In the majority of instances of “Ghosting” the person who gets ghosted did nothing wrong the other party just got a better prospect/offer.

wtknight · 2022-04-10T13:59:25+00:00

Flaired CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim

YouAskedIt · 2022-04-10T17:09:42+00:00

I think most people ghost because they lost interest, but not because someone else was anywhere near the picture.

SocketLicks · 2022-04-10T13:35:11+00:00

Not even "a better offer". Sometimes, people just aren't in a place to want a relationship. They don't really have a great reason, they just find themselves unable to focus on a new relationship, so they just... aren't able to, and they keep forgetting to respond to texts, and eventually they just vanish.

People always think they'd want an explanation, but in reality, they usually don't because the reasons are like "you didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't in a good place", and they know if they say that, you'll try to "fix the problem" instead of just let them go.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-10T17:11:06+00:00

It's more like usually, nobody really did anything wrong but they're both just not bothered to continue or incompatible in some way. I've never heard of anyone who ghosted due to someone else asking them out.

dietwindows · 2022-04-10T18:06:29+00:00

In my opinion, the people who practice ghosting will never be able to give an objective response to these questions. They're invested in seeing the behavior in a positive light because they practice it.

With that said, in nearly all cases, I believe people practice ghosting because they're cowards. And most people are cowards.

We shouldn't think of it like, "I don't owe that person xyz." We should think of it like: "what kind of person does this behavior make me?"

I've been ghosted for being awkward, and been ghosted for someone's ex coming back into her life. Didnt mind either instance since it was obviously the behavior of children, and you can't get upset over kids acting like kids.

hemaristhysbe · 2022-04-10T14:38:32+00:00

Never ghosted a man because of a better offer. I’ve only ever ghosted men who spammed my life. If I’m too busy to answer the first phone call and message right away, they start messaging on every platform. Obsessively “liking” or commenting on my social media posts. After my phone lights up ten times in a few hours with no response from me, I’m done.

Can’t stand needy and obsessive behavior.

My friends and I all have stories about men who get sexual or personal way too early. All dick pics get ghosted. Men who show up uninvited at the workplace or parking lot: ghosted. I told a man I would call him after I got home from the grocery store. He was leaning against my car when I came out. Blocked and ghosted.

Rude behavior gets the same.

BennyHillThemeStops · 2022-04-10T13:28:44+00:00

The percentage is way too hard to quantify. Sometimes the woman just likes leading guys on, sometimes they just wanted to feel validation, sometimes what you said or did reminds them of an ex.

If you're using dating apps then yes, they probably met someone who they thought was a better option.

Some women (and even some guys) can and do use dating apps like going shopping. Don't like the item? Trade it in and get something better in a few swipes.

Unless the woman is in college or is very attractive, without dating apps I don't think women have as many options as most guys think.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-10T13:30:09+00:00

I’ve ghosted a couple of guys because they creeped me out. It wasn’t because of better offers - I just didn’t want to spend any more time in their company. One guy smelled like cat piss and made suggestive comments on all my social media pics (none of which are particularly sexy) so he had to go. The other one still spams me with dick pics to this day. I block him whenever he pops up.

PineappleGlazedHam · 2022-04-10T13:22:51+00:00

I think you’re assuming that women who are looking to date should just take what’s offered and would only “ghost” or end the relationship because she got a better offer.

Is it not possible that she’s not interested and tou and her aren’t compatible in the way she’s looking for, so instead of carrying on a relationship she isn’t interested/invested in, she ends things and continues looking? Things not working out doesn’t mean there’s someone else in line who made a better offer.

I feel like so many men here would happy marry someone for just existing and meeting basic criteria and then wonder why they don’t have passionate, happy marriages later down the road..

hemaristhysbe · 2022-04-10T13:39:47+00:00

I’ve ghosted because of inappropriate sexting that wasn’t being reciprocated and realizing this person would not make my life better so being alone won out

Itsknowntohappen · 2022-04-10T14:21:26+00:00

All the guys I’ve ghosted I just realized I wasn’t into them. People over analyze ghosting when some of us ghosters don’t put much thought into it and just aren’t into the guy so we move on.

NinjaSupplyCompany · 2022-04-11T03:20:36+00:00

Why are posts like this gendered?

I got back into online dating like a few weeks ago and all of my apps are filled with dozens of “your turn” messages. Most of these women are perfectly nice and would probably be nice to date. I don’t think any of them said anything to turn me off I just can’t possibly carry on so many conversations at once so I just have a couple of active ones.

masterdarthrevan · 2022-04-11T10:25:51+00:00

I ghosted someone just because she was too fucking annoying, trust me that'll do it too.

kyjolski · 2022-04-10T15:48:17+00:00

So as usual, all PPD women are saints and would never do that unless the guy was just a seriously abusive creep!

This shit is like a standup routine at this point.

MooseKabo0se · 2022-04-10T14:26:50+00:00

I’ve ghosted guys if they keep trying to make plans for me to come over their house to “check out their VR set” or “look at their home gym”. Boy bye lol.

Exotic-One3381 · 2022-04-10T17:40:02+00:00

Usually it's that you told the guy you aren't interested in pursuing things. He doesn't accept this and starts arguing with you. The only way to get rid is to stop responding.

baresquad · 2022-04-10T14:34:08+00:00

This is fantasy, almost an excuse tbh.

Nobody ghosts because they got a “better” offer. People ghost because you simply just weren’t for them, whether you thought you were or not, the ghoster thought differently and drastically terminated the connection

Sitting around wondering what you did or if you’re at fault is pointless, the person that ghosts actions are 100% their responsibility

I’ve never blamed anybody for me ghosting them, were their actions a contributing factor? Absolutely but I ghosted because I wanted to not because I’m always so secretly in love with some other “competition”

ShortDiscount7262 · 2022-04-10T13:10:24+00:00

It's all fine and understandable but ghosting should never be a thing. Just send one text to the person that you don't want to continue seeing them instead of leaving someone hanging worrying about you or exactly repeating every date thinking what they did wrong. People are not afraid to send nudes or personal information but somehow a text "It was nice to get to know you but I don't think it's going to work out" or something generic like that without being rude is scary.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-04-10T17:01:56+00:00

50% are ghosted because they are clingy and thirsty simps. 30% are ghosted for weird social idiosyncrasies and poor IOI reading, %20 are ghosted for hygiene, minor details and no reason.

ProfessorFelix0812 · 2022-04-10T13:17:30+00:00

I’d go higher than 70% on this one. People waaaaaaaay overthink it.

sdwdqw65 · 2022-04-10T14:17:08+00:00

Ghosting can also be due to procrastination and a lack of a desire to talk to the person.

I’ve done it to someone before, I just found the texting conversations with them to be boring so I kept saying “okay I’ll respond to her later” then later on “okay I’ll respond to her later” and of course I’d end up just not messaging her back and ghosting her.

Had nothing to do with me finding a better option, rather it was I found better things to do than to talk to her. Talking to her was just boring, so I didn’t want to do it and it just naturally turned into me ghosting her.

sungod003 · 2022-04-10T17:34:12+00:00

Dont give me your number, text me first the next morning, and then ghost me. TF just don’t give it to me bee otch so I can waste my time on things like staring at a wall

jayda92 · 2022-04-11T05:54:47+00:00

Would you rather hear you're a huge loser and I'm not interested or would you rather hear nothing? I always choose the latter, and I hope those guys I ghosted too (and otherwise: it's not my problem).

Ghosting had to do more with the person than a 'better offer'. If I got one I always shared, because I had a better excuse then. It's better to hear: 'I feel more connection with someone else' than: 'I think you're a cheap, weird and ugly loser and I don't want to waste any air of breath on you, bye!'.

KekeSmall · 2022-04-10T15:12:24+00:00

No she ghosted you because there was something about you that turned her off or creeped her out. I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. If everything else was fine otherwise and she did find someone else. She would’ve just let you down gently.

Vtridolla · 2022-04-10T13:40:38+00:00

Lmao source?

delusionalubermensch · 2022-04-10T15:29:08+00:00

Whenever I ghosted it was because I realized I wasn’t ready for anything or I was resuming something with an ex. Never because of a new better prospect coming around.

bebestl · 2022-04-10T15:31:36+00:00

I ghosted the last dude because I just wanted to be alone. And didn’t want to deal with explaining that I was finished seeing him.

Bc in the past, every time I’ve done that, the guy tries to negotiate otherwise. Like, please. Just respect it and let me move on!

Again, men just do not have the relationships skills or emotional intelligence to offer a quality connection. Hence, I do not value commitment from men.

mistresswhat · 2022-04-11T03:45:33+00:00

I'm pro-ghosting. if we're only a few dates in I'd prefer getting ghosted over a proper explanation, and I when I was single I'd routinely ghost people under those circumstances.

It wasn't usually because I had a better offer. It was because I wasn't that into them and didn't want to see them again. Sometimes it was their fault, sometimes it wasn't, but I didn't feel like having that conversation and I doubt most of them wanted to have it either.

When I was single I wouldn't ghost one guy just because I liked the other better. Assuming I liked them both I'd keep them both around until I got into an actual exclusive relationship.

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Aran82 · 2022-04-10T21:28:43+00:00

Sometimes I used to notice it took longer and longer to respond even if she was online, so she was dealing with other options / messages - in the end you are too far down the pile.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-04-10T22:37:57+00:00

True. Especially for online dating. When i ghost its not out of meanness or you did something wrong, it's just you are 1 out of billions, and i had to move on cuz better options.

If i do go far tho, i will give a basic response like "ur cool but i gotta focus on myself, bye good luck", just to fully end whatever small relationship we had if any

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-11T03:03:11+00:00

I would say 20%.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-04-11T03:23:59+00:00

This is why you never drop other plates till she has earned your time. Plates drop all the time why would your worry about it.

Inabind369 · 2022-04-11T08:44:00+00:00

Nah. Most people are just too afraid to deliver bad news so they avoid the issue instead of dealing with it aka a coward. It’s pathetic.

Snowbattt · 2022-04-11T09:15:06+00:00

Yeah but the least they can do is at least let the other one know you're no longer interested though.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-04-11T11:40:48+00:00

Men can and should ghost women as well.

I recently got into a situation with a girl whom I had a feeling was trying to relegate me to the orbiter zone. So I ghosted her. Got a nice nasty gram a couple weeks later to boot 😂

mc0079 · 2022-04-11T12:22:56+00:00

Guys? Who are you talking about? I'm a dude and didn't do this.

AelfredRex · 2022-04-12T18:17:05+00:00

You've never walked away from an online conversation because it was boring, you weren't that interested or invested, or she was too far away to bother continuing?

It's not an existential crisis. Just the end to a pointless conversation.

lilgingercelt · 2022-04-10T15:35:50+00:00

Women get ghosted a lot by men they like also, they just have other men who are willing to fill the line as soon as that guy is out. Women can get men easily but struggle more with holding onto them. I’ve ghosted quite a few women after getting with them, some I feel bad about others it’s been for quite legitimate reasons.

fatbandoneonman · 2022-04-10T23:30:20+00:00

Maybe you get ghosted because there’s no chemistry?

Last_Fallen · 2022-04-10T23:38:48+00:00

I talked to you for 2 days or two weeks... shit got boring or you it was clear we're not a match... I literally owe you nothing. Like wise, don't like me and just dissappear, cool, you'll be blocked and I'll move on. Who gives a shit.

MrMushySauce · 2022-04-10T23:59:36+00:00

Dunno, I recently ghosted a girl just because she didn't seem like she could vibe with me like I need a girl to be able to do. I'm really in a state of serious or gtfo tho. I'm mid-20s and interested in finding a 'life partner' in the near future, if possible. So even if you're cool and we would have smashed for a couple months 4 years ago, if I conclude this isn't who I want forever, it's over then and there. So at least for me it doesn't need to be a "better prospect" I currently have; it can just be that I had no place in my life for them.

Last_Fallen · 2022-04-11T00:00:54+00:00

I don't want them messaging me month and trying to remember who they are

toasterchild · 2022-04-11T00:33:37+00:00

I'm not certain better is the right word, but likely better chemistry. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong but if you want to make it less likely learn how to flirt well.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-04-11T14:32:21+00:00

Or women say whatever the fuck they feel like the in moment, and change their mind 1 minute later.

I had an interesting exchange with a woman on bumble ( who actually pays for it, which I knew was a bit off, an orange flag if you will ), who admitted that she had noticed my profile a year before, but was in some sort of situationship at the time.

We message for a hot second, and she makes it clear she wants to bone. I'm like ok, attractive slim blonde, you don't have to twist my arm too much. She insists she doesn't want anything "serious" and nothing leading to a relationship, I'm like ok, I'm open to a lot of scenarios...

So we bone two things in one week, and she ghosts me HARD after. Months later I came to learn that almost literally the day after we last boned, she became "exclusive" with some guy... all the dates overlap though.

I know he has no idea what she's done. And she is educated, clever, innocent appearing and sophisticated enough to not let it slip about her past ... proclivities.

Ladies, why do you insist in portraying yourselves as something you are currently not? If you are so strong and independent, why hide facets of your life to the person you're gearing up to be "the one".

If he truly was, he'd accept you with all your fault and foibles along with the good, right? So why the deceit? Why the omission? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Title	In the majority of instances of “Ghosting” the person who gets ghosted did nothing wrong the other party just got a better prospect/offer.
Author	MasterTeacher123
Upvotes	103
Comments	207
Date	April 10, 2022 12:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u0h23t/in_the_majority_of_instances_of_ghosting_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/in-the-majority-of-instances-of-ghosting-the.1110493 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110493

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