Do you split costs in a relationship 50/50?

obviousredflag · 2023-10-11T10:57:19+00:00

What is your experience in past and present relationships as a man, do you split everything 50/50 or a are you a traditional man?

Always went 50/50, that wasn't even a discussion. The women very well expected that. I do not even attract "traditional women" and i am not attracted to them. Unless there are children involved and one partner is not working or with reduced hours, i see no reason why one partner should cover more of the costs. Exceptions are of course: both people (or all people) want it this way.

throaway2s1fsfsf4 · 2023-10-11T11:16:17+00:00

Yes we split absolutely every expense 50/50 with my gf. It's honestly a great feeling as you never feel used.

gntlbastard · 2023-10-11T14:33:38+00:00

this level of obsession over who pays what and when is part of the problem. If this is something you obsess about then relationships and marriage are not for you. It takes a certain level of charity to be in that situation.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-10-11T13:02:42+00:00

I make 40% more than my husband. We have one bank account and one credit card. All our money goes in and out proportionally. We don’t keep score.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-10-11T13:38:19+00:00

My wife and I split our mortgage based on our income, utilities are 50/50, and discretionary spending like food is typically whomever happens to be at the grocery store.

Every relationship I've been in has been 50/50, with occasionally some offsetting if there's a big gap in income.

The claim that women are expecting men to provide for them and pay for everything has no basis in reality.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-10-11T12:10:29+00:00

Here everyone pays his own stuff and couples split 50/50. It ain't even a relatively modern thing lmao.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-10-11T14:16:30+00:00

All my relationships have been 50/50. I'll pay for a dat, she will plan and pay for the next, splitting bills, and house work, etc.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-10-11T12:06:06+00:00

I absolutely get resentful when I have to pay for everything. But that's because my parents have a 50/50 marriage and I want that same quality of love. My parents taught me early about reciprocity. Plus, I hate traditional gender roles.

It's not about the money, its about the intent. Are we a team or not? Should we care for each other or not? Should the relationship be transactional or not? If your partner loves you, they will not let you carry burdens, especially financial ones, alone. Point blank period. Especially in this economy.

A woman who leeches off of you is communicating that she values herself above you and the relationship. She isn't a team player and will not be there for you when you need it. I learned that the hard way. I showed up late for my first date with my ex and she paid for everything. I knew she was a catch instantly, because reciprocity came easily to her. Which meant that I could pour into her without restraint and receive the same. I bought her flowers, chocolate, gifts for her hobbies, sex toys, lingerie, anything and everything. She never had to ask and I never cared because she returned that energy. Take care of me and I'll take care of you. Simple.

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-10-11T11:29:17+00:00

It has varied. At the start of our relationship I paid for most things (but not all) because I earned more. I chose to pay for dates because I was happy to.

As our relationship evolved and we have children, our perspectives shifted. I realised I was more paternal than I thought I imagined and my wife became disillusioned with her current career. We used some savings to allow her to retrain into a new career which changed her hours from being “child friendly” into otherwise. I adapted my hours at work to become child friendly. At this point I was still making more money but was working less and became “primary caregiver” so I was fronting most costs still.

Years have passed and due to my hourly sacrifice my career growth has been slower, but I’ve pointed out some opportunities which I’ve taken (although they would have been larger could I do the hours). My wife has progressed in her professional sphere; where we now earn similar amounts of money but she still works more hours. We split things evenly as far as we can as money is pooled and all dedications for the house are taken from the same pot. Personal money is largely to settle personal debts and surprise the other. All other spending is jointly done and visible to the other. We look at our account together every 1-2 weeks just to see how things are and can talk about any spending worries.

The difference is now her career growth is still there and mine is still slow, unlikely to change for another 4 years (when my kids won’t need picking up and taking to school due to their age). I’m okay with that. My wife will probably begin out earning me within the next year or two. We both are fine with this. She’s happy with that and I’m happy being primary caregiver atm.

When the 4 years pass, the situation may change again depending on things but I’ll have freedom I didn’t have to start scoping out better opportunities as my hours will be more conventional. Where I’ve explored work opportunity in the area around me unless the demand evaporates in the next 4 years, I’ll be able to comfortably walk directly into a pay rise position once my hours are freed up due to skills I’ve developed over these years.

It’s ebb and flow. Give and take. My wife frequently says she’s so thankful she met someone who was comfortable letting her retrain and giving her the space to do so without having to worry about the children. That’s what marriage is to me, helping the other. Like she understands part of that is now financial burdens fall more heavily on her, which she is totally cool with. All our money is pooled anyway and we discuss any needs for “personal spending” so we don’t really have a “yours and mine” thing going on

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2023-10-11T12:00:13+00:00

What is your experience in past and present relationships as a man, do you split everything 50/50 or a are you a traditional man?

I prefer having sort of a shared pool of money and not bothering about who exactly pays for what on daily basis as long as we both contribute to savings for something big.

tawny-she-wolf · 2023-10-11T12:05:43+00:00

We do 50/50 because our incomes are similar enough. If one of us ends up earning much more than the other, we will do it pro rata

Swedenbad_DkBASED · 2023-10-11T14:22:44+00:00

Always split. Why should I pay for someone making money?

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-10-11T14:29:49+00:00

I usually out earn the men, so yes it's at minimum 50/50, sometimes I paid more.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-10-11T14:55:30+00:00

I tend to make more. I also paid a lot more. I'd say it was more than 70/30 my side, maybe 80/20 but with an ex I stayed at her place on weekends and I wasn't paying rent.

On resentment, I enjoyed the relationships. It's not like I lost a 6 figure house.

DrBoby · 2023-10-11T11:14:03+00:00

There is no way I pay more than 50%, but if the woman is a strong feminist I let her pay 100% because we have centuries to catch up, it did happen.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-10-11T11:54:59+00:00

I've never been in a relationship with a woman who wanted to be treated as an equal, but if I was, I'd want her to ask as an equal.

I'm a traditional man for traditional women, and a modern man for modern women.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-10-11T12:29:35+00:00

I pay for probably 80% of the stuff in my relationship

Tozester · 2023-10-11T14:11:06+00:00

She pays more because she makes more

anon1029436292 · 2023-10-11T10:52:53+00:00

Woman, mid 20’s. We split 50:50 because we earn about the same and have both have very similar financial goals/spending habits e.g. both saving to buy our own homes within the next year.

^ I got into this relationship after relationships where this wasn’t the case and men pushed to pay more, which I disliked, especially as they couldn’t afford it but would lie to me and pretend they could. And then end up borrowing money for me or not saving for our future. I don’t want flashy things, I want someone who can take care of themselves. Similar financial views and dating a feminist man who will respect me as an equal whilst recognising logical biological differences is now a MUST for me.

grillopie · 2023-10-11T11:06:17+00:00

not 50/50 but we split costs. the amount varies by our income situation. my income was double hers at one point but hers grows faster.

LoopyPro · 2023-10-11T11:45:30+00:00

Do men get resentful with being expected to pay?

If we're expected to do 50/50 in other departments, then yes. Either there is a division of labor according to comparative advantages, or everything is 50/50. Pick one and stick by it.

Opportunistically picking 50/50 contributions when it suits you, but expecting partner to pay more than half when it doesn't suit you is just hypocritical at that point.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-11T11:34:28+00:00

Yes we do

wtknight · 2023-10-11T13:10:17+00:00

None of the women whom I’ve dated have had jobs when I started dating them, so I’ve never split costs.

RaptorHavx · 2023-10-11T14:13:18+00:00

50/50 everything. Simple and fair.

Barely-moral · 2023-10-11T14:24:56+00:00

Do you split costs in a relationship 50/50?

No. I pay for everything. If I am not going to get a life of abundance without working then might as well give that to my partner.

What is your experience in past and present relationships as a man, do you split everything 50/50 or a are you a traditional man?

I pay. My partner gives me a relationship on terms I find acceptable. That is it.

Do men get resentful with being expected to pay?

As long as I get money's/effort's worth there is no reason to be resentful.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2023-10-11T15:04:12+00:00

Soo many green flags in the replies

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2023-10-11T15:04:20+00:00

Soo many green flags in the replies

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-10-11T15:49:27+00:00

Nope. I refuse to do it to 50/50.

throwaway316stunner · 2023-10-11T16:19:05+00:00

I think it should always be split, especially if one person’s order exceeds by a big margin.

I’ll get the full rack of ribs at $19.99 with no appetizers or desserts and be just happy with that. You want to spend $50+ on your meal, that’s fine, just don’t expect me to pay for it.

purpledaggers · 2023-10-11T18:00:40+00:00

We do a proportional thing with our incomes. I make more than she does, roughly 1.5 to 2x as much as her. So I pay for more stuff overall. She still contributes her 'half' its just a different half than the one I'm contributing.

She buys me food and things all the time. I do the same for her. It works out in the wash.

ReplacementPasta · 2023-10-12T12:50:07+00:00

We don't really pay attention to it.

I guess it's overall pretty close to 50/50 but we dont keep track so who knows.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-11T13:30:50+00:00

I never split costs. never wanted to, never needed to. You could have a great time or a shorty time at DisneyWorld- either way you had to pay for a ticket to get in. Date was the same thing. admission doesn’t mean you get to ride your favorite rides- if her splash Mountains are closed-it’s closed. If you don’t want to “feel like you are wasting money and time” don’t buy a ticket.

jay10033 · 2023-10-11T14:53:08+00:00

If/when I marry you, then you get a disproportionate share of my earnings going forward. Until then, my money, my choice.

Elixier_55555 · 2023-10-11T11:55:04+00:00

There's really nothing like 50-50 here. Most men find pride in providing for their woman. I remember really offending a guy l was dating by pulling my card out on the third date. "What are you doing? Are you calling me broke? What have you heard? Never do that again"...

There's even a saying that goes if a guy insists on 50-50, you're not thee woman. He settled. Because they say if a guy finds thaaat woman, he tries his hardest to make & leave the best impression.

Now l don't know what the future holds, but there's an 80% chance l will never be asked to cover the bills if l were to settle. Instead my salary would go into savings and stuff...

Plus the western concept of 50-50, is it really 50-50 though?? I mostly see women being expected to cover half of the bills, but still expected to come home, make meals, take care of the kids, chores, waking up early to prepare the kids but still be enthusiastic & energetic enough for intimancy or else he'll throw a fit. I think that's slavery that will lead a severe burnout then a divorce... Now if it's indeed 50-50?? Good for them. I can't hate that..

intothemayland · 2023-10-11T13:20:51+00:00

In my current relationship it’s 50/50. I would be very keen on doing the same in my future relationships though. I am adamant about paying for my own expenses (beauty procedures, clothes, etc.) and will never ask my partner for money. But, I, for me, ideally, things such as holidays or rent should be paid by the man. I wouldn’t mind having to pay 50/50 though if the person I am dating is a great fit for me.

Birb-brained · 2023-10-11T13:59:43+00:00

Not 50/50 but everything goes in the shared pot. Some years I earn double my partners wage and some years (like this year) I’ve barely made any money, so it just makes sense for us to be a single unit with money.

slazengerx · 2023-10-11T18:15:03+00:00

I pay for everything. It's just easier. It amounts to chump change so why even bother thinking about it.

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-10-11T15:52:12+00:00

I feel like there’s a pretty big overlap on the Venn diagram of “men who demand a 50/50 split” and “men who complain they can’t attract women”

silverhippo15 · 2023-10-11T19:05:10+00:00

No I pay for 90%+. She contributes in other ways.

Dry-Cricket3524 · 2023-10-11T11:13:26+00:00

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-10-11T20:07:44+00:00

50/50 never works. Women would rather date someone else than have to split bills with you. From my experience the only reason women work is so they can have money to spend on themselves.

There was a video two years where the guy asked men what their wives bought them on valentines day. Not one of them could say they got a gift.

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Ok_Finger_6818 · 2023-10-11T14:04:18+00:00

So my ex partner, whom I share children with and we have a good co-parenting relationship.

He is the one with the stable income, where as I’m on a zero hour contract in the hospitality industry where you are not guaranteed work or the same hours every week. He has always earned 40%-45% (sometimes more) then I did/do.

Therefore he always paid the rent, bills, a few hours child care so the kids can socialise and learn at nursery, basic food shopping which included cleaning products for the house and hygiene products for him, myself, the kids etc - the things that need to be consistently paid each month.

I would pay for the fun and luxury things like days out, takeaways and any entertainment, any clothing, any video games he wanted (he could buy these himself but it was just a nice gesture of appreciation from me to him) and the kids toys etc as I was the “organised” one.

When it came to furniture, he bought the electricals - including 4 PCs; one for each of us because my kids like to play Roblox and I like to play Minecraft altogether. But when it comes to storage and practical furniture; I’m the one that’s paid out £1000 for two bunk beds with a wardrobe and desks underneath for the kids that will last them until 16 - it’s about practicality and what makes life easier. He likes putting things together for us girls.

Now that we are split up and living separately, I’ve paid out £1000 to have his car fixed in the last year and he has helped me out here and there.

We both have different roles and responsibilities as working parents.

At Christmas and birthdays I always buy him a personalised food hamper and a gadget for the kitchen, because he likes to cook and I like to eat (I help with the washing up before I leave don’t worry). The kids will buy him a video game (he doesn’t ask for anything) using my money.

El_Don_94 · 2023-10-11T14:51:11+00:00

In a long term relationship like marriage with joint bank accounts this isn’t an issue.

Lookingforlove1997 · 2023-10-11T16:24:27+00:00

Not unless she insists. Otherwise I prefer to pay all the bills. Pampering women turns me on.

Rickman17x · 2023-10-11T16:39:23+00:00

I don’t like 50/50. I make 30% more then my girl. So I pay 30% more towards the household needs.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-10-11T16:54:25+00:00

Married (or effectively married) couples just go all in. There is no splitting--you are 'one person'.

With other couples, it varies. Depends on who makes what. But if the man makes more and pays more it tends to create less potential issues than when it is the other way around.

nintendoswitch_blade · 2023-10-11T17:55:46+00:00

I think in a perfect world, that would be ideal and that's probably what I would strive for. But the economy sucks and my partner and I may not make the same amount of money but rather one makes A LOT more and the other significantly less. I'd rather split things based on income rather than right down the middle.

YouShouldGetLaid · 2023-10-11T22:25:14+00:00

She couldn’t afford that and if she could I doubt she would have time to do anything else expected of her.

So no.

Humble-Plankton1824 · 2023-10-11T22:26:18+00:00

We try to split costs 50/50 but I feel like I pay more on average.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-10-11T22:42:21+00:00

I have paid for a full date exactly once just to try it out. She said she wanted to grab tacos so I'm thinking ok chill family owned mexican place which there are dozens of around me. She tells me she wants to go to Don Julios (?) which I had never heard of but figured it was some place like that.

Come to find out it was some shitty chain restaurant. Ended up paying like $150 for some bland tacos and shitty margaritas. Could've went to a family place and paid $50 and got the same thing with better quality. Anyway we were supposed to go see a movie after and she said she'd grab the tickets but the second I paid the bill she 'remembered' it's finals week and she has to get home and study. Never talked to her after that and never paid for a date again

Spydive · 2023-10-12T02:44:50+00:00

This story is about me, not the average or everyone experiences because I’m not everyone.

No, they usually took care of everything money wise because they WANTED TO. Which made me WANT TO take care of them - annoyingly so maybe but I would always be like “Lettme give me a massage, a head scratch, need something from the kitchen? Can’t find something I know where it is. Compliments(of course they do the same and they are all true both ways), but any little feminine thing I would do. Cause they made me feel hella feminine. I’ve tried splitting costs when I was younger and it made ME feel like I was more masculine - and I would hence act more masculine. I would have a lot more to say about where we go and what we do and it needing to be better because I was paying for half. Now idc, I’m just happy and peaceful - and feel protected. This dynamic once I realized it had worked out really well for everyone once I started to do this. So it’s better for everyone.

Which edit to add this is based on how I was raised and if I was a man I would do the opposite because I’d want to feel like “this is mine, try her and watch her ignore you” towards my woman. And as a woman I like to feel “I am his, you could never be him. You don’t exist to me”. It feels good both ways.

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-10-12T04:23:43+00:00

Woman here. I don't do 50/50 in this relationship because my SO makes significantly more than I do and he prefers me to put my money towards savings and retirement because that's where it will have the most impact in our long term plan.

For reference, I make $80k, he's at $250k.

He pays rent because it's about $1900/month for a 1/1 . He also pays for all utilities, and the majority of our outings and vacations. He just out-earns me significantly and he can afford to do all of that while still meeting (and quite frankly, beating) his personal savings and retirement goals. He's a whiz with finances and he manages my savings/retirement strategy. He thinks long term, not nickel and diming me. I have to stress this has been at not just his suggestion, but insistence because I'm not exactly used to it. He's told me that if I wanted to quit my job, he'd be fine with it but I'm not quite comfortable with that.

With that said, because I'm not out here trying to use him, I do pay for all our groceries because I manage most of the cooking and despite the fact that he's very generous with me, he's very frugal about everything else and this includes his choices in groceries so I take over and make sure we eat good. I manage literally all of the logistics and planning of our trips, and I will sneak pay the tab on a date or bar every so often, and I constantly buy him presents and gifts related to the things he likes. I make it a point to ensure that his life is easy and make sure he feels appreciated. I'm also on top of my appearance, I'm not going to pretend he doesn't love it when I look great.

In most of my other relationships, it's been 50/50, it's been 60/40 (where I'm the 60), I've financially supported a man I've loved and took care of all the bills when he found himself unemployed and without a paddle. Its been a whole different combination of things. But in those relationships we earned about the same. I'm personally not opposed to 50/50 once I'm in a relationship providing we're equal partners. I never thought I'd find myself in a relationship with a provider, but here I am and I do consider myself extremely lucky for it.

Workaholiconew · 2023-10-16T17:14:10+00:00

Eh I mostly pay things but well...

It is the price of sex I guess...

I dont mind that much, as long as sex continues to be provided

Title	Do you split costs in a relationship 50/50?
Author	Illustrious-Line-996
Upvotes	6
Comments	210
Date	October 11, 2023 10:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/175b02c/do_you_split_costs_in_a_relationship_5050/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-split-costs-in-a-relationship-5050.1234773 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234773

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