CMV: What I’ve Learned as an Average Guy Among Attractive Friends

szclimber · 2023-09-12T22:43:12+00:00

Improve what you can, accept what you can't. This is such a bitter pill to swallow sometimes though. Life can be terribly unfair and most people don't want to accept reality.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-09-12T23:20:35+00:00

That's the Blackpill.

Think about it this way if an 80 year old woman liked you is there anything she could do to make you attracted to her?

Probably not..

The good news is you can get your passport and go somewhere where the women are less picky or more desperate.

NakedlyStripped · 2023-09-13T12:39:21+00:00

It's revelations like this why I DON'T put down The Black Pill. Some things you can and can't control. Just focus on what you can do and try not to compare (easier said than done). Just don't become a doomer and give up on everything.

philseven12 · 2023-09-12T22:55:38+00:00

This facts and ppl on here act like I'm exaggerating when I say being tall and handsome is the most important thing and it will determine how nice or not nice women will be to you

Big_Explorer_1470 · 2023-09-13T01:39:07+00:00

I have attractive friends who have married women throwing themselves on them and sleeping with them.Beleive me they are low libido women in their marriage ......... and women do approach them so all the talk about women being passive and just giving hints is bs .They just don't find you attractive enough

purplish_possum · 2023-09-13T01:47:57+00:00

he just wears a t shirt and pants everywhere that’s it. he doesn’t talk much at all he just stands there

This seems very familiar. It's pretty much what I did when I was younger. Women who think you're hot let you know.

Kosilica457 · 2023-09-13T18:47:24+00:00

This is just proof that none of that "Personality natters nore than looks" bs has any connection with reality.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-09-13T00:32:11+00:00

The Blackpill overdoes the importance of looks overall. But it can be situationally accurate. The younger you are, the more important looks are. Same for clubs. There's a lot of ethnicity talk in the OP we aren't allowed to deal with, but ethnicity can range from unimportant to decisive depending on the circumstances. And just because two guys are of the same ethnicity does not mean both are getting the same situational ethnic disadvantage or advantage. Colorism is a thing; how strongly ethnic one's features are can matter, etc.

Also, 'average' covers a lot of territory; territory within which people still self-sort. If you are a 4 you can call yourself average, but if you are chasing 6s with friends who are 6s, well, you might get shut out on looks alone.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-09-12T22:48:37+00:00

Have you tried hanging out with guys who are uglier and shorter than you?

bearsfan231 · 2023-09-13T12:42:15+00:00

Depressing, ain't it?

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-09-13T00:35:37+00:00

I mean.. if you're underweight or overweight and become athletic - that's a big change in how girls respond..

Sure, if you're not extremely hot girls aren't going to be running over to you and hugging you - but if you're attractive they'll often still accept your advances when *you* initiate.

This post can be very blackpilling for guys without experience - but it's mostly irrelevant - a lot of guys can look 7+ with the right lifestyle/clothing/gym, and that's enough to be approaching most girls.

One last thing - you're in fucking L.A - you're competing with Leo for the same girls, get the fuck outta there.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-09-12T21:29:18+00:00

More attractive people attract more people. Most of us learnt this in high school

LogicianMission22 · 2023-09-16T00:35:21+00:00

It’s called accepting reality lol. I just plan on fucking escorts and sex tourism.

250umdfail · 2023-09-12T23:23:05+00:00

Nah the only thing you learned is that approaching strangers in a club or bar doesn't work for average looking men. Your best hope is to make friendly acquaintances within your social group over a period of time, and hope one of them gives you enough hints to ask her out. Honestly that's the only way I see average men dating average girls these days: becoming friends first over a month or two at the least, and then acting on it if she shows any interest from her side.

slazengerx · 2023-09-12T22:52:41+00:00

I'll be walking with him and girls will immediately approach him and compliment him.

girls run up and hug him, follow him around and just want to be around him.

Are these guys celebrities? I've never seen this behavior from multiple attractive women (guys don't know) toward very attractive guys in my life. Now if these women already know the guys or they're not that attractive... maybe not that odd. I've known guys who have slept with hundreds of women and I've never seen this level of over-the-top unsolicited adoration from attractive women they didn't know. But that's just me.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-09-12T21:38:48+00:00

You're not learning anything. You need to be several hours a week in an environment where at least some of your approaches receive a mild amount of positive response for you to start learning. So that means your social circles need to be more varied and be not just those guys.

It's a major flaw very common in men... complacency. You're happy to be around cool friends and the pretty girls they attract. You're comfortable. You're satisfied with yourself for being friends with the good looking kids. You're just not going anywhere. You've stalled.

Take your arse down the local pub a couple of times a week without them. Get a second group of close acquaintances that will eventually also become friends. Chat to all sorts of girls...fat, skinny, black, white, Asian, trashy, snooty, alcoholics, young, old, widows... anyone. Break yourself free from not learning anything.

There's every possibility you can eventually hold your own in your high value friends group. But not if they continue to be the only context you flirt with women in.

hawkshade · 2023-09-12T21:39:26+00:00

You just said it. You’re overweight. Drop the weight and report back.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2023-09-13T00:54:03+00:00

No offense but if you’re going out to clubs where it’s like the lowest and most derivative club skanks then of course you’re going to be jaded. They fucking suck! Don’t waste your time if that’s not you and try to fit in, because you’ll be awkward. Find an environment and vibe that works for you and fits you. Maintain your frame.

OptimistInHell · 2023-09-13T04:01:23+00:00

You also post here, which indicates there are a litany of factors you're unaware of.

Soggy_Head_4889 · 2023-09-12T22:33:01+00:00

Lol you just got blackpilled but I have some objections:

The lesson is, you can't turn yourself into the hot guy.

Not necessarily. If you have an objectively bad facial bone structure then yeah, but if you have potential and your problem is weight for example then there likely are things you can do to become hot.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2023-09-12T22:21:13+00:00

The lesson is, nothing you can do will make the hot guy.

This is horseshit.

Better yourself.

This is great advice.

Let’s take two 5/10 guys, Alex and Billy. Neither of them gets much attention from girls. Now, let’s imagine that Alex spends a year watching Netflix and doing all the things he normally does. Billy, meanwhile, spends the year getting ripped at the gym and learning to play the guitar really well. Do you really think that Billy is still on the same level as Alex?

Spyro7x3 · 2023-09-12T22:50:46+00:00

Spiritual energy attracts women. Just getting a word in while they're engaged with your friends isn't going to work. You have to genuinely be interested in the conversation and taking it to new interesting places. Include everyone even your friends into open ended questions, speak from a place of genuine authenticity and speak with authority. If you ask a girl a question and she ignores you loud cap them call them out by addressing it with your friends right in their faces. Basically make your presence known.

This stuff is hard to systemize so maybe your friends know but its just to hard to explain how to go about having an actual goal and mission to everything you do including going out and meeting people. Ask yourself why you want to meet people outside of just wanting to hook up with women. I get women coming after me every time I go out just about and its never been my mission or purpose for going out I'm there to be entertained and to entertain and thats it the women are a bonus.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-09-12T22:47:14+00:00

Sure you can turn yourself into the hot guy if your starting point is an average guy, at least in theory. Work out for years, get on steroids, you'll have a more impressive physique than at least 99% of the population. A fake tan will also make you look even crispier. Get shoe inserts and male boots to increase your height to some extent, maybe it's just 3-4 inches in total, but that can catapult you from 5'9 to 6'0-6'1, which is still plenty. And get cosmetic work done. Receded hairline? Finasteride and hair transplant. Shitty skin and acne? Accutane and laser treatments. Crappy teeth? Bracers. Really crappy teeth? Veneers. Shitty lower third of the face? If you can grow a nice full beard you can create the illusion of a nice lower third. Face losing volume? Fillers. Can't grow a full beard and have a weak chin? Chin implant. Big crooked nose? Get a nosejob. In theory, there is plenty you can do, if you have the money and time required, and are willing to accept the risk that comes with it.

TryLambda · 2023-09-13T07:41:29+00:00

How about asking your friends for the leftovers, why are they hoarding all the women?? Isn’t one enough for them lol

MSAPPLIEDSTATS · 2023-09-13T16:55:16+00:00

From reading your post I gather that you lack confidence. Never in my life would I ever say one of my friends looked better than me even if plenty of evidence suggests otherwise. I would argue for myself and cut them down. You seem attracted to them so it's just weird.

Primary-Ant1258 · 2023-09-14T04:12:21+00:00

I completely disagree. I pulled attractive women, hit the gym, pulled more. Maybe my experience is different since I'm literally nicknamed God's wasted gift but 🤷

AutoModerator · 2023-09-12T21:19:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-12T21:19:05+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a CMV. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to have your view challenged may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Asking few or no genuine questions;

Seeming more interested in arguing or convincing others than understanding opposing views;

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Explicit statements of an intent to change the other posters’ minds; or

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to CMV OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Sufficient-Print-705 · 2023-09-12T23:44:16+00:00

I don't know how old you are by reading your post, but my advice is to not take it too personal. My dating life was way better in my late 20s and early 30s than it was in my 20s. In your early 20s (if that is what age group you are in) its really where most of the best looking and charasmatic guys are doing the best. Most women of the same age are not looking to get married and they are looking to have fun, hence they go after these guys regardless of the fact that what they offer is being attractive.

What surprised me was that meeting women under 25 got WAY EASIER for me after 30. I take care of myself and go to the gym, but I think it is a bit of confidence and learning how to act and talk with women. Most men under 25 (myself included) struggle with women because it is hard and the skills and confidence to be successful do not come yet. Also most guys under 25 are busy building their lives be it going to school or learning a trade. It means you do not have much money, and this is not helpful when you also don't have much dating experience.

Maybe you aren't tall or good looking, but if you improve yourself you will have better days ahead. If i could give you or my past self advice for life in early 20s I would say: hit the gym, don't drink or do drugs because it ages you and wastes your energy in things that wont help you, get a career either by starting a business or college or learn a trade, work on social skills in all situations because this will increase your confidence with women, learn about things like science or history or political science because these things make you interesting where you have something to talk about.

Keep your head up and realize that life is a lot longer than in your 20s. Getting your life in order in your 20s will mean that all your decades after than can be really fulfilling. Many of the guys I knew who had all the dating and hookup success in their 20s spend so much time chasing women that they really neglected to improve their lives and careers because they spent their time with women. These same men in their 30s, who had so much fun in their 20s, are often trainwrecks in their 30s because they have terrible jobs and nothing to show for thier 20s other than the memories of the good times. Many of the men in their 20s who weren't having fun got their lives in order and are having a much better time in thier 30s and beyond. Look at the bigger picture.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-09-13T00:31:20+00:00

I hate pareto principal. It's just a lazy excuse to not use stats like so:

"20% of women make it really easy for 20% of hot guys to sleep around. The other 80% aren't sloots."

edit: your friend who doesn't speak English. I've seen that kind of guy. When I was traveling a girl brought him to sit with them at a restaurant and he couldn't speak at all. Dude left because it was boring and he was just arm candy. Later another girl bumped into him on purpose with 3 of her guy friends next to her (pretty sure 1 was her boyfriend). I was sitting next to him and joked about it. I also see girls go up to some of my other friends and completely reject me. It sucks but you don't choose your height or race and I certainly could've taken better care of my skin if I'd known how when I was younger.

Safinated · 2023-09-13T00:38:51+00:00

Sounds like you’re also an introvert

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-09-13T03:45:45+00:00

Well yeah you're in LA. People there are shallow AF. Move somewhere else and you'll have better luck. I'm a woman and if I lived in LA I'd have your experience no one would pay attention to me.

GoodApollo506 · 2023-09-13T05:34:07+00:00

….At least you’re average

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-09-13T12:24:28+00:00

You are what you are. But you’re not the things you tell yourself about yourself.

wheartv · 2023-09-13T14:12:09+00:00

I don’t think bars are your “thing”

As far as attractiveness, if a guy has a handsome face, then he will know because women will periodically tell him right to his face

If women do not approach and compliment you at least once in a while, then you are probably a 7 or lower in the face

It doesn’t mean you are ugly

A woman with a hot bod and a 7 face will be popular among men, but the lower female libido means most of them only respond to super stimuli

I don’t think women are interested in actually understanding themselves though because being just an intelligent ape doesn’t sound very feminine or sexy

Zealousideal-Ice-352 · 2023-09-13T14:33:51+00:00

Location and demographics matter here. If you don’t mind me asking, what are the ethnicities of you and your friends?

Are y’all East Asian? It seems to make the most sense. What are the general ethnicities of the girls pursuing your friends? Are they diverse or also the same ethnicity?

I’m only mentioning this because you brought up ethnicity a couple times throughout the post and mentioned your non-English speaking friend. This could play a huge factor into why they’re successful and you’re not even if y’all are the same ethnicity.

quantummufasa · 2023-09-13T15:28:55+00:00

What race are you and your friends?

sonofsochi · 2023-09-13T15:44:36+00:00

I mean…how is your charisma? Aura? Confidence? Are you hanging on to your attractive friends like a sulking pet? Is your energy off? A lot goes into more than just being “stylish”.

RonMexico432 · 2023-09-13T19:04:24+00:00

Before he died, my best friend was an attractive guy, literally named Chad. It was an opportunity to learn, while I worked on what I could. I emulated him. His friends became my friends.

noach_qayain_ · 2023-09-13T19:23:33+00:00

Mainly women are this concerned about how they look. If you have nothing but you looking pretty to offer a woman then you aren't a man. Manhood is about offering some thing spiritual, of value, none sexual, order, etc. to the world.

Green__Bananas · 2023-09-14T17:38:53+00:00

This is some abhorrent low testosterone advice tbh.

As a short guy who went from average to “hot”, you can absolutely self improve. Lift weights, groom yourself, work on your charisma, etc etc.

It CAN be done.

Title	CMV: What I’ve Learned as an Average Guy Among Attractive Friends
Author	xbthewizard2
Upvotes	129
Comments	226
Date	September 12, 2023 9:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16h3g1t/cmv_what_ive_learned_as_an_average_guy_among/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-what-ive-learned-as-an-average-guy-among.1231630 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231630

Comments