How do I ask her to pay without making it awkward?

Elbynerual · 2021-09-21T23:11:20+00:00

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18Mandrake_R00T5 · 2021-09-21T12:40:43+00:00

Save yourself man. You literally sound like you AREN'T enjoying YOUrself

Brandonva804 · 2021-09-21T12:19:33+00:00

Man this not gonna end well for OP

l7ckyluciano · 2021-09-21T13:44:09+00:00

I stopped reading after the 3rd sentence. You're the "food guy"

Ghost this girl asap & find someone else worth your time.

SpookyKG · 2021-09-21T13:13:22+00:00

Why is this about paying? Why aren't you dumping her?

yurifca · 2021-09-21T12:18:55+00:00

Tell her you can't go cause you're kinda 'low on money', and see if you can bait anything. If you want to be more direct, maybe slip something about her paying her part or maybe for both of you, and see how she reacts.

Casanova-Quinn · 2021-09-21T14:42:16+00:00

So basically she's getting all perks of a boyfriend (attention/money) while you get nothing. How hard is it to understand dude? She's clearly using you. Leave her.

didsomebodysaymyname · 2021-09-21T15:05:50+00:00

Dude, if you're not in a relationship and you aren't having sex and she won't hang out if you don't pay, you're paying to hang out with her.

Is she willing to hang out doing things that don't cost money? If not, then she is just using you for money and entertainment.

I don't pay (except as presents, ect.) for my female friends I'm not having sex/relationship with and they never ask because it would be weird. If she got a new expensive place, that's her budgeting issue.

Figure out what you want and demand that. If you want to pay for your outings just to hang out, fuck what anyone says, it's your life, but it sounds like you don't want that.

If she is just in it for the money, then there's no way to not make it awkward, she's going to stop seeing you. Real friends don't charge for being friends.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-09-21T14:54:39+00:00

"Food guy" soon to be "Festival Guy"

You're being used and abused.

You need to drop this girl ASAP

Have a backbone and don't let this happen again.

No-Historian-6391 · 2021-09-21T14:21:43+00:00

The awkward part of this is not you telling (not asking) her to pay for her own shit - it’s the part that you follow this girl around waiting for her attention and approval and support that by buying her food and shit when she doesn’t feel like paying for it herself.

Also awkward to only spend time in public and be okay with her avoiding alone time with you.

And finally - she’s more than likely not abstaining from sex for the past seven months. So keep that in mind.

Fuck this girl. If not literally, then figuratively.

jdm1tch · 2021-09-21T15:37:38+00:00

Oh, she’s definitely taking advantage of you. Ghost her ass.

btrpb · 2021-09-21T13:24:27+00:00

Sorry pal. You are being used.

pleasefindanusername · 2021-09-21T14:06:41+00:00

A few kisses for lunches and dinners. Seems a good deal for her. Not for you my bro.

external999 · 2021-09-21T14:35:34+00:00

Dump her without giving her the chance to badmouth you to other girls as cheap. You haven’t had sex in months. There we go

MomsSpecialFriend · 2021-09-21T14:58:31+00:00

Hey man, I am a woman. She is using you. A good way to make it stop is "I enjoy hanging out with you but since our relationship is not romantic we should go dutch, is that cool?"

She will then dump you.

But thats cool because now you can meet new women.

SuaveFuck · 2021-09-21T14:20:45+00:00

wait til he finds out about the guy thats been fucking her since march in his place. a full new universe of knowledge and understanding will reveal itself to him.

the MOMENT a woman (or rather, a little teenage queen, because grown women dont need to act like this) DARES to take advantage, you DUMP her. learn the signs and act mercilessly.

we should rather start a discussion "when is it OK to pay for her and how often?" because then again, the opposite of "entitled teenage slut playing games" is "entitled moron believing paying her drinks equals guaranteed sex"

Relaxedllama · 2021-09-21T12:51:50+00:00

Tell her you don't want to pay like this."I don't want to pay"

SylAbys · 2021-09-21T13:42:00+00:00

Next time you guys are going out, CALL HER, don't text. Let her know you on a budget and if she can help of hanging out since you been holding it down. If she says no, and just tries to set up another day. Ask her why reschedule? We set a day to see each other, why does me having no money changes that? Then let her know that you feel like you being taking advantage of.

Listen to her response with your head, not your heart!!

Maursares · 2021-09-21T14:12:08+00:00

You have to escalate sexually and make it clear you see her not platonically, it’s either this or you ghost her, in both case you win, don’t give anyone your attention and money freely

justaboywithquestion · 2021-09-21T15:04:19+00:00

Dude listen to yourself. Drop this girl. Period. Stop talking to her dude. Please, have some self respect

mustafarian · 2021-09-21T15:52:58+00:00

At this point you are better off saving all of that money and go get a prostitute lmao

This girl is using you textbook. Just re read your own paragraph to yourself and if the pin doesn't drop then you need a reality check man. .... just this one simple sentence.. "she got a new place so she's on a budget" how teh fck did she get a new place if shes nickel and diming??? LOL

if you want to confront her I'd be like, look you don't want sex, so we aren't FWB, you don't want a relationship either. SO what are we? You use me for activities and I don't get anyhthing out of this, if this is a purely transactional relationship, I'd like some sex in return otherwise there's nothing in it for me, if you don't agree, bye.

LandscapeClear1630 · 2021-09-21T15:53:54+00:00

She is 100% taking advantage of you mate

don't even doubt it

Expect her to bounce one you tell her you're not gonna pay for her shit anymore

donnybdonnyb · 2021-09-21T14:04:04+00:00

Where’s your self respect as a man. Jesus

bigbootynopussy · 2021-09-21T14:21:29+00:00

Stop going out with her?… is that too crazy? Because the moment you ask her to pay, she’s gonna ghost you. Save urselfffff

boycott-mondays · 2021-09-21T15:10:57+00:00

When she ask to go out, ask her

"You got money?"

Simple

HisRoyalAwesomeness · 2021-09-21T14:52:49+00:00

Don't bother. Dump her ASAP

Limitlesspappy · 2021-09-21T16:07:34+00:00

Dude wtf? Why do men allow this? Fuckin tell her what’s up to her face man. She’s probably getting rammed by someone else and just kissing you. You’re giving her free attention, free validation, and free dinners for NOTHING. She’s using you as a good little boy. Fuck her or drop her ASAP. If she’s a feminist, use that and say equality. Half and half. Split the bill. But seriously man either fuck her now, if she won’t, punish her bad behavior and drop her.

Dr_mombie · 2021-09-21T17:27:46+00:00

Dude. Some chicks use dating apps for free food. She isn't interested in dating you. She's interested in being fed food that she doesn't have to cook or pay for and going to events on your dime. That is why she doesn't want to meet up for movies on the couch or whatever. You're not even friend zoned. Friends pay for each other sometimes or if one person is broke, they make plans for cheap fun. You are the entertainment and food guy.

To test this theory, make up a sudden bill that sucka up all your money but offer a movie and popcorn at home or something else fun but cheap. Do it for a month or two. See what happens.

Ever_2Clever · 2021-09-21T12:58:39+00:00

Put your foot down king tell her how you can’t , everyone hates going out with someone who’s always broke female or male . It gets old , those people use you with no remorse and some hate for you . Keep ya foot on the pedestal and move to someone who actually appreciates you and doesn’t ask to do diff shit every week my brother .

bucketshire · 2021-09-21T14:56:14+00:00

You are in the friendzone. The problem is, that she can treat you like shit and you still obey her, that you meet each other in public and so you miss the chance to have sex and that you do things that you dont want to do so in her mind you are not a real man, you are a little boy for her.

Ask better questions and you will get better answers. You want her to pay? No this is not the Problem, in a healthy relationship you will split the payments anyways

spacecommanderfap · 2021-09-21T15:07:03+00:00

She is fucking a bunch of people probably, you are also being fucked allright, all though not physically. I hope you figure this out soon OP.

PuroPincheGains · 2021-09-21T15:52:46+00:00

You've already set a bad precedent where she says what she wants and you make it happen. Oof. That might work when your girlfriend asks, but you should be taking the initiative in planning dates with someone this casual. You have the power to plan and facilitate low cost dates. You have the power to suggest a Netflix and chill night. If she's not down for anything that doesn't require your money, then you have your answer.

Saxon2010 · 2021-09-21T16:26:49+00:00

Yeah my friend, she is definitely banging someone else. You have become the side guy she meets up with when the main guy can’t meet up, only you don’t get to have sex anymore. She is taking advantage of you and you are letting it happen. I speak from past experience, it’s not going to end well, so cut your losses and move on.

If you really want to know, just ask her to pay and if she gets all weird, there is your answer. Cheers 🍻

IntroMystique · 2021-09-21T16:27:57+00:00

This sounds painfully awkward OP.

Try and break this one off. You’re being taken advantage of.

The fact that she won’t meet anywhere other than public - which also involves you spending - says enough.

Do all the free stuff if you wish: FaceTime, calls, etc. But don’t make any further plans for dates and see how she reacts.

Either way, try and cut your losses. I say “try” because I understand that it must be difficult, but the sooner you start, the sooner you can move on.

ayoubkun94 · 2021-09-21T16:49:21+00:00

My guy, I think she's using you for validation and free food under the promise of sex someday. Girls do this a lot if you're not assertive and direct about what you want. Be straight with her, tell her what you really expect from this 'thing' you've got going on, do you want to be a couple or fwb, instead of wasting your time when you can be hanging out with someone that actually wants you romantically. Personally I'd bail out of this shitty thing, she's already classified you as the free dinner guy.

drewcer · 2021-09-21T16:56:20+00:00

Spend at least two weeks away from her, be busy doing other stuff, seeing other girls, then maybe circle back around but she’s using ya for food bruh.

Tharoua · 2021-09-21T17:24:55+00:00

Leave her lmao

She is a leech and so selfish... as a university student myself, I wouldn't let a man pay for me lmao... if I dont have money, I wont go out with a guy and expect him to pay for me.

Could make a picnic or go to eachother's houses for cheaper costs... but this? This is fucked up and toxic.

birdienoon · 2021-09-21T20:55:48+00:00

Lol, I'm a female and Ill say the fact she doesn't ever want to go to your place and hang out but only rather out and about spending YOUR money... Yeah, pull a forest gump and Run !!!!

ObviouslyNotALizard · 2021-09-21T15:29:53+00:00

ITT:

OP develops a cuckold fetish and doesn’t even know it.

EbonyProgrammer · 2021-09-21T17:33:07+00:00

Sorry OP but if she's not looking for anything serious and she isn't fucking you, she's fucking someone else, she likely doesn't want to bring you to her place because she doesn't want you seeing the "Evidence" that she had other guys over.

I know she might be nice and you might not want to hurt her feelings, but stop taking her on dates, if you have a date planned, cancel it, say you just aren't feeling it.

I think most guys know how it feels to be strung along by someone they liked. We all been the 'food guy' at one point in time, don't let it define you tho, move on.

If you need motivation, she's prolly texting her friends about how much of an unattractive loser you are while letting you pay for dates. I've literally had girls I was smashing send me screenshots of guys trying to take them out for the sole purpose of making fun of those poor guys.

agaren · 2021-09-21T15:15:38+00:00

It’ll only be awkward if you make it awkward. Just be forward and honest “hey can we pay separately this time?”. It sounds like you aren’t having fun which is a big red flag!

SnooPets1514 · 2021-09-21T15:25:56+00:00

Don't understand this - a woman who fucks a guy one time, stops, but wants to keep him around. Makes no sense to me.

Clearly she isn't embarrassed to be around you in public and she's not repulsed by you otherwise she wouldn't have shagged you.

Could it be that she's getting sex elsewhere and doesn't want to proverbially cross swords? (I.e. she's into this other guy more?) Look into it bro. I would stop being passive and definitely take action - however it is you want to do that.

johnick44 · 2021-09-21T15:36:07+00:00

Not gonna lie bro it sounds like she using you man, I mean I can’t judge cuz I ain’t watch the whole movie, but from the sounds of it man, if she ain’t your gf then she has to pay, if you asked her to go eat and shit then maybe you says yeah I got this one, but if she like let’s go eat be like okay it’s on you, or just be honest by saying “look I feel like I have been paying so many things lately, and it’s just been in my mind that we are not even dating, so I don’t feel comfortable making payments and showing a financial commitment to you of we can even make a commitment into the relationship, I hope you can understand” and if she says nah then bro I was right she was using you, if she say okay next meal is on me then you know she understand you, and will understand you have boundaries which gives you a lot of value as a person, and if you later on start dating this chick tell her there is a balance to life and all of that..hope that helps

LeavingituptoBeaver · 2021-09-21T16:05:19+00:00

Here’s an option start your Food Truck event with telling her that it’s going to be a “shared event” She will be puzzled and then explain that every other Food Truck purchase is on her. If she’s against this idea… consider making her have space between you and the “friendship” you are in?

HitDaWoah · 2021-09-21T16:08:02+00:00

She’s using you bro, sorry to ruin it but it’s the truth. Don’t let sex be the reason she’s using you for a free meal or for her to go out with your car.

loofyd · 2021-09-21T16:19:49+00:00

you have gotten a lot of great advice , you should update the sub with what happens next !

loofyd · 2021-09-21T16:25:40+00:00

ALSO : There is NOTHING awkward about a woman paying for dinner / date

think about it this way - women aren't being subjected to being housewives / being stay at home girls .. they are going out and they are earning money for themselves , they are making money on their own

maybe in your case, this girl sounds broke but generally girls nowadays are progressive, independent and earn their own money

unless you are actually forcing some girl or manipulating some girl OR worse, stealing from her all of which are generally wrong regardless of who you do it to - there is nothing wrong with a girl paying for drinks , food whatever etc

there is nothing wrong , nothing awkward with a woman picking up the bill

if anything , it's actually a landmark to women being independent and self-sustaining

Alex_O7 · 2021-09-21T16:35:12+00:00

Simply say that! Sometimes people forget how simple it is to speak. So for you it is awkward to ask someone to pay for his shit but it sounds totally ok if someone ask you to pay for himself.

Would you always pay for your friends when you go out? I imagine not. What if one of your friends continues to ask you to pay for him? Wouldn't it sound awkward? So why if it is a girl asking you should consider this ok?

MuertaDeLS · 2021-09-21T16:38:35+00:00

Seems like a gold diggerrrrr

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-21T18:29:28+00:00

She never wants you to come over? For all you know, she could have a boyfriend and is just using you for extra stuff dude.

Take the giant red flag as a sign.

oscarony · 2021-09-21T19:15:40+00:00

you haven’t had sex since March? bruh if she’s not coming to your apt stop hanging with her

Tron_1KRR · 2021-09-21T19:22:38+00:00

Sounds like she’s using you, and using sex as a leverage. You must be in love and she knows it. Cut the losses and lose her before your in too Deep. Say: Since our relationship turned into a friendship, I no longer wish to cover the cost. And stop kissing her and set some boundaries. That’s not a woman that respect you. There’s a ton of girls out there.

THEREALBUTTERMUFFIN · 2021-09-21T20:35:33+00:00

The red flags are ....she won't meet at your place or hers. It's your ship, drop and cut the anchor already. She's dragging you through that shallow water.

billsmashole · 2021-09-21T14:43:15+00:00

I agree with everyone else. Leave her and move on. She's treating you like a friend who pays for her meals.

Known_Leadership_239 · 2021-09-21T14:55:57+00:00

End it, if she wants you she will come back ,if not then its for the best

RealHumanBeing2020 · 2021-09-21T15:06:32+00:00

OP, find someone who’s interested in you and who wants to be intimate with you. YOU deserve better.

CannaLily42 · 2021-09-21T15:24:14+00:00

"Hey, how about you pay for your food and I pay for mine?"

kinstinctlol · 2021-09-21T15:49:20+00:00

Ive been there. She just using you mate.

ComfortableGas7741 · 2021-09-21T15:51:30+00:00

if you aren’t having sex AND your not in a relationship then you’re just a friend. she’s not interested in you

snowdude11 · 2021-09-21T16:29:57+00:00

Step 1: Have some self-respect

ScalpelLifter · 2021-09-21T16:37:28+00:00

You may be being used, you've got plenty of tests to see if you are in this thread, hope it works out

king_of_nogainz · 2021-09-21T16:41:02+00:00

Sounds like she's just using you, m8.

Lotus_82 · 2021-09-21T16:41:17+00:00

You don’t. You just cut her off and move on.

Wolfaid · 2021-09-21T16:43:14+00:00

If you think she’s worth paying for pay, since it seems she’s not worth it don’t pay.

SnooCats196 · 2021-09-21T16:48:58+00:00

Run!

muff_marauder · 2021-09-21T16:49:27+00:00

You're being used... dump her.

Coconut-Lemon_Pie · 2021-09-21T16:50:42+00:00

Honestly sounds like she's using you until something better comes along. I'm sorry :c See how she responds to only doing free things with you that are fun or say you're trying to save up for something big and if she wouldn't mind going halves-ies lol then you'll find out her true motive and if she actually wants to be with you doing fun things or she just wants a walking atm.

cytomome · 2021-09-21T17:01:34+00:00

I swear this thread it's so toxic. The idea "she's using you!" Is hilarious, as if a paltry meal is worth hanging out with an insufferable for hours. The sentiment is also ironic, since it implies the whole situation would be okay if she were only giving it up sexually. Not to mention the more likely scenario is simply that she found there's no real chemistry but likes hanging out with OP, and since she has explicitly explained her lack of income, didn't realize he had such a problem paying for things (though apparently he'd be okay with it if they were having sex?).

This isn't really a complicated situation. If you're tired if paying for her as long as she's not going to have sex with uppity, just tell her. She'll disappear real fast.

kene1732 · 2021-09-21T17:09:17+00:00

For your own sake, Just drop her

DaRockLobster · 2021-09-21T17:11:04+00:00

Bruh, that situation sounds lame as fuck. Why would you accepts a situation like the one you describe unless you are extremely desperate? If I can tell you are desperate after reading a single paragraph, this girl 100% knows how desperate you are.

You are allowed to set expectations for your relationships. If you are unhappy with the status quo, you need to let her know. If she stops spending time with you because you won't continue paying for her meals, then she sees you mostly as a free meal, not a friend or romantic partner. Would you want to have a relationship with someone that is only interested in using you for monetary benefit? If no, then there is no true risk to establishing the expectation that you will not pay for her moving forward.

wakejedi · 2021-09-21T17:15:33+00:00

Walk away. you're being played. I'd bet if you take another woman to the Food Truck thing, you'll see her there with another dude.

MuertaDeLS · 2021-09-21T17:20:41+00:00

We haven’t had sex since March

doesn’t want a relationship

she expects me to pay

We always meet in public

Coynepam · 2021-09-21T17:52:29+00:00

It should not be awkward to ask her no matter what, tell her you cannot afford to do keep doing it or just say you do not want to.

kittybrehbreh · 2021-09-21T18:27:55+00:00

Gtfo of there bro. Believe me.

jrhooper · 2021-09-21T18:30:30+00:00

Bruh

Jarhae · 2021-09-21T18:39:00+00:00

Dude run for the hills, she doesn't contribute nothing to your life, she loves the take outs, and I cant believe you said "she wants you to take her to festival with food trucks" knowing damn well she ain't paying shit, dont be a simp this is not how all women are, leave her alone now before she changes your thinking and your approach to women

willgo-waggins · 2021-09-21T18:43:21+00:00

Dude, you are being used.

Who is she actually fucking now? Some broke ass college dude with a massive cock? He can’t afford to take her out to the things she likes so she’s riding your wallet.

Tell her no. Sorry but I’m not feeling it this weekend. That’s an easy out. As is gotta help a parent/family member/friend with “X”.

The bold option is to actually find someone else - female - to take to the same show with a shot at actually getting laid in new territory. It st least you tell her that you are going with someone else/already made a date or plans.

Just whatever you need to do, basically you are putting her in read until she either 1) gets the fucking clue that you’re not a walking wallet or 2) gives it up again and loses her other boy toy or at least is willing to share time to have fun with you on your dime.

And to clarify for all the morality police out there. I NEVER have ANY expectation of a woman putting out if I am paying - voluntarily by my choice (ie - I invite HER out). That is just pathetic. Might as well hire a prostitute if that’s your game.

However, per OP’s given situation from his story, he is being USED by this girl for run times because her ass is broke and is being given nothing but a bullshit tease to string him along after he had a taste over six months ago! That’s not ok and she needs to pony up or ship out.

Three date rules also work two ways and I’ve found that are a great barrier line. If I’m doing all the asking out/paying the way, and nothing is happening by date three, it’s time to cut bait and move on because for whatever reason YOU are not making her panties wet.

I just had a girl twenty years younger this past weekend pursuing me for over a week through two big friends parties. She finally hooked me into “going to lay down and snuggle” when everyone was outside carrying on and not paying attention to us.

I had actually been with a different woman at the first party who I was considering dating and she left early. Then this girl zoned in on me and made her feelings and intentions abundantly clear.

I have yet to spend a cent on her, take her out on a date or anything. That will come because I like her and the sex was literally in my lifetime top five (not exaggeration and I’m a lifelong swinger with LOTS of experience). But the point here is that if SHE wants YOU, all the money dates and other bullshit in the world becomes totally irrelevant and it will be about her getting your cock inside her.

Good luck and remember that there are ALWAYS other girls out there. Have a spine and stand up for yourself.

GLight3 · 2021-09-21T18:53:41+00:00

She is and has been taking advantage of you for a long time. If you're neither in a relationship nor fucking, then what are you doing? Do you always pay for your friends to hang out? I think you're strongly underestimating how easy it is for a woman to use you for food. My honest advice is leave her entirely because even if you were to get together she'd just use that to take advantage of you in other ways.

simbuah · 2021-09-21T19:48:42+00:00

You stop going on dates with her. Have some self-respect.

woyak4643 · 2021-09-21T20:32:02+00:00

Yeah man. If you two haven’t had sex since March and you’re still paying for things, she’s got you in her palms.

Y’all are basically going on dates. And for a girl who doesn’t want a relationship, it seems a LOT like y’all are doing relationship things without the sex.

DeskPrisoner · 2021-09-21T20:58:00+00:00

Get the heck outta dodge, my man.

Rohat04 · 2021-09-21T21:23:03+00:00

You gettin used broski

dobbs1997 · 2021-09-21T13:33:22+00:00

start doing whatever it is you wanna do with her, not what she wants to do, & if she doesn’t comply with that then excuse yourself from that situation

chocolatepark · 2021-09-21T17:28:30+00:00

Dump her, what are you getting out of the relationship? She's obviously using you for free food and entertainment.

Hornyonion · 2021-09-21T15:49:02+00:00

You are a doormat.

Welldone.

Xorovats69 · 2021-09-21T16:16:08+00:00

You could probably say something like, "hey ill pay for this one can you pay for that one?" and if she says no tell her it was her idea in the first place.

truthbomb999 · 2021-09-21T17:44:00+00:00

We haven’t had sex since March and she doesn’t want a relationship because she is busy with school even though we do kiss and touch each other and she facetimes me everyday.

Why would you even take someone like this out?

I don’t know if she is taking advantage of especially since she never wants to come over my apartment or go over her apartment

She is absolutely taking advantage of you and wasting your time. No sex for 6+ months and you pay for all the dates? Hell no. Google the "friend zone"

She wants us to go to this festival where they have food trucks this week

Tell her you have a new policy of only taking women out that I'm having sex with.

Cards_s · 2021-09-21T13:34:57+00:00

Tell her to pay or to fuck. If she doesn't like it, dump her ass and get another one.

jajajames246 · 2021-09-21T21:27:19+00:00

Bro I guarantee you another guy is hitting it no doubt

skinisblackmetallic · 2021-09-21T17:49:58+00:00

Just pay. It’s not worth it. Do you want to get laid or solve heteronormative double standards?

Spiritual-Reserve440 · 2021-09-21T17:29:43+00:00

You cant make it non awkward, just dont be awkward urself, so rather than a penniless loser u look like a confident chad whose belief is true gender equality...

kawasakizx7rMonster · 2021-09-21T17:30:03+00:00

With respect. Try not to become one of them type of guys who notices little red flags early on in dating and says nothing. Because what happens is you look past one small thing that you didn't like and before you know it, it turns into a situation similar to this.

Its a wise idea to highlight something your not happy about as early as possible. Then she knows she can't take advantage of you. Nobody is perfect. Perhaps this may be clouding an area, where up until now, you may need to practice being more assertive.

You can reference an example of: '' I was just chatting to one of my friends who mentioned how his girlfriend never pays when they out. And he's getting fed up paying because she never even offers '' Doubtful she will take the bait. Move on. You did well sleeping her beginning man. Learn from this experience now man and set your own personal boundaries and stick to them. That way you set yourself up to be respected and can weed out the wrong ones early on. Good luck

SenorTonto · 2021-09-21T15:48:15+00:00

Man just stop messing with this girl. You arent fucking her, she's broke and she doesnt want to be exclusive with you. Come one man. If you had other options would you really be giving this girl any attention?

kaazifreak · 2021-09-21T19:01:48+00:00

No sex since March?... bruh... Unless you decided that was OK, you're being taken advantage of...

kan2tan · 2021-09-21T22:09:32+00:00

Is this foodie fest?

backfromyou · 2021-09-21T15:29:56+00:00

Defo troll post and I only skimmed it for 3 seconds

chevisback · 2021-09-21T14:15:06+00:00

I have a couple of friends who like to use others for their money. I am not saying that this is the case, but you really need to be upfront about it. You cannot keep paying for someone else. The least she could do is repay you. Ask her to pay that festival for herself. Her reaction will tell you enough about what to do in this situation.

Aiud2000 · 2021-09-21T14:15:46+00:00

if you wanted to spend money with her on dates that would be different, but if she wants to go somewhere with you, just like that cause she wants to, you shouldnt do that

DubDeuceInThisBih · 2021-09-21T14:48:16+00:00

abort mission.

UnPoquitoSuerte · 2021-09-21T14:54:26+00:00

You will look back on this moment in your life…

future you will take a glove off-and future you will Back hand present you and walk away with a furrowed brow and an angry gaze. Future you will put the glove back on.

Uoger · 2021-09-21T15:00:32+00:00

Be direct and forward. Just tell her that you don’t want to pay.

Pinchematt · 2021-09-21T15:18:46+00:00

You look at her, gesture your hand towards the cashier and say: "You wanna get this one??"

Get cold on that

Woujo · 2021-09-21T15:41:18+00:00

She is taking advantage of you; you need to kick her to the curb.

realToukafan4life · 2021-09-21T15:45:04+00:00

If she's a good friend you can literally talk to her about this issue and it will be sorted otherwise the answer is clear buddy.

lucidlife0 · 2021-09-21T15:45:26+00:00

Bro just say you don’t feel like posting for dinner. Communicate bro

Illustrious_Carrot_1 · 2021-09-21T15:53:49+00:00

I pay in dates, never ask her to pay, if she wants great but i usually pay because I know that I wont do it more than 2 times but if you do not fuck a girl in 2 dates, you can get rid of her because you won't fuck her, she is using you for fun

blck_mambaa · 2021-09-21T16:44:11+00:00

Go to the festival and only order your food

Booster93 · 2021-09-21T17:21:21+00:00

Tell her straight up. TELL HER STRAIGHT UP x1000.

And y’all definitely should be fucking for free if this is mutual. If not go find another girl out of the sea of thousands.

sh1ftyswar · 2021-09-21T18:39:35+00:00

Ass, grass or gas

Nobody rides for free

bbvle · 2021-09-21T18:39:43+00:00

Tell her you can't go cause you're kinda low on money, and instead suggest having dinner at your place. Whatever her response is you know ehere you stand.

Happy-Risk-8746 · 2021-09-21T18:39:50+00:00

Offer to cook her dinner

lookintothefuturem8 · 2021-09-21T18:42:37+00:00

Oh buddy..

caramelo52 · 2021-09-21T18:45:45+00:00

Simply say, I’m going to cover whatever I need and just make sure you bring cash for your food.
If she gets offended that’s not acceptable. I had a guy say it that simply. Even if I visited. He would say, I got food for me and I did not do groceries so bring food if u are hungry.

Or when we were out, he would say hey let’s get ice cream, but we each cover our own cost. I was totally fine with that honesty. I never minded it.

File-Complex · 2021-09-21T19:03:00+00:00

You’re literally her personal credit card. She’s using you. Get a fucking hold of yourself. Let me guess, when she “facetimes you every day” she talks about her problems and her day and you just talk about her

redsealsparky · 2021-09-21T19:05:20+00:00

Congrats, your the stand in boyfriend! She uses you to fulfill some of her needs and will string you along till she finds something better.

I'd say be aware of it but move onto something else.

Nosamzam · 2021-09-21T19:14:02+00:00

You are her "support me because I can't and when I succeed I will upgrade ". Why are you blind ?

IamtheDanr · 2021-09-21T19:21:50+00:00

Just split bill. If she overwhelmed she probs doesn't realise how you feel

2021-09-21T19:40:23+00:00

Stop inviting her to eat. You obviously are not getting any so stop being hopeful.

pizza_slut_420 · 2021-09-21T19:46:01+00:00

Just talk to her? Something like "Hey lady friend, I really like hanging out with you! I don't know if you've noticed that I'm always picking up the check, though, and it's kind of straining my budget. I know you're not working rn and you just moved so money's probably pretty tight for you. How do you feel about splitting more costs or finding stuff to do together that doesn't cost money?" And go from there.

Alternatively: "I've noticed that when we hang out I usually pick up the tab for food/activities/what have you and that makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like our relationship isn't equitable. I understand if you can't afford to split costs but then I'd like to start finding more things to do that don't cost money." After that, if she suggests things that aren't free (or wherever you want to set your personal boundary), make it clear that you're only able to pay for your own meal/admission and only go if she agrees to that.

Unless she's a mind-reader she can't know you're unhappy if you don't tell her. There's no need to play games about it, though. Just be straightforward (kindly) about how you're feeling.

CodineDreams · 2021-09-21T20:01:54+00:00

Pay to play gf?

Chemical-Ad930 · 2021-09-21T20:06:02+00:00

She better do something else in return of your efforts either in a form of gifts to you, buy you lunch or do something that show that she just not only taking from you. If you said its been since March and she literally did nothing for you at all to show her efforts so I suggest you to tell her that you are not going to the festival and stop asking her out on a date! And you need to be strong determined on this too! I am a female that started to see someone just a bit of couple weeks so definitely no sex involving yet.

AbjectSavvy · 2021-09-21T20:07:22+00:00

Next shell be asking for help with the rent. Drop her in a nice way. Intimacy is critical in early stages of developed interest. School is a scam unless its a trade school. Sorry bud. Maybe cute but not organized with her life it seems. Or perhaps shes testing your patience. Really only up to you to decide what sacrifices you are willing to make. Is there a big age gap?

Observenlearn111 · 2021-09-21T20:19:28+00:00

Speaking out of expirience. Walk Away.

Tinal85 · 2021-09-21T20:27:49+00:00

You say "Hey, I really enjoy hanging out with you but am saving up for a .... (Fill in the blank) so I can no longer pay for your food. Do you still want to go to the food festival with me this weekend?". I think it's weird that you're always paying for her. Even when I was single I never expected my male friends to pay for me.

steveblahhh · 2021-09-21T20:51:30+00:00

'hey, you should come over tonight. I'll get us a bottle of wine (or some white claw etc) and we can make dinner together'

Cheaper meal, usually a fun activity and forces her to put in a little effort.

If she balks, get busy with life, other women etc then extend the same offer the next time she asks.

mister_yuck · 2021-09-21T20:59:30+00:00

OP, sounds like you've fallen victim to the "nice guy" routine. Stop trying to please her and tell her to get lost.

lol_DisDad · 2021-09-21T21:12:52+00:00

Please sir Coochie is boring once you don’t had it multiple times All it is Wasting your energy Tiredness No motivation as a bunch other things that will distract you My guy Focus on yourself “ Level Up” and wait for a wife A female that’s all about you Cause I promise you Having sex with a condom Is not sex And having “ Sex Raw” Only leads to a baby and Std Use that testosterone and Build you a good habit Read a bed “ Think and Grow Rich” Man Talks about transforming your sexual energy into something creative And also Go ahead Have fun while you young “Young Coochie Better than Old Coochie” 😂

infrigato · 2021-09-21T21:24:45+00:00

Next time she suggest to go somewhere tell her you're helping out / meeting another girl to hang out or so. You will see if she values you. If she doesn't suggest anything ignore her.

daydreaming0 · 2021-09-21T21:28:56+00:00

You’ve being thrown breadcrumbs Move on

Jay-Ames · 2021-09-21T21:39:57+00:00

Don't go out with her. Just have sex with her.

Accomplished_Ad576 · 2021-09-21T21:42:08+00:00

If she isn't comfortable with meeting you alone then don't carry it.

HugoBossnuts · 2021-09-21T21:43:48+00:00

Look man, go out with her to the festival. Whenever you get in line to order or whatever lay it on her. "Hey I won't be able to pay for you this time".. her reaction and whatever happens afterwards will tell you everything you need to know moving forward.

MrBengu · 2021-09-21T21:56:17+00:00

My guy are you fucking serious? You're getting used. She's for the streets. Move on.

1lopros · 2021-09-21T21:57:29+00:00

Stop paying for her she's using you. If she wants to go to the food truck festival make her order then dont offer to pay and if she looks at you in disgust she's noone you want to have in your life anyway. Make her pay!

kylefofyle · 2021-09-21T22:03:00+00:00

This is like the food version of a hobosexual

soywasabi2 · 2021-09-21T22:04:29+00:00

Papi I am hungry!!

FakeSafeWord · 2021-09-21T22:22:36+00:00

"Hey food guy can we go to this festival this weekend?"

Sure you gonna pay for us this time?

"(some form of no)"

Cool, ill go and let you know if the food was any good. ;)

Lazysaurus · 2021-09-21T22:25:53+00:00

You're just a foodie call

mrrooftops · 2021-09-21T22:35:02+00:00

Desperate loser.

2021-09-21T22:57:02+00:00

What are you even doing in this situation? She’s going on dates with you for the free food and then going to hook up with her FWB. It’s so obvious.

cormacru999 · 2021-09-21T23:02:55+00:00

One, who pays what should have been established early on, but what you're really saying here is you don't like paying for meals if you're not getting sex. That's what you opened with, & if you can't have the sex than you feel the transactional nature of your relationship is unfair. Me, whenever I hang out with anyone that I invite to hang with me, I pay. If you can't afford to buy her meals than that's one thing but really you've boiled the whole thing down to a transaction & if men started paying attention to what WOMEN say about what women want, instead of listening to what men say about what women want, they would have better relationships with women, whether that's family, friends or romance.

You feel awkward about it because you know you don't have any good way to say it to her & when you say she needs to pay, she's going to ask why & you're going to stumble all over trying to avoid saying you feel like you want sex from her.

What you should say is that you struggle to spend time with her if you're not together, & its difficult for you to understand the boundaries, why is touching & kissing ok if sex & a relationship is not. Though, I suspect she likes you a lot but there's something in the way of that & she is also struggling to determine & define what to do. You're not obligated to pay, but you should be honest about why you don't want to pay. And you have ever right to set boundaries that you need & so does she. So define your boundary & see what she does. That may end it for good or it may make her rethink it more positively, but either way, respect what she decides.

I suspect she doesn't want to hang out in an apt because she doesn't want you to pressure her into sex, though she could also struggle to avoid sex & this is her way of making sure that line doesn't get crossed. Really I think you should put the relationship out of your mind, stop kissing & touching, but still hang out & have a good time. Its really ok to be friends with an ex. Some of my favorite women friends are exes of mine.

Witch-Doctor · 2021-09-21T23:10:37+00:00

She’s clearly using you bro. Jump ship ASAP and spend your money on yourself.

recyclablebanthas · 2021-09-21T23:54:49+00:00

1

We haven’t had sex since March....

So it's not a fling. It's not casual sex. Obviously.

2

.... and she doesn’t want a relationship because she is busy with school

Look, point blank.....Unless you are asexual, sex is a necessary ingredient no matter what kind of arrangement you have here, casual or serious.

Without sex, this is a friendship at best. You can't maintain the fiction that this is casual because there's no sex happening.

And she flat out says it's not a relationship. Which could also mean that she's still having sex with someone, just not you. Given how manipulative and abusive she's been for the last 6 months (if not longer) this is a real possibility.

3

.... even though we do kiss and touch each other and she facetimes me everyday. But whenever we do go out she expects me to pay because she is not working because of school and she just got a new place so she is on a budger.

On the problem with this platonic friendship you have going here is that she's also a shitty friend. No friend should ask you to pay for everything.

And she expects enough interaction that she kind of keeps you off the market. Which is doubly shitty.

4

I do have fun whenever I go out with her but I don’t know if she is taking advantage of especially since she never wants to come over my apartment or go over her apartment.

She's ridiculously manipulative and of course she's taking advantage of you.

For reference, if a girl won't go to your place or hers within the first month, then you have nothing. It's not a relationship and it's not casual either. It's a friendship at best.

5

We always meet in public. I feel awkward asking her to pay. She wants us to go to this festival where they have food trucks this week

Of course she does. She's using you for food and entertainment. She's sociopathic.

You shouldn't have to ask someone to pay.

So let's say that going Dutch/splitting the bill is the ideal here because you're not made of money, right? So how can you enforce that boundary? With your actions.

When you go out with someone, it's really easy enough to just assume you're going Dutch and you pay for half.
Worst case if someone steps back and fumbles and hems about pulling their money out, then you pay for it the one time and then you never ask them out again.
This is also why it's a good idea to never agree to go do something that you would call for a bill you wouldn't want to pay for by yourself.

William_Seriously · 2021-09-23T08:06:28+00:00

You simply keep it real, honesty is always the best policy, and if you ask her/him to contribute and it gets ugly, well then you at least know their true colors and what any future would be like... besides if you don't ask it will hurt you in the end as most women I've dealt with don't respect a man who has no courage/backbone.....in the end you're likely to be walked All over..... summary The good /caring/considerate person would have already asked you if they could help you, if you needed anything, if there was anything that they could do.... you get the point yes?... you didn't give the foundation of the relationship, but if they truly loved you then you wouldn't have to ask (in an adult relationship that is exclusive)

Title	How do I ask her to pay without making it awkward?
Author	socianxietyt
Upvotes	262
Comments	276
Date	September 21, 2021 12:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pshdw6/how_do_i_ask_her_to_pay_without_making_it_awkward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-ask-her-to-pay-without-making-it-awkward.1275745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275745

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