would prefer other me to not find her attractive and not be trying to poach her.

When women rock up to a party with their man, they want him to turn heads, to make other women in the room jealous.

When a guy rocks up to a party with his girl, he'd prefer it if all the other men just leave her alone.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-10-13T18:49:13+00:00

Can someone explain the subway thing for me?

Proudvow · 2024-10-13T19:35:16+00:00

No.

If anything I would want nobody else to be attracted to her, so that I have less competition and more leverage.

Goonerlouie · 2024-10-13T21:59:59+00:00

I can understand why a woman might think that about a man but as a man we all know men are horny and most likely talking to a woman for one overall purpose so we don’t put value on if other guys are talking to her.

Isn’t there a Seinfeld episode similar about one of Jerry’s dates and everyone thinks she’s strange apart from his parents? Personally if that was me, fuck what the friends think, if she’s great for me then let’s not waste any time

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-10-14T02:08:22+00:00

It's a bit different for men.

Is she over 30 - 40 years old and single? That might be a red flag.

Is she younger? Then, there is going to be tons of people who find her attractive regardless. Unless my friends know about the girl and they warn me beforehand, otherwise nope.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-10-14T16:01:25+00:00

To some extent, possibly. I don't take it as far as this tik tok.

I assume that physically attractive women could easily talk to more men if they wanted to. That she isn't just implies that she's more selective, which is flattering. With men, I can see how it could be viewed differently, as they're typically on the other end of the demand curve. When a woman receives a lot of attention from men, preselection of other women is a common, though often unconscious, filtering process.

With women, it would have to be more obvious than this. I would have to hear bad reviews from other men. Even then, I wouldn't write her off until I'd experienced some of whatever those men are complaining about firsthand.

Jello_Vivid · 2024-10-15T02:49:44+00:00

Nope

one_ball_policy · 2024-10-12T17:24:05+00:00

I’ve never once thought a girl was more attractive because my friends thought she was. As a matter of fact if I found a girl that only I thought was beautiful and every other man thought was ugly that might be more ideal.

Title	Q4M: when dating, do you factor in how attractive she is to others?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	2
Comments	192
Date	October 12, 2024 4:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g24ckz/q4m_when_dating_do_you_factor_in_how_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-when-dating-do-you-factor-in-how-attractive.1533166 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533166

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