Whats with all the buzz around confidence

Leather-Creme2611 · 2022-12-07T21:34:40+00:00

Confidence is basically outwardly conveying the inner expectation that things will go well this time, as they mostly always have before.

Bikerbats · 2022-12-07T22:09:53+00:00

First you have to understand the difference between confidence and social confidence. The former is usually earned by success. I'm confident I can rebuild a carburetor because I've done it a thousand times. Social confidence is not that.

Social confidence is the state of being free from being self-conscious. It is the absence of anxiety and awkwardness. When put that simply it is easy to understand how it could be so important.

wtknight · 2022-12-07T21:38:20+00:00

Women like it because a confident guy is more likely to be successful and fun to be around than an unconfident guy, even if confidence doesn’t always translate into eventual success.

Da_SnowLeopard · 2022-12-07T21:28:51+00:00

I want someone sure of themselves and their abilities. No confidence is very unattractive to me as a man.

LoomingCrimson · 2022-12-07T22:07:29+00:00

You’re asking why people are attracted to intangible social characteristics, and I don’t have the answer. I’m not sure anyone does. Much like confidence, some people are attracted to smiles. Someone smiling doesn’t provide food or shelter, or fend off attackers either.

I’m unsure how this translates to meaning anything other than “people can make selections based on seemingly trivial preferences” - which is true, that’s how it was, and will continue to be.

burning_questioner · 2022-12-07T21:44:33+00:00

Confidence is a way to remove the focus from our shortcomings. But balance is key!

Think of a good car salesperson; they will never suggest to you what the car is missing or what the competition offers; they will gently offer the strong points and not apply too much pressure or people walk out.

But TOO MUCH confidence (cocky) is kinda like a shady used car salesperson who is relentlessly hitting you with hugh pressure sell points, where you start to believe something is wrong.

Confidence is owning your strong points and not overselling it. Suggesting your strengths and letting people take the bait to want to learn more naturally.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-12-07T23:49:16+00:00

I’ll give you two examples. “Hey, look at that guy in the corner hiding. Wow you can see how anxious and insecure he is just by looking at him. Its probably a lot of work to get him comfortable. Oh I bet he probably has long term issues emotionally too. That’s why. I wonder if he’d even open up to anyone. Doesn’t look like he’s having a good time at all.”

Vs.

“Hey that guy walked in confidently and lights up the room. He’s not scared or anxious. He’s comfortable talking to everyone and everything seems to be having a good time near him. I wonder why he’s so confident. I wish I had that kind of confidence. I wouldn’t mind spending time with him feeling good and figuring out what he’s got going on that he’s so comfortable living life”

Which would you think most people would choose?

2022-12-07T23:57:52+00:00

Confidence is 90% of the time a proxy for status. I haven't seen more confident people than some of the rich dumbass kids in high-school and college. Everyone that has to work for it will have a certain degree of insecurity or impostor syndrome and will have to work hard on faking their swag.

Teacup000 · 2022-12-07T21:40:11+00:00

I think what most people actually like is competence. We like people who are capable of accomplishing things. We like people who are good at stuff. We like people who can meet their goals. We like people who can handle their emotions and problems.

I think some people try to use confidence as a predictor for competence. We want to be able to take people at their word when they say they can do the things listed above.

thelightinmydarkness · 2022-12-08T00:32:11+00:00

Read “the psychology of self esteem.” Confidence is important in both men and women. It is especially awful to sleep with someone who is insecure. Between arrogance and insecurity, at least arrogance will get things done and make people strive for big things, whereas insecurity makes them shy away. I also like people who are strong enough to stray from societal norms and stand up for what they believe in. They cannot if they are insecure and unsure of themselves. Insecurity is a disability if you’ve ever lived with it or witnessed people with it. Just being blunt. 🤷🏻‍♀️

resultsmatter1 · 2022-12-08T00:06:09+00:00

It's just another buzz word that is thrown around to separate the attractive people from not. Want proof? An attractive person who is confident is seen as confident. An unattractive person being confident? That's socially unaware and arrogant.

GrandRub · 2022-12-07T23:26:06+00:00

Muscles serve a purpose, they increase potential to do harm to perpetrators, they serve to protect the woman.

an unconfident man wont protect you.

an unconfident man wont have financial success

etc etc etc

syndactylity · 2022-12-07T23:26:48+00:00

You think hesitancy, indecision, doubt, fear and timidity is attractive ? In either gender?

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-12-07T23:31:27+00:00

my brain has finally died from reading this sub

baresquad · 2022-12-07T21:43:33+00:00

There’s no answer that’ll satisfy what you’re looking for. You don’t see value in confidence so there’s nothing that someone who’s attracted to it can say that’ll make you understand why we find confidence attractive because you seemingly don’t think it’s something that we should look for.

That said, for me it’s just simply attractive. A confident woman is always gonna be more attractive to me than an unconfident one. That confidence presents itself in several ways that’ll always make them a better for me.

MSAPPLIEDSTATS · 2022-12-07T21:56:56+00:00

Confidence is a masculine trait. Women check for masculine traits in men.

Confidence, ambition, bravery, assertiveness, strength, etc will all be check by a discerning woman.

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-12-07T22:40:42+00:00

Confidence is a valuable emotion. When your confident your not afraid to fail and try again. You know it’s not because your unworthy that you lost, but because of external factors like preparation, skill etc. a confident person puts forth their best foot and can acknowledge and grow from failure. It attractive because we know a confident person is prepared and ready to put in what it takes to achieve their goals. Someone who’s not confident often takes out their insecurities on other people, has less self worth etc. that’s just not attractive to most people.

Philosoferking · 2022-12-07T21:46:20+00:00

I think it's all down to the experience of the woman.

Take men. Do we need a woman to have confidence in order to have sex with her? Absolutely fucking not. Sure, men may demand confidence in a woman for a long term relationship. But just for sex? We don't give 1 iota of a fuck about confidence.

In a relationship a man may require confidence from his SO, because in the past he dated women who turned out to be nuts. Undateable. Lacking confidence and riddled with anxiety and fear that other women will steal you away or whatever.

So a man develops a preference for confidence after experiencing what happens when in a long term relationship, she doesn't have it, it makes the relationship tumultuous and it always falls apart.

Now take women. Let's say a woman has a lot of casual sex. Quickly she will learn that confident men have better sex and make the process of going from meeting to good sex easier faster smoother more fun more exciting and so on.

And the unconfident guy she is forced to push things along and do the work herself. And society doesn't think of women as pursuers so women don't want to pursue. Also when they do, I'm sure, most of the time they find that the guy is either inept in bed or just not nearly as good as the guys who project confidence.

And confidence is sexual. Forget all the confidence in the board room monetary business bullshit. It's not about sports. It's not about anything but grabbing em by the pussy.

The confident guy grabs her by the pussy (figuratively duh) and the others do not. Obviously women will go with the guy who does it best.

Having sexual flirtatious playful confidence is what she wants.

IMO.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2022-12-07T21:48:41+00:00

There is a positive correlation betwixt confidence, and financial gains. People naturally flock to leaders, those that have the answers. Those that seem to always be on the right track. That confidence usually comes from accomplishing things, which leads to the first part of this statement

Here's the rub, many women can't tell the difference between confidence/arrogance. That's why they fall for the toxic fuckboy, that most guys can easily see that are lackluster

cromulent_weasel · 2022-12-08T00:33:20+00:00

I don’t get why confidence is so attractive, it just doesn’t make sense to me. What does it have to do with anything, it serves no purpose.

If you're not confident, it implies that you are doing to require someone else to provide the emotional energy to do stuff. And that gets REALLY old for the other person.

If you have confidence, maybe you GO for that better job rather than stick in the dead end job you are in now.

A healthy man can work harder, get more resources…..

If you're not confidence, what's the point in working hard and getting resources? Everything is meaningless.

McGregor was ultra confident before Khabib bashed his face in, what did confidence do to help him?

Don't be fooled, McGregor made a lot of money in that fight as well. Arguably his confidence got him to that point in his career.

So really why is confidence so attractive.

Because it's an implicit positive statement that you have your shit together, and will be a help rather than a hindrance to this person who is considering partnering with you.

domdomdom333 · 2022-12-08T00:41:18+00:00

Discussing with the women that I know, indecisiveness is one of the most unattractive traits a man can have. Many prefer a decision there and then in the moment, even if the decision is to decide later.

I guess "confidence" is just an umbrella term that includes someone who's not indecisive.

lolthankstinder · 2022-12-08T01:36:28+00:00

It’s a euphemism for being attracted to attractive guys. Attractive guys grow more confident around women through repeated success. Women don’t want to sound shallow and say they only like invariant qualities, so they can just say they like “confidence”.

anonymous-platypus1 · 2022-12-07T22:24:44+00:00

Let’s say you have a doctor coming in to perform surgery. He has a spotless record. Today, however, he looks nervous, unsure of himself. He stumbles over his words and shows frustration due to his own actions. Do you want that person performing surgery on you? Are you going to feel as sure as you did prior to seeing him being nervous?

Ok-Pick-8503 · 2022-12-08T01:10:10+00:00

Because confidence is sense of self. Believe in yourself dammit

Exposure_Time · 2022-12-07T21:47:38+00:00

Confidence is probably not the best word to be used in relation to dating. A buzz word is really all it is. Just like the overused “be yourself”. It could mean anything they want it too. Just a poor way to describe what you want.

ohdiddly · 2022-12-07T23:35:02+00:00

I’ve dated people with low confidence, which is why it is now a dealbreaker for me. It results in a lot of jealousy/insecurity around the relationship. They also just aren’t as fun to be around lol. Imagine being at a social event and your partner refuses to dance with you because they lack confidence and care too much about what others think. It’s so boring & such a turn off.

2022-12-07T22:23:48+00:00

It's a mixture of proactivity, social ease and welll judged risk taking perhaps. It's probably too broad a term to apply to a trait someone might have a preference for. Someone whose confident will also be able to flirt and escalate, so they're just more likely to succeed

delight-n-angers · 2022-12-07T23:45:51+00:00

Women have jobs and firearms of their own, they don't need men for resources anymore. Confident men are more fun to be around and typically more sociable and engaged. Women *want* confident men.

This is the thing that men on this sub obsessed with being providors or obsessed with not giving up their resources - women don't need you for resources anymore and that has changed the way dating and socializing works. Men haven't wanted to catch up because it means they have to put work into their personalities and emotional maturity.

toasterchild · 2022-12-07T22:09:03+00:00

Different types of confidence are attractive to different women. I really like a guy who isn't afraid to be himself. If a guy has the confidence to go against the grain and not care about being judged by others I find that hot as hell. Other women are attracted to macho bravado which I find a total turn off. Confidence is really key but there are all different types to chose from.

I think its really more that people who have little confidence or are insecure are just not attractive. If someone second guesses themselves a lot it quickly becomes frustrating and it makes being around them stressful.

Anykindofland · 2022-12-07T21:38:51+00:00

Its something that sounds good, doesn't have any real meaning and and can be used to reject someone without sounding superficial. Its just some smoke and mirrors, a meaningless buzzword.

2022-12-07T23:35:53+00:00

You need to be confident to not fear rejection and be dominant in the bedroom. You won't be able to spank a woman's behind and eat her out well if you don't feel amazing about yourself.

Heard_ya_were_WINNIN · 2022-12-07T23:38:32+00:00

OP you are correct in that high conscientiousness and neuroticism are paired traits for the highest earning.

The thing is, even if it's all a facade based on bullshit, if you can get someone to believe your bullshit (a woman in this case) — that's all that fundamentally matters.

Women want someone who can take care of everything and do all the thinking for them. Even if your thought process isn't the most logical or well-reasoned, if you seem assured in your decision making, that's usually enough for women to feel safe with you leading.

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_Davinci- · 2022-12-07T22:40:03+00:00

I've always wondered this. Honestly confidence and overconfidence seems to be an extremely thin line. Why would you go for someone so arrogant. I'm not unconfident, moping around all the time, panicking and stuff. But like confidence is your idea that you know you can do something effectively. Well what if you're doing stuff you know nothing about, that's not confidence that's arrogance. Like what do they even mean by confidence. It seems to be more game or charm.

upalse · 2022-12-07T23:16:30+00:00

Weak willed people feel enamored with people who act self-assured - simply because they see in the other something they desire for themselves.

How this ties to gender stereotypes, you can answer for yourself.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-08T00:16:09+00:00

Confidence is to women what makes breasts are to men.

But let me elaborate. Men and women have evolved to judge each other's fitness as potential sexual mates in a manner of fractions of a second. To men, a woman's fertility is important so we look for indicators of reproductive health. Her breast size, but size and shape, fat distribution, hip to waist ratio, healthy shiny hair, full lips, pretty face. All of these are various indicators of health and we have evolved to calculate a woman's likelihood of producing healthy babies in nanoseconds. We do not ask women for a full health panel before we decide that we are sexually interested in her. And there is a chance that a good looking woman will have difficult births as much as a not so good looking one.

Women similarly have evolved to evaluate a man's sexual fitness in a manner of seconds by observing his behavior. A man's confidence is an indicator of how well he can handle himself in any situation. A man who gives off that vibe will have other people looking to him for leadership and direction. He is more likely to survive in any situation that is thrown his way.

A non-confident man might be a better fighter, earn more, etc, but his anxiousness and lack of confidence will reflect in his ability to handle all kinds of situations. People do not look up to non confident people for leadership. It is ingrained in women to seek out and follow confident men and shun non confident men. Again, a woman doesn't actually ask for your bank statement, paychecks, previous trophies etc before she decides to go to bed with you. Well, some do, it we don't want them.

DryOutcome3407 · 2022-12-08T00:52:24+00:00

Most of things peoples can't explain with words are labeled in exoteric ways, so is confidence. Women say that like confidence because often they don't know why they're attracted while a men say you should be confident because the ins and outs to solve another person dating situation are too complex.

It's used to minimize things to simple terms while creating a intangible target so in case of failure you can't reflect the blame. A bad dating experience? Confidence. Not getting dates? A lack of confidence. A asshole getting tons of dates? He's just confident.

Confidence is a meme.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-12-08T01:13:26+00:00

Confident people are usually more attractive than unconfident people. Being relaxed and uninhibited in social environments conveys you’ve done this successfully before many times, therefore you’re used to people thinking well of you.

People’s brains don’t care about outliers, they care about making quick judgements using evolutionary and culturally learned heuristics.

Confidence won’t save you if you’re ugly, smelly and an all around loser.

It will give you a nice edge if you’re good looking and have your shit together.

confitted · 2022-12-08T01:48:05+00:00

Confidence is attractive to women because men will say yes

Confidence is unattractive to men because women will say no

DerpDeHerpDerp · 2022-12-08T02:20:06+00:00

This is the kind of deep topic you'd read about in a psychology paper. Why is confidence instinctively attractive? Is it a learned behaviour or innate? Is there a cultural component to it?

So many what ifs

DoubleSly · 2022-12-08T03:01:08+00:00

You can’t conflate societal norms with evolutionary biology, and sexuality is all evolutionary biology. Confidence generally indicated the person had done certain things successfully before and will continue to do them successfully. Consistent competence was necessary for survival. Therefore it would behoove one to get with a confident person.

Complex-Glass-8539 · 2022-12-08T04:09:34+00:00

Most desires are memetic. Confidence is a person giving value to themself. If people’s desires/values are memetic, then a person valuing themself inspires others to value them too.

KlingKlangKing · 2022-12-08T06:28:45+00:00

Confidence is basically personality. Personality is the most important thing for men in this day and age. No confidence= you will go nowhere in life

KlingKlangKing · 2022-12-08T06:31:51+00:00

I'll put it simply for you: outgoing, charming, confident, dominant, aggressive vs shy, weak, anxious, boring, submissive.

I don't think I need to say anything else

EugeneCezanne · 2022-12-08T08:37:10+00:00

I think confidence matters for two reasons. One is that it makes a person seem desirable, because our dumb brains make that connection. The other is that a co fident person can sell you on their vision, which gives life, whether for a moment or a lifetime, a sense of purpose.

caption291 · 2022-12-08T09:03:03+00:00

Confidence has no value on it's own, but it's an indicator of value because in order to get that confidence odds are you had to have some success.

It's similar to how the purpose of looks is to signify health. You can look good and be unhealthy and you can look unhealthy but be healthy. The better your looks, the less likely you are unhealthy. It's not a guarantee but a correlation is often good enough for evolution.

KikiYuyu · 2022-12-08T09:13:33+00:00

Romance isn't all about practicality, my dude.

UneastAji · 2022-12-08T11:53:25+00:00

It's not much about being confident but more about being assertive. Confident and assertive people are trustworthy and stable. If someone is very obviously always acting in their own best interest and they choose you that means you are their best interest and that means a lot to women. You can also trust that they'll not let themselves lose and that they'll likely acquire wealth and power in their way without questioning if they really deserve it (because they probably don't so it's important they don't ask themselves), which will benefit you as their partner.

You can have all the good face, money, muscle and power in the world if you don't dare to use it because you're mentally and emotionally weak, full of self doubt, and self rejecting, it's useless and won't attract women.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-08T12:57:00+00:00

You’d be surprised how much confidence is important in women as well.

Imagine a girl who’s quiet, shy, not very attractive or at least doesn’t know how to present herself. She’s full of anxiety about everything and that spills over into every interaction she has with people. She says “sorry” constantly to people reflexively, even saying sorry when told to stop saying sorry. Want to talk about emotional tampons? Everyone she comes into contact with will become this tampon because she (1) has no confidence in her ability to sort things out on her own and (2) is again, so abuzz with anxiety and uncertainty without any ability to maintain a level of composure and keep all that shit pushed way way down, that she’s constantly seeking reassurance from others. She needs her hand held constantly.

No one likes that girl- she makes them uncomfortable at best and downright annoys them at worst. She’s a leech. I’ve been that girl and later I’ve MET that girl and HATED her.

That’s what I mean when I talk about confidence in men or women. Having faith in your ability to independently move forward in life without leaning on others for approval.

YtBlue · 2022-12-08T13:39:55+00:00

Conveys better than. Most people don't know why women like it and just say buzz words. The crux is it conveys power. What women love as much as men love sex.

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-08T14:30:00+00:00

To put it simply - confidence means you’re sure of yourself and are able to take control/ownership of whatever situation you’re in - it also means you’re far less likely to be a doormat or a pushover, confidence has a lot of basis in reality - especially since what resources you have is becoming less and less relevant

apost54 · 2022-12-08T18:09:50+00:00

You’re absolutely correct. Most people are just morons and falsely conflate confidence with competence. Confidence literally has nothing to do with any other trait - it can be completely delusional, and it often is. One of humanity’s stupidest obsessions by far is with “confidence”. It means absolutely nothing.

0597ThrowRA · 2022-12-08T20:48:33+00:00

Confidence can also mean a person is secure in who they are. Not all confident people are secure, though (narcissistic disorder). But secure individuals will portray an air of confidence.

Psybur · 2022-12-08T21:01:19+00:00

It's the same garbage women say when they say "he doesn't need to have money, he just needs to be ambitious". Same thing.

James_Cruse · 2022-12-10T07:01:30+00:00

Confidence = Believing yourself to be great and trusting in your ability to succeed.

Almost everything women want in men is a result of past, present and future confidence.

Having a successful career/business = History of Past Confidence

Having alot of Money = Past history of success, generally due to Confidence (assuming you earned the money)

Ambitious for a better life = Confident mindset heading into future with positive expectations of your own actions.

If you strongly believe you’re confident - other people will beleive it and want to invest in you and follow you.

All of this is very attractive in a masculine way to other women.

Title	Whats with all the buzz around confidence
Author	Da_SnowLeopard
Upvotes	8
Comments	105
Date	December 7, 2022 9:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zfeb56/whats_with_all_the_buzz_around_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-with-all-the-buzz-around-confidence.1144367 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144367

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