If you were to move in with a guy that makes significantly more than you, would you be okay with splitting household expenses roughly 50/50?

baiser_vole · 2023-09-27T04:58:35+00:00

It is a tricky question as I would have answered yes to this question just a year ago, but have a somewhat different opinion now. I tried to keep things more 50/50 in the past, but had a serious conversation with my current boyfriend on this very topic. We don't keep tabs on who spends how much on what. My values kinda did an 180 once I knew I wanted him for life and I could trust him to not act weird around money. There still will most likely be a prenup but with reasonably generous terms.

hannahg000 · 2023-09-27T04:43:14+00:00

i think this sounds reasonable.

i think as the relationship becomes more serious and children are introduced this dynamic could be a little difficult to pull off.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-09-27T04:20:23+00:00

1) That’s ideal. 2) He sounds like me.

Yes, I’d be ok with it.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-27T05:56:34+00:00

Not unless it was very early on and we were still working things out. Otherwise I expect to split expenses proportionally and that's the agreement I have in my relationship where I earn significantly more so am paying significantly more. I don't think that expecting your partner to pay in this way shows a great commitment to making their life nice to live and building a good partnership, or perhaps this person is just blinded to reality by money. I wouldn't want to have huge amounts of money for myself while I took away from what my partner had because I, you know, care about him and if I can't spend that money to help him out what's the more important thing I'm spending it on? So why is this man prioritising his own material purchases over me?

tinasnow-poty · 2023-09-27T08:06:03+00:00

No. I think expenses should be balanced proportionally. I think it’s sooooo weird for one partner to be spending the majority of their income and struggling whilst the other partner spends a minimum and is chilling. Does the couple stop going out towards the end of the month because one partner can’t afford it, when the other could take both of them out? Does one partner have no savings because they’re spending all their money on bills whilst the other has lots to fall back on? I personally could not watch my partner struggle or not invest in their/our future whilst I live comfortably, and I would be very upset if my boyfriend would be happy in that situation.

candikanez · 2023-09-27T14:45:43+00:00

Couples should pay the same percentage of income towards joint bills, not the same dollar amount. That's how it's fair. Making one pay 70% of their income to rent and the other only 40% of theirs is bullcrap.

Safinated · 2023-09-27T04:42:52+00:00

Nope. And I wouldn’t expect a 50/50 split if I made more. Which I have done in relationships

chalkandapples · 2023-09-27T07:32:46+00:00

Yeah, that's exactly what I did with my husband before we got married. As far as I'm concerned as long as we're not married we're separate financially. From a financial perspective, dating but before marriage = close friend, married = family.

I don't need any financial assistance from him since I'm not suffering from a financial problem. There's no significant pain point he can relive me of by throwing money at me. But if I was actively suffering from a financial problem, I think we all expect people that care about you to help you with what means they have when they see you suffering. You would probably help out a close platonic friend too if you see them really suffering and you can fix it with money that you can easily part with.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-09-27T08:16:42+00:00

Yes (and yes I’ve done this with a bf in the past) but it doesn’t work out long term

90% of the case they might be frugal but they will be saving for that bigger/better house one day , AnD it’s highly likely kids and marriage will be involved in the future (at least for someone like me) and housework being 50/50 doesn’t always work either depending on your working hours. So things will have to change, financially wise. There comes a point where you become a team with the common goal of building a better life for your team. Sometimes that means one person doing more housework, sometimes it means one person paying more bills, it depends on the situation.

I personally believe this is how most couples split bills at least at the start of the relationship but as things change so must their attitude to splitting bills, Right now I’ve noticed there’s a trend of guys expecting money to be 50/50 but they are refusing to do 50/50 of the unpaid parts of the relationship

GoldenHornyChicken · 2023-09-27T10:00:55+00:00

My husband earns about 3-4 times my salary. We do have a child. Now here's how we split the bills :

The house is only his. He bought it alone, he pays the loan, the bills and taxes related to the house, anything concerning his own ownership. When we (he) extended the house to make room for future childen, I offered us a new kitchen with all the équipement, because this house is my home too and I wanted to participate, even a little. I save money from the rent I don't pay, and I plan to buy something to myself, that would be added to the family property for our children.

We split every other household expenses 50/50, including daycare. But he's more likely to pay for the extras, like restaurants of activities, just because I'm short with money way faster than him.

I think it's more than fair. This agreement lets me save much more money than I would be able to otherwise. He put a house I adore over my head (we chose it together), he offers me a quality of life way better than I can afford on my own.

That's true it has something to do with love. He does it to express his love to me and baby. To make us happy. He wants to show his full commitment to our family and that, I'm grateful for. But we've been ~ 10 years together, we trust each other, we already took the decision to join our lives together.

Just at the beginning of the relationship, when you start to live together, you have the right to need time to be sure and be more prudent about it.

Spiritual-Cicada9650 · 2023-09-27T13:33:22+00:00

We split according to income, but also chores get divided by free time. Who ever is home more takes on more of the choreload. It varies week to week but has worked well for us.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-09-27T09:13:36+00:00

No because as I earn money it's OUR money and I would never bring up that I earn more. I don't belive in 50/50 system, I believe in OUR money system whoever earns more. It makes no difference, it's OUR money. And I'm saying that as the one who always has been the more earning one. I wouldn't accept if he said he doesn't want me to pay more that wants 50/50. My money is OUR money. And if the situation was reversed I would automaticaly expect the same.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-09-27T10:16:41+00:00

Not if we're intending to live together indefinitely. If there's no end date we start as we intend to go on. I don't intend to have a strict pay half rule with any love interest I live with...whether he earns more or less than me, whether it favours me or favours him. It just doesn't to me reflect the reality of having a shared household. You spend money and you move right along if you've got a future together.

I know what feels fair as a split...a split of money, a split of work a split of power etc. If he doesn't too and can't just do it seamlessly with no fuss, I just don't want to keep bothering with his annoying ass. His sense of fairness isn't my sense of fairness? His behavior is revealed as inappropriate due to some inbuilt defectiveness of his internal accounting system once we live together? Bye bye. I'm too damn over this. It just works or it's over.

If the experience has an end date, for example he's moving into my place for up to three months while he waits for a new place that meets his needs to come vacant, then yeah sure. In fact I'd probably just keep paying all the utilities etc myself because he's a short term guest.

jay10033 · 2023-09-27T10:26:12+00:00

Of course, this should be the default.

444oo · 2023-09-27T11:51:17+00:00

If he does make more money than me I personally believe he should spend more money than me. The amount of money you and your partner spend on household expenses should correlate to the amount of money each of you make.

So no, I wouldn’t be okay with 50/50 if he makes more money than me.

DarmakJalad · 2023-09-27T13:14:25+00:00

I would be okay with this

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2023-09-27T15:38:51+00:00

How is he cheap if he is acting equally? Why would you insult him by calling him cheap for expecting you to contribute equally? It is sexiest to expect him to pay more for expenses you certainly consume. If you want him to pay more bills then offer to do more housework or make more money, or do you expect things for free just because you are female?

houstongradengineer · 2023-09-27T15:54:42+00:00

No, I wouldn't be OK with that at all.

And that's exactly why I no longer expect a man who is a millionaire to marry my broke ass.

If a man is sleeping in my bed, especially every night after night living with me, he becomes family. The way I was raised, spouses do not have separate retirement accounts and separate food budgets and separate levels of vacations from spouses. I plan to make more than my husband as soon as I can, but he's still going on my adventures with me and he will be taken care of as much as I will. That's family. That is love and marriage. None of this living together BS, I'm not having that. You want your own life separate from me? Cool, don't get my bedsheets dirty or fry the last egg for yourself. Roommates are for college, and even then it's best not to mix that with romantic and sexual pleasure.

figuringLifeIsGood · 2023-09-27T16:02:54+00:00

this isn’t the type of relationship i seek. why would we even live together? id rather live alone unless we’re getting engaged/married.

but if this is someone i really love and he’s perfect in every way aside from this, i guess id consider it until we decide to reevaluate.

saraimarsena · 2023-09-27T04:40:05+00:00

there’s a strong chance he wouldn’t be my type, as my preference is for guys who lean trad anyway and would want to take on more of the expenses in this case.

since no kids are involved, id prefer a more 70/30 split, or something balanced according to the percentage of our income

additionally even when you don’t have kids, most people who keep a clean space and do laundry have housework. and i wouldn’t mind taking on the greatest share of that.

are we working the same hours ?

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-27T06:58:24+00:00

How much is significantly more? 10k per year more? Or 50k per year more? More than that?

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-27T06:22:10+00:00

No.

We split according to income. If he's not down with that, that's fine. We can break up.

don't have kids so there's not that much housework, and it's split roughly 50/50 as well

Two people in a home still make messes and require housework.

He's frugal and doesn't want to live a lifestyle that's outside of your means.

The means are different because our incomes are significantly different.

would you feel that he is cheap

Nope. I would feel that he's not partnership material.

10throwawayantsy · 2023-09-27T04:32:14+00:00

Not really. I don't like it when a man nickles and dimes me. A man that is cheap will also be cheap with his emotions and time

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yayayubsea · 2023-09-27T10:01:49+00:00

Why would a man not take care of me if he could. I clearly am not a woman worth taking care of in his eyes. I’d think he didn’t see enough value in me

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-09-27T09:29:49+00:00

I dont care about the 50 50 part, but his frugality makes him sound like he'd be repulsive. my h hasn't worked in years and I give him everything in the world with both hands. frugality is just an unattractive personality trait in a man. using me to split the rent at my level while he saves money and eats his frugality lentils is no different than a woman using a man to live at a higher lifestyle because of his income.

naughtychick9999 · 2023-09-27T13:42:01+00:00

Nope. I'm not moving in with any man unless he's covering 100%.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-09-27T05:48:14+00:00

I have only lived with 2 men, both we shared finances. If I’m making a commitment like that I want to share

TheMedsPeds · 2023-09-27T17:49:10+00:00

As a left winger, lol no this would be an issue. I believe in the saying: from each according to his need, each according to his ability.

So we should all pitch in what we can and not worry as much as making sure everything is equal.

If I moved in with a guy who made like 300k a year and his rent was 4k, I ain’t giving him most of my income because “equal”. I make about $3k a month after taxes. Ain’t no way in hell am I giving him half the bills, that’s over 2k a month.

So I’m supposed to have like $400-500 while you just hoard thousands of dollars each month all so you don’t feel like I’m a mooch? Get your ass a roommate, not a partner. I’m not game.

I’m all for paying something, but I want to pay something that allows me to you know, eat, buy a shirt or whatever. If it was 300k vs 50k, I’ll Venmo him $500-600 or we can set the utilities in my name and I’ll pay those.

It’s how my last relationship worked. I dated a guy who made $12 an hour and I made $30 (previous job) he paid me 1/3 or rent. I’d expect the same if I finally dated a dude that made actual money.

Also, I’m fine with cooking and cleaning more. Or paying for the maid service out of my funds.

SianOiseau · 2023-09-27T04:38:42+00:00

As long as our lifestyles were compatible - sure, no issues with it. I'd say it's a better variant than him having to bankroll me because I can't afford his level of comfort. It would raise my brow if we didn't move to a shared budget over time and closer to marriage though.

But to be fair I didn't go this route with my husband, when we started living together. We were both broke students but I had my rent paid by my mother and had more help from her, later I also started working full-time sooner than he did. But we had 100% shared budget from the go, so whatever money we had were (and still are) our money. Currently I make more and we still have totally shared budget.

bluestjuice · 2023-09-27T04:49:48+00:00

I wouldn’t have a philosophical objection on those terms, so sure. But I do have some questions about how our finances would work in the long term if we were planning on a serious long term partnership. It’s important to me in that context that we be moving in roughly the same directions with our financial goals as a couple, and that could be more complicated if he’s chilling with 100% of my take home in discretionary funds.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-09-27T11:57:36+00:00

No. Expenses should be proportionally split, far fairer.

NothingOrAllLife · 2023-09-27T11:58:57+00:00

If I move in with a guy that makes that much more than me we are getting a cleaning service for at least two days a week.

He doesn’t want to live outside of my means would mean he is still going to be spending a lot do money. If it’s my apartment and me picking the stuff, sure because now I’m saving half on my rent and still saving 50% of my expenses. But I’d prefer a proportional split .

But I’m not about to be worried about cleaning up after him and keeping a house for him all the time either.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2023-09-27T12:15:41+00:00

It depends on how long we’ve been together. If it’s not a serious relationship (I.e we’re basically roommates that have sex), it’s fine. If we’re life partners, I wouldn’t be okay with it and I’d expect expenses to be split proportionally. Once we’re married, I’d expect to be combining all finances anyways so it’s one step below.

It’s less a “doesn’t love me enough” and more an equity thing for me. If you have the means to be generous with the people you care about, you should be. If you’re better off than your friends, I’d expect you to be picking up the bill at dinner more often. If you’re better off than your partner, I’d expect you to be paying for dates more often. That sort of thing. I don’t expect everyone to have those beliefs but I do expect it from anyone I’m considering as a life partner.

JSears90210 · 2023-09-27T13:22:01+00:00

Hypothetical: If you are both paying $1500 a month in rent before you move in together and your new place costs $2800 a month than you shuld both pay $1400. And split expenses.

If your guy makes significantly more and he wants to move into a new place that is much nicer he should pick up all or the majority of the difference.

When one partner is able to afford a much nicer lifestyle (and that is how they want to live) they should not be financially stressing the partner who makes less. However, when the lifestyle is well within the partner who makes less means than it should be close to 50/50.

The higher earning partner should not be financially stressing the lower earning partner by the lifestyle upgrade that they can afford but the lower earning partner cannot. Nor should the lower earning partner be socking money away in the bank while the higher earning partner is paying for their lifestyle and stretching themselves financially to do it.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-09-27T13:40:29+00:00

I’m pretty traditional, have family money but I prefer to take care of things in the home like cooking & cleaning. It’s one thing to have a budget, and another to be frugal which would worry me when we have children. Every person I’ve ever met that’s frugal hates the way I spend money and it just makes us incompatible

FaradayBurka · 2023-09-27T13:58:04+00:00

Eh, I would try to make it work but if I could no longer afford his lifestyle I would ask if he wants to adjust this. I cannot imagine being kicked out by a dude.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-27T14:18:56+00:00

In the early stages yes, I’d rather be fully independent. If we got married or had been living as life partners for years, no I don’t see that really working long-term. At a certain point, your lives are too intertwined, each person’s stuff becomes “our stuff,” and the higher-earning partner is not always going to want to live within the lower earner’s means during times they are struggling. I can only see that breeding resentment and creating a weird dynamic of “well I have all this money saved but we can’t use it.”

Beebum5 · 2023-09-27T15:58:31+00:00

When I was working my husband made almost triple what I did, I insisted to split 50/50. He didn’t want me to, but I did. I even did 90% of household bs, again a choice because I’m a clean freak & prefer my cooking.

But again, was all a choice. If it wasn’t a choice, ain’t no fucking way. I couldn’t be with someone who is cheap. Financially responsible and cheap are very different things to me lol.

AhsokaSolo · 2023-09-27T17:03:54+00:00

I'd be fine with it as long as I could comfortably afford it. And probably I would want him to be saving, since I would be saving as well. I wouldn't want to be the only one we could count on in a crisis in that scenario.

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-09-27T18:30:42+00:00

This is kind of the situation I'm in now - He outearns me significantly and he covers certain things like rent, vacations and outings because the cost of these things is significantly less for him percentage wise than it is for me. I take care of groceries, I sneak my credit card at the bar or restaurant that we're at every once in a while, and I pitch in on utilities (I take care of all streaming services, for example). For reference, I'm at $80k, he's at $220k.

I offered to go 50/50 on rent because truth is he's not living in some crazy high rise and I could afford to go 50/50 on it, but he explained that he wants me to put what I would otherwise put into rent into my 401k and savings because that's where he feels my money would make the most difference in our long-term plan together. And it honestly does make sense. He wants what I have now to grow so that it benefits us in the future, my money isn't going to make a difference in our lifestyle today.

After he said it like that, I did realize that he loves me tbh, because he's not nickle and diming me for the sake of making sure I'm not some gold digger, because I'm not. I love him. He's extremely frugal (which I love) when it comes to day to day life but does love the good shit when it comes to vacations and restaurants and pretty much pays because in his eyes, he's getting to do these things with me and for that, he does have high standards. And it's honestly not a big deal for him to spend hundreds or even thousands on those things where admittedly, it would be a big deal for me.

theprettyocean · 2023-09-27T18:30:48+00:00

I don't know what the correct answer is.

My ex and I discussed 75% (him) and 25% (me) and that seemed fair. Ideally I'd want a guy who wants to take on a bit more than me in this way because being a woman is just.. more expensive, and I like the idea of being with someone who wants me to feel a bit relaxed in this way. It's like a love language thing. I'm coming to accept that I think maybe a man taking care of me financially a bit is something I do appreciate and would appreciate a lot. It doesn't mean I couldn't be with a man who wants to do 50/50 (before kids only), just that I think I would feel more safe/loved with a man who wants to take on more than 50. And that in turn makes me desire him more, and I'm a freak in bed when I really desire someone.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-09-27T18:47:18+00:00

Nope.

Wouldn't feel okay about it if I were the higher earner, either. That's a roommate, not a partner.

Fiestygirl000 · 2023-09-27T19:08:26+00:00

No. I wouldn’t, if I’m making significant less I expect my partner to budget within my means. I’m not stretching myself thin if he can’t carry the extra cost. It’s not equal

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-09-27T19:34:05+00:00

I am the opposite side of this, meaning I am usually the higher wage earner. If it was a substantial difference I would contribute more because why would I not want to share what I have with my partner? When I got bonuses at work I would always buy him something too. I earned about 50K more than he did. I also would pay for groceries more than he did.

But many men and women still do want to contribute 50% to the household so that's okay too. When my ex and I bought a house, we made sure that either of us could afford the home on our own.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-09-27T19:47:36+00:00

Yes early on in the relationship. For the first few years that seems very reasonable to me.

But I think if youre still nickel and dining each other after 10 - 15 years it gets a bit hard.

Operatesinreality · 2023-09-29T08:36:04+00:00

I would not be ok with that, because this attitude doesn't align with my personal values and therefore I cannot love the person, as in I just will not feel it. I can only fall in love with someone that's a match for me.

I would never agree to that myself and I usually was the person with more money. I would not feel comfortable sharing expenses 50/50 with my partner when I knew they had way less. It's not me. If I live with someone, the money is not going to be separated at all, it's all for everyone. And I had that same attitude when my partner had zero, no money whatsoever and I was the only person with money. It was together. It's just money, it's for sharing, it's for charity, it's for making things easier also for loved ones. What really would be the point of it otherwise?

Title	If you were to move in with a guy that makes significantly more than you, would you be okay with splitting household expenses roughly 50/50?
Author	AI_CODE_MONKEY
Upvotes	10
Comments	171
Date	September 27, 2023 4:16 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16tahx3/if_you_were_to_move_in_with_a_guy_that_makes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-were-to-move-in-with-a-guy-that-makes.1233147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233147

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