Study: Most romantic relationships start as friendships

truthteller8 · 2021-07-20T15:30:46+00:00

The study was done on college students, where presumably they would have big social circles and may have opportunities to "personality" themselves into a relationship over time with a person in the social circle.

That game plan doesn't really work if you're a real adult who spends 40+ hours in an office working with already married folks.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-07-20T16:41:27+00:00

I think it's worth making a distinction between friend and friend-zone.

2 people who are introduced to each other socially by a mutual friend may end up hanging out a bit and gradually their flirting and sexual tension leads to them hooking up or forming a relationship. The fact they were hanging out before they made it a romantic thing technically means they were "friends first".

That's a fair bit different to a guy pining after a female friend for years who is out there banging guys she is genuinely attracted to and she looks at at her friend like he's a completely non-sexual being like a lamp. This is friendzone territory and what young guys need to wise up to.

Banned_BY_SOYMEN · 2021-07-20T12:41:53+00:00

People who have long standing friendship circles know this to be the case.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-07-20T12:33:48+00:00

There’s a difference between platonic friends and acquaintances who are flirting with each other. Like if you asked my mom if her and my dad were friends first she’d probably say yes but my dad would be like hell no lol. I’ve noticed a lot of women think the courting process or initial dating stage is a “friendship” that forms into a romance. I reject this entirely.

I never slept with someone I was “friends” with first, But I don’t use that term friend lightly though.

Eastuss · 2021-07-20T14:25:46+00:00

Most people who claim their relationships started as friendships vastly underestimate how much flirt, mutual interest and sexual tension there was.

This isn't the pure friendship that made the relationship happen.

I've had pure platonic friendships, and I had no sex until I learned to be properly flirty and sexual.

In any case, TRP tries to help men who generally tried the friendship approach first. There are men to who it'll never work and telling them it works isn't going to help. Tell something that works on all men instead.

passepar2t · 2021-07-20T12:56:44+00:00

Finally, we did not define “friendship” for any of our participants, so our results may be biased by participants’ ability to self-define a relationship that lacks a precise and shared cultural definition to begin with (e.g., VanderDrift et al., 2016).

Future research should seek to document the characteristics of friendships that do and do not lead to romance and to ensure that our prevalence rate is not potentially inflated by some participants’ excessively broad interpretation of friendship.

hudibrastic · 2021-07-20T12:42:29+00:00

This study was discussed here already

Newkker · 2021-07-20T13:25:42+00:00

Depends entirely on your definition of "Friend"
Most romantic relationships don't start with someone you've literally never met before smashing? Outstanding insight.

Also this is college age individuals, its generalizability to other populations is questionable. They're in the 'university bubble' where they have huge friend/social groups and numerous acquaintances. The social environment of a college student is meaningfully different than most others.

RooseChange · 2021-07-20T15:26:38+00:00

I think this was posted here two weeks ago. It was getting ripped apart on r/science, a notoriously blue-pilled default sub, over its ambiguous use of “friends” and because a lot of the participants were psychology students.

LLL3peat · 2021-07-20T19:28:26+00:00

Nothing red pill about this, but it’s dating 101. Be no more than actual emotion-sharing friends and make your move early instead of having a high chance of being put on the sideline while she explores her options if she didn’t consider you one. It’s advice to get considered early on or don’t waste your time chasing someone that doesn’t see you eligible to play the game. Maybe they see you differently over time, but then it’s her choice to introduce you to playing the game with her and she makes the first moves instead.

FYI, Friends goes into 2 classes, acquaintances and actual “friends” who share emotions and feelings.

“Friends” is the polite way to say yeah i know of them, I’d have a conversation with them and yeah you don’t know how far of a conversation with them I’d go aka our bodies and minds talk.

AidsVictim · 2021-07-20T14:43:20+00:00

I fully expect this to be rejected here because of how it destroys the red pill dogma

In what way does it destroy the "red pill dogma"?

801735 · 2021-07-20T12:14:07+00:00

Study: Most romantic relationships start as friendships

Reality: Most divorces start as marriages

Allblackallamerican · 2021-07-20T14:46:27+00:00

Two times I’ve been around women that used the word ‘friend’ in a unique manner. Both times, I was discussing AirPods with the women in question. Both times, the women said, ‘Yeah, I’ma get my friend to buy me some’.

AirPods are a $150 creature comfort, and you’re getting your ‘friend’ to buy you some? Hey, it’s your relationship and you can label it what you wish, but I don’t live and mingle in a tax bracket where men are frivolously spending $150 on creature comforts for their ‘friends’. Those women were fucking those men, which is why they were sure they could just ask the men to do something like that.

KptHolera · 2021-07-20T15:42:07+00:00

This study says most people want to start relationship through friendships. Red pill says most people have pathetic relationships because they lack attraction. "Proven wrong"?

I_sort_by_new_fam · 2021-07-20T16:59:08+00:00

bro culture has made friendship a sin for simps and so called betas. when they're actually healthy ? who KNEW

goneaway2thewind · 2021-07-20T17:21:08+00:00

This should be common sense. But it doesn't change hypergamy which could multiply the damage done when she trades up. Its even more brutal when the girl that should care about you the most betrays you.

Pilling_it · 2021-07-20T13:35:32+00:00

Didn't we talk exactly about that before?

And as before, I'll say what my issue is : how loosely we define friendship. Because a real friendship is platonic. So what I'll call it is a flirting phase.

Point is : saying relationships start with "friendship" doesn't mean it'll go the other way around. So yeah, it just boils down to attraction.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-07-20T15:20:41+00:00

Translation: Women marry their beta orbiters after they fail to secure commitment from Chad.

Sigma1979 · 2021-07-20T13:16:20+00:00

because of how it destroys the red pill dogma

Uh /u/FlyingKite1234 it's women here who say they hate it when men become friends with women and catch feelings for them and try to date them. Women want men to be upfront about being interested in the woman they meet sexually/romantically.

Inf3rn0_exile · 2021-07-20T13:13:22+00:00

Lol no. With me women have made it very clear that there will be nothing more than friendship. Downsides of being physically unattractive.

Fleischpeitsch · 2021-07-20T12:49:23+00:00

I said it once and I will say it every time again: TRP was made by antisocial virginal nerds for antisocial virginal nerds

All their theories sound so outerworldy, as they are made by people that literally aren't part of the socially-active world. Which is also why they focus solely on attracting women that are complete strangers, as they wouldn't get invited to the parties where they could meet them via their extended friend circle either way.

It's easy to categorize all women as being a certain way, if your main interaction with them is by watching them on instagram, twitter and porn. And it's also understandable that they would never consider how their dark triad persona affects their social cred, if they aren't having any social cred to begin with.

Attracting women through a social circle requires social skills, empathy, sympathy, compassion, humor and for them to leave their basement, which are all things they have absolutely no interest in. It's easier for them to put on a dark triad persona and neg a few insecure, broken and dark triad women into sleeping with them, rather than working on becoming likeable.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-07-20T12:32:50+00:00

https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oj0wtf/study_two_thirds_of_romantic_relationships_start/

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-20T16:57:33+00:00

This type of “friendship” is more of a “feeling out” period and not true friendship. But most “friends with benefits” don’t work out for the exact same reason. You aren’t “friends”, you’re fuck buddies. If you were friends, you wouldn’t be fucking, and if you were in a relationship you wouldn’t only see each other during sex.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-07-20T16:58:09+00:00

Gonna be outdated in 10 years. Why limit yourself to friend circles especially if the women arent your type.

marvelous_persona · 2021-07-20T19:18:03+00:00

I can guarantee you this is not the same for queer couples.

2021-07-21T01:56:00+00:00

You mean women and men didn't want to say in a survey, "We got liquored up on lighter fluid and screwed by the IHOP dumpster when we met".

Color me shocked.

The irony is that you think it "destroys the red pill dogma". What's next--"Doctors hate this one trick!!!!"?

Now, your study is also of university students which means it is a pretty enclosed environment.

Ultimately, this post is just not very good so I can understand why you try to come across so strong. Nice try at a bluff.

billsull_02842 · 2021-07-21T04:23:42+00:00

men fall in love women fall in deep pockets.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-07-20T13:55:12+00:00

It's more interesting to talk about how most of those "romantic relationships" end.

-50% in divorce

-70% of those end at the woman's hand because she's "unhappy" or "doesn't want to be married (to him) anymore" or "we just grew apart" or "we don't get along" (All of which are euphemisms for "I'm not sexually attracted to him and never really was").

--of the remaining 50%, probably around half of those are middling marriages at best, plodding along in a rut for years and once-every-other-month starfish

--and the remaining half are bad marriages where one or both aren't getting a major need met, are cheating, or at each other's throats

This also flies in the face of real world experience, where sexual chemistry is the main determinant of sexual and romantic success, and where that chemistry is present from the get go. Chemistry doesn't "develop" over time. Neither does attraction. Either they are there, or they aren't. If they aren't there, you can't create them from nothing.

parabenprincess · 2021-07-20T14:09:41+00:00

Yep, my longest-lasting relationships, including my marriage, have been with men who I already knew in an existing friend or professional circle.

Trying to convert strangers into romantic partners has a low success rate. but ppl who spend too much time on the internet instead of out in the real world don’t realize this.

Get out of the basement for a change.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-20T14:16:57+00:00

Just about all my relationships and even my hookups have been with men I already was friends with so this makes sense to me.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-20T16:49:33+00:00

Women keep back up beta orbiters. nothing new

Blackheart201992 · 2021-07-20T16:09:20+00:00

A lot of brainlets here seem to have trouble understanding this, so I'm just gonna spell it out: however the relationship may have developed, when the man approached the woman, he didn't do it with the intent of merely befriending her.

GNP_Aficionado · 2021-07-20T16:57:24+00:00

Women have a VASTLY different definition of friendship compared to men.

Any man a woman is attracted to is automatically a "friend"...

WeeklyAtmosphere · 2021-07-20T16:46:11+00:00

Oh No NoT ThE FrIenDzOne

Typical_Copy_8218 · 2021-07-20T12:22:30+00:00

cough, cough friendzone cough,cough

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modidlee · 2021-07-20T15:10:30+00:00

I can agree with this. Every woman I’ve been involved with longterm started out as friendships. We were either coworkers or met thru mutual friends, and the urge to sleep together and be with each other didn’t happen until after we became friends. I’ve never just saw a beautiful woman and walked up to her and it turned into anything longterm. And when women have approached me it always just turned into a fling.

M3taBuster · 2021-07-20T17:04:39+00:00

I've always known this to be the case, but I don't see how it "it destroys the red pill dogma". What am I missing?

gkom1917 · 2021-07-20T17:26:48+00:00

How does it destroy the red pill dogma? Maybe it destroys the most reductionist and dumbed down versions of it, but not the whole premise. Of course it's perfectly natural to be more open to people from your social group than to strangers, at least if we speak of relationships and not just hookups. This does not exclude that women are still more likely to select either the hottest male acquaintence for sexual relationships, or the most reliable of them for "betabuxxing". Notice how most known cases of infidelity are cheating with coworkers, friends, husband's friends etc.

Jonny2266 · 2021-07-20T17:41:43+00:00

Well, of course. That's the whole premise of social circle game. Doesn't mean close friends though, just somebody in an ectended friendship circle which helps in "subconsciously" vetting people and men in particular to make more desirable than a stranger. In addition, exposure also helps in amplifying "lust" or crushes which is much more likely in common settings or friendship circles once out of school.

PeskyHijinks · 2021-07-21T01:06:08+00:00

Lol, well I can only speak to my personal life experience. But from what I can tell, once you get put in the friend zone there's no getting out of it. Maybe more handsome men can pull it off, but I sure can't. But that's alright, I've had success in finding a partner using other methods. This isn't to say that my personal experience is the reality for most relationships, but I can only confidently comment on what I have lived.

ReditGuyToo · 2021-07-20T18:43:30+00:00

I don't disagree with the study. However, I disagree that people should let this happen.

On two separate occasions in my life, my inner circle of friends was destroyed by two people dating and then breaking up. People started picking sides, then massive disagreements, and some physical fights. It's not cool. I always tell my friends 'no dating in our circle'. But they don't listen and then the whole group suffers.

There are 7 billion people on the planet. I don't understand why people can't just date outside their circle of friends.

Title	Study: Most romantic relationships start as friendships
Author	FlyingKite1234
Upvotes	162
Comments	206
Date	July 20, 2021 12:05 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/oo0qja/study_most_romantic_relationships_start_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/study-most-romantic-relationships-start-as.794437 https://theredarchive.com/post/794437

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