Men are afraid of dating and marrying single mothers because they could be on the hook to pay child support for children that aren't theirs if the relationship end

immrdadguy · 2022-11-30T01:49:35+00:00

I don’t think that cracks the top 20 reasons why men don’t usually date single mothers

Tuatara77 · 2022-11-30T02:37:09+00:00

Being raised by a single mother I feel strongly against ever dating one.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-30T08:59:05+00:00

Most men who refuse to date single mothers have never even heard of that. There's a simpler reason: they don't want to deal with those children while dating.

ObjectiveCow59 · 2022-11-30T01:47:20+00:00

The main reason is because you gotta deal with another mans "saved game" and also u will never be the womens main thing, her kid will be. Plus the drama with the baby dady, custody, drop offs, pick ups, the father might be a pos, ect. And then financial burden.

Its just bad baggage. If ur a single father getting with a single mother is ok tho. But if ur a childless man, dont date single moms

2022-11-30T12:51:42+00:00

I wouldn't date anyone with children. Fuck that. Don't care about the gender of it. Not raising someone else's kid and having my lifestyle changed like that.

Too many men have pictures of their own kids on tinder. Put your kids first and don't put their pictures online.

As you say though it happens more to men because there are more single mothers. So this goes double for any parent whose got such little contact with their kids that the other parent is considered a single parent.

Inner_Spray_6770 · 2022-11-30T07:45:40+00:00

Child support is not even the best reason why I shouldn't date a single mom.

The best answer is I feel disgusted by it, intimidated by it because it is extra work for no benefit at all, and every task that will happen the child will be the priority rather than the two of us.

Tell me again what connection I have with the child ? Why should I be feeding him/her ? Who is he/she to me ? What benefit is he/she providing me ? Why should I care what happens to him/her ?

I mean, millions of children are born and dying every single day, if the child is mine I have a connection with him/her. This child is doing absolutely nothing for me. I have no emotions for him/her, at least yet. It's better I give the money to children of an orphanage rather than to help a child of a single mom, who'll do nothing but make my life more difficult when I'm not ready for the parenthood phase yet. Moreover dating is competitive, give me one reason why I'll pick a single mother over a single woman ?

I don't even need statistics to prove why anyone who doesn't have kids yet regardless of any gender, shouldn't date a single parent. We as a youth, have not experienced our love lives yet, we want to experience it before becoming parents.

Dafiro93 · 2022-11-30T01:44:46+00:00

I wouldn't want to date a single mother and get attached to the child only to break up and have no legal right to see them again. With my own biological children, I can at least pursue legal action for custody. Also having to deal with an ex sounds like unnecessary drama so I'll pass on that. My cousin married a single mother that had her ex give up all rights to the child.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-11-30T02:46:46+00:00

The reason why the majority of men do not want to date single mothers is because they don't want to put up with the mother's child. They hate kids that are not theirs. Find them bothersome and competition for the persons time.

The reason why they won't phrase it in this particular manner is because it makes them look like a piece of shit human being technically, they don't want to be in competition for the woman's attention and they find the kids to be bothersome an time consuming. It has nothing to do with child support , (especially in America) because in the United States of America no stepfather is going to be obligated to pay child support for a child that was not ever biologically his before the marriage was ever entered into.

captainsaveahoe69 · 2022-11-30T04:47:32+00:00

Never ever date single mothers. Not seriously anyway.

baresquad · 2022-11-30T02:43:13+00:00

This is not how the law works. At least in the US. A state can’t force you to pay child support for a child that’s not yours because, and this might be a shocker, the child isn’t yours.

Like someone else said, for you to pay child support in this scenario, you’d likely have to formally adopt your girlfriends child for it to even be considered by a court.

So either post proof of these cases that you seen to give us more context or stop making up egregious theories to defend your reasons for not wanting to date single moms.

mrcs84usn · 2022-11-30T07:08:19+00:00

This isn't on the radar for most men, for they aren't familiar with these laws. However, if more men (and more importantly, more women) knew about these laws, THEN it would be a reason to avoid single mothers.

Esterwinde · 2022-11-30T12:29:21+00:00

Not my seed, not my responsibility.

Cat_Lover259 · 2022-11-30T18:08:27+00:00

What about single dads? I never hear a woman complain about single men their age who have children looking for relationships, in fact they usually like situations like that. Why is it always hated on when it’s a woman? It’s your preference in the end but don’t demonize the women who probably lost their husband/bf in an accident and were left with the kid they didn’t plan to raise on their own.

SteveSan82 · 2022-12-01T04:33:22+00:00

Single mothers are damaged and will never respect you. They will always side with their kid no matter how wrong the kids are. Plus the kids usually end up in prison or lacking basic social skills and manners

blaizken_420 · 2022-12-02T02:46:40+00:00

They're single for a reason.

toasterchild · 2022-11-30T06:13:29+00:00

These cases are extremely rare and usually include the guy having adopted them at one point or talking on legal guardianship in some official way. You really have to put in effort to have this happen. Don't claim financial responsibility for children and expect to just walk away.

I clicked through some of the links all the way and the articles didn't say what the reddit post claimed, which isn't at all surprising.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-11-30T03:17:22+00:00

Can you please source the idea that a man will be forced to pay CS for a non biological kid if the man isn't married? I don't think that's legally true.

Also prenup can prevent that, and not cohabitating can prevent that.

That__EST · 2022-11-30T13:53:55+00:00

It took me coming to PPD to find out that men don't like dating women with children or being in the role of step father. In the world I live in day to day, men of every echelon of society are step father's and plenty have mutual good relationships with their step children. I have a step mom and a step dad and I have an excellent relationship with both. For the tackier parts of society, I see plenty of men who date single women and then go on to give more resources to the children of the women that they're currently dating, than their actual biological children. I don't buy this.

MyLastBestChance · 2022-11-30T01:48:48+00:00

IDK what country you’re in (unless you’re the same Brazilian guy who’s posted this same thing multiple times 🙄), but this isn’t how it works in most places unless the man formally adopts the children which would require the father legally surrendering their parental rights entirely to allow for the adoption.

AutoModerator · 2022-11-30T01:41:10+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

neetykeeno · 2022-11-30T16:06:13+00:00

I strongly urge any man who is restricting his dating because of this sort of material and feels it is unfair and too much restriction to actually seek professional legal advice about the risks and not rely upon manosphere outrage porn. Lawyers work for you and go through a rigorous education in their field, the writers of opinion pieces work for clicks and dopamine and their sole qualification is internet access.

And no that's not me recommending that you commit to single mothers...I am recommending you don't go letting unqualified folks scare you out of getting laid.

md8716 · 2022-11-30T17:31:28+00:00

A week or so ago I saw a post about a guy married to a woman who had an older daughter. They were together for like 8 years or something. This man cared for and provided for the daughter as if she was her own. The wife doesn't even work, she lives off his income.

Then the daughter on her 16th birthday ambushed him and asked for him to adopt her and he didn't want to do it. So now the daughter hates him and the mom is devastated and wants to divorce. The comments kept calling the dad a piece of shit and an asshole. "He never really loved her".

Literally all that man ever did was love his wife and step up to be a good stepfather, and that's the thanks he got.

Fuck that shit. Couldn't be me, man, I would never put myself in a position to get fucked over like that. For some other dude's kid? Fuuuuck that.

2022-12-01T00:07:16+00:00

I don’t think dating single moms is wrong. And we shouldnt be demonizing these women because we can never be sure what their full situation is. But its also not a crime to say “ i dont want to date single moms”. Its when we demonize single moms or we demonize men who wont date them that it becomes a problem. Its not out of this world to say a woman with a child and responsibilities requires a different approach then a woman with no kids. Its up to each man to decide what they are willing to put up with.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-11-30T06:20:51+00:00

Lol, no. This is in now way a legitimate concern.

ProfessorFelix0812 · 2022-11-30T11:46:55+00:00

1) I’ve dated several single moms. I am supporting exactly zero of their children. You might want to brush up on your family law.

2) Being a step-parent, or step-parent type figure isn’t for everyone. They are not your kids. Sometimes, they may not even like you. You do what you do because you are madly in love with their mom. If the relationship ends, so does the relationship with the children that are not yours. That’s how it works.

3) Once you clock over, say, 33, EVERYONE has kids. If dudes are complaining here they can’t get laid now, wait a few years. Trying to find a 35 year old childless woman to date will be like looking for a unicorn.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-11-30T03:50:35+00:00

As someone who works with those who make child support payments, receive child support payments and works with the Child Support Enforcement agency in my state, this is blatantly false. Stop spreading misinformation. Perhaps go to the legaladvice forum to post this so they can laugh at you or set you straight.

purplish_possum · 2022-11-30T14:01:09+00:00

Don't believe all the BS on the internet.

New husband is only on the hook for prior children that aren't his if he adopted said children. That can't happen unless bio dad agrees or bio dad's parental rights are terminated for cause.

Marriage of the mom to another guy doesn't negate the biological father's rights or responsibilities. Bio dad still has custody rights and still has support obligations.

If mom divorces her husband none of that changes.

Any-Bottle-4910 · 2022-11-30T18:02:38+00:00

Well, I did it. She had two daughters. I was single and childless. We’ve been married now for ages. All but our mutual child are grown and out of the house. I manned up with the ex early when he blustered and made an empty threat. He shut up quickly… and then disappeared completely. Try it, fellas. Be a man.

As for the kids and support, I can’t argue with you there. We never got a dime out of the ex, since he’s ok living under the radar. God help him if he ever gets pulled over. However, it was an incredible financial drain, and a powerful time drain too. It’s been hard. So why did I do it?

First off, loving the mom is key. Do ya or don’t ya? I did and still do, including the kids. It’s one big package deal.
Second, all kids deserve a solid adult male figure, and it felt good to do my best by them.
Third, that income pressure forced me back to school and out of the bar biz. Income more than tripled within a decade.
Fourth, she gave me a child too. Only fair I guess, but I’m grateful. She’s grateful. Yada yada.
Lastly, accepting responsibility is what makes a man. Even as a war veteran, a scrapper, and a successful dater, it took children for me to feel like a “real man”.

If you meet the right girl, and you’re up to some manly responsibilities, I say go for it. But don’t just jump right in. Take it slow. There are risks all around it for you, her, and especially the kids. The payoff is your soul and self-worth. Oh, and having a family that loves and respects you. Hard to beat that one.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-11-30T14:21:37+00:00

People are far too cut and dry here. Not all single mothers are the same person. Look for someone you have genuine connection and shared values with. It's alright to prefer no kids if you don't have any.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-11-30T02:27:15+00:00

But I have seem cases that a man was ordered to pay child support even after they had a short relationship like a few months or an year( they were not married).

Can you link to one of these cases? I don't believe this is a thing.

AstuteBlackMan · 2022-11-30T05:52:41+00:00

No. That’s not it at all. This sounds like an incel post holy shit.

BigVariation804 · 2022-11-30T18:44:33+00:00

Male privilege is a myth. This confirms

Lolabird2112 · 2022-11-30T02:34:18+00:00

Why is paying to support a child “humiliating” to a man?

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-30T10:34:58+00:00

It's also just unattractive to be with a woman who has had children with another man

And single mothers besides children tend to be women with lots of problems.

jojo0507 · 2022-11-30T11:53:19+00:00

Just a question what if the kids are adults? Does that change any of the dynamic?

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-30T13:31:45+00:00

That’s messed up if it really happens

I was a single mother after my divorce, at no point was I looking for a new daddy for my children or someone to pay for them.

I only ever let them meet one man and I married him. They are adults now

bluestjuice · 2022-11-30T14:57:31+00:00

I don’t think this consideration is the major driving factor of this behavior.

I think most men who don’t want to date and marry single moms don’t want to deal with the constraints and expectations of stepping into a family unit or raising a child they didn’t sire.

AidsVictim · 2022-11-30T16:19:16+00:00

Before money even comes into it I think it's mostly that men don't want to have put loads more work into helping with a kid in a relationship where your partner is always going to have a very restricted schedule and probably stressed out by parenting. Lot's more "emotional work" and potential guilt about a failed relationship when a kid is involved than just dating someone without kids.

Single parents should really just focus on dating other single parents.

modidlee · 2022-11-30T18:03:02+00:00

I disagree. I don't think most men are really thinking about what could happen after the relationship ends as a reason to not get into it. It's the thought of what it would be like to be in said relationship that stops them.

calfshrug · 2022-11-30T19:00:34+00:00

Just get dna from any sex partner you have. Swipe some vaginal secretion from the condom and submit it for genetic testing for any new sex you have. EZ PZ

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-30T19:18:48+00:00

nah most men don't want to date single moms because their buddies read red pill subreddits and would make fun of them.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-11-30T22:07:38+00:00

That’s really only a problem if he marries the mother, the father terminates his rights, and the new father adopts the child.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-12-01T01:01:34+00:00

I didn’t even know that. i can fwb a single mom, wouldn’t exclusively date, wouldn’t want to meet kids

Comments